Armageddon for the Ages
Synopsis: So-called 'friendly-faces' of TV that have done wrong are sent to the Obsidian Mines for eternity after death. B'harne, the evil, sinister villain the Lyoko Warriors destroyed after a massive battle against him and his ooze children from Hades, seeks revenge with the help of such delinquents as Soupy Sales, Baby Poop, Blow Job and Ripoff. With more ooze children and demons surging to B'harne's side, the Warriors have to incorporate the help of some rather uncommon allies: Sesame Street characters.
Chapter 1--Dante Knew Not of What He Wrote
Down in the deep, dark, foreboding Obsidian Mines in the nether realm, B'harne cursed in fiery colorful language, hating the Lyoko Warriors for defeating him.
"It isn't fair ! Those blasted Warriors had it too easy. Not this time. I will form an army so devastating, so powerful not even they can stand in my way of stealing the souls of the children of Earth. Yes ! Then and only then I can cause this underground kingdom to work and force them all to work in the Obsidian mines forever !", B'harne vowed, rubbing his hands together. Sparks flew off of them and caught Soupy Sales' sleeve on fire. He was just minding his own business by mining coal to keep the furnace of Hell burning strong. After all, one didn't want to anger the Lord of the Devils himself.
"Hey, watch where your sparkin' deamon.", Soupy complained as he patted his sleeve out.
"Silence mortal ! I am no mere demon. I am B'harne, terror of childhood's nightmares !", B'harne stated, chuckling. Underneath the friendly visage, Soupy saw the gentle face begin to melt and bubble, making horrid gurgling noises. He had remembered reading Dante's Inferno and realized it wasn't accurate at all for explaining the type of torture they had been through.
"Very well then B'harne. I am Soupy. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Do you care for someone to join your alliance ? I overheard your kvetching earlier.", Soupy said, with a sly grin.
"You ? How can you help me ? I am all powerful !", B'harne confessed.
"I can pollute young children's minds with thoughts they needn't concern themselves with at their tender age.", Soupy said, his eyes flickering maliciously.
"How marvelous…how deliciously twisted.", B'harne agreed. His army would begin with Soupy. No sooner than he could start using the area around him to begin forming rock demons and ooze children would he begin making his escape from the Mines. Of course, no creature worthy of Hell had done this before, especially not overcoming Lucifer's might. He was the penultimate demon and nothing could surpass him. Little did he know, B'harne thrived on hatred, and it had been burning inside his heart for many years now. With the help of the scarred Soupy Sales, who had had his show cancelled thanks to making lewd references in double entendres, he realized that Soupy's loathing of humanity would be a great vehicle to charge himself and prepare himself for the battle that would await him. Indeed, the Lyoko Warriors had absolutely no idea whatsoever what they would be up against. B'harne's power was increasingly potent and this war would be unlike any other. Peoples lives were about to be at steak and young children would be caught in the middle of it all, martyrs for the cause of a vendetta B'harne simply wouldn't allow to wither and die.
Chapter 2--Toppling Beelzebub
It had been hours of talking to Soupy that B'harne had begun forming his Legion of Destruction. They were all under his control and had no autonomy of their own. Their will was B'harne's only. Soupy was extremely astonished with his friend's handy work, but was growing impatient.
"When do we topple the Boss ?", he questioned, wringing his hands, which irritated the T Rex immensely.
"Soon, Sales. Soon enough.", the demon said, quickly snapping his tail across Soupy's hands which caused him to flinch and yelp.
"What did you do that for, you jerk ?!", Soupy asked, his hand burning from the sting of B'harne's scorching barbed tail.
"Your incessant wringing of your hands was annoying me.", B'harne answered. His glowing red eyes gave Soupy a certain uneasy feeling, but they were soon to meet creatures far more freakish and scary to join their legion.
