"Our Father, Who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven."
I recited the Lord's prayer along with the rest of the congregation. I was seated with my family at our usual pew, second row to the front. I would prefer to sit farther back, hidden from all the bored stares of the church members who are just waiting to clock out. I never felt comfortable feeling the eyes on the back of my head. But mom likes to sit in the always said the closer she is to the pastor, the closer she "feels to God". Considering the pastor is my father, that could easily be taken the wrong way.
Once the prayers were said, my father stepped up to the pulpit to begin.
"Forgiveness. We are required to give it as Christians. But that does not means it comes easy to us. It is very easy to hold on to our grudges. It takes a lot of strength to forgive someone. But I think the hardest person to forgive...is ourselves.
"We punish ourselves daily. For not getting that promotion we have been gunning for all month. For losing our patience when the children got too rowdy. For not sticking to our diet. For not scoring at least a B on that test. For slightly over-cooking the pot roast." My dad threw a sly look at my mom, which she countered by blushing and looking down at her lap. This got him a few chuckles from the congregation. I looked over to see both of my siblings rolling their eyes.
"Point is, there is always something we are beating ourselves up over. Whenever you start to do this next time, remember this: Our Lord Jesus Christ died, just to erase all our sins. All of them, completely washed away. He has given each of us a new slate to start over. So, if the lord can forgive you, why not forgive yourself? I want to take a moment of silence. During this moment, I want you to think of every grudge you are holding against yourself, and I want you to let them go. Leave them all here in this room. When you leave today, you will being leaving lighter. Free of guilt. Let's begin."
I started to think of anything I was holding against myself. There was that time last week, when I stared at Jessica's boobs for a moment too long and she caught me. And the time a month ago when I ran that red light when I knew there was no one around. Forks is a small town, so it it normal for people to run one of the only traffic lights in town. Still, I felt guilty. Is that it? Oh yes, there was that one time that Mike Newton was being so annoying, I was hoping he would spontaneously burst into flames.
Once the moment of silence was over, it was time for a song. My siblings and I jumped up and headed for the stage.
"Crap, what song were we doing today?" Emmett whispered to me as we make our way up.
I was just about to answer him when Alice cuts in with, "Lord I Lift Your Name on High. We practiced it last Wednesday, Emmett. You have a bad memory."
"Why would I have to remember all that when I have such a smarty-pants sister?" Emmett teased her as he tried to mess up her hair.
"Not the hair, jerk! It takes me forever to fix it!" Alice whispered a little too loudly as she pressed her hair back down.
"Aw, what? Gotta look a pretty for your cowboy? Oh no! What if Jasper sees you with messy hair! Thank God he has never seen you first thing in the morning!" he taunted her.
"You better shut up, you..."
"Both of you shut up! Look, dad is giving us the evil eye!" I nodded my head dad's way as we took our places on stage. My dad is one of the nicest guys you will ever meet, but the one thing he has no tolerance for is "acting disrespectful in the house of God".
As I started to play the melody on the piano, Emmett and Alice began their duets. This turned dad's stern look into a smile. He loved hearing us play. He tried to get me to join in on the singing sometimes, but I always relented. Behind the piano was my comfort zone. When my fingers came together with the keys, I felt as if I have been live wired. I was never fully alive until I was playing piano.
I looked out to our little congregation, and regretted it immediately. Lauren was leering at me. I never felt comfortable around her. The way she looked at me, it's as if she was taking my clothes off with her eyes. I immediately kicked that image out of my head and looked down at my hands on the keys. The platinum band on my left ring finger glinted slightly as the overhead lights reflected off of it. It's the same ring my siblings wear. The rings we were given around the time we all hit puberty. My my mind went immediately to the memory.
It's Christmas morning and all three of us are tearing open presents as fast as humanly possible. With my dad's wages as a Pastor, we can't afford too many. But some of the families in the church are always kind enough to give us a present. I think I made out this year. I love the new shoes mom got me. It's not often I get to anything name brand. My favorite present is the music books Alice got me. I have been getting really good on the piano, and I am constantly trying to learn new songs.
Once we finished opening presents, we started racing for the coat rack. Playing outside in the snow on Christmas is a family tradition. But right as I am tying up my boots, Dad stops us.
"Hold on there mother and I have one more gift for each of you," Dad said as he motioned for us to sit on the couch.
"Another present!" Alice squealed in excitement. Mom smiled at Alice and started to stroke her hair.
"Yes, another present. But this is a very important present. Possibly one of the most important presents you'll receive," Mom declares.
I didn't understand why they were acting so serious. Presents are supposed to be fun. Why make this so formal? I was beginning to wonder if I even wanted that present. As we all moved to the couch, Dad headed to his office.
"Can't we do this later? I was supposed to meet up with Andrew and Kyle!" Emmett whines.
"If Andrew and Kyle are good friends, they will understand family affairs come first," Mom stated in her usual matter-of-fact way of hers.
"Why do we have to be so serious on Christmas! Why didn't you guys do this last night after service!" I threw my hands up in the air, chiming in on the whining fest.
"Patience is a virtue, Edward Anthony." Oh, man. This must be serious if Mom is pulling out the middle name, I thought.
Luckily Dad comes back in the room a few seconds later. He is carrying three small objects in his hands. They are black and square shaped. He came right up to us and placed the black object in each of our hands. It was a small black box. The box was covered in a velvet material.I ran my fingers over the box, feeling the smooth fabric.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out what kind of box this is, but leave it to Emmett to state the obvious.
