A/N This is not actually meant to be Eridan-sympathetic. His actions are still unacceptable, but I find the psychological reasoning behind them interesting and thought I would write a fic involving them. Credit to .com for coming up with the original headcanon for Karkat and Eridan's "Pact."
TW for murder, vomiting, self-hatred, insults, mild gore, and Death. I'd recommend you go read this on AO3 instead though. The formatting is a lot better there.
The text from the first conversation is from Karkat: Open Memo [01/26/11] and == [01/26/11]
I don't own Homestuck nor its characters.
Your name is Eridan Ampora and you hate your fucking planet. No one ever talks to you, you're stuck hunting down all these goddamn angels with nothing else to do and everyone else keeps telling you that you're not doing this right or whatever the fuck and that you should listen to the damn beasts but have they fucking seen one of these things? It's like a fucking worm with wings and teeth from hell. It's fucking ridiculous is what it is.
Anywho, point is, you're bored. You're so fucking bored of doing nothing but hunting down angels and waiting for someone to talk to you or visit (like Kar fuckin' said he would, fuckin' little prick). So of course you decide to access the memo boards. Generally Karkat has something mildly entertaining in a stupid sort of way going on.
You open up the first memo you see and frown a little bit, skimming over the first section, though you do read a little of what Fef's been saying. She's been busy on her planet or whatever doing stupid things and ignoring you. That's beside the point though. This memo is… a little weird. You decide it's simply Karkat joking around a bit like he does sometimes. Playful banter and whatnot.
CCG: BEFORE I GO
CCG: EVERYONE SHOULD ALSO KNOW ERIDAN HAD A COMPLETE SHITHIVE MELTDOWN TOO
CCG: HE'S GOING AROUND KILLING PEOPLE WITH HIS MAGIC WAND
CCG: SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR HIM.
CCG: IF I RUN INTO HIM AGAIN, I'M...
CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
CCG: HE BETTER PRAY TO ALL HIS MURDERED ANGELS IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
That definitely caught your attention. What the hell? He was just joking right? You and Karkat. You guys are tight right? You get along and Karkat talks to you of his own volition sometimes even and it's all fine and dandy. What was he talking about? Of course he was probably just poking fun. Of course that's what you hope. Karkat really does have a fucking terrible sense of humor.
You finally decide to stop just watching the conversation and actually jump in. After all, that's what you're supposed to do as an opportunist like yourself. Go out there and get what it is you're looking to get. That's right. Just go for the gold. Okay shut up, you're getting off track.
PAST caligulasAquarium [PCA] 311 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PCA: a magic wwand is that so
PCA: kar come on noww evveryone fuckin KNOWWS this memos rubbish
CCG: HEY ASSHOLE
CCG: CONSIDER OUR "PACT" OVER
A pact? What pact? Probably something he hasn't told you yet or something… fuck he's sounding… pretty genuinely angry with you right now. You're still hoping this is all some sort of joke. Maybe if you kind of… poke at what he's saying he'll start letting on that it actually is.
PCA: wwevve got a pact?
CCG: NOT ANYMORE
CCG: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME
CCG: PAST YOU, PRESENT YOU, FUTURE YOU
CCG: AND ABOVE ALL, UGLY SCARFNECKED DOUCHEBAG HIPSTER YOU
CCG: WAIT I FORGOT, ALL OF THE YOUS ARE THAT YOU
CCG: IF I WASN'T SO TERRIFIED, I'D BE CONSUMED WITH ANGER, AND AS SOON AS I'M DONE COWERING IN A DARK CORNER HIDING FROM THAT HONKING MURDEROUS TOOL, I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND FILLET YOU WITH MY SICKLE.
Okay that actually hurt… quite a bit really. Maybe he's… finally trying to do a quadrant thing? Well, you're just hoping that to yourself because frankly Karkat's never been this harsh with you before. He's really ripping you a new one and you're kind of upset about it. You're just gonna play this off as some sort of caliginous flirtation and hopefully the whole thing just blows over. You're still confused as to what the fuck was even happening though and you're a little panicked about the whole thing. Good thing this is just a text-chat so he won't be able to hear your voice crack when you're trying to change topics.
PCA: wwhoa kar
PCA: this is nothin if not flatterin but dont you think youre comin on a little strong
CCG: OH GOD
CCG: I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU IDIOT, THIS IS HONEST TO GOD PLATONIC ENMITY
CCG: LIKE IN THE "I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO DIE" KIND OF WAY.
