Grew up in a small town...
Jessi stretched. Her face fell. Another warm day. She could see the waves of heat coming off of the pavement a story down from her window. Most people would rejoice at a whole month of 90 degree weather, but not Jessi. Growing up in Minnesota always made her look forward to winter.
Her phone rang. She reached over and grinned when she saw who was calling. Kendall. She flipped it open eagerly.
"Helloooooo?" she said in a song-song voice, much higher than her normal.
"Hello ma'am. Is a certain knock-out named Jessica Storm available?"
"Who wants to know? A certain hunk named Kendall Knight perhaps?" She coated every word with sugar, and she could hear Kendall's exuberant laugh in the background.
"Hey beautiful. When are you coming over?"
"In a minute," she replied. She ran her hand through her long silky brown hair, and went over to her vanity. Her face was still a little sleepy looking. Nothing cold water couldn't fix.
She kept Kendall on speaker while she got washed and dressed. It helped her feel closer to him, and always made her feel less homesick. California was still so strange to her.
Clean, dressed, make-up on, and breakfast settling comfortably in her tummy, she jogged out her door and four doors down, to 2J. She rapped loudly. Katie came to the door. Jessi smiled at her and they fist bumped before Kendall caught Jessi's arm and walked away with her hand in hand.
"Where are we going?" she asked, as their joined hands swung rhythmically in unison.
"Oh. Just somewhere special. For our ten year anniversary."
Ten years since Jessi had kissed Kendall's cheek in Kindergarten and told him she would be his girlfriend if he wanted. He had blushed but said yes. Six years of "I like you" and "You're pretty" to be succeeded by four years of "I love you" and "You're beautiful". Jessi had drunk up every moment, and couldn't wait for the years to come.
He blindfolded her when they had walked a little ways. He said he wanted it to be a big surprise.
"OK. Open your eyes."
Her very own winter wonderland. In the middle of a California summer. Something about the kiss they shared then and there seemed more special than any before. Maybe cause it reminded her of kisses they had shared in the beginning, with snow flakes settling on their heads and their lips the only warm part of their bodies.
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Raining. An unusual thing. Jessi sighed. Her pale skin wasn't any tanner from the three months they had been here. She wished for home so much that she cried. She knew she should call Kendall and talk to him, but she couldn't. She didn't think she could stand to hear him name another million more things about Cali that she should love. A tear rolled down her cheek in sync with a raindrop rolling down her window pane.
She rolled over and stared at the ceiling, feeling more hollow than she ever had. She missed family, she missed the cold air and the stores. She missed home.
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
She would never have imagined that this place could be so heartbreaking for her. She had thought from the time she was five years old that as long as she had Kendall, she had all she needed. She would follow him to the ends of the earth, she would jump off the edge with him, she would be by his side as long as they lived. That much she had never doubted.
But change can make so many things different.
She picked up her phone.
Trying hard to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one can hear me
"Jessi? What's wrong?"
"I'm... I want to go home, Kendall."
"But it's so great here, Jess!"
She hung up. She couldn't stop the tears from spilling over. She buried her face in her pillow, hoping that her sadness would go away by the time Kendall came over to check on her.
When he didn't come, it didn't leave.
She wished she could share his enthusiasm for the place, but it just wasn't home. It just wasn't Minnesota.
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could breakaway
Kendall would never go back home with her. He was too caught up in the stars that Hollywood was made of. And she wasn't strong enough to go alone.
She fell asleep, knowing that not much more time could go by before she would have to breakaway.
It seemed like her mind was whispering to her. Whispering comforts.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway...
It was still raining the next morning. She took a cold shower to appease the feeling of depression growing steadily inside of her. Kendall was knocking at her door. She inched it open slowly.
"Hey Jessi."
"Hi," she said, shuffling her feet.
"Can we talk?"
She nodded, and stepped aside to let him through. He walked over and sat down on the couch. She shut the door softly and joined him.
He twiddled his thumbs and looked like he was having trouble putting what he wanted to say into intelligible words. Jessi tried to look anywhere but at him. She had made up her mind. And it hurt quite a bit.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
"Jess, about last night-"
"Kendall, I gotta tell you something."
"No, hear me out. I didn't..." He gulped. "I didn't realize how much Minnesota still meant to you. I didn't know how much you missed it. I though when you said you'd be fine on the day we left that you would be. I could never have imagined what it was going to turn out like. I just want you to know..." He smiled, and took her slender white hand in his own callused one. "I'm always here for you Jess. I'll always make you feel at home. No matter how bad California gets, I swear, I'll always try and make you happy."
Jessi began to cry softly. Kendall hugged her, thinking that she was just happy at this promise he had made. He could never begin to imagine the thoughts running through her mind.
"Don't you dare break his heart Jess! You better stay! You know what'll happen! You'll be over. Are you ready for that?"
Kendall was murmuring to her in a comforting way. He was reminded of his own dreams, which she and him had nurtured together. The ones they swore would come true.
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jet plane
Far away
And breakaway
He never understood how much pain she could be feeling at being ripped away from a part of her. From her home all her life. He could have never fathomed how on earth she could have loved snowstorms more than the beach. It was against his nature to believe in things he couldn't see. He was grounded and level-headed, and her personality was something he loved so much, he just had to overlook everything he didn't get. He believed in her as much as he could, as much as he could without losing himself.
She sobbed a little more. Nothing he did could make her abandon the utter disbelief that even with all of her pleading and hints, he didn't understand that she just wanted to go home.
She did whatever he wanted her to. Put on a fake smile and a falsely cheery attitude if only to make him feel like she was OK again. They parted that night with doubts and second thoughts, something completely new to the both of them.
