Christmas Party Piece by InSilva
Disclaimer: Look. Am writing to Santa.
A/N: a very, very happy Christmas, mate. Now and always.
"So."
"So."
"Think this is one Christmas we'll remember."
"Seems likely."
"Yeah."
They walked on in silence for a while.
"Rus?"
"Yeah."
"You think Vixen is going to follow us all the way home?"
Rusty turned his head and looked over his shoulder and then back again.
"S'possible. I'm thinking she likes the colour. Something she feels comfortable with."
"Thought they were supposed to be-"
"-that's bulls."
Danny looked offended. "It is not."
Earlier…
There were other things they could be doing with their Christmas Eve. They could be settling down in front of a fire in a log cabin with gluhwein and lebkuchen. They could be stretching out in a suite at a five star hotel with soft luxury and contented comfort. But there was the rumour that Pearce Manning, social climber extraordinaire, had hired a select venue and was hosting a party to end all parties. Guests were going to be taking home more than a piece of Christmas cake.
"Here."
Danny took the proffered gilt-edged invitation and looked at it critically.
"Balthazar Elliott...Balthazar?"
"All the invites are numbered, watermarked, cross-referenced…" Rusty gave a shrug of explanation and Danny waggled his head in acknowledgement. "Given the short lead-time, it was easier to intercept the returned post."
"Still…Balthazar?"
Rusty grinned. "If it makes you feel better, I'm Ezequiel Gomez."
Danny nodded slowly. "Pearce has some exotically named acquaintances."
"You think that's a prerequisite for knowing him?"
"Maybe it's like some sort of club."
"The Club of Odd Names?"
"Or the Collaboration of Obscure Nomenclature-"
Rusty shook his head ruefully. "I am confiscating those Reader's Digests."
"-if you wanted the long CON."
There was a silent groan in response.
Danny stared down at the invitation. "Dress to impress."
"We never have a problem with that, do we?"
"Oh, I'd say making an impression is something we specialise in."
"Whether we want to or not."
They both paused for a moment and grins appeared at the same time.
"Simone Ellis," Rusty volunteered and Danny nodded at the shared memory of a model who had dangled keys and suggestion in front of the pair of them. It had taken some fast talking and faster moving to ensure their smooth exit.
"Dermot Starkey," Danny suggested slyly and Rusty tilted his head on one side, lips pursed at the recollection of a retired banker who had transformed into a lascivious octopus.
Dermot?
"You certainly impressed him."
"No one is immune," Rusty declared loftily.
I am.
You like to think you are.
Pearce's party was being held in what looked like a ruined castle in the middle of a wooded nowhere. It was, in fact, a fake ruined castle. Didn't stop it possessing a fortress-like finish. Rusty pulled the car to a halt and they both stared up at the high, dark walls lit from within.
"Seems a little on the foreboding side," Danny suggested.
"Seems a lot on the foreboding side."
"Still…"
"Still…"
And they walked up to the gates secure in the knowledge that they'd wander into Dracula's castle if there was a reason. And even if there wasn't.
Black tie was a look they could both carry off with ease. Effortless and charm and the invites got them through security and the gates and into an unexpected and breathtaking open air winter wonderland.
"It's California. Got to say this is an impressive amount of …" Danny tailed off. "Actually, forget the snow."
Rusty stood at his shoulder and studied the pen with the small herd of reindeer then shrugged. "Like you said, it's California."
"Champagne, sir?"
Danny turned round to see Santa Claus offering him a drink. He blinked and saw Rusty crooking a smile at a six foot elf. They took the glasses with nods of thanks and turned round to survey the guests and the grounds with the enormous Christmas trees strung with fairy lights, the musicians and singer on a small stage making their way through carols and Christmas songs, a large firework display waiting to be lit, the Santas and the elves milling around with trays of food and drink, the laser show of Christmas images playing against the polystyrene walls, blasts of glitter being shot out across the party at random intervals…
"It's kind of…"
"…yeah. Like if Disney did Christmas."
A tinkling little laugh headed their way and they turned to see a man resplendent in a shiny silver suit with mine host written all over him. Pearce was stopping and greeting his guests and there was a war going on in his face between sycophancy and hubris.
"He's very, very pleased with himself," Rusty observed.
"He is definitely at cat and cream consumption level of smugness."
"And that's…"
Flashbulbs popped.
"…understandable. He's got society column coverage."
"Over there," Rusty suggested in between sips and Danny followed his gaze and nodded.
Circumventing their host, they followed a purposeful path to stand in front of the golden sleigh. The sleigh was piled high with gaudily wrapped boxes and firmly roped off from inquisitive guests.
"Time to see if we've been naughty or nice," Danny said then looked at Rusty. "Though in your case…"
Rusty looked at him reproachfully. "Is that your way of saying you haven't got me a present?"
