A/N: This is my first 'official' OTH fic, so please be kind. I'm not sure if I'm completely supportive of Peyton and Lucas being together, but this fic is pretty much completely focused around them (Nathan and Haley are featured separately, though=D) Please be kind. The song, in case you guys don't know, is Everything, by Fefe Dobson. Personally, I think it's best to read this fic as the song is playing=D Makes you understand it more.... but maybe that's just me. This took me awhile to write (couple days in total), but I'm still completely open to cristism as long as it's not complete bashing. Thanks soo much. Keep an eye open for my Laley fic that I should be posting soon...If you liked this story, you'll like it.. and if you hated this story... My other one is written completely different, so you might like it too! Lol, it's a win-win situation. Anyway, I'll shutup now-- I tend to babble a lot. Oh yea, one last thing -- sorry if there's any spelling errors/weird things with the commas/quotations. My programs I typed this in...is ....weird.
--Kay
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Ayo ladadayo
Ayo ladadayo ladeeda
The ball dribbled lightly along the cement paved court as the athletes competed as if the game would determine their complete lives. With full compassion and perseverance the close group of friends headed it off in a fierce game of 'HORSE' Already the H of the five letters had been revealed, when the team of brothers managed to miss their shot clearly. Like always, the opposite team went to retrieve the ball, almost in an act of pity against the now losing team.
Nathan Scott, who currently had the ball in hand, grinned enormously as he bounced the basketball twice and went for a second shot, knowing that this time, he would succeed; and of course he did. His cocky personality gleamed as he high-fived his brother, congratulating their efforts. The two had not only improved on the court, but also in their everyday life. As much as their angst towards each other seemed almost unbeatable, they somehow found a way to be like real brothers, and learn from each others mistakes. Although they weren't anywhere near best friends, they had a way?call it even a blood instinct?to know when the other was in need.
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In the distance, only a few trees away from the game, a female figured watched with much anticipation. She wasn't quite sure why it had come to her, or even how long that anticipation had lingered, but as she looked on to the four friends playing the sport they all loved most, she anxiously awaited one of those Scott brothers to come and pick her up, turning her around. He'd kiss her passionately and tell her how much he had missed being with her, how much he had missed talking to her, and most of all, how he had never stopped loving her. Her heart burst into a million pieces every time she had to witness him touch any other female, even if it wasn't in a romantic fashion. She wanted to be with him?for real this time. There was only one problem; it would never happen and she had no one to blame but herself.
Sometimes I give into sadness
Sometimes I don't
Dododododo
Skills, a friend Lucas had introduced Nathan to, several months back, glared at his best friend's brother, as if to declare that their war had begun. Lucas, who had grown to know both of their personalities, grinned, seeing the competitive flecks in both of their eyes and knew it was only part of the game. Skills turned his head to the right, knowing that the brown-haired Scott would follow, and then pivoted left, following through with a quick wrist shot towards the net. The orange rubber ball went through with a swish, and the already cocky player grinned as his ego grew at an alarming rate. Lucas, who was now annoyed that he and Nathan, the top two basketball players of their school, were losing to a few second-rate street players, walked off to retrieve the ball. It had fallen straight down after it's run-in with the net, but no one had paid any attention to where it had rolled to afterwards. Snooping around a few bushes near the park picnic table, the now 17 year old boy kept his eyes attached to anything that would resemble a basketball. Without it, the game would be over; they would be defeated.
"Looking for this?" a tall blond smirked, as she kicked the ball that had previously been resting under her foot. Lucas let the ball pass him, hardly acknowledging it presence. He starred at the attractive girl, doing everything he could to contain himself. Besides the usual 'manly?urges any guy would get when he sees a person as beautiful as her, he found himself having to restrain every part of him. His eyes glanced over her, as politely as possible, and his hands balled up in fists to prevent himself from stroking her face and brushing that strand of hair away from her eyes. His lips suddenly became more apparent to him, as the blood pulse pounded through them like they had a mind of their own. Unlike most romantic moments in history, his heart did not pound excessively, creating a new upbeat rhythm. Instead it froze dead in its track, causing Lucas to gasp for air.
