Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Wicked; the characters, the storyline, book, musical, none! I just love Elpbaba from a distance.
On the night of the Wicked Witch of the West's death, away from the sight in Kiamo Ko, in Gillikin, lay awake Lady Glinda, unable to sleep. A terrible night for the woman, finding herself overcome with shakes, regret and pain, and therefore, unable to adequately drift off into slumber. She stirred in her bed, rolling over to her side to stare at the flickering light in the window; a single candle, lit for reasons she couldn't explain. She idly watched the small fire dance, creating intricate patterns on the dark walls of her large bedroom. For hours, Glinda watched, deciding that her tossing and turning wasn't going to help in putting her to sleep. Perhaps focusing on it, she thought, for a while will do some good. And it did. Finally, the call of a peaceful rest became too much for her body, and she had to subject to it.
She found herself in a strange place, at one moment it looked like her own home at Gillikin, and then that slightly destroyed courtyard of the Colwen Grounds in Munchkinland. But then there was, well… nothing. Nothing but her and a swirling mix of shades of blue and white overhead. She began to regret even trying to fall back to sleep if the dream was going to be as strange as this was beginning to look. She would regret that feeling. Because moments later, her eyes would fix on a figure she would instantly recognize. There was no one else in Oz who had skin that emerald.
" Elphie!" Glinda called with intensity; she turned.
And within moments they were before each other, though admittedly Glinda found it slightly odd that Elphaba had just appeared as she had, after having kept her distance for so long. " I'm here," Elphaba began, harsh and clear; getting to the point, " What is it?"
" What?"
" You wanted to ask me something, Glinda. I could tell."
" Oh… But you just got here, why rush to such a topic?" Glinda asked politely, almost shrugging off Elpbaha's slightly rude and pushing behavior. But her question was met with silence.
" I can't stay long." She replied, her eyes averting Glinda's.
" Oh." That was all the Gillikin gave as a response, feeling a sudden pain of being unwanted. Even this woman, who was such a close friend, was trying to disregard her so? No, only the foolish would think that. She knew enough about her Elphie to know that she wanted to tell her something, but was just waiting for Glinda to open the door. She let out a heavy sigh, preparing to vocalize the question she'd wanted to for decades.
" Why did you abandon me?" She too could be straight forward, when it was asked of her.
" Abandonyou?" Elphaba seemed almost shocked by the word, she never truly saw it that way, and she had her reasons as to why.
" That's right, Elphie. You abandoned me, years ago in the Emerald City. I've always wanted to know why, because you'd never tell me." Glinda explained, with added intensity. It did always sting to remember the event, especially with what she was left to think, even if she knew they were never true.
" I didn't-"
" You did." Elphaba only sighed as Glinda cut off her rehashed voice of protest.
" I suppose the reason I left- No, abandonedyou in the Emerald City that day was for more reasons than I care to tell," A pause, but it was difficult to say what she wanted. She knew how the other woman would react to her next string of words, " I never deserved your friendship," Glinda moved to voice a protest, but an emerald-toned hand raised itself as a form of order for silence, " It's alright, I know. I was always content with being alone, you know. I was just used to it, and no matter how often I had to act as Nessie's caretaker, I was never accustomed to being needed; relied on. But you, Glinda; oh, I was surprised to realise how much I needed you." A hint of a smile from those tangerine lips, it was a rare sight to see such a thing from the proclaimed Wicked Witch of the West, but Glinda always held a soft spot in her heart. " It was frightening."
" Why are you telling me this?" Glinda's soft voice sounded almost awkward with the naturally demanded question.
Elphaba seemingly ignored it. " I was devoted to you, as best friends are." Was… It stung Glinda more than any insult could. " It was that which became my driving factor. Glinda, I couldn't possibly have continued on at Shiz under Madame Morrible, knowing what she was planning."
