Resibound Evil
By EB Minion
(Yeah, yeah, the credits and such. My first fanfic here, this will be. Concept by EB Minion. Story by EB Minion. Earthbound and Mother One are distributive copywrite property of Nintendo, and Ape, Resident Evil is distributive copywrite property of Capcom. Characters by EB Minion. Yes, if the riddle sounds familiar, I took it from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, so don't sue me.)
"This is Daisuke Hiroshima of the Eagleland Times with a special, live report. Fourside has gone through major changes in the past five months. The Monotoli Building has been expanded, and so has the department store. Also, a new building has been put in the city. It is the grounds for the new Parasol Corporation, a major chemical testing company. As well, a weapons selling store known as The Armory has also moved into the big city. But, the city may well have to be evacuated, says officials. Recent events have brought the busy city to a deafening stop. Eerie disappearances have happened every night for over two weeks now! Employees from the Monotoli Building have yet to come out for over three weeks now, and a week later, the disappearances occurred. A local citizen passed by the Monotoli Building this very morning- and fainted. It was found in the alleyway, bits of human flesh, and chewed up bone, smeared in large patches of dried blood. A backpack was found in the alley, which matches that of Jamie Cosdav 's backpack. Jamie disappeared only a couple of days ago while walking home from school- she never returned home. A bizarre slew of sightings has also plagued the town. Witnesses claim to have seen odd, humanoid creatures staring out of the windows in all areas of the building, and there have been sightings of 'zombies' reportedly attacking people in the dead of night. Many different people all have the same description of these nightly thugs: torn, or tattered clothing, bloody, and misshapen bodies or heads. These figures are almost always seen at midnight, though there has been only one single day sighting, when a witness was attacked by one of these 'zombies,' and just narrowly escaped. Incidentally, items with the Parasol Corporation's name brand were also found in the Monotoli Building's alleyway, among several strange items. Of the most interesting items, a journal from a Parasol Operative was found, and the information has been withheld from the press. We do have knowledge that the journal may contain information regarding the disappearances. We interviewed Parasol for their comment on the discoveries. President Pokey Minch was unavailable for comment, but Vice-president Itoi Mishoyume was available, but he merely claimed that the whole thing was 'coincidence' and the result of 'mass-hysteria.' Finally, we have contacted the four children responsible for ending the 'Giygas Conflict,' a worldwide event in which a universal being attacked earth. These four children are: Ness Wallace of Onett, Paula Polestar of Twoson, Jeffrey Andonuts of Winters, and Prince Poo Tarou of Dalaam. We are hoping that they'll investigate the Monotoli Building and report what the disappearances, and sightings are about. This is Daisuke Hiroshima from the Eagleland Times out, have a good day."
As the report ended, Ness immediately teleported to Fourside, as did Poo (Don't ask me how they contacted Poo, or how he even knows about the report). "Where's Jeff, and Paula?" Ness asked. "I don't know, but this situation gives me the craips!" Poo said. "Poo, its 'creeps.'" Ness corrected. "Whatever... Hey! What's that in the sky?" Poo asked. "It's a bird!" Ness shouted. "No! It's a plane!" Screamed some by-stander. "Whatever it is, it's coming this way, fast!!" Poo yelled. The Sky-Runner flew in fast, and just as it was about to make all of the concrete within a mile pebbles, it came closer, and closer. Everybody sensed death approaching, when all of a sudden... the Sky-Runner unexpectedly stopped in mid-air, hovering just 5 feet above the ground! "Heh, heh. Air brakes. I finally invented something to make this tin can fly right!" shouted a certain blonde haired, green suited, glasses-wearing kid genius. "Jeff!" exclaimed Poo. The Sky Runner instantly opened a doorway and stairs appeared. Jeff stepped out, and right after him came a pink-dressed, red-ribbon-in-haired girl... "Paula!" Ness shouted. Poo and Ness ran up to their friends, and exchanged friendly looks. "It is great to see you all again." Poo spoke nobly. They all looked up at the Monotoli Building. Its helipad, as well as the top few levels, was not visible due to a mysterious fog covering the top area... "Creepy." Paula said as she shuddered. "It is time to investigate." Ness said. "I will go in first." He spoke, bringing out his bat. "But Ness," Paula started, "We're a team. We should go in together!" Ness looked at her, and shook his head. "I'm the strongest of the group. I will handle this. Don't worry about me, Paula." Ness claimed. He looked at them all, waved goodbye, and entered the Monotoli Building. Eight hours passed... and he never returned...