CCG: I AM NOT INITIATING AN ELABORATE CALIGINOUS WALTZ WITH YOU YOU DESPERATE SHIT.
Shit. Now you really pissed him off. And… this is seeming less like a joke the more you read this. You're… honestly really fucking scared now. What did future-you do to piss him off like this? Did you actually go on a fucking murderspree? You mean… Well you have always kind of joked around about committing mass genocide, and you know you're kind of a violent person but you never actually intended to kill anyone. You easily could have, but frankly it's just too messy and… then you'd be lonely. Well… Lonelier you suppose. It seems like no one gives you the time of day anymore. It's frustrating really.
Back to the point. You've successfully managed to piss him off so now you've got to back-pedal a little bit. Play it off like a joke again you suppose. That seems to help calm your nerves
PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious
PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up
PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor
CCG: UGH, NO
Fuck he's mad again. Uh… quick another topic change. Something mutually beneficial maybe? Steer the conversation away from whatever the hell is pissing Karkat off? Maybe an offer of like… some friendly fun stuff?
PCA: are you busy
PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it
CCG: DUDE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT, YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE I AM FROM 300 FUCKING HOURS IN THE FUTURE, EVEN IF I WERE REMOTELY INTERESTED, WHICH TO THAT I SIMPLY SAY WHAT THE FUCK.
PCA: oh hahaha yeah losin track a the time shit is easy wwhen wwe start riffin like this kar
CCG: LIKE WHAT? WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE
PCA: im just lonely here and i got major ordeals to keep afloat wwith
CCG: I KNOW YOU'RE LONELY, GOD DAMN IT, WHO CARES.
That one… really hurt. Karkat's not generally this rough with you. He understands that you're delicate normally. To be perfectly honest, the brutality he's handing your feelings with is… kind of worrying you. Mostly because that's kind of indicating that everything he's said here has been real and not some sort of joke. Just… Keep cool and don't let him find out that you're actually starting to panic. If they didn't have whatever "pact" that they had anymore… Well at least now he'd know it wasn't a sincere deal or whatever the fuck. Fuck him. You don't need anyone…
Actually you take that back, you really need someone and no one seems to want to give you the damn attention you need and deserve. You humph and try again to get Karkat to come over and pay you some damn attention.
PCA: im sayin it wwould be cool to hang out and you said you wwould
PCA: can you put in a wword wwith your past self maybe buggin him to make the trip wwhen he gets the chance
CCG: WAIT, WERE YOU HITTING ON ME BACK THEN?
CCG: *ARE* YOU HITTING ON ME?
CCG: LIKE AN ACTUAL RED SOLICITATION, IS THAT WAS THIS WAS?
Wait, what was he talking about? Sure you definitely wouldn't mind being in a red quadrant with him, but that wasn't exactly what you had in mind, you're just feeling shitty and lonely and kind of want some attention, probably paler in nature to be honest.
PCA: wwhat
CCG: GOD DAMN IT, I AM CHEWING YOU OUT FOR WAND MURDER, AND YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH ME
CCG: MY FUCKING GOD MAN.
PCA: hey im not spyin you bein anythin but cagey wwhat wwith this wwhole line a humor and all
CCG: HOW ABOUT NO, DIPSHIT, NOT INTERESTED?
This conversation is not going the way you wanted it too. You just wanted to clear up what happened and try to find out how to fix it and maybe get some one-on-one time with Karkat. Damnit.
PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you
CCG: WHY NOT
PCA: cause youre future you
PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game
CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE
CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW.
PCA: just send past you ovver man wwell hang out
PCA: its not like im doin anythin right noww
CCG: LIKE FUCK YOU AREN'T
What the hell? What's he trying to insinuate here?
PCA: wwhats that mean
CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU
Well… technically not now you aren't. But you were moments ago and you're about to again once this conversation is over. By the way of average you would be in this moment, but the point is you're not so you're not really lying when you say
PCA: no
CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT.
PCA: wwell uh
PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing
CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.
CCG: BECAUSE YOU ARE A STONE COLD RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT.
CCG: NOT TO MENTION COWARDLY BACKSTABBING MURDERER.
CCG: I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU FOREVER.
