Okay! So I have a few warnings/notes to dish out! First of all….I ACTUALLY FINISHED SOMETHING O_O If you've read my RHPS fic, you will know that I have a problem with finishing things I started. So this in itself is a really big deal. Second, I started this story waaaaaaaay back in part 1 of season 1 (seems so long ago). Right now I'm totally a Klaine shipper, but I couldn't let this story go, so we are gonna time travel to that particular part of the show when Kurt was still in love with Finn. Since it's been so long, I can't remember exactly where this was supposed to take place, but I'd say between Wheels and Sectionals (duh). Also, to make this easier, Quinn is not pregnant please and thank you. I'm not okay with Finn cheating on his pregnant girlfriend (even though she cheated first but that's not the point) so we will just pretend it didn't happen. Here's a warning for all y'all. This fic contains a high dose of ANGST! With a whole lotta fluff ^_- Also, I try to keep the characters….in character? But my crazy mind is hard to tame, so I do apologize for any out of character-ness that may occur. And now, I give you….my crazy Glee fanfiction.
Also! Look for the Chris Colfer (only) version of Defying Gravity if you really wanna get a sense of the story : )
PLEASE REVIEW FOR ME! IT MAY GIVE ME THE CONFIDENCE TO WRITE MORE IN THE FUTURE
Speaking
" "
Thoughts
' '
Flashback
Italics
xXx
Finn set down his pencil and looked over the test in front of him. Double checking his answers and feeling satisfied with what he had written, he scribbled his name at the top and stood up to turn in the test to the teacher.
"Here ya go Mr. Miller," said Finn as he handed him the test, "and thanks a lot for letting me make up the test."
"Oh it's no problem at all Finn." Said Mr. Miller with a smile, "With that flu bug going around, I'm not surprised you had to miss class. Glad you're feeling better and I'll see you on Monday."
"Yeah, see you then." Finn collected his belongings and headed out the door into the deserted hallway.
It was about 5:30 on a Friday, so Finn wasn't surprised to see that there were no students hanging around. He wasn't quite pleased himself to be stuck making up a test until this time.
'But,' he thought, 'I guess that's the price you pay for missing three days of school.'
Not that puking your guts out every hour was at all appealing, because it's NOT. Finn also did not want to even think about how many tissues he went through to try and stem the flow of his runny nose. He was about to turn the corner to head out to the parking lot, when he stopped as the faint sounds of a piano reached his ears. He took a few steps toward the sound and soon realized that it was coming from the choir room.
'There's no Glee rehearsal today.' Finn thought, 'It's probably just Rachel doing some extra practice time. Better leave her alone or else she might drag me in to do a duet.' Finn's throat was about a night's rest from clearing up and he was not about to jeopardize that. He turned to leave when a familiar voice accompanied the music.
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
"Kurt?" Finn knew that voice anywhere, but then again, Kurt Hummel did have a unique singing voice. Hell, he had a unique voice in general.
Too late for second guessing
Too Late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes, and leap
Finn figured that maybe, as he thought earlier about Rachel, that Kurt was just hanging around for some extra rehearsal time before the weekend. He was almost as dedicated as Rachel was to sounding just right in preparation for sectionals.
It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me good bye I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down
There. For just a moment, Finn thought he heard…something, in Kurt's voice at the end of that line, but he wasn't quite sure. Abandoning his plan of getting home to start enjoying his weekend, Finn hitched up his backpack and slowly opened the door to the choir room.
Sure enough, Kurt was sitting at the piano, his back to Finn, playing the Wicked song that he had auditioned against Rachel for the solo part in Glee Club. Finn remembered that audition. It was only a few weeks ago. Kurt had been so excited that Glee would be performing Defying Gravity.
"Defying Gravity?" Kurt's eyes lit up when he read the title of the song, "I have an i-pod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing."
But his excitement died down when Mr. Schuester decided that Rachel was to be given the solo. Finn didn't know much about musicals, but he did know enough to remember that this song was a female part.