At times I'm part of the madness
Sometimes I won't
Give in to you
Realizing that he must be looking like a fool, Lucas turned to race after the ball. With it in his hands, he turned back around, needing one last breath of the drug that she was. She was nothing but an addiction, and with determination and strong-will, he knew he'd get over her. She had done nothing but toy with him, and run circles around his heart. How could the person he knew was his soul mate be so cruel to him like that? It could only mean that he had been mistaken, and she would have to remain that mysterious, reserved girl with the cold heart. But with his final glance, he discovered a different emotion in her jaded eyes. It seemed impossible to decode, just like she was, but glimpses of fear, sadness and longing seemed to stare back at him. It took Lucas a while to understand it, but his eyes had the exact same reflection that hers had.
"Come on Luke!" Nathan screamed far end of the court. "It's getting late, and we still gotta kick some ass!" Lucas's attention was diverted, and he bit his lip in contemplation. He had some major thinking to do, and it had to be done now?without Nathan nagging at him to make that dunk in order to win. He needed to be alone, or at least be with the few people who could honestly help him, and had always helped him in his time of need.
"Something came up," he excused, as he squinted in order to find his uncle's truck in the midst of the blanket of darkness that had overcome them when the sun had left.
"But..." Nathan began, before hearing a ruffling noise. He saw a figure move, and heard her begin cursing at herself for destroying her cover. "Who's there??" When he didn't hear a reply, he walked closer to the blurred image, and saw someone he definitely recognized. "Peyton?"
You see the way
I have been drifting down a river to nowhere.
The instant her name had been muttered, Lucas closed his eyes tightly, to prevent himself from turning back. His legs seemed to carry him into the truck as if he was floating on air, and before he knew it, he had arrived at her house. "Thank god for Haley." The silence echoed his response, as he headed into her house, with a slight smile of relief appearing upon his handsome face.
And you're giving me nothing.
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The moonlight shone down onto the court that had just been occupied only 10 minutes prior. As soon as Nathan received a response from the girl, he called the game off quickly, oblivious to the fact that he had just been defeated. The blond had been silent for the first couple minutes, trying to contain herself. However, her walls of protection were finally destroyed by the thick silence in the air and tears began streaming out, like an endless waterfall.
Nathan hadn't a clue what to do; his strong suit had never been comforting people, and even when he did, he usually knew the reason why they were in need. His arm reached over and wrapped around Peyton's back, resting on her shoulder blade. Persuasively, he pulled her over to the picnic table, and sat her down, still not letting go. He had never seen her so torn before. Her appearance seemed shattered as well, as her mascara continued to run down her cheeks. The ex-boyfriend didn't even try to stop her continuous tears, knowing that it had been awhile since she had really let them fall freely.
"Why do I have to be such a troubled wuss?" Peyton cried, as she cuddled into Nathan's shoulder. He sighed softly, wondering what he could do to help. When they went out, the soul purpose of their relationship was sex and popularity, and even throughout their newly flourished friendship, Lucas had always been the one for issues. So why wasn't she just going to him now?
"It's okay, Peyt," he reassured her, rubbing her back in a circular motion. He wasn't quite sure what to say if she didn't tell him what was wrong.
"I'm just tired of this cycle," she whimpered, "and if I don't stop it soon, I think it'll become a permanent one."
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Lucas rested his head against her bed frame in wonder how much he should tell Haley. He knew she understood his situation, and probably knew more than he thought she did, but he became more and more hesitant to ask for help. He had held back a lot recently, and decided it would be safer to keep his inner most thought to himself. As much as she knew him, these were his feelings, and it's nearly impossible for anyone, even a best friend, to cure the matters of the heart.
