A/N – February 18, 2013 –After an extended absence (8x19 to 9x6) from Grey's, the first since it premiered, I tuned in again for the episode that revealed Meredith's pregnancy. I can't say I'm happy with the average of 30 seconds of MD on our screens, but the alternative would be additional "screw you Meredith" syndrome and I am pleased we are not seeing that right now. Hoping, and cautiously optimistic, that this time Meredith will have a safe pregnancy and deliver a healthy baby.
Grey's Absurdity, given its now expected inconsistencies, led to the idea of this therapeutic story; concentrating on the siblings' and Meredith and Derek relationships. It makes no sense to see so many storylines dropped without further mention, yet we have episodes upon episodes of absurdity. Here's a little take on what could have happened after Derek's surgery, as I trust that no medical advice would have resulted on his sister traveling straight from the hospital bed, and that neither he nor Meredith would have allowed Lizzie to stay at a hotel while recuperating.
Common sense was one of the guiding factors of the scenes about to unfold. Please let me know if you enjoyed reading, or if I failed! I went through several titles: Sisters; Siblings; Shepherd Siblings; finally decided on Siblings, sisters, families & then wrote an unexpected last sentence! Warm regards, Jasmin
Shepherd Family Secrets
Derek woke to his daughter's delighted giggles, followed by his wife's and then his sister's unmistakable laughter; a moment he'd never expected to witness, certainly not something he could have envisioned a week before.
"Zola," Meredith's voice, the one reserved for their daughter, made him smile as he walked quietly toward the (first time ever used) guest bedroom, "can you say, aunty."
"Po-tty,"Zola responded and giggled, smiling at the aunt she'd met just days before.
"Aunty," Meredith encouraged. "Zo- zo…say aunty and we can surprise Daddy."
"Daddy," the almost two year old baby girl responded. "Po-tty… Daddy…"
"Forget it Mer," Lizzie smiled. "It's enough I've had a chance to spend time with her. Even if she relates Aunty Lizzie with potty," and the two women laughed all over again. "But, you better not tell anyone in the family," she smiled at Meredith, "I'll never hear the end of it, so…sisters… keep secrets for each other."
"Thank you," Meredith's eyes filled with tears; something that happened so often lately. "It means a lot to me, that you understand…that you won't say anything…"
Lizzie reached to lay her hand over Meredith's. "Not until you're ready."
"We'll tell people," Meredith said, "after the first trimester…I don't want to jinx it…"
"You're not going to jinx it," Derek's sister assured.
"Why tempt fate…you know…" Meredith insisted.
"Meredith, the chances of you getting pregnant weren't great to begin with, and you did, without knowing there was a problem. First, on birth control, and now again," she smiled at the sister in law that had uncharacteristically opened up to her. "Don't undermine the universe, as you say; though, I'm going to say… God's looking out for you and my brother. You've been through so much, and I get it…I do…your concerns, but this baby… it's a blessing Meredith."
"Lizzie," Meredith responded, "I'm really followed by lots of dark and twisty…crap."
"Mom doesn't love me," Lizzie repeated the well-practiced litany. "Derek ruined my life. I'm pushy and people don't always like me, and here we are…trying to be sisters, and part of that means we need to understand each other, and I think you're getting a break… a little gift from God for all the other crap."
"Still blaming me for everything," Derek drawled from the doorway, surprising both women. "Mer, she's just like Ma…and she has that speech down to a science."
"Daddy," Zola clapped when she saw her father.
"Morning, Zo," Derek walked over to the bed and kissed the top of her head.
"Daddy…po-tty…" she turned to look at her mother, then her aunt, "Au-tty…"
"Autty," his sister cried out excitedly. "Mer… she said Aunty."
"Au-tty." Zola smiled at her parents, and back at her aunt. Au-tty…po-tty…daddy."
"Zola," her aunt reached for her and hugged her. "You're such a big girl…Aunty Lizzie is so proud of you…and so happy you can say my name."
"Au-tty," Zola repeated, "po-tty."
"Very good," Lizzie told her, and turned to Meredith as she smiled at Zola. "Even if both words have the exact same intonation as her response when you sing that potty song," and the two adult women laughed.
