"And then," David says, adjusting and readjusting the lip balms on the counter "I may have slept with him in order to destroy the USB."
"I didn't know real people's love lives involved this much intrigue. I feel like I'm dating a Bond girl," says Patrick, who seems to be enjoying this a lot more than David. He would be affronted if he wasn't so relieved that Patrick is leaning against the counter instead of running for the hills.
"If that was meant to be an insult, you wildly miscalculated."
"Definitely a compliment. He was asking to be the victim of an elaborate heist. Although I am glad you decided to stop sleeping with douchebags."
"Mm, a bold claim from the guy that just called his boyfriend a Bond girl."
"Well, according to every member of your family, I'm sweet as a button."
"…Ok, my dad did not call you sweet as a button"
"…You have no way of proving he didn't"
"And that will haunt my dreams forever. So, thank you for that."
"So will the idea of you and Stevie in a throuple with that anthropomorphised yeti, so, I guess we're even."
"Technically it was never a throuple. It was more like…if me and Stevie used to be Destiny's Child, Jake did some collaborations with both of us and that gave him a taste for reuniting the band. But obviously we'd both evolved too much as solo artists."
"So, in this scenario, you'd be…Michelle Williams?"
David is fully aware of how much disdain he can convey through use of his eyebrows alone, and he lets Patrick feel its full force.
"…Kelly Rowland?"
Unfortunately, Patrick is the one person in his life who views the disdain brows as a sign of encouragement.
"Seriously," says Patrick, letting a little earnestness slip into his expression, "thank you for telling me all of this stuff. I understand why Beyoncé wouldn't want to relive her collaborations with inferior artists."
David attempts to supress a smile.
"It's not that. It's just that sometimes...record labels…are put off by Beyoncé's collaborations. And she really wants things to work out…with this record label."
Patrick quirks an eyebrow.
"David, I'm playing the long game. Despite the blatant inaccuracy of your Beyoncé trivia"
"Like I told you, several hundred times, I don't understand sports metaphors."
"I'm in your corner."
"…I'm not following"
"I'm in this for the long run"
"…"
"David. I know you know what 'long run' means."
"Not all of us were jocks in high school Patrick. I mean you started out with just baseball and now its like a decathlon up there."
"The point," says Patrick, wrapping his arms around David's waist, "is that I love you. And I'm not going anywhere."
"Hmm," says David, stealing a kiss and putting on his best Patrick-voice, "are you saying this relationship is a slam dunk?"
"He finally scores, in the ninth inning."
And David can't really argue with that.