Quinn still hadn't lost all the baby weight even though she had been going to the gym almost every day. She still had to make time for hanging out with friends and getting her annual summer tan. But as she looked at herself in her full-length bedroom mirror, she was still unhappy with her appearance.

She still had a hint of a stomach left that she was desperate to work off. She would have to spend an extra hour at the gym that day, mostly just to help make herself feel better. While she started changing into her work out clothes, she hummed a little bit of Rude Boy by Rihanna. It was surprising to her how she'd become much more musically inclined since joining Glee. The club seemed to have influenced her more than she cared to admit.

She had no clue what she would do once school started up again. Although she liked being in Glee, she had only joined to keep an eye on Finn while Rachel tried to wedge herself between them. Now that Rachel had succeeded in winning Finn, Quinn didn't know what to do. Not that she really wanted Finn back but she didn't know if she could stomach watching him and Rachel being all cute and frisky like she was sure they would be.

There was also the question of whether or not she was going to rejoin the Cheerios. She really missed, well, basically all of it. The practices, the competitions but especially the status she got from being head Cheerleader. Kurt had been able to prove you could do both but she didn't know if she was up for that.

The last year had been almost unbearable. She had gone from the top of the totem pole to the very bottom. She had been so many different things over the course of the year that now she didn't know who she was. She basically had a clean slate but had no idea what to do with it.

But she had the whole summer to worry about it and getting back to a size two. She could decide who she was later. In the meantime, she had plans to meet Santana at the gym. She quickly grabbed her Ipod from its recharger and stuffed it into her pocket.

"Quinny, where are you going?" her mom asked when Quinn already had a foot out the door.

"The gym." She answered irritated. If she was late Santana would be pissed.

"Again?" Mrs. Fabray asked. Quinn had no idea why she seemed surprised by this information. She'd been going every day since school let out.

"Yes." She nodded.

"Have you eaten?"

"I had a yogurt earlier."

"Ok." Her mom said approvingly.

"Bye Mom." She said before her mom could start in on twenty more questions.

XXX

When she got to the gym, Santana was already on the treadmill, working up a sweat. A lot of the guys were staring at her, or more accurately her boobs, as she ran. Quinn surveyed the room, starting to feel self-conscious. She felt a little better when she noticed a group of chunky girls in the corner on ellipticals. Quinn hated being the biggest girl in the room and it always was satisfying to see someone fatter than her.

Even though she'd quickly shaved off several pounds within just a few short weeks, her body was still something that made her feel uneasy. Before the baby, she felt nothing but pride in the body God had given her, knowing that half the girls in school would kill their own parents to look like her. She missed people thinking she was perfect and wanted to get that back so badly.

"You're late." Santana said when Quinn got on the treadmill next to her.

"Sorry." Quinn mumbled. "My mom was being a total nightmare."

"No problem." Her friend shrugged, her body glistening with sweat. "You'll just have to run even faster to catch up to me."

Quinn didn't waste any time and turned on the machine. She cranked it up to a speed where she could jog at an easy pace. If she ran too quickly without warming up, she would get cramps and be useless. She glanced at Santana's machine and saw she was already on her second mile. She hadn't been that late, had she? It was more likely that Santana's competitive side had come out and she had pushed herself to make Quinn look inferior.

Some friend, Quinn thought bitterly. She actually preferred working out with Mercedes, who was much kinder and always had something encouraging to say. And when they left the gym, they both felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. Santana would leave the gym bitching about how her ass was still big and how her only hope was liposuction.

Unfortunately, Mercedes had already had plans with Tina and Kurt. Quinn's feelings had only been slightly hurt that Mercedes hadn't invited her along. But she knew that the original six glee kids shared something the rest didn't.

She slipped her headphones on and turned on Lady Gaga's Paparazzi. She started jogging in time to the music until she got a good rhythm going and then she sped up. She was almost done with a mile when Santana hopped off her treadmill and stood by Quinn's. Santana pulled an earbud from Quinn's ear and informed her she was going to do some weight lifting. Quinn nodded, too out of breath to speak and continued to run.

Quinn could feel someone's eyes on her and she glanced around the room looking to see who they belonged to. She saw a dark curly haired boy turn quickly as she glanced at him and she couldn't help feeling that she'd seen him before. He was a row up and a few machines over so she couldn't get a real good look at his face. But the way his hair flopped around was so familiar but she couldn't put her finger on where she'd seen it before or whom it belonged to. It was like the memory was tapping on her brain but couldn't get out.

"Quinn." Santana hissed with irritation. She had been calling Quinn's name for a few moments already but lost in her music and the somewhat mysterious boy, Quinn hadn't heard her.

"That Jesse guy is here." Santana told her pointing towards him.

"Jesse?" she asked unable to place where she knew that name from.

"That kid Rachel dated from Vocal Adrenaline." Her friend reminded her.

