Authors Note: Hay everyone thank you all for reading. Since its been so long that I've updated this story, my story is no longer on my page. Therefore i'm continuing from where i left off on chapter 8. I'm sorry I haven't uploaded more. I finally finished this story. Thank you all for the support.

Chapter 8

Finn's POV

I've been spending a lot of time with Hayden over the last few months. Ever since I ran into her at the bar, we keep running into each other. Now we hang a lot. I cant shake this feeling of guilt. Guilt because I cant leave Rachel behind, guilt for not telling Nevaeh. Guilt for wanting to be happy again.

"Finn I need to talk to you for a second." Hayden says as I walk into my office one afternoon in September.

"Hay, what's going on?" I ask as I look up from all the paper work.

"We've been spending too much time together." She says in a statement. I cant seam to read her face. Not like I could Rachel.

"I know. I enjoy the company." I say with a confused smile.

"Have you told Nevaeh?" She asks. Oh this is where this is going.

"No. she's been spending a lot of time with this kid she knew from grade school, and she she's been doing a lot of dance competitions. I just haven't gotten around to talking to her. Why do you ask?" I admit.

"In Finn terms, your making every excuse not to tell your kid about a new woman in your life." She says not sounding surprised.

"That's not fair. My kid has a busy schedule." I says in defense.

"So do mine Finn. You need to tell her. What happens if someone tells her, or she finds out from my kid for that matter? She's not gunna forgive you."

"You and I are just friends. There's nothing to tell her." I say sternly.

"You and I both know its more than that Finn. Otherwise we wouldn't be spending so much time together."

"I can't Hayden. Yes, you are amazing, and you get me more than anyone else. I just feel…" She cuts me off.

"You feel like your cheating on Rachel, that she would be mad at you if you were happy, and you feel guilty for moving on. Like your forgetting her." Hayden says sadly.

"Hayden, Rachel was my first real love. Rachel and I lost our virginity's to each other. Those milestone as teens, we had them as a couple. We went through so much together when we were young. She's why were in this very building. I cant do that to her." I say sadly as I look at picture of Rachel on my desk. Her hair is down, her head on leaning to the side. She looked so beautiful the day I took that picture. I took that picture when we were in Atlanta.

"Finn, Rachel's been gone for nine years. You cant be in love with a ghost for the rest of your life." Hayden says as she takes a seat and sits in front of me. She takes both my hands and smiles down at them. "She loved you more than anything. She use to say your name in her sleep most nights. She would look at pictures of the two of you when she was at her worst. What you two had, most people can only dream about."

"What happened to your husband?" I asked as I looked into her eyes. "Why don't you ever talk about him?"

"Because there's nothing to talk about. He's an ambitions CEO of a major plant, and his work was important to him than his own children. He cheated. End of story. My daughter and my son only see their father once in a blue moon." She says sadly.

"I'm sorry." I whisper sadly.

"Never apologize for being in love with someone. I wish Peter and I had what you and Rachel had. A love unlike no other."

"I miss her so much. I cant move, I cant breath. I still watch video's of Rachel and I when were younger. I still look through old pictures. I cant move on Hayden." I says. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes. "Rachel was destroyed when I met her. I brought her back to life with my love. How can a person walk away from that?"

"You're not walking away. Your setting her free. You have to let go." Hayden says softly looking into my eyes.

"I cant. I don't want to. I love her more than I've ever loved anymore. I cant say goodbye." I cried.

Hayden stood up and hugged me.

"I like you and all, but I'm just not ready to date yet." I say as I clear my eyes. I looked at Hayden for a moment.

"I understand." Hayden says sadly.

"It was you at the bar 11 years ago wasn't it? You were the one that told me to let Nevaeh see her mom when she was at her worst. I remember now." I say in shock.

"Yes it was. I went to visit Rachel when she got sick. She told me where to find you. She knew you needed someone to talk to." Hayden says softly.

"Thank you for being there."

"No problem."

Its 3am, I roll over to find the bed next to me empty. The city that never sleeps is as awake as ever. I walk out of the room to find Rachel in the living room with one month old Nevaeh.

