Shadows

by jessib91

What if in Bittersweet romance Max had died? how would Millie cope? she's seeing him everywhere, he's follwing her. Based on the beautiful song 'Shadows' by 'westlife'. One shot.

Mornings after

Still lingers

Just waking up

I see a shadow of you

Making breakfast for two

Every morning I wake up and I see you, standing there clear as day, I reach out for you and your gone, and I realise that this is the closest I'm ever going to get to you. I still wake up in the morning expecting to hear the soft whistle of your breath, the feel of your arm around my waist and the sound of your voice asking if I'm awake. I just feel like I want to cry, like I can't keep myself together, like there is tonnes of bricks on my chest, like every breath without you hurts, I want to feel close to you, I know your far away but I need you near me. So I go my now normal route to work, past our park, the one where you proposed.

I go driving

Past our place and

I see this guy walk by

I smell his perfume

For a moment I wish it was you

My heart skips a beat when I see a guy walk by me, his scent was just like yours, I'd recognise that smell anywhere 'Calvin Klein Eternity', his hair was the same colour as yours, his walk was your walk, I hope that maybe I've been living in a nightmare and that it is actually you, I get my hopes up and my face begins to brighten up, I begin to wish it was you, I begin to realise that its never going to be you, you're gone now, he smiles at me and I realise that this was a mistake and I turn away and hurry back to my car trying to get away quickly before my dam bursts. I can't face you.

I'm not gonna tell ya

I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no

I'm tryin' to get over

I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

I said I wasn't going to tell you about wishing you were here, I am certainly not going to tell you that I'm ok, I'm hurting so badly its like I am being stabbed over and over again, made to feel the pain of losing you every time it begins to dull, I hope that someday I wont feel anymore pain, I want you to disappear so that I can get on with my life so that I can get over you, we made mistakes and I just want to get far away from them, but you wont ever let me forget will you, we shouldn't have ever been together, that was the biggest mistake I made, you got me into cocaine, you nearly got me killed, yet I never stopped loving you, we got people killed and I want to hide from my conscience, but you wont leave me alone.

But I see shadows

Everywhere that I go

It's you, reminding me

Of how we were

Of how it was

Why the hell wont you let me get on with my life, everytime I ask you to leave me alone you let me see more shadows, I can never escaoe from them, everytime I walk intop the canteen I see us canoodling in the corner, everytime I walk into CID I see us stealing glances, everytime I walk to my car I see you leaning against the passenger side waiting for me to take us home, I know that its you reminding me, showing me why I love you, showing me of how we were and how it was.

I see shadows

Everywhere they follow

It's you and memories

Of how we loved

I'm not just seeing them everywhere but they are following me, I can't escape them, I feel like I am going around in circles, I know its you, but please let me go, I know we loved each other but your not here anymore, I am, and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, you don't have to show me these memories of how we loved, I know how much I loved you.

I've had enough of your shadows

Please, if you love me you'll leave, you'll stop reminding me, you'll numb my pain.

Four months gone

I can't feel you

I don't understand it

Where did you go?

I know I asked you to go, but I was wrong, I need you, its been four months and I'm more lonely than I was when you were here, I feel like I am betraying you, I haven't been out with anyone from work since before you left, I can't feel you anymore and I need to feel you next to me, then I can face anything, I have no strength if I can feel you here, I don't understand it, I know I tell you to go but I thought you knew me, I thought that you knew that I would never want you to leave me alone.

I hate that you're all that I know

I've managed to close myself off from everyone, because I feel comfortable feeling you around me, feeling you there with me, seeing your shadows everywhere that I Iook, I hate it, I hate that you're all that I know.

I'm not gonna tell ya

I'm not gonna say that I'm okay, no

I'm tryin to get over

I'm tryin' to get far away from our mistakes

I'm not going to tell you that I want you to come back, I need to sort myself out, I need to get used to you not being here. I'm still not ok, but I'll get there, I'm trying to get over it. I'm trying to get away from the guilt I feel for the mistakes we made.

But I see shadows

Everywhere that I go

It's you, reminding me

Of how we were

Of how it was

You and your shadows are back again, I was starting to sort myself out, starting to neutralise the guilt, starting to accept what has happened, started to accept that you aren't coming back to me, and then you remind me everywhere that I co of US, I don't want reminded, I want to remember when I chose to, when I want to. Don't worry I'll never forget you.

I see shadows

Everywhere they follow

It's you and memories

Of how we loved

They seem to be following me again, I'm seeing them everywhere, I'm putting them memories to the back of my mind, I will always love you, now though its in the past tense, I loved you, I don't need to be shown how we loved.

I've had enough of your shadows

I'm trying to walk away from your shadows, I've had enough and I am going to move on, you always told me that you couldn't feel love, that you could never love someone, but you could give yourself to them, mind body and soul, you could just never tell them that you loved them.

You couldn't love me

So why won't you leave me

You said that you couldn't love me, you always said that you could never tell me you loved me, only that you felt for me, if you couldn't love me, why can't you leave me alone, leave me be, leave me alone.

Shadows

Alone is the only place I want to be

I only want be alone, its the only place I want to be, I'm asking you to take all of the shadows away with you.

I see shadows

Everywhere that I go

It's you, reminding me

Of how to love

I've had enough

I see shadows

Everywhere they follow

It's you, the memories

Of how we loved

I've had enough

Your shadows

It's you, the memories

Of how we loved

I've had enough of your shadows

Thank you for taking your shadows away, I've had enough, I'm trying to move on, to live my life, I had some amazing years with you, but this is as far as we go, your gone but I will never forget you, I'm missing you like crazy, I always will, I've felt you walk beside me, you can leave now, I don't need any strength from you anymore, I have my own and I know I can be happy someday soon.

Your shadows

Goodbye, Max

Rest in peace

Love

Millie xx