Hey guys! This is my attempt at humor. Please no flames or coward ass reviews. Just be straight up with them, in a civil way. Well, ENJOY!
18 year old Iruka Umino walked down the hall of the Konoha Ninja Academy, happy as a chunin teacher could be. Thats right. It was his first day as an Academy teacher and he was proud. Teaching had always been his forte. He once taught Hayate how to use his famous 'Big Head no Jutsu'. Oh wait. That had ended in failure. The man had used it and had screamed his lungs to immense pain. He would be coughing for the rest of his life.
But this time would be different. Besides, what could go wrong with teaching a bunch of academy students no older than 6 years old? With that thought in mind, Iruka entered the classroom, smiling at his students. What he saw looked extremely promising. Every student was sitting in his/her seats, hands folded in front of them. Iruka smiled, walking to the front of the class.
As he looked at the students he cleared his throat, standing in front of the black chalkboard. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak, a blonde boy stood up. The boy looked rugged, whisker marks on each side of his face. He frowned.
"Well where is it Mister?" The boy asked angrily, frowning at Iruka.
Iruka looked at the boy in confusion. "Umm, my name is Iruka and im your new sensei. Who are you might I ask?" Iruka asked, sounding nice.
Everyone in the class groaned as the boy perked up and smiled. Iruka heard a large amount of moans and groans, some saying "not this again" and "he had to ask".
The boy cleared his throat and raised a thumb, smirking. "My name is Naruto Uzamaki, and your next Hokage!" The boy screamed, making Iruka pale a little. "And I demand to know where our candy is that the old man Hokage said you'd give us if we gave a good first impression!" the boy, now identified as Naruto, asked.
Iruka heard a lot of comments of kids agreeing with Naruto and some shouting threats to their new sensei. He sighed hard. 'Hokage-sama, lying to get your way. Its cool though. Ill have to remember to put Icha Icha Bubblebath in his pipe. He'll be blowing bubbles for a week!' Iruka plotted, not noticing an angry Naruto walking up to him and kickng his legs.
"Uuum, hellooo!? -sensei guy? Are you okay?" Naruto asked. Iruka snapped out of his trance and looked up. All his students were looking at him angrily.
He sighed. "Okay, okay. How about after I take roll Ill go and buy the whole gumball machine for you guys huh" Iruka suggested, trying to sound nice.
"YAY!" The class screamed, happy they had a sucker for a sensei.
Naruto paraded back to his seat, a smile on his face. The girl that sat next to him blushed as he approached. She tapped her index fingers together and smiled at him.
"That was nice of you to get us candy Naruto-kun." The girl said, blushing as he turned to her.
Naruto smiled at her. "Thanks Hinata. Maybe Sakura-chan will notice me now." Naruto said, much to Hinata's discomfort.
"Yeah, maybe." Hinata said, slightly sad. 'He never called me chan.' She thought.
Iruka cleared his throat, trying to get the kids attention. "Now, let me get the roll first." Iruka reached into the desk besides him to find the roll, only to pull out a lot of school paper and paper clips, band-aids, glue, etc.
One student spoke up, seeing as though Iruka had so much stuff in his drawer, which he just got aquainted with a few seconds ago. "Iruka-sensei, you must be a horderer?" He spoke, questionably.
All the students in the class gasped aloud. "What?" The kid asked.
Then, Naruto shot out of his seat. "Oooh! Iruka-sensei, Chouji called you a whore!?"
Chouji stood up. "Nu uh!" Then, a distraught Iruka heard many comments in the class.
"We have a whore for a teacher!?"
"It always the cute ones!"
"Guess we gotta call 'im whore-sensei."
"My mom likes whores!"
"How much ya charge cutie?"
Iruka turned beat red from embarrassment. "Eveyone quiet! Stop saying that word! Its bad and makes people feel bad!" Iruka said, using his Big Head no Jutsu.
Everyone quieted. Iruka grabbed the roll and began to take names. As everyone calmed down, Iruka stood up. "Okay, everyone calm down good enough so that I can get the machine." Iruka said, opening the door to the classroom. All the students got silent as he stepped out of the door.
Iruka rushed down the hall, went into the cafeteria, and grabbed the gumball machine. 'Guess I gotta pull it along.' Iruka said, picking the machine up and toting it to the class. As he opened the door, the students all 'hooraed', happy that the sweet they worshipped was brought to them.
Iruka set the machine up against the chalkboard. All of a sudden, Iruka saw a pink haired girl walk to her seat. "Sakura, is something the matter?"
She looked back at Iruka and smiled sweetly. "No, everything is okay Sensei." She then sat back down, next to the pride of the Uchiha clan.
Iruka sighed. "Okay guys. Seeing as though everyone wants candy, ill have t o limit you all to two a piece. Now, stand in a line and come and get it." As he said this, a crowd was already standing around him, smiles on their faces. He popped the machine open and everyone held out their hand, waitng for their delicious treats. As everyone recieved them, they all walked back to their seats, one by one, chewing like the children they were.
As Iruka sat down, Naruto came down the steps, hopping from one foot to the other, face with a pained expression, hands in his pants. Iruka paled.
"Umm Naruto, what are you doing?" He asked, pailing.
Naruto on the other hand ignored him, walking to the machine and twisting the nob, making two pieces of gum fall onto his un used hand. He then placed the gumballs in his pants. Everyone in the classroom said "Eeeewww!" Well, everyone except Hinata, who blushed instead.
Naruto looked at Iruka, face innocent as could be. "Well Iruka-sensei, I asked Sakura out and she kicked me in the private. So now their probably broke! Im just trying to replace them with something." Naruto said, innocently.
Iruka fell out of his chair, trying not to laugh. He then stood up, dusting himself off. "Naruto, they arent broke because you would be crying. Go sit back in your seat."
Naruto smiled largely. "They arent broke? Good, 'cause now I can eat my gum!" He then raised his gumballs from his pants and chucked them into his mouth. His actions were followed by a bunch of 'ewws!' and lots of comments.
"At least his balls wouldnt sag."
"They will still crack easily! Dumbass."
"You can blow bubbles from down there! Genious!"
"No more getting caught in the zipper! Amazing!"
Iruka smiled at his class. Naruto chewed happily away. That was until the bell rung. Thats when he spit the wad of gum out, hollering "Mega Ramen Monday!" Iruka smiled and waved as the class left, one by one. And then, when the last student left the class, she dropped a note onto his desk before running swiftly, her light blonde hair whipping the air as she ran from the classroom.
Iruka looked at the note in confusion. He then walked over and grabbed it from the desk, opening it up and reading it, only to get the shock of his life as he nearly fainted. Inside the note read the words...
"No price is too big Whore-sensei. Name it and write it on the paper. Place it in the sidewall of the auditorium. Its where Anko-sensei keeps her dirty mags. Ill get there before she does."
Love a loyal customer.
Iruka got up and scrutinized the note. These kids were gonna need some discipline. This'll be a long 6 years.
Please review. And remember, if you say it wrong, expect me to retort through a PM twice as wrong. Thank You!