There's a time when you just have to let things go.

I figured that out when I was just a kid, and my mom left my brother and me. Where did she go? Everywhere, apparently. We got postcards sometimes but I never read them. Reno did, but I'm not sure why. It's not like we meant anything to her. I was bitter about that for a while, but then I understood that you just have to let it go. Not think about it anymore. Yeah, that's the ticket.

And that's where I am again, and wouldn't you know, it's with another person I love. Well. I did love him once, anyway. It's hard to love someone when they use that tone with you. You know, the 'you are a retarded child how in hell do you survive' tone. And he's using it a lot with me these days. I mean, sure, I'm impulsive. I'm forgetful, I'm a bit flaky, I like to experiment in the bedroom and paint nudes of him. Isn't that what he liked about me? Why is it that everything I do makes him take that tone with me? What's the word for it? I know there's a word that really catches that tone… Contempt. Yeah, that's the one. Such a mood killer, hearing your lover talk like that.

"Axel, where are you going?" Shit, he noticed me leaving. I pull on my mittens and turn around with a smile.

"Oh, I just figured I'd go down to the bridge, look into the water, you know?" All true. It's what I do when I'm kinda upset, something he should know but apparently doesn't. Or if he remembers, he doesn't care.

"We have a dinner date at seven." He reminds me, and I have to suppress an urge to sigh. Company dinners that are practically mandatory are not dates, in my opinion, but I'll put on a good show for him tonight. No dirty jokes, no getting drunk, all for my Roxy.

"I know. I'll be home by six." It's only four now, I have plenty of time. He looks at me suspiciously with his baby blues and I just grin back at him, my trademark, adorable grin. Well, I like to think it's adorable anyway.

"Try to remember it." That tone again. Fuck, who is pissing in his cheerios lately? But if I ask what's wrong, the answer will be the same as always. Nothing.

"Yeah, of course." And if I didn't remember it would be to spite you. Well, not really. That's what psychiatrists call passive-aggressive, and I don't do that bullshit. I forget things because I forget them, not to stick it to Roxas. Although the way he acts these days you'd think it was personal. I leave before he can say anything else. I really don't want to hear it.

The apartment building we live in is really posh. Lots of marble, lots of pretty, polished wood and crystal chandeliers. Not to mention Murray the doorman. I say goodbye to him with a smile that he returns. We're buddies. Roxas pays for the apartment, of course. I couldn't begin to afford it as a freelance photographer. Although I do make decent money these days, doing all kinds of photo shoots. I do weddings, I do modeling photos, I do stuff for fashion magazines… my work is pretty well known these days. I haven't been taking any bookings for the future past this month, though, and I've been saving up for the past half year. I wonder what Roxas would think if he knew? He always said I couldn't save if my life depended on it. Guess he was wrong about that.

The bridge is so pretty in the fall. I lean against the wooden rail, just looking into the babbling stream below. The sound is so soothing. I love the sound of crackling fire and the sound of running water, and water is a lot safer when you haven't got a fireplace. I remember when I told Roxas that if we ever got a home, I wanted a water feature and a fireplace. He laughed and told me I was weird and I tickled him and we did something really nice after that. Good times. I bet if I mentioned it now, he'd look at me like I'm retarded. Why can't good times ever last?

I need to make my move soon. It's just getting too hard to grin and bear it, ya know? And I don't want to let him drag me down. I like being cheerful, this whole angst thing just isn't me. Staring into the water gets me thinking though. How did I think it would ever work between us? He's only twenty-three and I'm thirty-two. The older man, although I don't look a day over twenty. Reno's the same, it's kinda freakish actually. Mom claimed we had elf blood, but mom always did claim the nuttiest damn things. On the other hand, she didn't look much past forty at seventy, and she lived to a hundred and five, active until the very end so maybe…

Meh. Who cares. Roxas is what I need to think about it. He's a lawyer at a really high tone firm, making a shitload of money and working way too much, in my opinion. But that's Roxas, always trying to advance his career. Not like me. Sure, I work to promote myself but not like that. I'm a content little slug compared to him. And what's wrong with that? Something, apparently. Have you ever gotten the vibe that someone was embarrassed by you? That's something I get from him a lot, especially when he has to tell his lawyer friends what I do for a living.

Checking the time, I start to head back. I feel a lot better from being at the bridge though. The sound of water over stone is so soothing, although a fire crackling would be better. It's all about the sound. White noise has always made me happy, not sure why.

Roxas is waiting impatiently for me when I get back, even though I still have plenty of time. I quickly change into something a little more formal and follow him out. We don't say a word to each other, don't have to really. But the silence gets a bit heavy in the car and I just have to break it. Always a mistake.

"So yeah, did I tell you about that wedding I did last week?" I say cheerfully. "The one where the bride got me to photograph her and the groom jumping in the pool?"

"Yes. And you already told me the food sucked and their maiden aunt got drunk." Erk. Shit, my memory can be so bad sometimes but does he really have to shut me down like that? Oh well, I can take a hint, time to shut up.

It's a relief when we reach the restaurant this whole thing is being held at. It's a really posh place too, very art deco with black steel and crystals and stuff. Not really my style, I prefer warm wood but still nice.

Weird how things work out. If we hadn't happened to be put at the table with that one guy, maybe I would have put things off longer. But when Roxas introduced me to his lawyer friend, Demyx, I saw something funny. Then they started talking about lawyer things, ignoring me completely, but the bread was good so that was okay. The fourth person at the table was a girl named Harmony, but she didn't want to talk to me either. Not that it was anything personal, from the way she was looking at the bread basket. She looked as thrilled to be here as I felt.

Then I noticed it. Demyx was clearly a bubbly, happy go lucky sort, kinda like myself if I'd been a lawyer. And as Roxas talked to him he seemed all… glowy. Bright and animated and happy and something. It was the way he'd used to look at me, and hadn't for almost a year. I swallowed and put down my breadstick, feeling a little sick. Was this the answer to our problems? Was this his nothing?

Not that I thought Roxas was actually cheating on me. Don't get me wrong. But it really was time to break up. Things seemed to get better as I came to my decision, picking up my breadstick again and humming softly to myself. I almost laughed as I realized the tune. Who knew I could still remember that old Sylvia song?

Well your Nobody called today,

She hung up when I asked her name,

Well I wonder, does she think she's being clever? Clever, oh ho.

You say Nobodies after you,

That is what you say is true.

But I can love you like Nobody can,

Even better!

Well, actually, that song didn't really fit. Because I'm not going to fight for him, not like that. I've gotten pretty sick of hearing that tone of voice myself. It's time for a change, time to go do something totally off the wall and re-establish my flakedom. Yeah, that's the ticket.

It's so good to have a plan.