I needed to escape from this case, it reminded me too much of my past before I came to America, before I joined NCIS, before I lost the most amazing thing that had ever happened in my life. I stood rooted to the spot looking at the damage caused by a suspected suicide bomber who had killed not only himself but also a four year old and a marine. It was a scene that you saw almost every night on the news, but facing the aftermath again was bringing back the memories of my past, something that I tried so desperately to forget and let go of. I felt the tears brimming and knew that I had to escape I just couldn't stay here any longer, forcing myself to move before any one in the team noticed that I was struggling with this I ran from the room, from the house and out to the back of the NCIS truck, falling down the side of side of the truck, pulling my legs up and resting my head on them, sobbing silently.

*9 years ago*

I had just returned home from a busy mission in South Israel a town called Elat situated on the Israel Jordan border, I had been down there for the last three months having chased a suspect across many borders and they had fled to Elat. I had checked in and debriefed Mossad before finally heading home to my four year old daughter Kashan, who had been staying with my friend Dina Bishon whilst I was on my mission, we had always been close. I had walked up to her apartment and knocked, she opened the door and smiled, giving me a hug
"Welcome home Ziva" Dina said and I smiled
"Its good to be home Dina, has Kashan been a good girl?" I asked and she smiled
"Yeah she's been amazing, missed you alot and has about a billion drawings for you to see and letters to read" she said and I smiled
"Thank you so much for looking after her again Dina" I said and she smiled
"Anything for you Ziva, you know that" she said and we hugged again. We made our way further into her apartment and I smiled looking at the sight of my little girl on the floor playing with play doh and her teddy bear that she has had since her birth at her side. Her dark brown hair with light brown highlights, had grown longer and was now down to mid back, its natural curls making me smile, that hadn't changed
"Tataleh" I said and upon hearing my voice she turned around
"Ima, I missed you so much" she said running toward me, I picked her and kissed her face, and she did the same to mine
"I missed you too tataleh, so much" I said and she smiled
"No more missions Ima?" she asked and I smiled
"No more missions until after Aunty Jenny returns" I said and she smiled
"How long will that be?" she asked and I smiled
"A little over a month, she's in Italy" I said and she smiled
"Can we go home?" she said and I smiled,
"Of coure we can" I said and she smiled, kissing my cheek again before I put her on the ground.

After leaving Dina's house I took her home, she was babbling on about everything that I had missed being gone and I smiled, listening intently because she was my little girl and I needed her to know that I was paying attention to her. I smiled at her when she raced into our house, I missed everything about this, coming home to my little girl each nigh and all I wanted was to get a normal job where I could be there for my daughter instead of being here and there and everywhere and not spending enough time with my daughter who growing up and needed me. We played games together and when we had finished dinner we watched a movie before I put her to bed. I kissed her forehead and watched her for a good ten minutes before I headed into the bathroom to have a shower and clean some of this dirt off of me. I was in the shower for a good ten minutes before I got out and dressed into a clean pair of pjs. Walking past Kashan's bedroom just to cheek on her like I did everynight I was at home, I smiled at seeing her so peaceful. I made my way into my bedroom and lay down with a book, reading it as I began to drift off to sleep.

I heard something fall to the floor, with a loud clutter and I got up to check what it was however just as I exited my bedroom my gun in hand there was loud explosion and Kashan's bedroom blew up, I screamed and raced forward before the sprinklers started and started putting out the flames. I screamed out in anguish as I fell to the ground in a heap. The tell tale signs of sirens sounded from down the road and all I could do was stay there I couldn't leave the house because I needed to be here.
"Ma'am we need you to evacuate" the firefighter said
"Tataleh" I whispered, my voice to raw to say anything above a whisper, I looked at the firefighter and he looked at me and then his companions
"Come on ma'am" the firefighter who was standing over me said, pulling me up and walking with me out of the building.
"Ziva, what happened?" my next door neighbour Aviv said rushing to my side
"Tataleh" I whispered and he pulled me in for a hug
"Oh the poor dear" Halei said also hugging me.

It wasn't until the firefighters came out with pained expressions on their faces that I finally broke down and lost it. They handed me Kashan's teddy bear and baby blanket saying
"They were sheltered from the intial blast because they had fallen under her bed. It looks like the blast was solely to focus on not letting your daughter escape, cause the explosion didn't reach the far side of the bedroom, however she must've gotten up to go to the bathroom or was maybe trying to join you in your bed and she must've been almost out of the room. I'm so sorry" the firefighter said and I nodded
"Thank you" I whispered and he nodded. They were all about to leave when I asked
"Is it alright if I go back in?" and they nodded,
"The fires out, it might just smell like smoke for a while" he told me and I ran back into my house. Heading straight to Kashan's bedroom, I walked in and saw the damage, the whole front of her room was burnt almost to a crisp, but the back was pretty much in tact. I moved to the back of the room, and picked up the pictures that she had on her bed side table, one of me and one of me and her and I smiled. I must've fallen asleep in her bed because the next thing I remember is being woken by the home phone going off and not being able to grab it off the hook.

*Present Day*

I felt a hand on my back, a strong familiar hand but all I could do was curl up tighter in a ball and ignore it.
"Ziva" he whispered
"Ziva everythings going to be alright we'll catch whoever did this" he said and I sobbed again.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this first chapter, I got the idea for writing this, by watching a video on YouTube, I think its called Stand in the Rain by Ships in the Night. I hope you guys enjoy it, but I am really thankful that I was given the idea for video and a lot of my followers on tumblr wanted me to right this so I hope I live up to all your expectations when you read the description!