He sat in the darkened theatre, his eyes trained on her. The music cued up and he felt his heart constricting, everything telling him that he needed to leave. He could not do this to her, he could not come crashing back into her life. No, he could not do this to himself. For months he had battled the thoughts that plagued his nights, the terrors that haunted him as he slept. He did not regret what he did, it was a necessary thing. But he regretted that it was her he had to harm in order to succeed.
"It won't be easy, you'll think it strange when I try to explain how I feel. That I still need your love after all that I've done." His words still lingered in the back of her mind and she knew that it was wrong to be thinking of him, to be remembering him after he had hurt her so badly. The tears filled her eyes from the start, the men her life inflicting pain upon her forcing her to realize that she was alone, no matter what she did. "You won't believe me, all you will see is the girl you once knew, although she's dressed up to the nines, at sixes and sevens with you."
He watched as tears fell steadily down her cheeks, his own filling his eyes. But he was a soulless automaton, was he not? So why was he so crushed by the sound of her voice? Why was his head screaming at him to move, reveal himself? And why was part of him yearning to shut the door of the auditorium and never return to Rachel Berry's life? He could tell that she wasn't the same girl he knew all those months ago, this was someone different. Bangs almost covered her beautiful doe eyes, her beautiful mane of curls now hung straight to her shoulders. She stood more unsure, unknowing of the words leaving her mouth. She wasn't the Rachel he fell in love with, she wasn't his Rachel and he knew why.
"I had to let it happen, I had to change. Couldn't stay all my life down a hill, looking out of the window, staying out of the sun. So I chose freedom, running around trying everything new but nothing impressed me at all. I never expected it to." Finn had always been her end game, or at least she thought. From the moment he joined Glee, she thought that she was destined to be the star with him at her side. So why was she crying over another lost love? Maybe it was because Finn had forced a change in her, one that wasn't for the better. She didn't stand up for herself, and Finn didn't defend her. She didn't fight for her solos anymore, and Finn didn't care. He liked when she was not her usual self, he liked her to be more compliant with the club. Finn liked his version of Rachel, not her true self. So maybe that's why she stood singing a song of love directed towards a man who had destroyed her, a man who had caused her more pain than anyone else could inflicted. "Don't cry for me Argentina. The truth is I never left you, all through my wild days, my mad existence, I kept my promise, don't keep your distance."
He hadn't kept his promise. 'Epic Romance,' was it not? He was sure that egging her in a parking lot did not constitute 'romance' in any form of the word, let alone 'epic romance'. "And as for fortune, and as for fame, I never invited them in though it seemed to the world they are all I desired. They are illusions, they are not the solutions they promise to be. The answer was here all the time. I love you and hope you love me." "I do," he whispered, his voice cracking as he let the uncharacteristic tears fell. He could have had the love he had secretly always wanted, he could have had the adoration of someone who knew the true Jesse rather than the showman. But he threw it away for his career and he feared he'd never find something like what they had once had. Yes, their relationship was flawed. Yes, they had broken each other beyond repair, but they understood the other. He knew that she was just as determined as he was, she was just tortured by those around her and without any of the proper recognition. "Don't cry for me Argentina, the truth is I never left you. All through my wild days, my mad existence. I kept my promise, don't keep your distance."
She looked up, her eyes scanning the emptiness of the theatre and her eyes found the figure in the back. Curls evident in the outline, a leather jacket glistening in the bit of light that shinned upon it. Jesse she thought with a pang, her heart restricting and her eyes filling once more. "Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true." She said goodbye to Kurt, his smile still present showing how oblivious he was to everything battling within her. She watched him retreat and her hands clenched at her side, her lids falling closed as she spoke, her voice cracking with each word she let slip from her lips. "Are you just going to watch me and not say anything? I'm sure you have some sort of criticism for me."
"Well, I mean, it's not a sold out crowd but I did say it was an inevitability."