As Jessi lay in bed that night, she decided the only way to get relief from this extreme homesickness, was to actually hear the voice of some of her family. She skyped them, even though she knew it would be after eleven. Her mother answered. It made Jessi laugh to think that her mom was on the computer at eleven pm. Clearly she hadn't been having such great night sleeps either.
Jessi could do little but stutter and cry when she tried to explain how she was feeling. She was so terrified of not being able to go back, and suddenly, Kendall and his family and the guys seemed so foreign. Suddenly, they seemed nowhere near enough for her.
Her mother comforted her as much as she could without being able to touch her, and said she'd book her a flight, if she was sure about it. Jessi nodded, hesitating only for a fraction of a second.
She hung up, finally able to sleep in peace. She never imagined she could ever sleep that way again.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky
Make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
She knocked rather loudly on the door of 2J. She heard feet shuffling towards her, and the door was thrown open. Logan in his PJ's. He stepped aside to reveal a very sleepy looking Kendall. She almost regretted coming so early. It was a little after 7 o'clock.
"Hey babe," she said gently, pulling him in for a little kiss. He grinned stupidly.
"To what do I owe this... erm... very early pleasure?"
"Sorry, I just had to talk to you."
He leaned against the door frame nervously. "OK."
Jessi took a very deep breath. "Kendall, I came over so early because I'm packing all day. I won't even have time to talk."
She could see the shock in his eyes and the disbelief in his expression. He couldn't quite understand that she had indeed just said "pack".
"I'm sorry, 'pack'? What are you packing for?"
"I'm going home. I can't stay here when I hate it so much."
Kendall rubbed his forehead. "Jess, we've talked about this. You're not going. How are you getting home even?"
She was a little angry that he didn't believe she would. But she crushed the feeling. She should maintain a cool sympathetic attitude. She had a feeling it would be extremely difficult for him to take in.
"I talked to my mom last night. She bought me a ticket for 8 tomorrow morning."
"When were you planning on telling me this, Jess?"
"I was planning on telling you today. Right now. I did a lot of thinking last night."
He turned away from her. Then he faced her again and licked his lips. "Call it off, Jessi. Call off the flight."
"I can't, Kennie. I need Minnesota. The same way you need your friends and family, I need mine."
"So you're saying I'm not enough for you?"
"Kendall, you are everything I want in a true love. But you're not my mom or my brother or my best girl friend. You're not the trees and the air and the ice. You're not my home."
Kendall's eyes were crinkling at the corners. He was about to cry.
"Don't cry, baby," she said, pulling him close, not able to stop a few tears of her own from leaking out.
He didn't push her away or fire more harsh words at her. He just bent down and cried into her shoulder. If she wasn't so happy to be going home, this would have been too much for her fragile emotions.
She couldn't recall how long they stood like that. She just knew that she had to get packing. He wanted to come with her. She said that she couldn't let that happen. Just cause she knew they would end up reminiscing and kissing more than packing.
She left him looking hollow and empty. She knew it would be the first time they had been apart in all their lives. It would hurt at first. Like cleaning a wound, it would sting at first. But it would go away and she would be on a constant road to healing.
She packed all that day, hating to think of what she would do when she got home. Without Kendall. It was starting to sink in. Slowly so that she was able to grasp what it would feel like waking up every morning, knowing that as close as she would get to her boyfriend that day would be over the phone.
She canceled her rent charge at the front desk. She was told she would be evicted if she wasn't out by noon the next day. She would be, so it didn't bother her. She went back to 2J slowly.
She spent the night at Kendall's. She fell asleep on the couch, Kendall sitting below her on the floor, their breathing in sync and their hands intertwined.
She dreamt strange things.
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away
Breakaway...
She was standing in the airport, so tearful she could hardly see. She had already bid Mrs. Knight and Katie goodbye, and had received hugs from all the guys. They were all waiting in the restaurant a few paces away for Kendall. He was standing next to her, looking out the window. They felt like anything that they could say would never be enough.
She finally turned to him, and smiled. "You know, this isn't goodbye forever. I'm not dying."
He choked out a laugh through the cascading tears that poured down his face. It broke her heart.
She turned away from the window. She began to walk away from the terminal. Kendall's eyes followed her.
"Where are you going?"
"I can't leave you Kendall."
He dried his tears quickly and sniffed up his sadness. "No, no Jess, come back here." He pulled her back towards him. He dried her tears and laughed at them both.
"Look at us. We won't have any tears left for the important stuff."
She laid her head on his shoulder. "This is important."
He kissed her head. "I love you Jess. We'll visit every month. We'll always be the same. Don't worry about a thing."
She was so grateful. That he kept her so level and clear. She was reminded constantly how much she loved him.
Faced now with the gates to her flight, she wondered if he could give her the courage she needed to walk through them.
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
She pressed her lips into his so lovingly that she could feel him melt. She felt confident when she walked away from him without looking back.
As she dropped off her bag, she glanced back just once. Kendall waved at her, smiling wide enough for the both of them. She knew it wasn't goodbye. It was just the beginning of making them stronger.
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
She stepped into the tunnel. She slid into her seat.
Breakaway...
She looked out the window. As if by a magnet, her eyes were drawn to the window. She could see a figure in a white t-shirt. A hand came to its lips, and then to the window. She leaned back...
And smiled.
Breakaway
So there you have it! Hope you like it, Italy's Kiss! Written just for you! ;) Tell me what you thought!
For all the rest of you who are reading this, I hope you enjoyed it! It was therapeutic to write. :)
Thank you all! 'Til next time!
xxxooo
~Starbucks