When love is (almost) over.
When you cannot see the future, when you do not know what is going to happen, to you, to "us". When all that we meant is blurry and all that you had seems gone. The darkness grow, surround you both, you cannot breathe because the feeling suffocates you. The tears seems to be stuck inside you because all your strength is gone, lost. He talks but you do not listen, you are only thinking about you and that feels selfish because love is not about that, love is about two and thinking in the other first, but now you owe it to yourself, or that is what you think.
Where is the love that was there? Is it gone? Is there salvation to what you used to have? His mouth is moving and all you can hear is silence, your thoughts, nothing else. He says he won't give up on you if you try. He asks if you love him but your mouth won't open, you search for some glimpse of energy but it feels so heavy to even say one simple word, you do not know how you feel about it.
You feel the frustration about not knowing and it feels stupid, how hard can it be? How hard is to know if you love him or not? People think is easy, like black and white, you know it or you do not, but is it? There is no easy when it comes about love. It makes you the happiest or the saddest and it also can make you both, it is a straight line as well as a labyrinth, it can be your salvation or your redemption. And you ask yourself if you will be able to find a great love after this, if you will be able to love that much after this. Because once is lost there is nothing else but ruins of memories and if it was a great love there will be nothing else but cities destroyed inside you. The songs, the places, the things will fill you with it sadness. And yet you feel miserable, you cannot find the happiness that was once there.
Suddenly he realizes his suspicions where right, it hurts him knowing you do not know. The hardest part of all is that he is not anymore giving up on you, and that is because you want him to say it, say that he doesn't want to be with you, it will make it so much easier for you. He refuses to give up this fight, he reminds you of all your moments, he tries to convince you but your silence worries him and you start seeing that he is slowly giving up on this. You think and think and the choice won't come. You feel like crying and wanting to say fuck it at the same time, you want to fight and surrender, but all you can do is sit in silence watching him. Is this love worth the fight? Will it get easier after a while? Is easy to say but so much harder to do. Your body feels tired, your head is heavier, your lips feel like rocks, you want to close your eyes and lay down on a dreamless sleep, and if you do not wake up it will be fine for you because then you wouldn't need to face this problem.
The time passes and you do not move, you do not have the energy to do so. And finally he asks one last time, -Do you love me?
You want to say no, I do not want this love anymore, I do not want you anymore. But have you ever been in love? Then you know that there is no other answer.
After a while you say, -Yes, yes I do.-
Hi, is been a while invisible and imaginary readers, have a GREAT year. See you around.