Soon, B'harne and Soupy met the Teledummies, bat-like vampires that fed on the attention energy of kindergarteners and frightened older children and unnerved smarter adults. Then they met Howdy Doody and his gang. Apparently, he got away with lewd, crude jokes on his television show when it had been aired. The last party members to be added were the Boombahs, horrid powder-puff aliens that were even more terrifying than the Teledummies, if that was possible. Together with the rest of the Legion of Destruction, they encroached upon the throne of the Lord of Demons.
Lucifer seemed pleased with the work that was ongoing in his kingdom and was growing tired, as he usually did during one of Hell's more sultry days (which came more often in the summer months). He stretched and yawned, not noticing the warnings from one of his council members who had stated he had noticed some insubordinate workers that needed to be taught "fear and discipline". Lucifer thought nothing of this and waved it off as gibberish. This particular council member had a lisp and a terrible condition of lying, so it was hard to tell whether what he had seen was actual or not.
"Leave me be, Sulfur. I have to rest for a while. Being Lord of Hell isn't easy you know.", the Lord of Devils said as he pushed his crown at a scant angle over his eyes and yawned, going to sleep.
"Now !", Summerfall the Native American puppet said through gritted teeth. The whole group surrounded the sleeping Father of Lies, bound him, gagged him and locked him up in one of his own cells. They fortified the locks using B'harne's cryptic black magic.
"At least now we have one less thing to worry about.", Summerfall snickered sinisterly, in a saccharine, annoying way.
"Indeed…But, we have bigger prawns to fry.", B'harne stated, with a devilish grin that engulfed his entire face.
Chapter 3--Caught Off Guard
Jeramie, who had been playing a game of soccer against Pascal, was interrupted by a concerned Aelita.
"There's an alert sounding from the computer. It's from Diana, the Princess.", she said, her voice sounding a bit shaky. He knew, for the woman she was, to sound this unnerved was a bad omen, indeed. Pascal followed right after his dad to meet their mother. From the computer came the familiar visage and voice of Diane, who had become even lovelier than the last time they had seen her.
"It is a matter of grave importance. B'harne has escaped from the Obsidian Mines with a demon army…", she began. Soon, graphic pictures of his destruction had been shown.
"He has to be stopped.", Jeramie said. Aelita knew at first glance with the growing onslaught B'harne had amassed he would be unstoppable.
"If B'harne has an army, we have to form one of our own.", Pascal observed. Yet, they knew doing such a thing would be difficult. Sure, they could call the Warriors and they would need more 'firepower' to combat B'harne and his lackies this time. He was more powerful than ever before. They could sense it by the reports Diana had given to them. It was strange Diana had gotten a distress call from the pit of Hades itself. The world was definitely in for quite a wake up call once B'harne's fury had been unleashed.
Without any further dallying, the Warriors came together and set out to find an army worthy of standing up against B'harne's militia. So far, their search seemed pointless and most intelligent people had taken to their bomb shelters to avoid the fiery meteors that B'harne had been sending down in his wrath.
"What now ? Everyone has turned us down and now B'harne has only begun his destruction on our planet.", Suzanne said as she, Emily and Diane began healing the earth's scars. They would have to conserve their power, however. B'harne was going to be a formidable foe, far more potent than they were wanting to admit. However, they weren't going to throw in the white towel. There just had to be some warriors out there that would help them. The only trouble is, where exactly were they ? The answer was, of course, in the world's most famous street of them all, Sesame Street.
Chapter 4--Unlikely Allies
Who would ever have thought to look in Sesame Street ? It seemed a bit strange for the Warriors to be looking here, but they were surprised at how eager the muppets were to offer their assistance.
"What can they do exactly ?", Taelia questioned, skeptically.
"Appearances can be deceiving. I am well aware we have the power of brawn with Big Bird and Snuffeluffagus, but I'm not sure of the others.", William responded.
"B'harne is our mortal enemy. Elmo knows that he never touches on such devastating topics as death or divorce.", Elmo stated, honestly. It was true, no other 'children's shows' even dared to forge the harsh topic, even if it was hard for children to understand.
