Chapter 1

Eclipse chapter 15 page 297 BPOV

I was so mad, no angry, infact furious. "Why are you taking me here?"

He looked at me blankly. "I thought you said you were going home?"

"Ugh. I guess you can't take me to Edward's house, can you?" I ground my teeth in frustration.

"This is your home, Bella," he said quietly.

He let the car idle in front of the house; Charlie's car was in the drive. I climbed out of the car awkwardly and began to walk to the house but stopped at the front wheel. "Go home Jacob." He slammed the door shut and stared at me. I continued walking and got to the bottom step when I heard the soft purr of the familiar Volvo.

"If you ever touch her again, you'll be running on three legs!"

"Get your leech hands of me!"

"Or what?"

"You'll have none!"

"Give it your best shot!"

"Oh, your mum will know all about me giving it may best shot!"

"Don't".

"Oh yeh! Yo mamas so fat she wore a yellow raincoat and people yelled "Taxi!"."

"Yo mamas so fat when she gets on a scale it says 'To be continued'."

"Ugh, Yo mamas so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept."

"Yo mamas so dumb she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order."

Oh my Lord. I can't believe I'm hearing this. It must be one of my weird dreams. Ah, I forgot about my hand. Nope this is real. I'm standing outside Charlie's house, oblivious to the fact it is raining now, and Edward and Jacob are literally in each others' faces shouting YO MAMMA JOKES!

"No, Yo mamas so old her passport says expired."

"Yo mamas so ugly she would turn Medusa to stone. Put that in your pipe and smoke it"

"Oh-no-you-did-ent, Yo mama's glasses are so think she can see the future."

"Oi, Yo mamas dumb she couldn't read an audio book."

"Yo mamas so ugly Bob the Builder said, "Can we fix it, no we can't!"

"Hey, Yo mamas so fat she fell in love and broke it."

"Yo mamas so old God said 'Let there be light' and she switched the light on."

"Ha, Yo mamas so hairy you came out with carpet burns."

I see the house door open so I was surprised to see Charlie pushing between them.

"Yo mammas' so dumb she ask for the number for 911"

It was not just me that was silenced.