"Lucas," Haley began, looking at him softly. Usually she would have made a sarcastic remark or a joke to lighten the mood, but it seemed wiser to remain silent, and serious. For him. "I know your hurting, and you have been for a long time." She paused for a few seconds, while walking over to her bed. Haley placed a hand on the bed, beside Lucas's and sighed. "Please, just let me help..."
Lucas looked up at her kind features, and immediately gave in. After all, she had always been there for him in the past; he could trust her with his deepest thoughts now. So, he inhaled deeply before he began replaying his long emotional journey.
But if your ready to be my everything
If your ready to see it through this time
If your ready for love, then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
His hand caressed her face, and stroked her hair lightly. She had fallen asleep only a few minutes ago, and although it was late, Lucas couldn't do the same. They had spent the whole night talking about his 'feelings?and 'dilemma? As emotionally drained as he was, his mind wouldn't shut off and give him a break; too many thoughts were spirally through his brain and keeping him wide awake.
Haley had been a huge help, like he knew she would be. She gave him blunt, honest answers, but was still as gentle as she could be. He wasn't sure if he would take her advice and actually follow through with it, but at least he was further than he had been before he visited her. His mind was a bit clearer, and his headache that he had obtained when he saw the object of his attraction was starting to fade. Now all he needed was patience, time...and his heart back.
Ladeeda ayo
ladadayo ladeeda
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Peyton walked around her room, glancing at the different pieces of art she had drawn during the previous year. They seemed to multiply in numbers recently, as her feelings tried desperately to find any way to be exposed. Her artistic ability had always been a way to release the pain she was feeling, or even reflect the joy in her life. However, it became a huge mess when her feelings weren't clear. The drawings became nothing but a bunch of mumbled words and objects slapped on a piece of paper. To say the least, Peyton was not proud of a single drawing she had created in the past year.
It was late now, and Peyton didn't want to start guessing how many hours of sleep she would be missing or how cranky she would be in the morning. She had left Nathan only a couple hours ago, and felt just as confused as before. He had helped once she had opened up a bit, and it had felt relieving to have a shoulder to cry on, but it still wasn't the shoulder she wanted. He was the wrong Scott.
She turned on her heel, going to the other side of her room. This collage wall seemed somewhat brighter, since they had been created before her huge problem had arose.
Brown eyes scanned the wall, not looking for anything in particular?just something that might cheer her up. She paused in her spot, her fingers tracing the last image in the corner. It was a simple blank and white sketch; the type that always goes unnoticed. However, Peyton's eyes softened, and even teared up as she saw its true beauty. It was a picture she had drawn when she and Lucas were dating. The couple were walking down along the beach, arms around each other. Her solemn frown flipped to a smile, as she remembered that event. She had truly captured the love floating in the air in this picture. Why couldn't they still have that now?
"Oh yea", she thought to herself as her facial expression changed drastically."Because of me." Her eyes travelled down to the writing in the corner, which read 'Things Don't Last Forever?and she let out one final sigh.
At times I feel myself smiling
At times I'm not
Doo doo dooo dooo dooo
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What's with that guilt that your styling baby
Talk, don't look good on you
Lucas jumped up from the bed, his eyes still wide awake. Even though he hadn't gotten much sleep, he felt a sense of relief and refreshment as the sun began to rise.
"Luke?" Haley questioned, with sleepy eyes, "Too early ?go sleep." Her grumbling caused Lucas to chuckle, as he shook her shoulders. This time it was Haley who jumped up from the bed, in anger and frustration. "I SAID TOO EARLY - GO SLEEP!" She yelled, still half asleep as she spoke. She straightened up, and lifted her head to look Lucas in the eyes. "What is it?" Her tone in voice had changed completely, as she noticed a similar change in his eyes. He no longer looked confused. Instead he was back to his loveable confident self. She squinted a bit more, and even noticed a bit of anxiety in his eyes.
Lucas knew what she was doing, and he didn't close his eyes, not minding that she was reading his emotions. At least this time they were ones he was proud to have. It had taken all night, but he finally had the burden that had been bothering he for ages solved. If she wouldn't come to him, he would have to go to her.