"Think you can handle it Rachel?" Mr. Schuester asked as she looked over the selection.
"It's my go-to shower song. It's also my ringtone." Rachel replied in a matter-of-fact tone.
Kurt's smile faded and dropped his eyes back down to the sheet music in his hands.
Finn silently set his backpack on the floor and stood there, listening to Kurt as he continued to sing.
I'm through accepting limits cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at much too high a cost
Kurt really was a good singer Finn had to admit. Yes, he sang higher than any guy should be allowed to, but, really, he actually sounded pretty good. In fact, there seemed to be nothing wrong with his voice. Finn wasn't sure what he heard, or thought he heard the last time, but apparently it was nothing.
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me good-bye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity, and you won't bring me down
I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me good-bye I'm defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity
And you won't bring me down
Bring me down
[Vocalizing]oh ah aah ahh ahh
Finn was speechless. He hit it. Kurt actually hit the high F. What did that mean though? If Kurt could hit a high F all this time, then during the audition…
**SLAM**
Finn jumped in surprise as Kurt suddenly slammed his palms against the piano keys, causing them to produce an awful sound that made Finn cover his ears. Kurt hit the offending keys several more times before he leaned forward on the piano's frame and, to Finn's surprise, buried his face in his arms, and began to cry. It was then that Finn realized what he had heard. A sniffle. The hitching of his voice. Kurt had been holding back tears through the entire song. Finn wasn't sure what he should do. He felt awkward being there, and he doubted Kurt wanted anyone to see him in such a vulnerable state. But seeing him sitting there, crying into the sleeves of his new designer jacket, his small frame quivering as fresh sobs burst forth, Finn couldn't just leave him alone. Walking forward, Finn slowly reached out and placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder.
Thinking that he was alone, Kurt was startled to feel the hand on his right shoulder, and nearly fell off the piano bench when he realized to whom the hand belonged.
"Finn!" he said quickly standing up and wiping away the tears that had been trailing down his fair face.
"Sorry about that." Finn said sheepishly, "Probably should've said something first."
"No, I mean…yes. No! I mean…what are you still doing here?" Kurt was almost positive that his face was as red as Quinn's Cheerio uniform. He never expected anyone, let alone Finn Hudson to walk in on him, especially at this time. Didn't people usually rush to get home on a weekend?
"Had a history test to make up from when I was sick." Finn replied trying not to notice as Kurt attempted to fix his appearance, "Um, what were you doing in here? I mean, are you okay?"
"Hmm?" Kurt looked up suddenly as though he hadn't been paying attention, "Oh, yes. Yes I'm fine." He plastered a huge grin on his face that didn't quite reach his blue eyes. "I was just, uh, doing some warm ups before I got started on the new song. I can't slack off if I wanna try to pry a solo away from Rachel." He gave a little laugh. Finn thought it sounded kinda forced, but he was also reminded of something else.
"Kurt, speaking of solos, that song just now, it was the one from the audition against Rachel. She got it in the end didn't she?" It wasn't a question. Finn obviously knew who got the solo, but for some reason, he just needed to understand why Kurt did what he did, especially after hearing him sing the song now.
Kurt's grin faltered a bit as he busied himself with the sheet music on the piano, "What's your point Finn? The best singer got the solo. Rachel nailed the high F. She got the part. Like Mr. Shue said, there will be other solos." He smiled again and stood up. "Now if you will excuse me, it's late and I should be getting home." He made to leave, but stopped when Finn suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Hey, careful! This jacket is a new Dolce and Gabbana!" Kurt exclaimed.
"Really? Cuz to me it's already wet from you crying into it." said Finn, then, seeing Kurt's expression and realizing how harsh that sounded, he rephrased, letting go of Kurt's arm. "Sorry. What I meant was, I get it if you don't wanna talk about it. I mean I'm not very good at…feelings and stuff. It's more of a girl thing, ya know?" then quickly adding, "Not that I'm saying you're a girl or anything! I mean you're kinda like a girl, but…no…wait…!" Finn ran his hand through his hair in frustration.