That really hurt… You guess you can just sort of play it off, joking like he totally meant that in a romantic way… by this point that's just your go-to coping strategy with how much he seems to dislike you now. You're not an idiot. You're not retarded. You're pretty sure you haven't stabbed a whole lot of people in the back. You've only murdered lusii and maybe a few lowbloods back on Alternia, though you tried to stray away from that since Fef tended to get pissed at you for it. And you're kind of disappointed at the fact that Karkat just said he'd never even consider you in any quadrant ever… That shit hurt. And besides, what does he know about fucking angels? These things look like fucking white venomous snakes with wings. It's ridiculous.
So you just resign yourself to joking about Karkat's choice of wording and you sink down against the wall with a sigh, pulling your slatted sunglasses off and tossing them aside as you put your head in your hands.
PCA: kar im gettin some seriously mixed signals here
CCG: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM
You're not sure what you did to piss him off this much but it can't be good and you're not sure whether you want to know or not. You kind of do so that you can avoid it, but then you also don't because then you won't feel as guilty about it when it happens.
PCA: wwhat to wwho
CCG: TO
CCG: FUCK
CCG: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HER.
There's a sinking feeling in your stomach and you have a pretty good idea of who he's talking about. You're starting to go into a state of panic. Oh god what did you do? What are you going to do?
PCA: wwho man wwhat are you talkin about
CCG: AND ALSO...
Please don't let any of this be true. Karkat's just trying to get your goat. He's just trying to give you a good scare or something. Sollux probably told him to prank you or some bullshit like that. You're lying to yourself, but it's better than believing a word he's saying.
PCA: wwhat youre not makin sense
CCG: I CAN'T
CCG: I CAN'T EVEN TYPE HER NAME
CCG: SHE WAS MY FRIEND
CCG: SHE WAS MY REALLY *GOOD* FRIEND AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO NOW THAT SHE'S GONE.
CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.
You feel awful. Sick inside. Like you're going to vomit everywhere and there's going to be nothing you can do about it. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe you could just… try to express some sympathy and save any last shred of respect Karkat might have for you. Offer some real honest to god support if he wants it. After all, Karkat's always been willing to talk to you about your problems and doubts. Maybe he could use some support in return.
PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it
CCG: FUCK NO.
CCG: I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT YOUR DUMB PURPLE WORDS ANYMORE.
CCG: NEXT TIME I SEE THAT SHITTY COLOR YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE COMING OUT OF YOUR BODY.
CCG: AND NO, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, THAT WAS NOT INNUENDO.
CCG banned PCA from responding to memo.
There it is. You lost your last friend. Feferi's always off with Sollux now. And you're left behind. Karkat was the last person you had and now he hated your guts. Maybe you could get along with present Karkat? But you doubt you'll be able to look at him the same way after this. When you know he's just going to end up hating you like everybody else.
You wipe away any sort of moisture from your eyes because you were definitely not crying and you pick your sunglasses back up, shove them on your face, grab your gun, clench your jaw and walk out of the church-like building you'd been hiding in and you start to obliterate the first angel you see with a straight face.
CCG: HEY, LISTEN TO ME, OKAY?
CCG: YOU WERE SAYING YOU FELT LIKE YOU'RE A TIMEBOMB WAITING TO HAPPEN RIGHT?
CCA: yeah? wwhatre you gettin at here kar?
CCG: YOU WERE SAYING THAT YOU FEEL LIKE NOW THAT YOU DON'T HAVE A MOIRAIL SHIT'S GONNA GET DIFFICULT AND YOU'RE JUST GONNA BLOW UP LIKE A FUCKING IMPERIAL CRAFT ON THE SIDE OF A SMALL MOON?
CCA: yeah? just get to the point here
CCG: WELL… I KNOW THAT I ALREADY HAVE A MOIRAIL, BUT IN THE CASE THAT YOU… THINK YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW A FUSE OR SOMETHING AND BLOW SHIT OVER EVERYONE, JUST COME TALK TO ME… AND WE CAN ARRANGE A SORT OF PACT AND I'LL HELP CALM YOU DOWN IF YOU NEED IT, AND YOU CAN NOT BLOW UP IN EVERYONE'S FACES?
CCG: HOW'S THAT SOUND?
You frown. This was Karkat's pact he'd been talking about. You're not exactly stupid. You know it's going to blow up in your face.
CCA: that… sounds good
CCA: i appreciate that kar really
CCA: thanks for carin an wwhatnot
The universe has a cruel sense of irony.