Danny's eyes were wide. "We're doing presents?"
"Oh, you can stop that right now." Rusty jerked his head at the sleigh. "Seems a bit-"
"-obvious. Yeah. We could do with getting hold of a sample."
"For which we'd need-"
"-a distraction and before you suggest it, no."
"It worked," Rusty protested.
"A little too well. You stripping off and walking through a fancy dress party declaring you've come as the Emperor's New Clothes-"
"-it worked," Rusty said again stubbornly.
"Rus, I'll remind you that I had to set off the sprinklers to get them to leave you alone."
"Still-"
"- and apart from the fact that this party is open air and sprinklerless, this isn't a fancy dress party. People may faint. Either from fright or excitement. Possibly both."
The pout was prominent.
You are no fun.
Danny ignored him and studied the sleigh set a good twelve feet behind ropes. A good twelve feet of pristine snow which would show up any interloper and any interloper's footsteps.
"What about the other side?" he wondered aloud.
Rusty took a step or two back and looked at the angles.
"S'possible," he declared eventually. "There's the marquee there…" indicating one side, "and the marquee there…" indicating the other side, "and that run of trees blocks the view…"
Danny looked at the marquees, one bright and light and busy with staff and the other dark and trying its best to remain anonymous. "Food and stores?"
"Reckon so. Number of Santas wandering out of that one. Unless it's a convention…" He tailed off and stared. "So much for a silent night."
Danny followed his gaze and swore softly. They were about to get the biggest distraction they could have wished for.
Lon Ritter stood at the entrance to the marquee and rested the shotgun against his side of his leg. This was an operation he'd put together at the last moment but it was going to be incredibly profitable. There was the promise of whatever Manning was going to give away in the party bags piled high on the sleigh and there was all the pretty jewellery being sported and there was all the lovely cash being carried. Very profitable indeed.
His men were in position and he strode forward and gave the signal. As guns were produced to screams and shock, Lon climbed on stage, took control of the microphone and fired a shot into the air.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said and an unsettled hush descended. Lon grinned. He felt like the man in charge and it was good to know that he looked that way too.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said again, "Santa Claus has come to town and this year, he's expecting you to give him a present. As his little helpers move amongst you, please feel free to be generous. After all, you've got a lifetime of gratitude to demonstrate, right?"
A man in a silver suit came running towards him, waving his hands. Lon regarded him curiously.
"You can't do this!" the man declared shrilly, climbing the steps to the stage. "You can't do this!"
Lon introduced the butt of his rifle to the side of the man's face and the silver suit crumpled in a heap. He smiled out at the crowd.
"Anyone else got a viewpoint?"
They'd moved as soon as they'd spotted the man and the gun. The main exit was out – "Too far away." "Already got men on it." – and the sleigh offered no cover. Both of which meant they were now lying under the run of trees between the sleigh and the Santaless marquee.
"When Santas go bad," Rusty commented as the gunmen set about relieving their hostages of their possessions.
"They look for us, they're gonna find us," Danny said into his ear.
"Yeah." Rusty glanced at the marquee. It was sprintable but it wasn't close. They needed to be nearer. "C'mon."
They crawled slowly through the snow and the underlying mud until they were right at the edge of the trees. There was still a distance to cover.
"'Great Escape'," Danny murmured.
"They always show that at Christmas."
"Actually, think we're in the middle of the next 'Die Hard'."
"You playing Bruce?"
"Not sure I've got the vest for it."
"We going to go on three?"
A loud bang resonated through the air as the glitter cannon launched.
"Nope, on one," Danny said, grabbing his arm and they both ran for it, diving through the flaps of the marquee and rolling to an eventual halt, listening for a pursuit that didn't follow.
Rusty grinned up in the half-light at Danny who was lying on top of him. "This part of the plan, Bruce?"
"You think I planned this so that I had an excuse to get you up close and personal in a compromising situation? Like I need a hijack in a surreal setting to engineer that."
"And yet I don't see you moving."
"I told you. Immune."
"Right. Seriously, what would you do if I kissed you right now?"
"Seriously, what would you do if I kissed you right back?"
"You're still not moving."
"You want to unwrap your legs from-"
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."
They scrambled to their feet and peered cautiously out of the entrance. No one was chasing them and they exhaled as one.
"You know, it's times like this, I can understand why Saul never believes us when we tell him what we've been up to."
"Yeah," Rusty nodded. "And this is one of the saner tales to tell. I mean-"
"-don't-"
"- there really is a sanity clause."
Danny groaned softly and then his eyes drifted for a moment and snapped back into focus.
"You know what we're doing," Rusty said and it wasn't a question.
Danny disappeared to the back of the tent and rummaged while Rusty idly picked up a box of luxurious crackers. Seemed like Pearce had spared no expense.