'I just wanted to make him feel better. Let him know he has a friend. Now I'm probably just making it worse. Did I really just call him a girl?' He looked up to see that Kurt was still watching him; a mixture of both confusion and amusement was on his face now. Finn straightened up and tried again.
"I just wanted to remind you that we're friends. We're also part of Glee Club together. You can, um…you can talk to me. If you wanted to, I mean." He added quickly. Kurt looked at Finn, as though trying to read him, inwardly debating if he really did want to talk about it. After a few moments, he let out a small sigh and sat down on the piano bench, Finn sitting down next to him.
"So what's up with you Kurt?" Finn asked, feeling glad that Kurt was willing to talk to him, "Why were you crying earlier? And what's the deal with blowing that audition when we both know you could've hit that note, and especially when it was clear that you wanted that part more than…well, anything."
Kurt gave a small chuckle that quickly faded. He kept his eyes on the floor, as though hoping to find the right words written on the smooth surface.
"Finn," he said, and Finn could hear the unusual amount of seriousness in his voice, "Something happened today. Something that I can usually deal with," he looked up into Finn's eyes, and Finn was surprised to see tears brimming at the corners of Kurt's green eyes, "but not this."
Finn straightened up, concern clouding his face. "What happened Kurt? Was it those football jocks again?" Finn knew how Kurt was often hassled by Puck and the football team, Finn used to be right there with them as they threw Kurt into the dumpster or poured slushies on him. However, that was before Glee, before they became friends.
"I don't know." Kurt sniffed, though he tried to hide it by reaching for his messenger bag, "After school today, I found this in my locker."
He pulled out a folded piece of paper that looked like it had been crumpled up and handed it to Finn. He took it with uncertainty.
"Are you sure you want me to," he started, but Kurt cut him off.
"It's fine."
Finn unfolded the paper was saw that it was a note. There, in the middle of the page, in very simple, plain type were the words:
Hey Homo Hummel
Don't forget to sing real pretty at your gay little sectionals. You'll make all the fairies swoon.
Good thing your mother is dead so she wouldn't have to see what a fag her son has become.
Finn's hands shook as he read the letter over and over again, finding something new to be mad about each time he did so. Who would be so cowardly as to write something so awful and drop it off anonymously in someone's locker?
"You have no idea who sent this?" he asked Kurt, trying to keep his anger in check.
"None. I opened my locker and that's what fell out." Kurt took back the paper and stuffed it into his bag without another look, "I mean don't get me wrong Finn. I've been dealing with this kinda thing all my life. The teasing, the name-calling, the throwing of my belongings into the school swimming pool. I've accepted it. It only…only made me…stronger."
There it was again. That pause. The double intake of breath.
"Kurt…" Finn's anger died down when he noticed how Kurt fell silent, eyes closed, trying to focus his breathing.
Finn reached out and placed his hand on top of Kurt's, which were clenched together in his lap, his knuckles turning whiter by the second, as though this would help to cage his turbulent emotions. Kurt's eyes shot open and seemed to wake from whatever he had been thinking about. Inhaling deeply, he exhaled before looking back at Finn, a single tear escaping from the corner of his eye.
"I'm sorry." He said, attempting paint another smile on his face, "If you just give me a moment I'll be-" Kurt was cut off when Finn reached out and crushed him to his chest in a strong embrace. Kurt's eyes were wide with shock at the unexpected gesture, and surely, for that moment, he forgot how to breathe.
"It's okay ya know." Finn said gently, "It's okay to let it out if you need to." Finn didn't know what got into him. This was so not his thing, but he acted on impulse and now, he knew that he wouldn't let Kurt go until he was sure that Kurt would be okay. He smiled into Kurt's hair and added, "I know how you are about your clothes, and my jacket's nothin special, so…you can cry and it wouldn't matter."