"A jewelry box? Are you seriously giving your sons jewelry? I understand Edward, he's already kind of girly, but me? What are you guys thinking?" Emmett exclaimed with a dumbfounded expression.
His insult didn't bother me, I'm used to it. What he sees as girly, I see as refined. I just rolled my eyes at him, but Mom did not let him get off that easy.
"Emmett Dale Cullen!" Ouch, the full name, She is mad. "You apologize to your brother right now, or you will be spending the rest of your Christmas up in your room."
The threat is enough to scare Emmett. He looks over at me with his famous puppy dog look. "I'm sorry, Edward."
"It's okay," I say. I don't really care. I just want to get this over with. Thankfully, Dad starts speaking.
"Open the boxes, kids." We don't have to be told twice. I swiftly lifted the lid and stared at the contents of the small box. It was a silver ring. I took it out of the box and held it closer for inspection. One side of the ring had an inscription. True Love Waits. On the other side of the ring was a small symbol. A symbol I know very well. I have been looking at is since as long as I can remember. The Cullen Crest.
I looked over at my siblings and noticed they were staring at the ring in the same way. They were all the same, except Alice's looked delicate where mine and Emmett's looked Masculine.
"What you hold in your hand is a purity ring. My father gave me one just like that at your age," Dad explains. "It is meant to be worn on your ring finger. It will stay there until it is replaced with another ring. A marriage ring."
"Why are you giving these to us now?" Alice asked.
Mom jumps in to answer. "You three are getting to an age will you will be more tempted by the opposite sex. I'm sure you are already experiencing some feelings..."
"Eew!" "Stop!" "Come on!" We all screamed our complaints. Normal kids only get the sex talk once. It's a weekly occurrence in this family. My mom is all about "being open".
"What your mother is trying to say is that the decision to wait until marriage will continue to get more difficult from here on out," Dad cut in to save the conversation."That's why we are giving you these rings. As a reminder of your decision. It may help carry you through tough times."
"Of course, the decision has to be yours." Mom added. "But just remember that staying abstinent is not just for you. It's for your future spouse. Saving this beautiful thing for that one right person is truly one of the best gifts you'll give."
I let all of their words sink in. Now I know why they were being so serious. Since I was old enough to know about sex, I have wanted to wait until marriage. I don't really understand what Mom and Dad are saying about it getting harder to wait. Sure, I have been thinking about sex a lot lately. What thirteen year old boy doesn't?
My day dream faded away just as my fingers played the last notes of the song. I chuckled to myself, knowing now exactly how much harder it would be to wait for sex. Especially with girls like Lauren, waiting to jump on our lap at any given opportunity.
When service ended, I made a quick get away to the family van. I knew I was supposed to do the usual Pastor's son job of socializing with the congregation, but I just didn't have the energy for it on that day. Sometimes I wished my dad could have another job. A factory worker, or a mail carrier, or a McDonalds employee for all I cared. Just anything other than being a Pastor, where we are kept under a microscope at all times, needing to be the perfect example for the church.
Then sometimes I wished I could be like Emmett. He was the most rebellious one out of my siblings. He cussed when my parents weren't around. He drank a little beer at parties. And I knew his rule with his girlfriend, Rosalie, "No intercourse, everything else is fair game". But he could be that way because of me. I was the perfect Pastor's son. The one everyone could count on to follow all the rules. The worst cuss word I have said was crap, and I never had a sip of alcohol in my life. Which was usually fine with me. I chose to be the way I was. But sometimes, like that Sunday morning, I wished I could shed my skin and be a totally different person. I knew something was missing in my life to make me feel that way, but I just didn't know what at that point.
As if my thoughts called him, Emmett was making his way to the van with Rose trailing not to far behind him. He opened the van door and shot me a goofy face.
"Hello?" He said in an extremely girly voice. "This is Lauren. I come the hump your brains out, Edward."
Emmett and Rose started laughing their heads off. "Shut up!" I shouted as I moved to punch Emmett. He moved out of the way before I could get to him.
"Oh calm down, Eddie. I am only teasing."
"Why are you sitting in the van by yourself anyway? You know you look like a creeper, right?" Rosalie added.
"I don't care what people think, Rosalie," I shot back at her.
"Oh really? Well that is a new one coming from Mr. Goody Two-Shoes." She put her hand on her hip.
"I am just not in the mood to talk to everybody today."
"Well you're in luck then", Emmett said as he grabbed my arm to pull me out of the van. "We have come to rescue you. We're heading to the house in Rose's car. Come with us."
"Mom and Dad are okay with you two going to the house by yourselves?" I asked.
"That is what you are for, dumbass. If you come with us, we won't be by ourselves now, will we?"
I looked around to make sure no one heard Emmett's profanity. Rosalie caught what I was doing and rolled her eyes. "Look Edward, come with us back to the house where you can go hide off in your room, doing whatever the hell you usually do, or stay in the van and continue looking like a creeper. The decision is yours."
I gave Rosalie the death stare. She only smirked back. "Fine, let's go. I want to go home anyway, and I don't want to wait forever for dad to be ready."
"That's my man!" Emmett said as he slapped me on the back.
They might only be using me, but I didn't care. I wanted to go, and they were my ticket out.
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Bella's POV is up next. Just a warning, Bella is the polar opposite of Edward. So be prepared for more mature content. Leave a comment and tell me what you thought! :)