"What's so funny?" Derek asked; father and daughter oblivious to what prompted the women's carefree laughter.
"Mamma…po-tty…"
"Good girl…Zo-zo…" Meredith praised her, "you know so many words."
"Po-tty…po-tty…"
"Mer," Lizzie said suddenly. "I think she's telling us she has to use the potty… aren't you Zola?"
Zola nodded her head several times, "au-tty…po-tty…"
"Potty?" Meredith repeated, and her daughter nodded her head and said, "po-tty…"
"Oh," Meredith's eyes watered, "she's growing up…she's telling me…"
"Mer," Lizzie said, "get her there quickly! From experience, there's not much time here."
Derek became concerned over his wife's tears when she returned to the guest bedroom with their daughter. "Meredith, why are you crying? Is everything ok? Is she having problems… like before? Do we need to worry about her surgery?"
Meredith shook her head, "it's the first time," she wiped away a tear as she held Zola closer, "she told me…she told us Derek…"
"Ok," he said. "But…you're crying…"
"Our baby girl," was all Meredith could say.
"Zola's growing up," Lizzie filled in for him. "It's an emotional moment," and Meredith nodded her head. "We cry about those things," her sister in law still agreed. "Especially when pregnancy hormones take over."
"What," Meredith turned to her, "that's…not why I'm crying…"
"Denial," Lizzie laughed. "I remember it well… way too many times…"
"Pregnancy hormones," Derek repeated, as it dawned on him; the unexpected reality and marvel of it all.
"That's … it's not," Meredith was so very reluctant, so very afraid to accept that all could and would be well; in spite of the ever present hope she relegated to an almost closed corner of her heart. "I mean…it's…you'd be sentimental… she's a baby…and for the first time told us…"
"You're right," Lizzie agreed with her; remembering the first time she'd experienced, or rather realized an overly sentimental reaction was pregnant hormones induced. "It's like the first day of school, when you leave them all day for the first time, without the option to peek in and check in on them…and you cry."
"Mamma," Zola got her mother's attention, as she placed her small hand on Meredith's cheek and clumsily wiped away the stray tears, "no…agua…"
"Oh…" Meredith's response was a new set of tears, as her little girl repeated Sofia's word for tears or crying, and hugged Zola as she felt Derek's arm around her.
"She's learning," Derek cleared his throat, affected as well, "repeats a few Spanish words from Sofia," he paused, lips pursed as he nodded to his sister. "It's what Mark wanted."
"He'd be happy," Meredith said as she leaned back in to Derek's embrace, "that the girls get along so well…he would stop in at day care, every chance he got, and played with them both…he'd always include Zola."
"I wish," Lizzie told them, "I'd seen it. The last thing one would expect of him," she said as she got lost in her own memories of the lifelong friend.
"Zola," Derek extended his arms to hold her, "Daddy's going to get us breakfast."
"You can't carry her," Lizzie ordered. "Meredith, I'll take her."
"I can't carry her," Derek countered, "but you can do that so well from the bed? You see Mer, I keep telling you, she's just as bossy as Ma."
"You know I'm right," his sister told him. "You had surgery less than a week ago."
"So did you," Derek replied with a pout. "But, I don't tell you what to do."
"Lizzie," his sister attempted to imitate him, "get your ass in that wheelchair and stop bitching about where you're staying. You're not flying home, and you're staying with us. End of story."
"That's different," her brother retorted promptly. "You were being a brat."
"Brainless ass."
"Ass…" Zola shocked them all.
"Oh my God," Meredith and Lizzie almost simultaneously brought a hand to cover their mouths and hide their laughter, as they uttered the same sentiment.
"It's not funny," Derek's gaze shifted from his wife to his sister.
"She's obviously brilliant," his sister teased. "To know what we've known for years."
"I can understand why Ma doesn't call you...and I'm going to tell her you're responsible for my daughter learning to say a-s-s."
"That's a low blow," his sister interrupted, "when I've just given over body parts to get you healed and…"
"Children," Meredith said calmly. "Behave. I'm going to fix breakfast."
"Mer, wait," Derek cautioned. "You can keep Lizzie company. I can fix oatmeal."