When you walked into the lab and ended up talking to Feferi, you had no idea what was going to happen. You thought that she'd maybe come along with you and maybe she wouldn't. And then fucking Sollux had to open his damn mouth and start making comments and you don't know how you let yourself get this mad. You briefly consider Karkat and your pact. You think for a moment before remembering that he told you you're dead to him and that's the last straw. That's the tipping point of your hurt and anger and suddenly there's a lot of flashing light and you're angrier than you've ever been in your life.
You know Karkat doesn't really care about you, Fef doesn't care about you, Sollux hates your guts, and no one gives a shit and just wants you to keep out of the way. Everyone wants you to just stand aside and let them fuck everything up. Well you're done being passive and letting people push you around.
Before you know it Sollux is unconscious with his head slammed back against the wall and he's bleeding pretty badly, and before you even have time to process what you'd done Fef is lunging at you and your reaction is almost immediate. There's an enormous hole in her chest and you'd be crying if you weren't so damn angry. And then Kan's just staring at you and you glare at her and you're so fucking angry. You look down at the matriorb that you were supposed to help her do something with, activate it or something and of course she just left you behind like everyone else. You're the one who dolls out the damn hope around this place. You're a hero of it. You're thinking maybe you should take some of that away. You grit your teeth and grip your wand tighter and the little spherical monstrocity is destroyed in a flash of light. You hear the rev of a chainsaw and your reaction is the same as with Feferi. You don't even think before shooting.
You want to puke.
The stench of blood in the air is overpowering and you glance around, just briefly enough to see Kar's face and you can't stand to be in this lab anymore. You head directly for the transportilizer and the last thing you see is Karkat's face staring in horror and you know exactly why he broke off your pact now.
When you arrive in one of the hallways you head into the nearest block and wretch. God you are such a fucking idiot! If you'd just- If you'd just gone and talked to Karkat… but no matter what you wouldn't have because- oh god. You'd just completed the time loop that would ensure this event.
Once you've emptied your stomach contents you lean against the wall and rake your nails down it, clenching your teeth together and starting to cry. You're so fucking stupid. Fuck Karkat. Fuck Feferi, Fuck Sollux. And most importantly fuck you. Fuck the fact that these conditions had been so perfectly set up to ensure that you made yourself into a damn monster. Oh god you're fucking terrified. Karkat is going to kill you and you aren't going to blame him.
You stand up straight and put your hands over your eyes, scooting your glasses up your face and you leave the room you're in, wiping your tears away and taking a few deep breaths. You're going to just leave and go find somewhere else to be. Maybe ask Vriska for a spar or something to get your mind off of this. God you're an idiot.
The more you think about it the more frustrated with the situation you become. If any /one/ event had occurred differently. If Karkat had visited you just once, if Feferi never started hanging out with Sollux, if Sollux kept his mouth shut during your conversation, if you'd actually held up your end of yours and Karkat's pact, if Karkat hadn't told you that you were a horrible person, if you hadn't believed anything Karkat said. Any one changed event could have prevented this whole debacle and Fef would be alive right now and Karkat wouldn't hate you, and you wouldn't have destroyed your species's last hope for survival.
You head up to the roof after wandering for some time and you eventually find yourself face to face with both Vriska and Gamzee.
You're not sure what's going to happen exactly. From what you remember of Karkat's Memo Gamzee had lost it. You don't remember anything about Vriska though. You regard both of them with worry before someone you don't expect comes running up at a sprint, glowing no less and you have very little time to register anything before there's a chainsaw through your torso and your eyes widen.
You don't blame her of course. You just don't know how the hell she's still alive. You'd shot her. She was dead. And now you're lying on the floor in two pieces, gasping for air and bleeding out on the roof, you can taste your own violet gurgling up out of your mouth and the edges of your vision are starting to blur, your eyes won't focus and your glasses are slipping off your face and it's annoying you. You try to lift a hand to push them back up only to discover you don't have the energy to and you feel awful. You never got to tell Karkat what happened. You never got to make any sorts of ramifications. You're never going to get to try to fix your bullshit.
You're gasping and choking on your own blood and just as suddenly as Kanaya had come out of the blue, you can't breathe and your vision fades and death isn't nearly as bad as you'd thought it would be.
Your eyelids flutter briefly before the last of life leaves your body and you take a while to wake up and when you do it's not on the meteor. You're alone. In your hive. And you don't know what's going on. You can't remember anything except for being utterly regretful and you start typing through a conversation with Karkat you're certain you've had before. And when you say such, the scenery drifts around you and a familiar maroonblood is approaching you with an eerie grin.
You lick your lips, "Hey, Aradia."