That did it. Finn suddenly felt two arms around him as Kurt held onto him like a frightened child would cling to a parent. Kurt was tired of hiding behind this mask. He had been hurting for so long, with no one to really unload to. He loved his father dearly, and he knew how much he struggled to understand Kurt and be there for him. However, Kurt knew that he couldn't unload this burden onto him. He just couldn't handle it, not yet. His mother on the other hand…she always seemed to 'get' him, to give him exactly the right amount of support and encouragement that he needed without even trying. Now that she was gone…
"I miss her Finn." Kurt cried into Finn's chest, fresh tears running down his face, "Every single day I miss her."
Finn knew that Kurt was referring to his mother and he tightened his grip on the crying boy.
"She was...so beautiful…so gentle…she would've done everything to protect me. And now," Finn felt Kurt stiffen, his sobs beginning to die away, "And now, I get this damn letter and there's nothing I can do to protect her memory; to protect her." He had pulled away from Finn's warm embrace and was looking at him with eyes filled with anger and shame. "All I ever do is hurt the ones I care about. They are always protecting me. Putting me first so that my dreams can come true, and it's not even worth it." Kurt added under his breath so Finn wouldn't hear. He took a shaky breath and stood up from the bench, his back to Finn. "Do you really want to know why I threw the audition against Rachel?"
Finn stood up too, and gently placed a hand on Kurt's shoulder and turned him back around to face him. "Yeah, I do." He said sincerely. Kurt's eyes were shinning with the tears he had shed, but didn't allow anymore to fall.
"There was a phone call." He said, "The anonymous kind. Apparently while I was at school, someone called my dad at the shop and told him that…that his son was a fag." Kurt's voice tightened slightly as that awful word passed though his lips. Finn was looking at Kurt, not with pity, but with genuine concern and sadness. He was sad that Kurt and his father would be subjected to that, just because some people couldn't accept that Kurt was different; special. "He told me that it didn't matter. That he loved me and wanted me to be myself and to not let anything get in the way of that, but I knew that what had happened had hurt him. That it scared him, even though he tried to tell me that he could take care of himself. I couldn't put him through that again, and I knew it would happen again if I sang a female part in front of hundreds of people. That's why I blew the high F, I just wanted-"
"-to protect your dad." Finn finished, his head bowed down as a few tears of his own began to fall. He sniffed and turned around, looking anywhere but at Kurt. Kurt was startled to see Finn's reaction to his story and desperately hoped that he wasn't crying on his account. He didn't think he could handle hurting Finn too.
"Finn…?" Kurt walked slowly around the tall boy until he was standing in front of him. The quarterback was sniffing, away the few tears that had leaked from his eyes. He took a breath to calm down and finally said,
"You're incredible, Kurt." Kurt looked confusingly at him.
"What are you-?"
"You're always so worried about protecting others that you don't care if anyone is protecting you." Kurt's mouth opened like he wanted to speak but no words came out. "You are worth protecting, you got that?" Finn said seriously putting both hands on his shoulders and leaning down to look directly into his eyes. "It may not always seem like it, but there are people here who care about you; your dad, Mr. Shue, everyone in Glee…and so do I."
Kurt was speechless. He never would have believed Finn to be so serious. And where was this coming from? He had noticed that Finn didn't gang up on him anymore, but he had never made a conscious effort to really talk to Kurt or associate with him outside of Glee. Now he was saying that he was worth protecting? That he cared about him? This sudden change in personality really threw Kurt off.
"Finn…"
Kurt's angelic voice shook the quarterback to his core. He just looked so small and vulnerable, and those beautiful eyes…Whoa! Where did that come from? Finn snapped out of his suddenly confusing thoughts and removed his hands from Kurt's shoulders. Clearing his throat, he turned away from Kurt and added,
"…Just remember you have friends. You don't have to go through this alone."