"Relax," she bridged the gap to the bed and placed Zola next to Lizzie. "I was going to pour cereal, and I can certainly make coffee."
"Zola," her aunt smiled at her, as the little girl immediately sat next to her. "Which book do you want Aunty to read this morning?"
"Au-tty," Zola pointed to one of several books scattered on top of the bed, "ook."
"It's my favorite too," Lizzie told her niece as she picked up the often read copy of Guess How Much I Love You?
Brother and sister remained behind as Meredith stood briefly at the doorway and smiled; her daughter loving every moment of attention from her aunt and father.
"Derek," his sister said melancholically; the siblings' bond had already forgiven, or perhaps more appropriately, forgotten, their most recent bickering. "Do you remember how often the kids loved for you to read this to them?"
"I do," he nodded, as his eyes too got misty. "I'd given up," he admitted to his sister, "almost given up on kids…the day we got Zola back."
"God," Lizzie told him, "works in mysterious ways. How many times has Ma reminded us of that?"
"She believes it," Derek said and remained pensive.
"No brooding," his sister placed her hand on tops of his.
"Daddy," Zola had enough of being ignored, "Au-tty…" she pointed to her book.
"Let's have your Daddy read to us," Liz wrapped her arm around her youngest niece, and sat back against the pillows, and as Carolyn Shepherd would do, closed her eyes briefly and said a silent heartfelt, thank you.
Meredith had indeed mastered making instant oatmeal; poured cereal and set a bowl of fruit for each of them at the kitchen counter.
"I'm not certain," Meredith insisted, "it's a good idea to leave Zola… the two of you need to get some rest, and I'll feel better if I take her to daycare."
"Mer," Derek leaned into her and kissed her lips softly, "we're doctors. We can handle a two year old."
"You can't use your arm," Meredith reasoned, "and she needs to have her legs up…"
"She also needs to walk and exercise a bit, or we're going to be stuck with her for Christmas," he winked at his sister.
"Ass…" Zola giggled at the sound of the word she'd managed to pick up just about every time she heard a similar enunciation; her parents not so amused this time.
"You'd better," Lizzie laughed, "make sure Ma doesn't hear her."
"I think," Meredith observed, "all the Shepherd siblings are really unkind toward your mother. She's a very sweet lady."
"You say that now," Liz laughed, "because you're enjoying the benefits of her fresh ginger tea recipe. Just wait till she begins to dispense motherly advice."
"If she was as bad as you make her out to be," Meredith shrugged, and poured the lifesaving remedy into a container, "she'd have let you suffer through endless bouts of nausea and morning sickness."
"That's not conducive to holding it over your head," Lizzie said seriously. "It's part of her mothering skills and the catholic guilt factor." She looked over at her brother and winked, "but, I think she may have withheld the information from Nancy for a while."
"She did not," Derek burst out laughing. "Meredith, don't let her scare you. Ma's not…"
His sister challenged, "Ma's not what?"
"Ok," he laughed, "so she has been known to be bossy and…"
Liz's laughter warmed his heart. "You're safe for now," she teased. "You're giving her two grandchildren and you've agreed to come home next Christmas."
"I didn't…Mer…I didn't…"
"I did," Meredith smiled at him. "Zola should meet her family."
"You agreed…" he was dumbfounded. "When?"
"When Lizzie blackmailed me and kept me off the screen when she was talking to her kids, so your Mom wouldn't see me."
"Lizzie blackmailed you," Derek repeated, "and you're not pissed at her?"
"No." Meredith shrugged. "It was either that or have your mother guess I'm pregnant. Lizzie swears she'll know just by looking at me."
"Pissssed…" Zola joined the conversation.
"She likes the s sounds," Liz commented. "You better be careful with your language."
"We," Derek turned to her, "better be careful? You're the one who got her to say that."
"Zo-zo," Meredith walked over to her daughter at the kitchen counter. "I have to go to work, and you get to stay home with Daddy and Aunty Lizzie."
"Daddy," Zola clapped, "Au-tty…ass …ook…"
"Oh God," Derek shook his head, "we'll never live this down with Ma."