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It had just been another disappointment after another, and Peyton couldn't help but cry as she reflected on their once perfect relationship. She had loved him, but she had too many issues–one of them being difficulty with commitment?that she had to bring along with the relationship. Everyone she had become close to in the past, she had lost somehow and Lucas was a perfect example to show that you should just give up. If she hadn't gotten so caught up in him, she wouldn't be feeling such a sense of loss now. She still loved Lucas, with all her heart, but she didn't think he understood how hard it was for her to show that type of compassion. After all the past experiences that she endured, parts of her heart was frozen over, and refused to be thawed. He wouldn't understand that it hurt her more trying to open up and knowing that she couldn't, than it had hurt him when she had to break things off. Life happened, and there was nothing she could do about it now.
You see the way I have been looking for a reason to go there
And your leading me no where
"But," Peyton thought to herself, "What if we had a second chance?" It had been a question on her mind that continued to nag her conscience the more time had passed. Would she make the same mistakes? She knew she wouldn't, or at least she would try this time before giving up. Would he still love her? That was a question she couldn't answer. The look on his face at the basketball court seemed like nothing but pure hatred, but he could just be bitter from their break up. Even though it had been over a year, she was still shaken up and refused to date anyone else, but him. In her mind, he was the only one she could be with. When they were together, it seemed like a constant pressure, but now that they were apart, she felt like she needed more and more of him. His scent, his touch, his look; everything about him made her shiver with excitement. Only he had ever had that effect on her. Suddenly, she knew what she would have to do. She had waited so long for Lucas to go to her and wish for a relationship again. Since it could be forever if she continued waiting, there was only one other thing to do. Go to him.
But if your ready to be my everything
If your ready to see it through this time
If your ready for love, then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
The two soul mates ran from their destination, neither knowing exactly where they were heading. It was 8 in the morning on a Thursday, so the most logical explanation was that each were heading off the school.
But Lucas thought otherwise. Peyton had a spare for her first class, which meant she had to be either sleeping in, or drawing in her room. His pace quickened, as if the lines he was reciting over and over in his head were somehow going to vanish if he didn't hurry.
Peyton knew Lucas wouldn't be at his house. He always went to drive Haley to school in the mornings, and often went a bit early so that they would have some time to talk before the day had officially begun by the dreaded ringing of the school bell. Luckily, Lucas's best friend's house wasn't that far away from her own, because she knew her legs wouldn't be able to carry her that far. It would have been much wiser to simply take her car, but her mind had shut off the second her heart had taken control. Her steps grew larger , allowing her legs to stretch their furthest so that she got to her destination as fast as she could. Her heart was about to burst, and it wasn't even from the running. She was a walking–well running?bomb, and she knew if she waited much longer, her emotions would explode.
Ladeeda ayo
ladadayo ladeeda
His chest began to pound with excitement as he turned the final corner to reach Peyton's house. Finally he'd have this huge weight off his shoulder. He'd finally talk to her. He stared down at his feet, wondering why he wasn't running faster since he was such a huge athlete. Lucas only realized when he completely came to a stop why he had slowed down. Peyton was standing right in front of him, panting just as hard as he was.
"Lucas"
"Peyton" They both said each other's name in unison, and let out a short laugh in return. Lucas leaned over, placing both palms on his knees to catch his breath, and to avoid her gaze. Peyton however, looked up to the sky, finding a sudden interest in a crow that was flying across the dark, cloudy sky.
"Looks like rain.." she muttered, trying to find some way to fill the silence in the air. She had so many things she wanted to say to him, but her mind drew blank as soon as her mouth opened to talk. Lucas, suffering from the same sickness, couldn't even open his mouth to speak. Peyton bit on her lip slightly, realizing Lucas wasn't going to say anything in response. She had, after all, decided that she would go to him. That meant that she would have to start with her feelings, and pray he was feeling the same. "Luke, I ?