"First thing we need to do is lose these clothes," Danny said, returning.
Rusty raised an eyebrow and Danny shook his head.
"You are incorrigible," he scolded, holding up the outfits.
Rusty had point blank refused the elf suit.
"But you'd look so-"
"-I want you to consider that adjective carefully."
That left two Santas. Two Santas with a plan.
"You want to take the-"
"-oh, I think I should. Although-"
Indignant. "-I think I can manage to-"
"Mmm."
"That wasn't a very convincing noise."
"Just remember to let go in good time."
"Just remember to stay out of the way of the sharp bits."
Lon watched his men move swiftly and expertly amongst the guests gathering Christmas cheer. Harris had come back through the gates and given him the thumbs up which meant that all the vehicles outside that didn't belong to them had been disabled and security taken care of. After he had knocked out the lone protester, no one else had seen fit to disagree with him.
"Boss?"
He peered down at one of the Santas. Craig, he thought. Everyone looked the damn same.
"Boss?" Craig said again and held up a couple of dismembered packages from the sleigh. "There's nothing in these but polystyrene."
Lon reached down and small white balls floated through his fingers. Fuck. He pointed the shotgun at the nearest quivering guest.
"You. Where's Manning?"
A trembling finger indicated the shiny heap at his feet.
Fuck.
Harris saw Ritter's face crease into a frown and he automatically stood straighter and looked for the exits. Ritter didn't frown without reason. He pulled himself up on the gates and did a quick scan of the party. All the guests were subdued and pleasingly cowering. Santas were busy relieving them of all the heavy valuables weighing them down. No one was behaving at all out of the ordinary. No one except...
Harris narrowed his eyes. What the fuck were those two clowns doing? He waved at Ritter but it was all a second too late.
Ritter saw the wave. He understood the intent if not the meaning of the wave. And then the world exploded. Fireworks whizzed past his ears and he dropped down gracelessly on top of the shiny suit. There were yelps and screams and panic and chaos and suddenly, there were also reindeer. Stampeding past him. Charging into the crowd. There was the smell of burning tree and burning polystyrene and someone had wrestled a gun from one of his men and another couple of guys had shoulder charged Craig to the ground and fuck this for a game of soldiers. He was out of there with as many men as could follow him and as much loot as they had collected.
"I feel one of us should be playing a fiddle," Danny commented as they stood a safe distance away and watched the fake castle burning.
The bad guys had been first out and into their getaways. Guests had streamed out afterwards. They'd seen Pearce Manning being carted unceremoniously out and dumped on the ground. There had been more flashbulbs. It was doubtful that Pearce wanted this picture to appear in the society columns.
"We ought to move," Rusty murmured. "In case they mistake us for Santa Claus."
Danny nodded at the solitary reindeer standing beside them. "Think they might not be the only ones."
Danny had christened the reindeer Vixen.
"How do you know she's a girl?"
"It's following us, isn't it?"
"And that-"
"-makes her a girl. Right."
"You think males wouldn't be attracted to you?"
"Not like the moths to a flame that they are with you. Present company excepted."
"There's that immune thing again."
"Naturally."
"You seem very sure."
"Rus, I've lived with you long enough."
"I might have been holding back."
Danny grinned. "Never."
Later and Danny declared they ought to take a break. Rusty stood and leaned back against a tree and closed his eyes. Civilisation seemed further away than he'd remembered. And his feet ached. These boots were not made for walking. The other reindeer had charged down a wall and wandered off into the forest and he hoped a little reindeer colony would spring up. Maybe they would call a couple of them Danny and Rusty in memory of their liberators. Probably not. He wondered what "Danny and Rusty" would sound like in reindeer. Come to that, what noise did a reindeer make any-
Lips met his and his eyes flew open in shock. He didn't move though. He didn't move a muscle. Not as fingers cupped his face and ran through his hair and the mouth on his deepened the kiss. When Danny broke away, all there was in Rusty's eyes was curiosity.
What...?
Immune. Told you. Also...
"S'Christmas," Danny explained holding up his watch so that Rusty could see midnight had arrived. "Besides, it's traditional." Danny waved a hand up above Rusty's head and squinting upwards, Rusty took in the berries.
"Huh. Thought mistletoe berries were white."
"Oh, like you'd know." Danny's smile was broad. "You think money grows on trees." The smile edged into the fond and the sentimental. "Happy Christmas, Rus."
"Happy Chris- oh!"
"Is that the Japanese version?"
Rusty produced two crackers. "Found these. Thought we could celebrate."
There was a quiet simultaneous bang that nevertheless startled Vixen into abandoning them. All thoughts of absconding reindeer vanished as Danny picked up the diamond necklace and Rusty let the string of rubies run through his fingers. They looked at one another and grinned. It was going to be a happy Christmas indeed.