"Zola," her aunt saved the day. "Your Daddy has so much to learn…you'd think with all your cousins he's grown up with he'd have learned something. But, we're going to have to teach him," she beamed at her when she continued, "even if he's pretty good playing with you and serving tea, he needs kid lessons."
"Derek," Meredith giggled, "she's right. You've had tons of experience with kids…and even I know what she's trying to say."
"Fine," he pouted, playfully, "be that way…and gang up on me…"
"Are you going to be ok?" Meredith asked, concerned; she knew they were both still experiencing significant pain from their surgeries.
"Stop hovering," he teased her. "You've thought of everything. The physical therapist will be here to work with both of us later, and this stubborn one," he pointed to his sister, "has hired the cleaning service to be here daily…not that we need it."
"Zo," Liz used Derek's shortened endearment, "Aunty has to teach you lots and lots of things…so when you grow up to be a doctor, you take advantage of all the conveniences possible…and you can spend all your free time with your babies," the little girl giggled, as her dolls, her babies, were one of her favorite things.
"Why do I get the feeling," Meredith looked over to her, "that wasn't meant for Zola?"
"I don't know," her sister in law shrugged. "But…"
"Here it comes," Derek laughed. "But…you should do this and…"
"Oh, be quiet," his sister ordered. "You've just had surgery, Meredith's pregnant and has a toddler to take care of…and you have more than enough money. Spend it to make life easier for her…she doesn't need to come home to clean!"
"We manage fine," Meredith told her.
"You're going to be exhausted from being pregnant on top of being a surgeon. Derek, you need to take care of her."
"I do," he argued.
"Do it better," his sister stated. "It's hell…being pregnant and working the long hours she has, and then coming home to quality time with Zola."
Meredith's phone rang before she had a chance to answer and was involved in the conversation several minutes. "I have to go, there's a…"
"Go," Derek told her. "We'll be fine."
"Lizzie's right," Meredith told him, "you shouldn't use that arm to carry her."
"I won't," Derek smiled and pulled her to him to kiss her. "We'll be fine."
"Bye my little luv bug," Meredith spoke tenderly to her daughter and kissed her several times. "You'll have a fun day with Daddy and Aunty Liz."
"Bye, bye…" Zola waved to her; making her cry.
"She's ok," Meredith sniffled, "that I'm leaving…"
Derek walked her to the door, "she's got a lot of attention and doesn't realize you're not going to be here. She's mommy's girl," he reassured her, "for sure."
Zola gave her father and aunt a break while taking a late morning nap, only to wake up wide alert and full of energy in the hours that followed.
"Zola took a nap," Meredith plopped down on the couch. "She's really enjoying all the attention from Derek's sister. She has a really great way with her."
"She has a dozen kids," Cristina responded. "She should know all about handling them."
"She's given me lots of ideas on how to deal with babies and…"
"Zola's not a baby anymore," Cristina stated.
"She's still a baby to me," Meredith was quick to answer, "and the terrible twos are coming up, so it's been nice to have someone to talk to about what to expect…"
"So bitchy sister # 3 isn't driving you mad yet?"
"They bicker and argue, and then it's as though it never happened. It's weird right?"
"Mer," Cristina told her as they sat eating lunch. "Sounds like it's the Shepherd clan of Shepherdsville that's really twisted, we're normal."
Meredith took another bite of her second cookie. "I don't think that them being weird means we're normal, I think their weird is considered normal."
"Sugar's affecting your brain," Cristina commented, concerned, for her friend's recent voracious appetite and the potential health implications of another, yet to be revealed, pregnancy.
"These are really good," Meredith reached for a third cookie. "Derek's Mom sent them overnight, said they were Lizzie's favorite and she also sent Derek's favorite cake, and I didn't even know he had a favorite cake."
"Did you eat that too?" Cristina asked her, wondering when her friend would feel safe revealing her news, but was paged before they got a chance to engage in further conversation.
"Daddy," Zola turned to her father and touched his injured hand, "kiss boo-boo…"
"Yes," Derek smiled at her, "your kiss makes it all better."
"Au-tty kiss boo-boo..."
"Aunty Liz is doing her exercises. But, I bet she'll feel lots better if you give her a kiss."
