I Love(d) You
Sitting on the back porch of the safe house, Murphy let his cigarette burn between his fingers. He had come out to clear his head but even the solitude and nicotine were no help. He had gotten too used to the prison uniform and being labeled as one of the 'bad guys' so to speak. Now that he was back in his worn pea coat it didn't feel as comforting as it once did. It was as if he had strapped on a pair of broken wings knowing he would never be able to fly again. He felt the heat of the cherry against the side of his finger as the cigarette burned down and he flicked it out into the yard.
He was dressed the part once again but he didn't know if he wanted to be the vigilante he used to love. Dropping head, his long locks fell into his eyes and he slightly shook his head so he could see. He had believed in their calling. He had gone to Ireland, came back to give the priest his justice, and spent the last few years behind bars. He would continue on though if nothing more than to be there for his brother. God forbid the day came that Connor was killed he would never forgive himself for not being there. He would strap on the guns, harden his face, and give hell to those that deserved it. Yet, his heart would no longer be in it.
"You know," her voice washed over him like a whispered prayer as she sat down next to him, looping her arm around his. "For a man who just escaped prison I figured you'd at least pretend to be happy." He offered her a forced smile and she rested her head on his shoulder unable to see the emptiness that had settled in his eyes. Those baby blues were what drew her in in the first place, so alive and mischievous, but now there was barely a spark. The world had stripped away the man she fell in love with leaving a shell of the man he used to be. "Tell me again."
"I loved you."
"And now?"
There was a long pause as he thought about his answer. He thought about her bright smile and infectious laugh. He thought about the summers they spent down by the river and the winters spent on the roof catching snowflakes. Then he thought of Rocco, of Greenly, and of his father all ripped out of his life. Their blood had slipped through his fingers as their last breaths ghosted over their lips. There wasn't anything he could do to stop it. He didn't know what he was supposed to say, or do for that matter, but he knew that he loved her enough to not want her in the line of fire.
"Murph?" She pressed, not wanting him to get too lost in his thoughts, and tightened her grip on his arm to keep him grounded to the moment.
"Things are different now. I'm different now."
She wanted nothing more than to keep pushing him until he actually said the words that he didn't love her anymore but something kept her quiet. Maybe it was better this way because then it would never truly be over. Eventually, Murphy rested his head on top of hers and they sat in silence saying goodbye to each other in a way that their voices would never be able to.
X-X-X
Raven was pulled back into consciousness by the incessant knocking on her door. She rolled over hoping that whoever was on the other side would give up but when they didn't her eyes went to the clock on her bedside 3:27. The aggravation of being woken up at such an ungodly hour was just a front for the worry that bubbled just beneath the surface. No good news ever comes after two in the morning, her father used to tell her.
She shoved her feet into the pair of slippers sitting on the floor and shuffled toward the front door. She unlocked the deadbolt but kept the chain in place just in case. Opening the door enough to see who was on the other side, her breath caught in her throat.
"Murphy?" He actually looked scared and that terrified her. "I'm just going to unlatch the chain, okay?" She spoke softly yet reassuring so he wouldn't think she was slamming the door in his face after their finally goodbye.
Once he was in the small flat she really took in his appearance. He was no longer wearing his pea coat, his eyes were wild looking at everything and nothing at all, and his hands slightly shook. She was about to ask what had happened, her first thought going to Connor, but before she even had the chance to form a coherent thought he had her face between his hands and he kissed her as if it would be able to set his soul back on fire.
Any questions she had died on her tongue as he swiped them away with his own. It wasn't enough that she was right in front of him he needed to feel every inch of her skin, needed to know that she was really okay, because in the back of his mind he felt like he had already lost her.
Articles of clothes were thrown carelessly around the apartment as he walked her back to her bedroom, his lips tracing every inch of her neck as if to sear his apology into her skin.
X-X-X
They had done this dance too many times before but this time felt different. This time he had promised that he wasn't going to leave again and that if he had to for whatever reason that she would come with him. Raven's head rested on his chest as she drew lazy circles with her finger over his stomach. "We were so in love with each other back then, why didn't it work out?"
"I don't know."
"Tell me you love me."
Murphy tightened his hold on her and kissed the top of her head, "I love you."
"Say it again," she smiled, thankful that it was no longer in past tense. He was letting her in, all the way in, and she never wanted to be anywhere else.
"I love you."