A Moment Lasts a Lifetime

It was a moment of weakness, I was standing outside of Logan's house, horrified by what I had found, terrified that the camera's in the pool house where my boyfriends, or ex-boyfriends, I hadn't really decided yet, and I watched the bike make its way up the street, and I wanted to get the feel of Logan off my body, the feel of his hands off of me, and I saw the opportunity to do that ride up in a black leather biker's jacket on the back of a motorcycle.

"You okay?" Weevil asks as I take the pre-offered helmet out of his hands.

"Thanks for coming to get me." I put the helmet over my head, then swing my leg over the back of his bike, scooting myself snuggly up to him, and wrap my arms around his waist, I can feel his muscles contract under my hands, as I hold on tightly.

It wasn't anything like I thought my first time would be, not that it was really my first time, but to me it felt like it was. I grew up envisioning rose petals and scented candles, cheesy music and lots of fumbling. I got none of that.

It started when Weevil stopped in front of my apartment complex, taking his helmet off and offering to walk me to the door. My body took over, demanding to be satisfied, demanding that the feel of Logan and his betrayal be washed from it; normally I would take an abnormally hot shower and purge myself of the first few layers of my skin, but there was this perfect boy in front of me, one that was beyond beautiful, one that had insinuated his interest in me for a year, and I jumped at the chance to make myself feel better, if only for a moment. He cocked his head at me when I just stood and starred at him, not saying anything to his invitation to walk me to the door, and I launched myself at him. I grabbed Weevil by the back of the neck, pulling his lips down to mine, running my tongue along the seam of his full lips waiting for him to do something. He stood completely still for only a moment before responding, wrapping one arm around my waist and tangling the other into my hair, pulling it out of its pigtails. He pushed me up against the side of the building and devoured me, and it was such a contrast with the soft quick kisses with Logan, that I just let him take me over.

"V, what are we doing?" Weevil asks as he rests his forehead against mine, taking a deep, needed breath.

"Kissing, I thought that was obvious." I run my hands up the inside of his leather jacket, over his grey wife beater, wondering what it will feel like to touch his skin.

"Why me?" He hasn't stopped kissing me, running his tongue along the line of my jaw, I just want him to shut up, and keep touching me.

"Because I want to know what you feel like." This seems to be enough for him, because he stops talking, stops asking questions, and starts kissing me harder.

I lead him up to the house, knowing that dad wouldn't be home, not even bothering to check the rooms, not leaving the comfort of his arms, letting him trail his lips down my neck, his hands wonder up the back of my shirt. I lead him into my room, and kicked the door shut with my foot, and knew in the morning I wouldn't be worried about the feel of Logan's hands on my body anymore.

You never really know when your life is going to change so completely that you can't ever get it back, that you can't ever fix what's broken, but it happens, and those things are the things that end up defining you forever. Three minutes can go by so quickly, or they can take an eternity, especially when your watching an egg timer, waiting for the results of a pregnancy test, just hoping against hope that the stupid strip wont turn pink, and why pink anyway? Just because we're girls does not mean that we want to look at a stupid pink line to tell us that our life is essentially over or at least those of us who haven't even begun our senior year in high school yet. I spent three minutes praying that the strip wouldn't turn pink, three minutes praying to whoever would listen, that my period was just abnormally late, two weeks was nothing. I had spent the last week of my life trying to convince myself that I had just wrote the date down wrong, that my period had been late before, that it was just a fluke, after the second week ticked off the calendar, I bought a pregnancy test, from Wallace at Sac-n-Pac, just so that no one else would know, and word wouldn't get back to my father.

I prayed so hard, and I was paying so much attention to the egg timer, that it actually startled me when it went off. I jumped, knocking the timer off the sink, and took a deep breath, not yet really ready to look at the test, despite the fact that I had been intently waiting for the past three minutes for the waiting to be over. I counted to three, since that seemed to be the number of the day, and looked. The strip was pink, very pink, it was so pink that there was really no mistaking it for any other color, but I wasn't sure, so I took out the next test, ran into the kitchen for a bottle of water, which I chugged as quickly as possible, and then I waited.

The second test said the same thing, pink; the third test sat on the counter when dad came home, I put it in the cabinet next to the sink, and tried to forget about it, while dad told me about his book, the book he wrote after we caught Lilly's killer, Aaron Echolls, her boyfriend's father, my boyfriend's father.

"The book made the New York Times Best Seller List, Veronica, I really wish you would let me credit you with something, you where the one to solve the case, you figured it out." Dad busied himself around the kitchen; he didn't even look at me when I came out of the bedroom. If he had he would have known something was wrong.

"I got lucky; I found something that gave me the right answer. If I hadn't found those tapes, I would never have figured it out, nothing else pointed to Mr. Echolls." I sat myself down on one of the chairs at our kitchen table and pick at my nails.

"How's Logan doing with all of this?" How do you think Logan is doing? He's devastated, he finds out his father is a murderer and his girlfriend was cheating on him with his father all in one day. Lilly wasn't a saint, anyone who knew her would have known that, but Logan bore the brunt of it, Lilly cheated on Logan left and right, with his dad, with Weevil, and with countless other guys, guys I didn't even know about; I wouldn't have even known about Weevil or Mr. Echolls if I hadn't been investigating Lilly's murder.

This only reminded me about the fact that I was going to have to tell Logan, I was going to have to tell Logan that I had slept with Weevil, despite the fact that I refused to sleep with him, that I had told him that I wasn't ready; I was also going to have to tell him that I had cheated on him, the same way Lilly had, even with the same guy. I made my excuses to dad and slunk back into my room and put the Virgin Suicides soundtrack in my CD player, and cranked up the volume before going to check the last test, pink.

There was no question now, no more tests to take, I had to just face the fact that I was pregnant, and I was going to have to disappoint everyone. I sank to the floor of the bathroom, and listen to the words of Playground Love, wishing that I could drown in the music, that it would take everything away, but knowing that it wouldn't happen. The CD continues to play as I let tears slip down my cheeks, who do you talk to about finding out that your pregnant at seventeen, when your mom's gone and you have no real girlfriends, I mean I guess I could talk to Mac or Meg, though Mac is more of a business associate, and Meg has been giving me the cold shoulder since Duncan broke up with her. I lie down on the cool bathroom tiles, and loose myself in the music. All of this trouble, just to get away from myself for one night, to erase the dirty feelings that those cameras in the pool house gave me. One moment, that changes my life forever.