"Thank you Finn." Kurt said in a quiet voice as though it could shatter the moment, "I'm happy to have you as a…as a friend." Kurt turned away, hoping Finn didn't notice how he stumbled over the word "friend". He knew he wasn't completely inconspicuous when it came to his feelings for Finn, but Kurt wasn't dumb. Finn had Quinn, the beautiful, popular head cheerleader. And who was he? The Gay Kid. The High Strung Diva of Glee Club (he would wrestle that title away from Rachel in a heartbeat). Kurt knew that he would never end up with a guy like Finn, but it gave him a small comfort to know that this beautifully dumb boy cared enough to be his friend.
Kurt reached down for his bag and slowly turned back around to face Finn.
"Well, I should be heading home. My dad'll be wondering where I am. And thanks again. As much as I would rather shop at Wal-Mart then have anyone see me bawling my eyes out, it felt nice to have someone here to listen. And I'm glad that someone was you."
Finn looked up at this. Kurt looked like he wanted to kick himself, and Finn noticed the boy's porcelain face become colored with a pink tinge. How could a guy look so damn beautiful? Finn didn't know what to think, but he couldn't let that statement slide.
"Why me, Kurt?"
"You know what, never mind I said anything." Kurt was waving his hands in front of him in a dismissive sort of way. "Sometimes my mouth just runs away with my words and then they don't call, they don't write, they change their mailing address-" Kurt was rambling now, and Finn couldn't help but smile. It was just too cute. Without further thought, he leaned down and kissed Kurt, effectively silencing the river of words that had been spilling out moments ago.
It wasn't passionate, sloppy, or rough. Just a simple, chaste kiss, but one that Finn would never forget. He didn't know where these feelings were coming from or what they would mean for the future, but he did know that Kurt's lips were full and sweet and Finn wished that he could kiss them forever. But he didn't, in fact, this kiss only lasted about 3 seconds. He pulled away to see Kurt's face. His eyes were wide, his mouth open slightly, surprise etched over every fine feature. Placing a gentle hand on the young soprano's cheek, Finn once again asked,
"Why me Kurt?"
Kurt felt like he had the wind knocked out of him, except there was no pain. He couldn't feel a thing to be honest. Finn Hudson had just kissed him. The boy Kurt had been madly in love with for over a year now had just kissed him. Could this really be happening?
"Because," he faltered. He couldn't tell him, not that it mattered because this had to be a dream; A wonderful horrible dream that he would soon wake up from, "Because..."
Finn's hand was slowly caressing Kurt's soft cheek and it was making it very hard for him to think straight. There was an intake of breath as Finn's hand moved under Kurt's chin and tilted his face up.
"Why," Finn kissed his forehead. "Me," he kissed his nose. "Kurt." He whispered his name as he placed a gentle kiss on the side of Kurt's mouth. He couldn't remember ever being this romantic with Quinn. With her, he mostly wanted to just make out and touch her boobs, but with Kurt…something was different. He felt that this needed to be special, as though the angel before him would disappear if he went to fast. But those thoughts where stifled as Kurt wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck and kissed him once. Pulling away slightly, Kurt replied in a hushed tone,
"…because I love you."
Finn smiled, his heart ready to burst from his chest, and before he could say anything, Kurt leaned forward and kissed him again. Now, Kurt didn't know what the hell he was doing, but Finn, sensing his uncertainty, gently guided his lips until they were molded perfectly with his own. After a few more seconds, Finn was the first to pull away, trying desperately to control his raging teenage hormones. For once, he was going to take it slow.
"Hey Kurt?"
"Mhmm?"
"I really don't want your dad to freak out if you don't get home on time, but I also don't want to not see you till Glee rehearsal on Monday. So, I was wondering…if you want…would you like to-"
"Yes!" Kurt was looking at him now, his face glowing, "I'd love to Finn."
Finn chuckled a little at the boy's eagerness. Yep, that was Kurt for ya.
"Well I guess it's a date then."
And, with one final kiss, they walked out of the choir room, hand in hand, ready to face the challenges ahead.
As long as they had each other.
xXx
I am soooo sorry that you had to endure that. I feel like I rushed it. I think I just wanted to get it over and done with and I didn't want to write multiple chapters. I hope it didn't suck too bad. Again, please read and review for me!
P-Chan
