Ok guys, my name's Claire- just in case you had an urge to know. ;) I'm currently doing my last year of GCSEs this year; so what great practice this is! This is my first attempt at FanFic (well, the first time I've published a story) so don't be surprised if it's completely and utterly rubbish. I'm not used to writing sad, soppy, romantic pieces of writing, but I hope this was ok! Please, even if you think it's appalling, don't hesitate to review. Criticisms and praise are both wanted by me! Don't worry, I won't eat your face off if you say that I don't have enough sentence variety or too many comma splices... I'll shut up now... Ok, please read on!

Alex Drake was sat in her trademark zebra print sofa, paper and pen in hand. What was she doing? She didn't normally write letters that she didn't intend to send, unless she did intend to send them and then chickened out. A few brief examples came to mind: writing a runaway letter to her mum, writing an "I hate you" letter to Evan- no, they were different. They were cases of her being a lonely, confused little child who couldn't quite grip hold of the world she was part of. Both of those letters were about hatred and attention.

As a child (even when her parents were alive), Alex had felt unloved, unwanted and unheard. Of course, the death of her parents didn't make it any better. Evan was never a good one for support and comfort- hence the "I hate you" letter. Emotions never seemed to be able to escape her as the years went on. She grew a thick layer of skin and took everything with both hands; confronting anything and everything that got in her way. So, why did she feel so hopeless now? Why did she feel that she could break down crying at any moment? It just wasn't her. Nothing she had ever experienced had even come close to the feelings she had fluttering around in her insides right at this moment.

It was like she needed to release all of these thoughts before she accidentally verbalized them in front of one of her colleagues. 'Now that would be funny, wouldn't it?' she mused to herself. Maybe if she wrote these feelings down, they would go away and leave her to get on with her life in this world. Maybe this was the reason why she wasn't able to go home just yet. She really didn't know. All she knew was that she needed to write her thoughts down. No matter how soppy, pathetic or love-struck it may sound, she needed to do it. Her eyes began to well up with stinging tears- she didn't let them fall.

If she wanted to write this down, did it mean that it was true? That she was finally accepting her feelings? Alex didn't know whether she wanted to admit it quite yet. But, in all fairness, three years was long enough- wasn't it? Yes. Yes it was. Three years was far too long to bottle up all these emotions.

She put her pen to paper, hesitating a moment before she began scribbling down everything that had been swirling around uncontrollably in her head… And in her heart too.

Gene,

I don't really know why I'm going through with this- this letter, I mean. I'm not sending it to you anyway. You could never understand how I feel about you, even if you did read it.

I remember the first time I saw you; your macho bravado, your pathetic sexist jokes, your old-fashioned ways. You see, I don't usually fall for men like you, but there's something different about you…Something I can't put my finger on- but I know that's why I'm in love with you.

We shout and we argue continuously- but that's something I can't help doing. That spark in your eyes when you know you're right makes me melt inside, and that famous pout you use, whilst in any mood, makes me want to kiss you so badly. I like to argue with you because it makes us seem more intimate, more like a couple. Right now that's what I'm craving: for us to be a couple.

No matter how much time we spend in Luigi's, drinking ourselves to oblivion; it doesn't stop me wanting to be wrapped up your arms and kissed by your tender lips. To be able to smell your smell, whilst I fall asleep is something that I wish could happen every night of my life. To hear your steady heart beat next to mine, in sync with each other, makes me want to cry with frustration. Because, at the moment, I can't have that. I want it. I really want it, but I know I should be focusing more towards my daughter, Molly. She needs me, she can't be without me.

I feel so guilty about loving you, you're the first thing I think of when I wake up, and the only person I dream of whilst I'm asleep. Deep down I know it should be my daughter that I'm thinking of- but I can't control these powerful emotions coursing through my veins, seeping out of my eyes in the form of tears. You own me, Hunt. You don't know it yet, but you do. For three years I have belonged to you, three very long years.

I'm not going to deny that I don't love you, because that would be hard for me to do. I can't try and stop my legs turning to jelly when I feel your breath on my skin, or my breathing hitching when you call my name. I can't even stop the tingling feeling through my bones when you accidentally brush my hand. I just can't.

I wish you felt the same way about me. Who knows, there may be a slim chance that you do; but you'd never say it. Not Gene Hunt, not the Manc Lion. You're too "manly" for that. But I may be wrong. You may already have someone in your life- someone I don't know of. You may spend every night curled up in bed, with her head on your chest as it rises and falls with your intake of breath. She could be everything I'm not: easy, simple, curves in the right places. But I hope (if you are with a woman) she treats you with the amount of love you deserve- the amount of love I could give you. I could give you everything, Gene. I could give you my body, my heart, my soul.

Yours always,

Alex

X

Alex Drake signed her name at the bottom of the page as the last tears spilled from her eyes and landed on the page, smudging the black ink. Every word of it was true. She could indeed, give him everything.

How was it? Good? Bad? Mediocre? I'm really worried now... What if you hate it? What if you think I've portrayed Alex wrong? Damn, I'm such a FanFic noob. Anyway, should I carry on? I have some ideas as to how it could be made into a proper stories- chapters and everything! :O

Thanks :) x