" You and your paranoia, Elphie. Really!" Was her response, coupled with an aggravated tone. She wouldn't dare accept that as her friend's excuse, not even for a moment. The idea that someone like Madame Morrible was the reasoning behind abandoning her was painful enough to cause tears to form in her eyes.
" I knew after that audience with the Wizard what I had to do, and the damage I would cause. I knew that my life was never going to be the same after I would do the things I was prepared to…" Her smile faltered; so much emotion from the emerald woman, it left Glinda with an oddly frightened feeling. Her hand touched against Glinda's cheek, her thumb gliding over her skin to remove the salty liquid that had fallen from her eyes, no matter how much it burned afterwards. " How could I live with even the thought of putting you in such harm's way. You were better off without me, dear. I was nothing more than a burden, I'm sure."
"You weren't, Elphaba! You weren't!" Throwing all resistance to the wind, Glinda pushed herself forward and reached out, clinging to her. In this moment, she was determined never to let go, for fear that she would, indeed, leave her once again. " Don't speak such nonsense, Elphie. You know it isn't true! You know how much I care for you. You, my first true friend!" The woman broke out into hysterics on Elphaba's covered shoulder. And she just stood there, frozen, never one to really often delve into physical forms of… anything, much less use them to comfort people. But for Glinda, and only for Glinda, she would always make an outstretched effort. Finally, in what seemed like an eternity, Elphaba's arms moved around her friend, embracing her in an oddly soft way, mirroring Glinda's tight hold of desperation.
" Calm down, my sweet," It was as if they were young again; Glinda in the carriage in the Emerald City and she on the streets explaining her departure. One of her hands lifted to stroke those golden locks that added to the natural beauty she had once been so jealous of. " I thought I was doing what was best for you, in regards to the future."
" It wasn't worth it, surely! I was distraught for weeks, months, even years! Tearing up like clock-work, like a sniveling child; for you!" Glinda found herself able to calm down slightly in the embrace of Elphaba, but it would not stop her from saying everything she'd always wanted to. " And that day, after years and years of not so much as a word from you, you suddenly appear in the Colwen Grounds. You fit into my life that day perfectly, as though we'd been seeing each other always-"
" Don't, Glinda."
" We might have fought, but even to be in your presence was enough fill me with such joy I hadn't felt since the moments before our last meeting in the Emerald City. But then…"
" Please… I beg of you."
" I called to you, and you ignored me… Elphaba, you heard me; you must have. But you didn't turn. If I would have known… Have known…" But Glinda couldn't finish her sentence, for tears had started to, once again, fall down the tracks already formed on her cheeks.
Elphaba felt the woman's grip loosen; she held onto her with more strength to keep her from collapsing onto the floor. So weak, so emotional, even Elphaba couldn't repress a tear from falling, no matter how much she had tried. Yes, she recalled that day too. Oh, how it had pained her not to turn at the cry from her friend. " I apologise…" The burning sensation on her skin was outweighed by the guilt and regret now heavy in her heart. " I didn't want to subject you to what I was to do, again. I was trying to protect you."
" I don't need your protection!" Glinda pushed back, moving out of the other woman's grip and slipping into a heap on the floor as her knees buckled. Elphaba could only stare down at her. " I need you. Can't you understand that? Oh, Elphie, just to know that you were alright would have sufficed. But to live without word for all those years, only to find you and lose you again; what was I to think? To do? The pain of knowing that my one and only true friend would leave me…" Her voice trailed to silence, Elphaba knelt down before her.
" It was easily the most difficult thing I'd ever had to do, you know." But she hadn't known, and even those words from her best friend would have given her some level of comfort. " Any word I would have sent would have surely been traced back to me. How could I pull you into the dark and wickedness that seemed to plague my life? Nothing good ever seemed to happen, Glinda. The only other person that had gotten close to me," A different form of closeness, of course, " Perished because of the danger's I had gotten myself into. I feared the same fate would come of you." Oh, Fiyero…
" I understand…" But perhaps Glinda would never truly understand Elphaba's reason for choosing to cease all contact with her. Admittedly, that may have been because she could never fully grasp this apparent danger she had gotten herself into, even if she was now aware that it had taken someone to their death. At least, now, she had easily become less furious about the ordeal of losing her.