"Yeah, we even talk about the economy as well as ecology. How many kids shows can you say do that ?", Oscar added. The adults as well as the young adults had to agree, their favorite childhood heroes and heroines had an exceptional point.
They had no time to train these new inductees, though. B'harne was wrecking havoc with each step he took. They would have to rely upon the muppet's ingenuity to save them in this instance or everything would be lost. Children's souls were at steak and the world hung in the balance.
B'harne burned everything he saw blocking his path and easily subdued children that had been watching in the distance, frightened of his militia. They were just toddlers, unable of making concrete decisions, but they knew what they were seeing was wrong, but yet they couldn't turn away. Before they knew what had happened, their souls had been sucked from their innocent bodies and B'harne became more hideous and powerful. He suddenly stopped when he saw the Warriors once more.
"You're kidding me, right ?", B'harne laughed haughtily as he viewed the army one by one. Against his forces, it seemed pathetic.
"Cease at once, or we will be forced to take violent measures.", Jim warned as everyone started to take formation.
"Violent ? That's a laugh. I doubt any of you worthless fools could even lift a finger to stop me.", B'harne said, as power began to rage around him, crackling and popping at an insane speed. He fired a huge energy ball in the distance and some innocent teens on the other side of the street were turned into soulless zombies, part of B'harne's armada.
"Oh, crap.", Oscar muttered.
"Don't worry…We're strong together. Don't let anything he says fool you…We can handle anything he throws at us.", Abby Cadabby stated, positively, as she began to glow and sparkle with full magical talent.
B'harne and his cronies began charging at the Warriors, and the Warriors held their defensive positions. The stronger, bigger members of the team had been able to hold back the onslaught as they began fighting back.
"When did you fellows learn karate ?", William questioned, impressed by their swift movements.
"Chuck Norris guest starred with us once. You learn quite a bit from the ultimate karate expert. Oh yes, and we've had Jet Li and Jackie Chan. Take all that knowledge and you earn respect through discipline.", Grover said, quite astutely. Needless to say, the Warriors were astonished but couldn't allow themselves to be distracted. The ooze children tried biting them with their fangs, doing their utmost to extract energy from them. Left and right, the zombies were being deflected, only to rise from the ground and leap onto their targets again.
Diana shot the zombies with rays of light, immobilizing them. They would no longer be a threat and B'harne would no longer have control of their bodies to do his bidding.
"Is that all you've got ?!", he bellowed at the top of his lungs, growing larger by the moment. His wings spanned the side of his body, and the spikes at the tips of them dug into the earth, ripping it as he walked. Every step he made caused an earthquake but the Warriors remained stable since they had remained close together should one of them loser their balance. Collectively, they attacked in response, hitting B'harne with a magic attack directly in the solar plexus. He had been knocked back a few football fields while his posse looked on, stumped as what they should do next. Their leader had been subdued, and pitifully, looked to him for their guidance. But the battle was far from over.
Chapter 5--Yet Another Roadblock
The battle had become a tug of war between both sides. They were equally matched, but at the moment it seemed B'harne held the upper hand until Big Bird knocked B'harne to the ground with an uppercut. B'harne flew into the air and hit the ground with a thud. Suzanne caused vines to wrap around him and Tamiya and Millie froze him in place.
"This has gone on long enough !", Telly screamed as he rode on the back of Snuffeluffagus and bulldozed him. The impact caused B'harne to break into millions of little pieces. His army as before, couldn't mourn, for the only emotion they felt was hatred. But without his leadership they were lost, much like directionless sheep.
Prairie Dawn dodged a kick from one of the ooze children that attacked her and slammed another one into a wall.
"They just keep on coming !", she said as she flipped another one from her back into the wall and it splotched everything in sight. No matter what technique she used the ooze children continued to regenerate and the others were inundated with them.
