A/N: Hi everyone, this is my first attempt at a Densi story so I sincerely hope you all enjoy it. It is based off of Season 4, Episode 14's "Kill House" so you should go watch it if you haven't yet because this will probably make a little more sense if you do. Also, I just wanted to say a quick apology for the light usage of profanity but I really felt it made the story more effective by getting it as close to the true essence of the characters as possible. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and please be sure to review and let me know what you think! If I get enough positive feedback, I might try to continue doing one-shots or even consider a full story if I can find the time.
It had been an extremely long day on the job, the kind that left Kensi Blye with a killer headache and the sudden urge to go home and curl up on her couch with a cold beer, America's Next Top Model flashing on the television as she enjoyed the rest of the evening to herself.
The NCIS team had gone undercover to track the leak that led to the ambush of an elite squad who had been trying to capture Luis Cisneros, the head of the Molina Cartel. It was only meant to be a simple training exercise, but, with their team seeming to have a knack for running into trouble, they found themselves investigating the murder of one of the TRP's newest members, Chad Parish. It had made her sick to her stomach when they traced the leak back to David Inman, the head of the training squad. Parish was an arrogant son of a bitch, that was for sure, but he didn't deserve to die.
When things like this happened, Kensi was reminded of how grateful she was to have a team she could trust. A partner she could trust.
No matter how annoying and egotistical Marty Deeks could be, she would put her life in his hands without giving it a second thought. In fact, she did just that almost on a daily basis.
On the quiet drive back home after all the day's events, her mind kept wandering back to this fact as she contemplated what it was exactly that made her able to tolerate him on the days he was being particularly irritating. She glanced once in the rearview mirror and turned back to the road ahead as she pulled onto her street, but not before catching a glimpse of the oversized brown box placed carefully in the middle of the backseat.
She rolled her eyes and sighed as her thoughts immediately went back to the conversation she was having in the car with Deeks earlier that day. She could tell he hated her keeping secrets from him—they were partners, after all.
She knew she hadn't been totally honest with Deeks in the past. There were so many things she had hidden from him, from her investigation into her father's death, to her PTSD-ridden ex-fiancé Jack, to the mother she had refused to speak to in over fifteen years. And sure, he hadn't been completely straightforward with her about his past either, particularly about his father, but Kensi knew she had a lot more baggage to carry than he did.
She realized from the minute she caught him snooping around her desk that that box would be trouble. It was for that exact reason she really didn't want to have the package delivered to the OSP in the first place, but she knew the neighborhood she lived in, and if it was left at her front door all day…well, let's just say some of the neighborhood kids could have pretty sticky fingers. And she couldn't take any risks; this package was much too important to lose.
He deserved to be curious about it, and she knew that, she really did. Nevertheless, it still got on her nerves when he refused to just let it go. He wasn't going to quit until he had it badgered out of her.
What disturbed her most, however, was how utterly confused she felt when their usual banter had somehow taken a strange turn, and all of a sudden the stupid box wasn't even the central issue anymore. Not even close.
"Hey, Kens…what's in the box?"
She chuckled lightly. "This again?"
"Fine, you don't want me to ask, I'll stop asking. I don't care. I don't need to know."
Damn right he didn't need to know. Besides, if she told him what was in it right now, it would ruin the whole point.
"I just think you're very curious, that's all."
"Because you keep building it up so much!"
Okay, what was that supposed to mean? She had hardly even mentioned it, much less built it up. In fact, she had been trying to be as inconspicuous about it as possible.
Still, she went along with whatever she thought he was getting after.
"Exactly. What's to say it won't be a big disappointment?"
"Well, at least then we'll know."
Again, what the hell was he talking about?
Then it dawned on her.
Was this—was this about their relationship?
Well, she couldn't call it a relationship, exactly. In fact, she couldn't call it a relationship at all, because that was the whole point: they didn't have one. He had been crystal clear about that in the past.
She couldn't believe the way he was twisting the conversation. If she wasn't so preoccupied in racking her brain for an accurate comeback she would have decked him in his side as hard as she could… for the second time that day.
But before she could speak, he started again. "Kens. What's in the box?"
She sighed. "Nope. Stakes are too high."
"You know it's not going to change anything, right?"
And then he gave her that look, the one that told her he wanted to stay casual about it in order to protect himself, but for some reason, he just had to know what she was thinking.
No way in hell would she give in that easily.
"We're still talking about the box, right?"
He paused for a moment; she could tell she caught him slightly off guard. It was obvious he wanted to keep the conversation coded and weirdly metaphorical, but she had grazed by him and brought it right out in the open.
The ball was in Kensi's court now. She waited patiently for his response, certain he wouldn't have anything else to say that could throw her off her game.
But this was Deeks, and of course, he was way too stubborn to let it go at that.