"Daddy… fish…"
"You want to go fishing," Derek beamed at his daughter's interest in fishing.
"Daddy," his daughter nodded her head. "Pease…fish…"
"Ok," Derek was all set to go. "Let's get your fishing pole."
"Au-tty," Zola looked up and clapped, "fish…"
Liz walked slowly toward the couch, "hey sweetie, you're going fishing with daddy."
"Fish," Zola nodded, "food Au-tty."
"Ah," Liz laughed, "the real reason behind the fishing expedition."
"She likes fishing," Derek said defensively.
"She likes feeding the t-u-r-t-le by the pond even more," his sister said as she looked through the fridge and located the bag of lettuce and carrots she already knew Meredith kept handy for this reason.
"She loves to go fishing with Daddy," Derek insisted, "don't you Zo?"
"Daddy," she nodded, "go fish…food…"
"Don't say a word," he glared at his sister. "Spoilsport."
"I'll come with you," she told him.
"You can't walk that far."
"I'm going home in two days Derek. I'll have to be walking by then."
"We've made arrangements for a wheelchair to and from the airplane."
"Derek," his sister smiled. "I asked the therapist if he could drop us off close to the pond. He said it would be fine for me to walk back."
"I don't want you pushing it."
"I'll be fine, and it's a gorgeous sunny day to enjoy the outdoors."
Not long after, the siblings sat side by side near the pond. Zola impatiently waiting for the turtle to make an appearance.
"Daddy... Daddy…" Zola pulled on her father's hand, "food…pease…food…"
"The real reason," Derek acknowledged, "for the fishing expedition."
"Daddy…" she pulled on his sweater, "food…now…"
"Here you go," he pulled out the bag especially set aside for the big attraction. "But, remember only a couple of pieces… and don't get too close."
"No," she turned back to the turtle and walked closer to it and lay down a few pieces of food, and then sat back to watch the turtle find each of them.
"I worry about her," Derek confided. "All the time."
"We all worry about our kids," Lizzie agreed.
"Her health is always a concern," he stated simply.
"But," Lizzie said. "Mark," she took a deep breath as she spoke of him. "He said Zola was an orphan that needed surgery …and…you did that and she was fine."
"It wasn't quite so simple," Derek admitted.
"Derek," his sister looked at him, met his gaze unwavering. "It's time we caught up."
"How long are you here for?" He tried to tease.
"As long as it takes," she said.
"Yeah," he nodded, and gave her Zola's medical history.
"That's why you were so concerned this morning," she told him. "You're afraid of another bowel obstruction?"
Derek only nodded. Then, his sister methodically went through all she knew about hydrocephalus and spina bifida and addressed every concern with logic, as well as her medical observations that her niece was developing much better than could ever be expected and was absolutely certain any major developmental physical delays would have already been detected. Likewise, talked him through his very real fear of future surgeries, as it was almost a certainty shunts would need to be replaced, but, there was absolutely no doubt in her mind that her niece had all she needed to be well; the best neurosurgeon in the world for her father; and a mother and father that adored her.
Zola provided a much needed break from the emotional conversation.
"Daddy…Au-tty…ook…food…"
Derek helped his sister to her feet and they walked toward his daughter, enjoying her delight at the turtle walking to eat the food she'd laid out for it.
"She's precious," Liz smiled. "My kids would love to see her, spend time with her."
"Lizzie," Derek spoke very quietly. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"All these years; being absent… after Addie…so much has happened…"
"I know," his sister accepted.
"I was absent, in our marriage, but no matter what… I'd never have cheated on her."
"I know."
"She did," he told her. "That's why I left… and I know you've heard that, but there was so much more, we didn't share any values anymore, about marriage …about anything. Meredith, she was a breath of fresh air… but I lied to her… I didn't tell her about Addie."
"Oh…"
"I thought you should know. It's probably one of the reasons I haven't come home. I didn't want her being judged. Maybe," he realized, "I didn't want to be judged myself."
"We can't change the past," his sister turned to him and cupped his face, much as his mother had done, the similarities between them the real reason they always seemed to butt heads. "Let's move forward. I already like her, she loves you. That's why she called, that was enough for me."
