Title: Bleeding At The Soul

Author: Therm/Sparkle (I'm the same person!)

Summary: Sometimes you can't tell how much trouble someone's in until their head goes underwater.

Warnings: There will very likely be some rather adult themes, a little dark, dreary and a bit depressing. Maybe some language later on and a bit of blood thrown in for good measure.

Notes: Set in Triple H's POV

I don't own any of these people in this story. I am using these people as characters, like you see on TV, not as a representation of the real people.

For anyone who read 'Nothing To Prove' and commented, I thank you all. You have helped me write this story. Apologies that this takes a rather different, more serious turn.

The quotes used for each chapter usually come from a song, but some from the first 3 or 4 chapters are from a website about self harming and depression. I take my fan fic very seriously and research everything!

'If they tell you she dies of sleeping pills you must know that she dies of a wasting grief, of a slow bleeding at the soul.'

-Clifford Odets

Blood Stains

Blood stained knives, all alone... dripping, with tears alike, hoping someone will ease the pain... but they never do.'

I should have seen it coming.

Even now, a few hours later, I can't see how this managed to sneak up on me, undetected. I guess it's easy to see things like this in retrospect.

The waiting room is occupied only by me. It's a private one and all it does at the minute is give me somewhere to wait and wonder, it's not a luxury. It's not often in my life I feel helpless, but that's how I feel right now. Glancing down at my watch, I see only a matter of minutes have passed since the last time I checked, even though it feels like hours. What makes it worse is that I'm alone right now.

I know Vince said he'd come down as soon as he could, but he has all the dirty jobs right now. Phone calls to make and breaking some bad news to good people. I'd hate to have to do that, I don't think I could. I know he's had to break worse news than this though, and I guess that's one thing to be thankful for, that this situation isn't as bad as it could be. But it's still bad.

I'm sure Shane'll come down as well, but he'll probably wait for Vince, help clear up the mess left behind as much as possible. There's a lot to do back there, and I feel a twinge of guilt that I'm not there helping them. The told me to go, practically pushed me in the back of the ambulance and at the time, I was too shocked to fight them, but having nothing to do here, it just makes it harder. But I know I couldn't have helped them do what they're doing right now. I'm too close. Dammit, I don't know how Vince is doing it.

I don't think anyone else will come down. Not tonight.

It's not that some of the guys don't want to come down, it's just well, when Shawn's family get here, they'll want to see him and the guys would just feel in the way. I already feel in the way and Rebecca's not even here yet.

I hope she can get a flight out soon. I'm sure Vince'll send the jet for her if she can't. He'd do that for anyone in the situation. I guess Shawn's parent's will come down too.

Every now and then I hear the click as the heels of a nurse hit the hard floor outside, and I keep gearing myself up, waiting for them to come and speak to me. I wonder if they will speak to me though. It's usually family they talk to, but there isn't family here right now. I guess if they don't I could always try and persuade them otherwise. Whenever Shawn comes around, I wanna be there for him, don't want him to be alone.

I suddenly get butterflies in my stomach, something that doesn't happen often as I recall the last conversation I had with Shawn before all this happened.