"Peyton, wait," he interrupted her harshly, while finally straightening up to face her. Still not wanting to face his stare, Peyton turned to the curb and sat down. Lucas paused slightly, wondering if her actions meant she didn't want to hear what he wanted to say. Deciding against it, he sat down beside her, not minding that both of their eyes were facing forward towards the street instead of each other. "Let me talk first. I've had so many feelings bundling up inside lately, and I really need to just let them out."
Peyton looked at him, wanting to do the same and release her thoughts that were bubbling up inside, but took in a breath and let Lucas continue. Maybe he would do the talking for her.
"When you broke it off with me, I was hurt," Lucas looked down while scratching the back of his head. "I'm not really the sentimental type of guy who always speaks what is on the tip of his heart, but I'll try... I didn't understand why we broke it off. I blamed it on myself for a long time, before I realized it wasn't my heart that wasn't into it. It was yours and Peyton," he spoke softly, and turned to face her. Peyton was forced to face his blue eyes, which were almost as cloudy as the sky above. "I couldn't face the fact that you didn't love me as much as I loved you. I searched through my mind and my heart trying to find out why you didn't want me. It felt like the whole Dan situation all over again. I couldn't talk to you at school because of that. I didn't want to open myself up to that pain again."
Peyton cringed as she saw Lucas stare at her directly, feeling as if every bit of pain he had suffered was being transferred in some sort of revenge. She just wanted to hug him, and hold him. She didn't want him to feel this pain; she'd rather it be her. She loved him. 'Come on Peyton,?she thought to herself, 'say it. I love you. Three words. I love you. I love you.?
"I love you," she looked up, not sure if it had been her or Lucas who had said it. "And I have never stopped," Lucas continued. Peyton's shoulders slouched in disappointment. Three fucking words. "I mean, I will never stop. I want to be with you. I'm exactly sure what you want... but I just thought I'd get that out in the open."
Are you waiting for a special occasion to give me your heart?
"Lucas..." Peyton wiped away the tear that was beginning to form in her eye. She decided to try again to say the almighty words, and took in a deep breath. "I Lo-, I'm sorry. I don't even know what I want anymore. I mean, I did, but now..." Her head fell to her hands, as her back slouched over. Peyton closed her eyes harder, waiting to hear the footsteps of Lucas walking away. Instead, she felt a gently, hesitant rub against her back. She could hear him trying to calm her down, and moved closer as if the gap between them was causing part of her sadness.
"I want us, Lucas," Peyton sobbed. "I really do, but I can't give you any guarantees. I can't stand the fact that you'd be hurt over me, and maybe that means that it would be better if we continued going our separate ways." Her brain was doing the talking instead of her heart, but it seemed like the most logical way.
Cause I need a little confirmation
To make a real start
Don't wait till it's too late
Lucas, however, was completely using his heart, as he tenderly cupped Peyton's face. She knew he was moving closer, and what he was going to do, but she couldn't help but mimicking his actions and moving closer as well. She closed her eyes, the instant before their lips connected. It was a soft, and short kiss; one that left Peyton wondering if it was just a final kiss good bye.
"Don't you get it? You'd be hurting me more being away from me. I want you need to me, because I need you more than ever," Lucas whispered against her cheek. Peyton shook her head in amazement. He was so scared before, but now he was being his usual confident self. Still a little stunned from the kiss, Peyton slowly moved to hug Lucas.
"I do need you. More than ever." Lucas gleamed. Sure, he hadn't said the exact words he had wanted to, but at least the outcome was similar to what he dreamed for.
"Thank God. I don't know what I would have done if you didn't want this..." Lucas sighed, and let go of Peyton slowly, regretting it. "Are you sure though? I don't think I can deal with a maybe"
Are you ready to show me?
"I'm sure Lucas," Peyton smiled, as she placed her hand in his. Lucas looked a bit unsure at first, but gave a squeeze of approval to acknowledge how much he really did want her. This would have to work ?for both of their sakes.