"Thank you," he met her gaze.
"You owe me now," she told him. "I let them cut up my legs. I'm not going to let you forget it. Ever."
"I know," he rolled his eyes.
"Derek," she said, "you must know that all I want is for my children to know their uncle and his family. I want Zola and the new baby to know their cousins and aunts."
"I could deal with the cousins," he told her. "But the aunts… that's a different story."
"Ass," she smacked him playfully.
"I love you Lizzie," he opened his arms and hugged her. "Thank you…for being here."
"There wasn't any other option."
"Well, maybe if some of our sisters would have been willing to take the phone calls."
"I mean," she said seriously. "Once there was a possibility this could work, there was no other option for me, but to be here for you. I know you'd do the same."
"I would."
"I know that. They do too."
"They wouldn't even take Mer's calls." He said defensively.
"Meredith," she pointed out, "didn't call. But, I've already had that conversation with her, and when they find out she's pregnant, everything will be forgotten. You on the other hand, will be on the shit list for a while, for not calling us yourself and telling us what was going on."
"I can handle it," he smiled at her. "As long as Mer doesn't get any shit from any of you."
"She won't get any from me."
"She didn't tell me she was calling."
"I know. She and I have talked a lot since the surgery."
"She's not very good with family…"
"She does fine," his sister assured him. "She knew to call. Ma was right. She's the one for you. Even if we were all annoyed there was no wedding…and she got Mom's ring, and doesn't even wear it."
"A lot had happened," Derek told her, "and I didn't insist. Dad," the lump in his throat,
and the shame of his actions at that time rendered him silent.
"It's ok Derek."
"No," he shook his head. "Dad wouldn't be proud of me."
"Daddy," Liz held his gaze. "Would be so proud of you… how you were there for all of us, helping mom…there to raise us… and even when there was nothing to do with Amy…you kept trying…until we couldn't do anything anymore, and now…you've turned that around too. We know she was here a few months ago."
"You know…about the relapse."
"Mark," Lizzie's eyes watered. "He… we always kept in touch…"
Derek only nodded. "I know he cared. About all of us."
"We were his family. But, Derek, nothing meant more to him," Lizzie paused a few times as she spoke. "Reconciling with you. Your forgiveness. That's why he came out here, for his friend."
Derek pursed his lips and nodded. "Then, he had to be first. I miss him."
"We miss you," she took the opportunity to add. "Please…don't stay away."
"I'll try," he kissed the top of her head without actually making a commitment.
"That's enough," his sister said. "For now."
"Lizzie," he said softly. "Life's too short…at a moment's notice it can all be taken away from us. When we crashed," he paused; emotions overwhelming him.
"You don't have to talk about it," his sister put her arms around him.
"Now, with you here. I keep thinking about Amelia… we have to do something, about the estrangement with the family."
"Derek, I don't think she wants that."
"She was here when Mark died, spent two days with us at the old house. She made arrangements for a mass. I guess it was comforting to her, what we grew up with. Things are better between us, but there's something she's not saying, there was something different, this sadness in her eyes.
"There's been such a distance for so long…what if she…"
"We all have to try," he interrupted, and hugged her close to him. "She's our baby sister."
"We can try," she agreed.
Meredith smiled when she walked in and heard her daughter's conversation with her two older cousins, and their giggles as their mother translated. There had been no question in Derek's mind that Lizzie would stay with them while she recuperated before she flew home; consequently the calls home were frequent.
"Au-tty fish…food…" and she held up her pole, "fish…ink…"
"That's her pink fishing pole sweetie. Uncle Derek takes Zola fishing."
"Mommy," a little girl's voice interrupted. "Be nice to Uncle Derek…and don't be bossy…not like when you tells Daddy what to do all the time…cause we want to visit and see the pond and the turtle…"
"Daddy says I'm bossy," Lizzie acted surprised, and smiled at her children's laughter.
"No, Mommy… we knows you're bossy…cause of Granma says it too…and she says we can't tell you…that she knows you're bossy cause of you learn from her. We gots to go Mommy cause dinner's ready and Granma says we gots to clean up now."