At last, with a collective effort, all the muppets used their newfound abilities according to their temperaments. Big Bird, used the power of light, as well as strength. Grover, his agility, super strength, super speed and the ability to fly. Prairie used her martial arts and Abby used magic, while Elmo used the power of love. Oscar, well, he just kicked the heck out of anything coming his way, and let rage be his ally.
B'harne, like his ooze army, had reformed himself and had grown quite irate at the Warriors.
"This has gone on long enough !", he roared, beginning to belch fire at them. The first fireball hit a random tree, setting it ablaze instantly. It was not a warning shot, and he continued with his barrage of flames, hell-bent on killing every last one of them.
B'harne emitted sonic waves that were so powerful the Warriors had difficulty bracing themselves against them. The surrounding area was getting ravaged by fire and now by seismic sonic attacks.
"Star formation !", Jeramie yelled as B'harne and his faithful created a wind tunnel, which had begun yanking trees from the ground. The muppets followed suit, not really knowing what they were getting into. Each had a thread that had come from Jeramie's "Orion's Belt" held them all together. Then he requested they chant.
"Like in meditative chant ?", Sam Eagle questioned, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes…the frequency's good energy will weaken him. I hope.", Jeramie said. Suzanne could see the angle he was taking, and thought even though it was an experimental formation they had never done and something they had never tried together on any of their foes, they had no other choice than to link hands by Orion's Belt.
Even the chanting wasn't enough to stop B'harne and his minions.
"New Age meditation chants ? You've got to be joking ! This sort of thing has no effect on me.", he said laughing. His latest roar had sent the lot of them up into the air and crashing down on the ground. Some of them were dropped so hard the air came out of them. Odd was bleeding from the mouth.
"Odd ! You're hurt !", Sissi yelled, seeing he was in agony. She seethed back at the army that grew bigger by the moment. She couldn't allow rage to feed them though. It was what B'harne wanted, nay, what he desired.
"Why bother yourselves with fighting me ? You cannot possibly win. You might as well give up now…", B'harne grinned sadistically. Slowly Bert and Ernie arose, weak kneed but brave.
"Give up ? That's not our game.", Ernie said.
"Yeah ! Children can't be force fed the tripe you try to shove down their throats !", Bert agreed. The others nodded and attested to this fact.
"The world is cruel. It's not always sunshine and lollipops. Divorce exists, the economy downturns, climate changes. Mother nature can be cruel.", Rizzo the rat said, honestly. B'harne didn't want to hear the truth. It weakened him, and they could see that.
"Kids need to be shown reality, even if it is difficult !", Kermit chimed in.
"Yeah, so put that in your pipe and smoke it, you purple CLOD !", Ms. Piggie bellowed, stamping her high heel on the ground.
"SHUT UP ! All of you, silence ! I have had enough ! I am not finished. You cannot win…I won't allow it. Children's souls…they belong to me and only me ! You can have your stupid truth and do whatever you want with it. I see the world in brilliant hews, and you don't see any forlorn faces, now DO you ?", B'harne stated, not making sense whatsoever. The children he had converted looked hollow, empty, idiotic and purposeless. But if they were given the truth, they could be whole and make the right decisions on their own without having to be forced.
"We need to try another tactic. We've weakened him a bit with the truth, but we know New Age tactics aren't getting us anywhere. Nature seemed to break him down a bit.", Jim observed.
"Quite so. But they can all regenerate. We're doing our best to keep our spirits from being crushed, and thus far have been successful.", Aelita agreed.
"We cannot waste one more hour of talking…I am afraid we will have to resort to something a bit bold…", Ulrich surmised. That 'something bold', however, was so trying that they nearly found themselves at an impasse. But they knew they weren't finished. Not by a long shot.
Chapter 6--The Pen Is Mightier than the Sword
The muppets and the humans had noticed something from earlier. B'harne couldn't handle the truth. Michael had an idea so insane, so out in left field that he was willing to give it a try.
"William…You are a good writer, are you not ?", he asked.
"Yes, well, I'd like to believe that I am. I don't go boasting about it.", William stated, truthfully.
