AN: Hey everyone! This is my first ever fanfic, so please be honest and tell me what you think! It's an extremely short one shot, just about how Lorelai was feeling throughout Season 7.
It's late when he comes in, back from a long day out. He comes to sit near you on the couch, kisses your forehead, and whispers loving words. You think it's sweet.
So, you don't tell him how you really feel. How the whole scene in front of you is wrong. How it's not supposed to be him. He says he's tired and walks upstairs to go to bed. You let him walk away without saying a word back. There's nothing to say, nothing left.
You bottle up all the feelings. You keep it inside until you're filled. You discover there's nothing left of you but need. You want what you know you're never going to get.
Desire. It's painful to watch yourself crumble. To come from something so amazing, to something so week. To a being of confusion. All the people you hurt, all the people who hurt you. You're emotional, raw. Everyone can see who you've become. Nothing more than a lit candle, burning away, forgotten. Forgotten until there's nothing left. Nothing more.
You're angry, you're sad, you're confused. You don't know what to feel, how to act, what to say, how to be. So you don't. You go on pretending that everything is just fine. Being with the person you know that's not right, though, you like to believe he is. It's real, but it's not. You take whatever you can get. Whatever comes your way. It's your only chance. You smile at people you know, talk like you've never talked before. Ignoring the past. Forgetting the future, for now.
But by the end of the day, you know that it's all just a mask. A mask you put on in the morning. A mask you take off at night. Feeling numb, like you can't feel a thing. No emotion, like you just don't belong. A state of loneliness, knowing, hoping, that someday it will all get better. It has to. It will.