"You tell Granma," Lizzie said, and stopped, and looked up to warn Meredith. "Hi Mom, thanks for helping out with the kids."
"Elizabeth Shepherd," Carolyn's voice was unequivocally bossy, "where else would I be? If not with your children, even though I really should have been there when two of my children had surgery…and …you make sure your brother knows I'm not happy with him and the way he handled this, and yes, I know he's listening."
"Mom," Lizzie said. "Are the kids behaving?"
"They are just fine," she paused. "You've done a wonderful job with them."
"Mom, are you feeling ok? You're not dying are you? Or am I dying and haven't heard about it? "
"Oh, stop being a brat," Carolyn Shepherd chuckled. "And don't you dare tell Meredith the same old story that I never call... and your brother ruined your life."
"Ma," Derek walked up next to his sister, "she already did. That was her introduction."
"Lizzie," Carolyn shook her head. "Really…"
"Mom," Derek assured, "I think Meredith saw right through her."
"At least one of three behaving like an adult," Carolyn admonished.
"Hey," Derek defended, "what did I do?"
Lizzie stared at him, the exact same expression as her mother had on her face, and then laughed at the obvious similarities. "Mom, he's as brainless as ever."
"Derek Christopher," his mother chastised. "Don't get me started. You should be ashamed of yourself, the way we had to find out about your hand…and not even calling your sisters…I still can't…"
"Mom," Derek said. "I messed up."
"Yes," Carolyn said. "You did."
"Daddy," Zola ran up to him. "Au-tty…bye…bye…"
"Mom," Derek laughed. "She gets the bossy trait from both Grey & Shepherd female genes."
"Hello sweetheart," Carolyn smiled. "Grandma loves you."
Zola looked at the screen and smiled, "bye…bye…Mamma…food."
The evening meal provided another opportunity for family bonding as Meredith asked to hear more about growing up in the Shepherd household, and continued while Derek read one more story to Zola before she succumbed to sleep.
"You're sure," Meredith asked, "you'll be ok staying with Zola tomorrow?"
"Meredith, I've had to handle several sets of toddlers without any help, I think I can manage."
"But, you can't lift her."
"I think she's comfortable enough with me now," Lizzie assured, "and you've made arrangements for one her sitters to be here in case I need her help."
"I couldn't talk Derek into staying home tomorrow," Meredith sighed.
"It's understandable," Lizzie commented. "He'd want to be there for Adele's memorial service. Richard Webber has been a mentor for years, and he was always fond of her."
Without elaborating further, Meredith said quietly. "She was special to us both."
"I'm going to call it a night," Lizzie said. "I'm tired from doing nothing."
"I didn't cry," Meredith lay in bed later that night, "when I left Zola the first time at day care. Lizzie said that moms cry, and I didn't…and maybe you were right…even when I think I've changed… I'm not a good mother… I don't have those instincts," he sensed the tears would be inevitable. "The other day…I should have stayed with her and instead she was all over the hospital with different people taking care of her…instead of me… and becoming my mother Derek…"
He turned her to face him. "You were used to Zola being at the hospital, and going in and out to see her in the nursery…Mer…it was very different…and then, you were always close by to see her during the day." He leaned into her and kissed a tear away. "You are not becoming your mother. You are compassionate even with people you don't know; you don't give up on people, even when you should; you love and forgive …even when," he personalized it. "I've been unworthy so often…and I'm ashamed of the things I've said to you…Meredith…"
"We agreed," she caressed his face. "No more going back to that…Derek…we talked about it," she closed her eyes, "all that time…at the crash…we said…we'd…"
"Please…know…that if there's one moment in my life I could change…it would be that… when I said that to you…I was angry and spiteful…and you didn't deserve that…you're a wonderful mother, Meredith…don't ever doubt it…"
"She has a temperature Derek, and I left her, let everyone take care of her…"
"You knew she was being taken care of…you had a life to save…you did not forget about her…you were heartbroken and conflicted about not being with her… don't ever compare…"
"I don't want to be like her…"
"You're nothing like your mother," he kissed her softly, reassuring, and then teased her. "You cook fish sticks…"
"I burned them," she sniffled.