"It's almost as if you sent it to yourself so we could have this exact conversation… Oh my God, you're diabolical! You did send it to yourself, didn't you?"
Okay, she'd had enough of this. They were supposed to be watching Inman anyway, not playing stupid mind games with each other. Luckily for Kensi, she was able to take her chance and drop the conversation as soon as Parish's wife went running back inside her home, utterly distraught over the news of her husband's death.
It wasn't until ten minutes later that Kensi suddenly realized she was parked in her driveway, hands clutching tight to the steering wheel and head pushing back against the seat rest.
She quickly detached her fingers from the wheel and got out of the car, lugging the oversized box along with her into the house.
She set the box down on the coffee table, along with her keys and purse, before heading into the kitchen and making a beeline for the refrigerator. She pulled out a beer, and, too lazy to rummage through the drawers for a bottle opener, popped off the cap on the edge of the kitchen counter and headed back to her small living room. She sank back into the soft cushions of the couch and took a long swig of her beer, automatically feeling a little more relaxed as the smooth liquid slid down her throat.
A few minutes later she made a grab for the television remote on the floor, but nearly jumped out of her skin when a loud, impatient knock suddenly sounded at her door.
Who would be here at a time like this? Kensi thought to herself as she stood from the couch with caution. It had been a really strange day, and Kensi wasn't in the mood for taking any unnecessary risks.
The rapping on the door only grew louder as the visitor remained standing out in the cold. Still, Kensi took her time, grabbing her gun from her purse before easing over to peek around the closed curtains.
And then, finally, "Kensiii! Kens, open up. It's freezing out here!"
Kensi relaxed immediately but rolled her eyes at the sound of Deeks's infamous surfer drawl on the other side of the door. She automatically reached for the doorknob, the anxiety from the moment quickly vanishing.
She cracked the door open slightly and was met with a pair of oceanic blue eyes as he pried his head through.
"What do you want, Deeks?"
"Oh, hey Kens. Nice to see you, too."
Kensi didn't have nearly enough patience for this.
"Deeks…" she hissed as he forced his way inside. She closed the door and reluctantly turned to face him.
"I just wanted that massage you promised me earlier" he said innocently, raising his hands up in defense.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I didn't promise you anything."
He stared back at her with a twinkle in his eye, some witty comment just on the tip of his tongue. She thought she could literally see him struggling to keep it down. But finally it seemed to pass and he simply gave her a small shrug.
"Well, it was worth a shot."
He walked past her and went to take a seat on the couch. She shot daggers at him with her eyes as he sat back leisurely, throwing his feet up onto the coffee table as if it was his own.
"Can I help you with something?" she asked, irritation dripping from her voice like venom.
"Someone's a bit cranky today, huh?" Deeks shot back, clearly pleased with himself for getting this sort of reaction out of her. "You know, I do like 'em a little bitchy." He winked, and she rolled her eyes yet again.
It was strange that he drew such pleasure in making her angry, he knew, but there was something so riveting, mysterious, and incredibly sexy—yes, sexy—about her whenever she became that way. He literally couldn't take his eyes off of her for a single second.
"No, I'm not cranky" she said defensively. "It's just been a long day, and I was looking forward to spending the rest of the night by myself."
Deeks feigned surprise. "Kensi Blye going home… alone? Now that's hard to believe" he joked, letting off a lighthearted chuckle.
"Shut up, Deeks. I'm not in the mood."
"Oh, not 'in the mood'? That makes sense then. Otherwise I would've expected some lucky guy to be over here by now, taking his chances with the hottest badass in town."
He tried to ignore the familiar pang in his chest whenever he said things like this, but truth be told he just couldn't help himself. He had no idea why he did it. Maybe it was a part of him that was just trying to nose into Kensi's private life and find out if, well, someone else was in it. Someone other than him.
Normally Kensi would've rebuked him for suggesting something so stupid, but by now it was nearing midnight, and she was so tired she didn't even care anymore.
She rubbed her eyes and leaned back so she could see his face more clearly. "Please, Deeks. Just tell me why you're here."
She watched him carefully, and when his eyes shot over to the coffee table for only a split second before resting back on her, she knew.
"Deeks, did you seriously come over here just to try and see what was in the damn box!?"
Her frustration was suddenly over the top now, and she could feel a nasty migraine starting to set in.
"No, no! Of course not" he tried to assure her.
But Deeks wasn't the only one who could read his partner well. It was a skill that had taken Kensi the better part of two years to perfect, but she came to know exactly when he was lying. His pupils would dilate, his nose would twitch slightly, and the corners of his mouth would turn up into an awkward sort of half grin. Sometimes he had good reason for lying, but right now it was just pissing her off.
She made a move for her gun, which had been resting beside her on the couch, and Deeks backed away instantaneously.