Are you ready to love me?
Lucas turned his wrist to glance at his watch, as he used his other arm to pull Peyton in, not wasting a second to wrap his arm around her. They were finally what he wanted them to be. A couple.
"It's almost second period. We're going to be late," Lucas began. Peyton looked up at him lovingly, still beating herself up that she couldn't say what she had planned. "We can run back to Haley's and see if we can catch her. Wait, what am I talking about? She's at school already. Umm, well we can go to your house, if you want? And get your car.. Is that okay?"
Peyton looked down and muttered something under her breath. A grin appeared on her face as if she was glad to hear her own voice, even though Lucas didn't catch what she said. She looked up to face him, and bit her lip. It was going to be harder to say to his face; to those eyes that she loved so much; to those lips that were so soft, oh how she loved those lips; to his nose that was just slightly turn upwards in a way she just adored...she truly did... "I love you". There. She had said it.
You see in a way
I was drifting down a river to nowhere
Lucas looked up, his tears coming back to his eyes. His jaw opened slightly, in awe. They had dated for several months before their breakup, and for every time he had said I love you, he couldn't remember a single time she had said the words back. Being a supportive boyfriend and friend, he understood that by saying those words would mean that she would be putting all her trust and fully committing to her,–two things Peyton rarely did. He got that she wasn't ready for that, and never pushed her to say it...but it did hurt him.
And you were giving me nothing
"Oh Peyton..." he sighed as he pulled her into another hug. A kiss would have been ideal, but he just wanted to have his arms around her, and feel her warmth and love. He knew how much courage she had to have gathered in order to tell him what she had just said, and he suddenly gained piles of respect for her. With his fingers entwined in her hair, and the other hand rubbing her back gently he realized something that had been lingering in the back of his mind without him knowing for awhile. He could never love someone as much as he loved Peyton. She was everything he wanted in a friend, a girlfriend and maybe even, one day, a wife. "I love you too Peyton. I love you so much."
And if you're ready to be my everything
If you're ready to see it through this time
And if you're ready for love then
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait for you forever this time
The two decided to skip second period, since they had already missed a good chunk of it and headed to the library instead. Although they were a newly founded couple, they didn't do the usual things most couples would start off doing, because they had done it all already. Through their previous relationship, and even through their friendships in-between, they had learned everything about each other and experienced nearly everything they ever wanted to with each other.
Instead of sneaking off to a closed off area, and making love, Lucas and Peyton decided it would more romantic to just spend time with each other in silence. It was always those times that they had loved the most. So, they both sat at the furthest library corner desk. The odd time each would sneak in a side glance, and blush when the other caught them, but besides that, Lucas was very content reading and spending time with the love of his life. Peyton, also enjoyed the love filled silence as she sketch drawings in her black sketch pad. The couple needed nothing but to be near each other.
And if you're ready to be
Ready to be my everything
And if you're ready to see it through this time
If you're ready for love then baby
This I will bring
But I'm not gonna wait forever this time
After about a half an hour, Lucas glanced at the clock. It was nearly time for third period, and he knew that he'd have to leave. As much as he wanted to spend every minute with her, he had to endure the hell, commonly known as History. It didn't bother him so much though; he didn't dread anything in the past anymore.
"Baby," he began, as he put down his book. The boyfriend gave his girlfriend's left hand a tight squeeze, causing her right hand to drop her sketching pencil. "We have to go. I don't want you to be late."
"Just.." she trailed off as she picked up her pencil and added in an extra feature. "There, all done." She shoved the booklet over to him, so he could have a better view of it. His brows furrowed as he took in every aspect of the picture. It was, quite obviously, him and Peyton walking along a beach setting. He remembered the beach as the location for their third date from their previous relationship. Their arms were wrapped around each other, as they walked along the beach, with the wind blowing in the hair. Peyton smiled as well when she saw where Lucas's eyes were looking now; at the text in the corner. 'Nothing is forever, except for us"
ladayo ladadayo ladeeda