"Right." She recalled, pressing the stop button on her machine. She couldn't even remember ever having talked to him before, not even when he had been at McKinley. He had always been sickeningly into Rachel and was always preoccupied with her. But Quinn had been dealing with her own problems and had better things to do than talk to a boy who was so obviously a spy.

She glanced back in his direction and was surprised to find he was looking at her again. Why was he suddenly so interested in her? Why was she wondering about him? Why did he quickly grin at her before turning back around and continuing his work out? Most importantly of all, why did it make her feel something? She chalked it up to flattery and pressed the start button a little harder than she meant to.

"Do you think we should go over and say something to him?" Santana asked.

"Why bother?" Quinn replied, shrugging indifferently. She started jogging again, figuring Jesse was free to look if he wanted, she didn't care either way. But despite all her best efforts, she found herself watching him, seeing if he snuck another glance at her.

She had no idea what was wrong with her. She had no feelings for Jesse whatsoever. She'd never even spoken to the guy. Sure, he was cute, hot even, but she knew the only reason she was thinking about him was because she desperately craved feeling wanted again. His blatant staring was giving her hope that she could still catch a guy's eyes. That she could be beautiful again.

XXX

After working out with Santana, who mostly kept to her own pace or flirted with guys, Quinn went home. She wasn't quite used to going home yet, having spent the better part of the last year living with other people. Now that she was back home living with her mom, it was taking some getting used to.

Her mom cried a lot lately. Not in front of Quinn but she still knew it was going on. The betrayal of Quinn's father was having a huge effect on her mother and Quinn was at a loss of what to do. She tried to be as comforting as possible but without actually talking about it, there was little she could actually accomplish in the way of helping.

She went up to her room and flopped onto her bed. So far the summer had been dreadfully dull. It seemed like everyone she knew were always doing the same things. So craved for something new to happen, anything different. So far the summer had consisted of parties with the same people and working out. And she was already bored with it.

The worst part about her stagnant routine was that there was nothing to distract her from thinking about Beth. She knew she had done the right thing giving the baby away but it didn't keep her from wondering. Was Shelby a good mother? Who would Beth grow up to be? Quinn cringed at the thought of her daughter being just like Rachel, a bossy loser with hardly any social skills. That or she had nightmares of her daughter being one of those faceless robots from Vocal Adrenaline who was only concerned with winning.

Shelby had given them the option of an open adoption, telling Puck and Quinn they were free to visit if they wanted. So far Quinn had not taken her up on that offer. She would just be too torn up to see the baby and know she couldn't have her. No, it was best to stay away.

Tired of living in her head, she changed into her bikini and went downstairs to their pool. If she was going to spend her time worrying, she might as well get a tan while doing so. The air felt dry as she walked outside, perfect for swimming.

She was about to dive in when her phone rang. Sighing, she reached for it and saw it was Puck calling. She considered letting it go to voicemail but instead reluctantly answered.

"Sup babe?" he asked and she rolled her eyes.

"What do you want Puck?" she asked annoyed.

"Are you going to Matt's party tonight?"

"I hadn't really thought about it." She answered honestly. The whole summer seemed to be nothing but parties and she was sick of waking up with a hangover. Just once she wanted a summer day that didn't start with her puking her gut out. "Why?"

"I just thought if you were going to go maybe we could…"

"That's not going to happen." She interrupted, knowing him well enough to know when he was looking for a hook up. She wouldn't be doing that with him again any time soon. She knew it would be awhile before she would trust a guy enough to do that again.

But now that her reputation had been tarnished and there was no way she could be head of the celibacy club again, she was surprised to find she didn't care. Sex had always seemed like such a big deal before when she was a virgin. But as Santana and Brittany showed, you could be as slutty as you wanted and as long as you were safe you were fine. Still, it wasn't like she was going to go around with just anyone.

"Fine." Puck said before hanging up angrily.

She threw her phone onto one of the lawn chairs and dove into the pool. The water was cool and refreshing and she stayed under as long as she could hold her breath. She remembered when she was little and would swim in the pool, how much she wanted to be a mermaid. Her world had been devastated when she'd discovered they weren't real. She couldn't help laughing at herself and how naïve she used to be. It was amazing how much she felt she had grown up over the last year.

The moment she knew she was pregnant, she figured it would make her an outcast as school. Everyone loved to see a popular girl fall from grace. She knew everyone loved seeing her world topple since she had treated people so bad.

But one thing she never realized was how alienating it would be even after she had the baby. She had gone through this whole giant experience practically on her own and it felt like no one even had a clue what it was like, not even Puck who seemed to be back to his usual self. She wished she could revert back as quickly as he had.

Well, going to Matt's party seemed like a step in the right direction to getting her old life back. So when she was done by the pool, she jumped in the shower and started getting ready for yet another night she would hardly remember.