Elphaba looked up; up to that blue and white swirling sky overhead. " I have to go." She spoke strongly, though her heart was surely breaking. It only grew worse as Glinda stared up at her, those eyes peering into her; to her soul, though the Witch never believed she had one. Tears formed, once again, and once again Elphaba felt the pain of guilt for making them fall.
" Why!" But Elphaba stood, seemingly ignoring her once again. Glinda rose to her feet, watching as Elphaba slowly began to distance herself from her friend.
" Oh, Elphie!"
There it was; that mirror image to the event at the Colwen Grounds. The same call, the same situation. But a different response. Elphaba stopped, the pain of tears on her skin growing unbearable as they refused to cease flowing. And for some reason, a smile formed on Glinda's lips, perhaps because for once, Elphaba was allowing her a proper goodbye.. She closed the distance between her and the green woman, who turned once more to face her. And once more, she clung with an embrace radiating desperation and need. " I don't want you to go, Elphaba. I can't bear it again, please don't…"
" Glinda…" The embrace was effortlessly returned.
" Sweet Lurline, I would give anything I could for you to stay with me, even for a few more minutes. Elphie… Elphie!" Seemingly alike, their grips tightened on each other. Glinda found herself breaking into uncontrollable amounts of tears and cries, shaking with the overbearing emotion that had taken hold of her. Elphaba shed a few tears, and for her, that was more emotion than anyone could ever ask for. For Glinda, it seemed the severity of this goodbye's meaning was becoming clear. This was not just for now, this was not just until the next chance run-in years onward; this was forever.
" You know, Glinda, I would never want to see the Elphaba that would have grown without your friendship." But that only made Glinda's reaction worse, and by now Elphaba's dress had been soaked through at the shoulder, the liquid was touching down on her skin. But she wouldn't move, nor flinch under the pain. She would not allow that silly allergy the glory of ruining this moment.
" I love you too much to see you go! I apologise for all the times I was terrible to you in Shiz, really, I do."
" I know, I forgive you."
" You arean important person to me, Elphie. Your friendship changed me to become a better person. I'll always be indebted to you." Glinda chose her words carefully; Elphaba kept referring in past tense, but this wasn't over. Oh, how she wished she could have believed her own thoughts at that moment. But she knew this was it, and in the back of her mind, she seemed to have figured out why. The idle moments of silence dragged for an eternity.
" I'm sorry." Said the emerald woman, and she pulled herself away from Glinda, who's grip was weak now, almost as though she'd given up, or accepted the inevitability of the situation. Elphaba moved to take hold of one of her hands in hers. " Hold out, if you can. But I believe you've become strong enough to look after yourself." Teary eyed, but trying to stem the flow of them, Glinda looked up to Elphaba finally, " Goodbye, Glinda."
And smiled. " Goodbye, Elphie." How she managed to look like such perfection with flowing tears, reddish eyes and that genuine smile, Elphaba could never understand. " Elphaba." She corrected herself, idly. It was not the time to use the conjured up nickname. " I'll miss you, and think of you always."
Their hands disconnected…
Glinda's eyes opened with a jolt, and she quickly moved to a sitting position, her gaze travelling around the room, perhaps intent on seeking out the emerald woman… To no avail. She sighed and fell back into bet, though the dream had left her muddled. Rolling to one side, Glinda once more stared into the candle light, the candle itself now significantly shorter with the time passed. Perhaps it was that tiny flickering fire that led this dream to her, or even further, Elphaba's soul to visit. Glinda smiled, laughing quietly at her own foolish ideas. Silly me, she thought, how could I have forgotten…
My dear Elphie never believed in souls…