"Your baby blues, so full of wonder. Your curly cues, your contagious smile. And as I watch you start to grow up. All I can do is hold you tight, knowing clouds will range in storms will race in, but you will be safe in my arms. Rains will pour down. Waves will crash around you, but you will be safe in my arms. Story books are full of fairy tales, of kings and queens, and the bluest skies. My heart is torn in knowing you'll see the truth from lies." I hear Rachel singing softly "Castle they might crumble. Dreams may not come true, but you are never alone, Because I will always, always love. You will be safe in my arms"

"Rach." I say as I put my hands on her shoulders. I look down at the sleeping infant "Honey your suppose to be taking it easy."

"I know. She woke up. I didn't want to wake you." Rachel whispers not taking her off her baby. "I cant take my eyes off her. It still hasn't hit that she's ours. After everything, heaven granted us this little miracle."

"She's here because we fought for each other. Our love came first above all." I agree as I look at my darling daughter. Her tiny eye lids are a soft pink, her eye lashes are super long. "She's a true miracle."

"I feel like I missed so much." Rachel says sadly.

"You didn't miss anything. She was waiting for you." I says as I kiss the side of Rachel's head.

"My little star." Rachel says with tears in her eyes. "You're gunna grow up to be someone special. Your gunna change lives. Someday you'll find a handsome boy that's gunna help you through the dark days. The days that I cant be there for you, this guy will be your guild."

"And I'm going to be there to scare the dude that tries to touch you." I laugh softly. I put my finger in her tiny hand. She grips it immediately.

"And your daddy can case him off. If he doesn't run, it means he's your forever." Rachel smiles as she bring the baby close to her and kisses her tiny forehead. "I love little star."

"I love both my stars." I say as I kiss Rachel.

"We were suppose to raise her together." I say in my head. There are days that I feel like I'm failing Rachel. I feel she would be disappointed in me. I should be a better father to her. Parenting. I wish it came with a rule book, especially on broken hearted teen girls. Tell me that I'm doing this right Rachel." I sob.

There isn't one day where I wish I could go back nine years just to be with. Just so we can be a family again. I go into my desk and take out a journal. Rachel's journal that she had since she was 10 years old. It pink and full of rhinestones all over it. It had a pink ribbon wrapped around it.

For Neveah. I run my fingers over the letters.

'I miss you baby' I think. A tear runs down my face. I miss her so much. I open the journal. I see a poem written. I've read this journal countless time, but I must have missed this one.

Lost heart

Air has been stripped of my lungs,

My heart has left my body.

There are screams in my head. This noise is pain in my body.

Please I beg in sobs, leave me be. I have done nothing to feel like this.

I gave all the love my heart could give.

Was that not enough?

Has loving someone ended in war in my body?

Is there no reward for being as true as I?

I beg please leave me be.

The earth beneath me has trembled in sorrow.

The waters in the sea drowned my heart.

All I see left is an empty body left alone.

No tears will fall from these eyes today for I have cried an ocean of tears.

For the warmth of the sun cannot revive all that as been lost.

Words unspoken have forever been taken with the wind.

Never to return.

You have stolen my soul.

Forever lost with lost heart in the earth.

I realized that she had written it shortly after she let for New York. I smile at the poem. It was time. She was old enough, she was strong enough to know Rachel at a deeper level that I didn't want her to know. I wanted to protect my daughter from the reality of the pain her mother was in throughout her life, but I know this journal belongs to her.

A/N: As some of my readers have been with me since the first story. I want to give you all a quick update on what I've been doing. I took a pause on this story because I've been pursing my love. Acting. After I was accepted into a school called The academy of Art University. I've been in school for a little over a week now. Things are very hard. I'm doing everything I can to stay in this school because I know in my heart I can make do something with this. I was always afraid to swim in the ocean, but now that i was basically tossed right into the shark infested waters. I know I have to keep swimming. I told myself this is how I would honor Cory's memory, by fighting. So in memory of a person that changed my life. Here's to just keep swimming. Thank you all for the support. RIP Cory Montieth.