"Any other writers among us ? We need all the writers to unite.", Michael stated, truthfully. Suzanne was a writer of scientific magazines as well as her studies in oneirology. Jim had written a book about his experience in Vietnam, Tamiya and Millie were journalists and Emily wrote poetry. Michael prayed his experiment would work.
Quickly, the writers amongst the humans and muppets began to write sealing spells on vertical pieces of papyrus and using Patric's wind abilities, the papers flew over and upon the demon army. When the spells landed on their decided targets, the subjects began screaming, writhing in agony. They were too distracted to fight back, so now was a perfect time to strike. Using all of their abilities combined, natural, magical and physical, the carnage was unprecedented.
Both sides were knocked out from the whirlwind of attacks.
"Whatever you do to me, I cannot be bested.", B'harne stated wearily and fell to the ground again. The children he had ensnared had long since disappeared, back with their parents and far from his influence. He only had a small army with them, and they had been knocked out cold.
"Children are in better hands without being subject to your 'entertainment', demon. Besides, parents worth their salt know that children learn early and they cannot learn anything from the likes of you.", Yumi began.
"Yes, especially about the world outside and you fail to realize there are predators out there that can't be trusted.", Gonzo added. B'harne grunted. The words were too much for him to bear. At long last his outer ugly shell began to crack and light began to shine through. With one final death howl, he exploded, fragmenting into pieces. Along with him, what was left of his army evaporated into the early dawn mist.
Chapter 7--Exhausted But Fulfilled
The humans living on Sesame Street began to come out of hiding. Luis, Maria, Gabi and Miles were the first to exeunt.
"Are the earthquakes and meteor showers over ?", Luis questioned, cautiously, covering his head in a futile attempt if there would be another shower coming.
"It seems all has passed.", Miles observed. They looked for their friends, wondering where they had gone. Suddenly, they came walking in from the sunset, ragged and worn from an arduous battle.
"What just happened ? Why are you all so bloody ?", Gabi asked, curiously, apparently concerned for their well-being, as anyone would be seeing their best friends looking positively drained.
"It's a long story really. But we'll tell you later once the excitement quells.", Grover said, catching his breath. They were followed by the Lyoko Warriors, also looking completely enervated.
With no sign of the purple menace or his battalion in sight, the whole lot of them smiled, knowing they had been victorious. They would've given out a yell or shout but none of them could muster the energy to do so. Just knowing they had been successful was all they needed.
Meanwhile in Hades…
The Lord of all Demons had escaped and returned to his rightful ruling place. When he had discovered B'harne had returned, he immediately chained him and his ensemble together to forced labor in the obsidian mines.
"I should've done this a long time ago. My associate is going to watch you more closely…and you'd best not do that again or you'll be sorry you crossed me.", he said, seething. It would take Lucifer quite some time to drop this grudge, since he wasn't known for dropping grudges. B'harne groaned. He hated this team he had assembled. At first he thought they had value but they proved useless, and they were more annoying than he ever envisioned they would be. Now that they were singing Norwegian work songs, he wanted to yank his cochleae out by their roots never to hear anything ever again.
Epilogue
After thanking their newfound friends, the Warriors knew they would never see their childhood idols in quite the same light again. They had to return to their busy lives and watch the earth begin healing slowly. It would take some time before the healing was completed, but many people had already begun the process of helping it along.
The friends, though occupied with their different careers, kept in touch. Their lives had returned to normal and they had begun seeing growth and rebirth in the open fields they had done battle in. It would still take quite a while before those areas would be completely whole again, but people could be really surprising when the earth's needs were so important. The friends too, did what they could in their spare time for agencies that supported rebirth and re-growth. Afterward, if they still had some leisure moments, they would reunite and chat about the experiences they had. It was so much better doing that than just typing an email in response to a message they had sent to them. Sure, stress would come but at least they knew they had an outlet; a mini-vacation with their most beloved family members whenever they needed it.
The End