"You try…and that's all she will ever need. Our children," he placed his hand gently on her abdomen, "Meredith are so lucky that you are their mother."
"I'm keeping our baby a secret," one more tear to kiss away.
"You carry our baby's first image with you," he smiled, kissed her lips tenderly.
"I'm scared," she admitted.
"I know," he held her closer. "We need to have faith…that our baby is fine."
"That's what Lizzie said, that we're getting a little gift from God…for all the other crap."
"I think she's right," he smiled. "A little blessing, she told me."
"She told you that too…" Meredith said softly.
"I believe we are…that good things will happen…"
"I want to believe…"
"That's the first step," he pressed his body against hers, held her.
"I love you, Derek…"
"I love you, Meredith…"
"And I love our baby…and don't want anything to happen…"
"Faith," he said quietly, "Mom would say…moves mountains…"
"Do you believe that?" she asked wistfully.
"How can I not," he said with deep emotion. "I found you…you forgave me…over and over…we survived…we have Zola," he lay her back gently against the pillows placed his hand protectively over where their baby was being nurtured, "and we have another baby on the way…how can I not believe?"
Meredith placed her hand over his. "I'm going to try to believe," she met his gaze.
"That's more than enough," he kissed her softly, and held her through the night.
Two nights later, it was time for his sister to fly home. After over a week of Lizzie's company, the siblings' bickering amused Meredith as they sat on the couch enjoying dessert from one her favorite restaurants.
"My dear brother, the point is… as soon as my new niece or nephew is born you are coming to visit, or we are, all 21 of us… 23 if we can get Amy and her new boyfriend, it's your choice."
Meredith responded immediately. "We're coming to visit… I promise."
"Three months after the baby's born no more," his sister stated. "Meredith, it will be beautiful, it's early fall, plus you can also come at Thanksgiving or Christmas."
"Don't push it," Derek said. "You don't want Mer to want to stay way another five years."
"Ass," his wife said right before she smacked his arm.
"What…I'm trying to give you an out."
"What if I don't want an out?" Meredith's voice changed ever so slightly, and her eyes watered before she continued her irrational conclusion. "You don't want me to meet your family…you're embarrassed that I was the slutty intern and it's all Kathleen's fault, Lizzie told me, but if you don't want them to meet me… even if I'm your wife…"
Derek shut her up with a kiss.
"Hormones," his sister smiled at him.
"It's not hormones." Meredith told her.
"Denial won't change the facts," her sister in law teased her.
"You're not a nice person," Meredith retorted.
"Mer," Lizzie said, "bask in it and have him wait on you hand and foot."
"You're a damn trouble maker. Always were," he ruffled his sister's hair, and kissed the top of it. "I'm going to miss you."
Lizzie insisted she would take the ferry and then a cab to the airport. Derek and Meredith won the argument and drove her, and waited till she checked in and had her first class boarding pass, and the wheelchair attendant was there to meet her and take her to the Delta Sky Club to wait until it was time to board the aircraft.
"You call me," Lizzie told Meredith, "anytime…for anything…if you need to talk, or ask any questions…please…"
"I will," Meredith agreed. "I told you…I wasn't very good at this…but…"
"You're very good at this," Lizzie assured her. "Lexie," she saw her sister in law's eyes tear up immediately, "had a wonderful sister," and she hugged Meredith. "My brother is very lucky that Addison cheated on him," she said to lighten the mood, and had the right effect as Meredith laughed and wiped away a tear.
"I love you," Lizzie hugged Derek.
"I love you," he hugged her back. "I'll miss you."
"We've all missed you, Derek. Please, come visit after the baby's born."
"We'll be there," Meredith answered for him. "Our kids," she smiled softly, her hand instinctively and protectively over her abdomen, "will get to know their cousins, and aunts and Grandma."
"Shepherdsville," Lizzie laughed, "like Cristina calls us. Don't forget the uncles," she winked at her, "there would be no cousins without them."
"Their family," Meredith smiled and reached for Derek's hand.
"Mer," Lizzie smiled again before she walked over to the wheelchair. "Just wait till the sex craving hormones kick in. You'll understand why we've had so many kids!"