I did love the little gag with the Patakis falling on hard times in The Jungle Movie, although the whole premise of that joke is flawed for a few reasons...

First of all, plenty of people in various professions actually DO still use pagers. They may not be mainstream but the industry is still alive today. Secondly... within the show it had been established that Big Bob's Beepers did in fact sell cell phones as well as other electronics, so the idea that Big Bob ruined the family business is a little fundamentally flawed... but still hilarious and sad at the same time.

Oh well. It's canon, so I'll work with it. Obviously I love Helga, but I love all the Patakis as characters... even Big Bob. The biggest tragedy with Helga is that she basically is her father in many ways, so it's hard fully appreciate her without understanding her dad first, even if he's a massive jerk. Some of my favorite moments on the show were when Big Bob lowered his guard and showed that like Helga he too had a heart beneath his blustery exterior. Both Bob and Helga kind of have a "kill or be killed" outlook on life, so this story is kind of humanizing for him, while still not overlooking what a jerk he is.

In an interview, Craig Bartlett suggested that the Patakis would bounce back in season 6 by appealing to... well, that's a spoiler, so I guess just read my little imagining of how Big Bob got his groove back. Enjoy.

The sun began to set over the dilapidated ruin that had once been one of Hillwood's most thriving enterprises. The big toothy grin of the Beeper King had long lorded over this section of the neighborhood, but now stood crumbling like the ancient ruin of a collapsed empire of old. That was more or less entirely accurate to the state of Big Bob's Beeper Emporium, a once thriving business that had kept Bob Pataki and his family living large. Alas, what Bob boasted in confidence he utterly lacked in foresight, and with the advent of mobile phones, beepers had become relegated to an ever shrinking clientele.

The store itself not only stood as a relic unused by shoppers, but now housed the Pataki family themselves after they had been forced out of their family townhouse, owing to Bob's ever shrinking pocketbook.

Standing outside the store and staring at it in a melancholy slump was Helga, Bob's youngest daughter, along with her friend and now occasional lover Arnold.

"Business hasn't turned around yet, huh?" Arnold asked.

"Gee, what gave you that idea, football head?" Helga said bitterly, "The crumbling sign? The fact that we lost our house and have to live in this dump? Or is it just basic human logic and deduction that nobody wants beepers anymore?"

"Not strictly true," Arnold said, "Apparently they're used a lot by birdwatchers…"

"Well that's got to be a huge tappable market." Helga griped. "I'll be sure to hit up the Pigeon Man."

Arnold pondered for a moment, then suggested, "What about your mom? I remember that time your dad hurt his back and she had to run things, and she…"

"Ran the business way better than he ever could, yeah yeah I remember." Helga said, "She was a first rate Beeper Queen, even if she's a fourth rate mom. Look, she's gone about a week without a smoothie, but I don't think she's in a place yet where she can save a dying business."

"I want to help, Helga." Arnold insisted.

"Well doi, you're Arnold." Helga said, "That's what you do. Help. So what's your grand plan to reanimate a corpse here?"

Arnold stumbled, "Well, I haven't thought that through yet but…"

"You haven't thought it through because you know it can't be done." Helga shouted, then said very tenderly, "But you're sweet for feeling obligated…"

Arnold shrugged, "I bet we could think of something. We've accomplished miracles before. I mean come on, you saved my long lost parents. I owe it to you to try to save your family business."

"I think we'll have better luck just opening a burger stand." Helga said, "'Big Bob's Burgers' has a certain ring to it… and there's always a market for that. Especially from me… speaking of which I'm starved. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Arnold said, "Sure you don't want to come over for dinner? Grandma's making blackened catfish and rice."

"Thanks, I'll pass. I'm feeling red meat tonight." Helga said, "See ya tomorrow, Arnoldo."

She kissed his cheek and ran inside, leaving Arnold standing outside the store, feeling powerless but still wishing there was something he could do. Remaining the eternal idealist however, he felt confident a solution would present itself, hopefully before it was too late.

The next morning Helga stretched her arms as she awoke to another depressing day. She once had a room with windows that allowed the sunlight to wake her, and such was not the case in her room at the store.

"Ugh," Helga muttered, "Hopefully I just slept through school, again."

Suddenly her door burst open to reveal her father's enormous frame heaving into sight.

"Look at this room, it's a mess!" Big Bob shouted, "When was the last time you cleaned your room, little lady?"

Helga glared at him, "My 'room' is the utility closet of your antique store…" she grumbled, still rubbing her eyes.

"Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" Bob pointed a finger in her face, "As long as you're living under my roof, you'll obey my rules. Now, pick up your stuff, missy."

"At once, your majesty," Helga curtseyed sarcastically, then rolled up her sleeping bag and placed it on a shelf. She then grabbed her backpack and threw it on.

"There we go." she said, rubbing her hands, "All my worldly possessions picked up. The rest of this junk is property of and registered trademarks of Big Bob's Beepers Emporium." She walked past him and walked out the front door of the store before shouting back, "All rights reserved!"

Waiting outside stood her petite school friend Phoebe whom she stormed past. A lifetime of being Helga's friend had taught her infinite patience and tolerance for her surliness, particularly in the morning, but she couldn't help but notice that this time she appeared extra steamed off.

"You're looking especially not chipper this morning, Helga," Phoebe joked. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh something's always wrong. The fact that I'm still stuck in phase one of my plan for world domination is one, but right now it's because Big Bob's busted business is going so far south and the stupid sap is to stubborn to salvage it with a simple solution!" she grumbled.

"Oh Helga…" Phoebe said, "What alliteration! You could be a poet…"

"Not helping, Feebs." Helga groaned.

"I mean, your father could easily switch to selling a more modern brand of portable electronics couldn't he?" Phoebe suggested.

"Uh, doi, but he's clinging to beepers like 'Beeper King' is his whole identity that he's afraid to have shrivel up and die."

"You would think he'd be a little more willing to swallow his pride, given the predicament your family is currently facing," Phoebe sighed, just as Arnold and Gerald came around the corner.

"Hey girls." Gerald called out playfully. Phoebe approached him and the two of them linked hands.

Arnold walked up to Helga, and after momentarily considering trying to hold her hand thought better of it, and instead pointed to a nearby sign.

"Uh, hey look, they opened another new coffee shop." he said.

The sign red "Brew Crew," and all the patrons going in and out had a distinct look to them, which Helga took note of disparagingly.

"Sheesh, this whole city has become hipster central." Helga complained, "Bunch of flannel wearing goofs who think they're too cool for anything mainstream. What a crock." She glanced at Arnold, who himself wore a flannel shirt under his sweater and jacket, "I mean, it works on you."

"I never really thought of myself as a hipster, but…" Arnold trailed off.

"Please," Helga said, "All you're missing is the beard. And maybe some thick rimmed glasses. Otherwise I'd say you about fit the bill. It's a wonder I even tolerate you…"

"Whatever you say, Helga." Arnold rolled his eyes as the four of them trudged off to school.