"Okay, okay! You got me." He let out a loud sigh of exasperation. "Jesus, Kensi. You don't have to shoot me."
"If you don't get out of here now, I just might" Kensi spat back at him.
Deeks knew she would never do something so insane, but it still didn't scare him any less. But even then, he couldn't bring himself to leave, because no matter how intriguing a slightly miffed Kensi was, murderous Kensi was absolutely heart-stopping. He stared at her open-mouthed, seemingly paralyzed to the spot, until she knocked him back out of it with a crushing blow to the sternum.
"Oww!"
"Deeks, get out!"
He fought for a moment to regain his breath, Kensi having knocked the air out of his lungs, before shaking his head vigorously. Now it was time to get serious.
"No."
"What the hell do you mean, 'no'? This is my home, Deeks. Now please, get out!" Kensi's face was starting to turn blue with anger, and Deeks half expected to see smoke starting to spew out of her ears.
Still, he tried to stay as calm as possible. "I want to know. I want to know what's in the box, Kensi. I deserve to know."
"The hell you do" Kensi fumed, the uncertainty of the situation only making her angrier.
She could punch him again, sure, try to make him beg for forgiveness, of course, but she knew that physical harm would never make him leave. It had never worked on him before.
She sighed angrily, trying to control her labored breathing. "Deeks, I don't want you here" she said with as much vigor as she could muster. "I don't want to see your annoying, obnoxious face in my house. Ever again. I'm serious."
Maybe words were really louder than actions.
Deeks could literally feel his heart breaking. He could feel it ripping apart into a thousand pieces, before being tossed and scattered into the harsh wind.
She had never said something like that to him before. Well, okay, maybe she had, but not with that look on her face. It was one of pure hatred, a look that told him everything he needed to know about the way she felt for him. He had been desperate to know for so long, marveling at even the minutest possibility that she might think of him as more than her rambunctious, seemingly carefree partner.
He couldn't believe how stupid he had been. That burning passion, the love he felt for her with such intensity, would never be returned. How could it? She was too exquisite, far too wonderful for any man to measure up to. And there he was, falling for her like an idiot, thinking he might have actually been lucky enough to have a shot.
She hated him, and that was it. It was done.
Sam was right, Callen was right, even Hetty had told him something similar once—he was a burden, nothing more than a nuisance to everyone around him. Deeks had simply refused to believe it before, because no matter how many times he had heard it, there was only one opinion he would actually trust.
And now, as she said it right to his face, he knew it must be true.
He tried to keep the tears from forming as they threatened at the corners of his now murky eyes. He tried to speak, but a lump formed so tightly in his throat that he couldn't swallow it down.
He looked away from her as she seemed to be studying him, probably waiting for his next brilliant smartass line. Neither of the two said anything for a long time; even the sharpest blade couldn't cut the tension between them.
Suddenly Deeks stood up, and Kensi turned to follow his movements in surprise.
"Okay."
That was the one word Deeks could manage to get out before heading for the door. Kensi lifted a hand to touch his arm as he rushed past, a weak attempt to make him stop, but he simply brushed it off. He didn't even attempt to look back at her before shutting the door behind him, feeling the stinging cold of the night air on his face once more.
Kensi didn't move for a long time after Deeks had left. She didn't even take notice as the alarm on her phone signaled that it was time for her to wake up, marking the beginning of a new day. But everything was running together in such a whirlwind that there was no way for her to tell up from down, much less one day to the next.
She wasn't sure what came over her when she had yelled at Deeks. Again, it had been a long, stressful, and confusing day, for more reasons than one.
How could she tell Deeks that he had been the primary reason for all of her tension and, as he had so kindly put it, bitchiness?
That stupid conversation they had had in the car earlier had been eating away at her all day.
She liked Deeks a lot, there was no doubt. She had been attracted to him from the first moment they had met, she could admit that.
But that other feeling, the one that kept her up at night anticipating seeing his smiling face the next day at work, the one that kept her stomach clenched with worry every time he separated from her on a mission, or the one that simply had her caring about his personal happiness at the end of the day was the thing that terrified her to no end.
She couldn't love him. It simply wasn't an option.
But there she was, buying things for him and having them delivered in a damned brown cardboard box, crying over him in the middle of the night after realizing just how deeply she had probably hurt him, and feeling her heart sink from her chest as she realized she may never be able to mend all the damage she had caused.
It was a hurt she had never felt before in her life.
A/N: Sorry this ended kinda sad, I really wasn't sure of the direction I was going. I am thinking of continuing where I left off, though. Hopefully it'll be a continuation of some Densi moments in the upcoming episode "History," where the box supposedly makes a reappearance. Anyway, I really hope you all enjoyed it and again please let me know what you think!