"Ness!" Paula shrieked. It was beginning to grow dark out, so Jeff suggested that they go into the hotel and turn in for the night. Surely, Ness would come out sooner or later. They all slept a rather stressful night, worrying about Ness. They got up, and headed for the Monotoli Building. They got there and it was around 8 a.m., but no sign of Ness. "I'm going in after him, to find out what happened." Jeff claimed. "Jeff! You can't go! NO!" Paula screamed. "I have to, Paula. I have a laser, so if anything tries to get me, they will be fried before they so much as breathe on me." Jeff spoke. He ventured into the building, carrying a book titled, 'Research of Zombies' which he surely brought along because of the eyewitness reports of zombies. Paula screamed, trying to get into the building to help Jeff, but couldn't move because Poo was holding her back. "Let go of me!" Paula shrieked. She finally calmed down after a while, but now Jeff... He never returned...
It had taken another hour for hopeful Paula to realize that Jeff was not coming back. Poo had restrained her for some time, but his strength was diminishing. "Let go of me, Poo! I've gotta help Ness and Jeff! They might be trapped in there!!!" Paula shouted at the top of her lungs. Poo, seeing that his struggle to keep her at bay would be futile, finally released her, then checked into the hotel to regain his strength. The next morning however, Paula, nor Ness, or even Jeff had returned even once...
Poo screamed. His friends needed his help. But first, he decided to stop at The Armory to do something. When he got there, he had his Sword of Kings upgraded to the Legendary Prince Katana! Poo took the Katana and went back to the Monotoli Building. He valorously stepped inside. The first room was now a deep shade of red, and the lights were off, creating a rather grisly effect. Poo stepped on something hard. He looked down, and screamed. It was the zombie research book that Jeff had been carrying! He picked it up, and dropped it suddenly. Some blood was splattered on the corner of the page. Judging from the color, it had dried for some time, but now, Poo realized why the room was so red... "EEEEEKKKK!!!!!!" Poo screamed. For some odd reason, he instantly calmed down, and bent over to pick up the research book. He opened it to the first page. It read, 'This is the Zombie Research Book. I am your guide to the world of the undead. I only have one request: Do not flip to the last page, as there is no information there on the zombie's weaknesses, or how to beat the final boss in this place.' "Zombie's weaknesses? Hot damn!" Poo exclaimed. He quickly flipped to the last page in the book. It read, 'You dumbass! I told you not to flip to the last page of the book! How do you expect to survive even three minutes in here with an attitude like that? Oh, yeah, there's a zombie right behind you.' "ACK!" Poo screamed. He turned around, and saw a piece of collapsed ceiling on the floor. He then heard raspy breathing behind him. The breathing got closer and closer still. The sound was almost on top of him, when Poo took out his Katana, and sliced through something- something very hard and thick! Poo heard a thud, and looked behind him. There, lying on a pool of blood, was a humanoid figure. It didn't look right, somehow. Poo turned it over with his katana, and gasped. The figure had its eyes wide open, and those eyes had no pupils, or even color, for that matter. Simple, dead white. Then, its skin was in bloody tatters. It entire body looked as though somebody had carved a life size model of a human, with a pretty good idea of human anatomy, except for visual appearance. This thing looked in every way human, except, well, just not! Poo opened the elevator, and stepped inside. He placed his katana in a sheath, where he forgot all about it.
Poo opened the book again, and it said, 'Hello again. In this building, there are around 20 keycards, which will allow you to carry this elevator to different levels on the building. If you want to know where to find the keycards, flip to page 12. ' Poo flipped the page to 12, and this is what the book read: 'You cheater! How the hell would I know where to find even one of those frickin' keycards? You're on your own for that one, ya jackass! ' Poo looked at the book disdainfully. He pushed the number 2 button on the elevator, and it began to go up. As the doors opened, Poo's heart gave a jump- two zombies were rounding the corner and spotted Poo at that very minute! He opened the book again. "I'm sorry about that! I'm cornered by zombies and am unarmed! What do I do, what do I do?" he asked. He opened the book and here was its response: 'If you are cornered by a pair of zombies, and you are unarmed, flip to page 8.' Poo did as the book said. When he got to page 8, he was greeted by a black picture, with a skull and cross-bones on it. It read:
'Prepare to Die!' "Crap!" Poo yelled. Then, he noticed the fine print on the bottom of the page, it read, 'If you have a katana which you have conveniently forgotten about up to this point, please flip to page 16. ' Poo flipped to the page. It read: 'You dumbass! You had a katana and you forgot about it, while these frickin' brain-eaters are about to serve you up as the main course? Get out your katana and use it. Now. I'm serious. Stop reading this and deal with the zombies. I'm warning you, STOP READING THIS! If you're still reading this, flip to page 99. ' Poo flipped to page 99 quickly. It read: 'YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!' all the way down the page at least 50 times. Poo got the message and put the book away, drew his katana, and made short work of the zombies by slicing off their heads. He was shaken up a bit. He had been trained in Dalaam to deal with any situation calmly, but that didn't mean he wasn't scared...
As he walked through the lonely hallway, he barely spotted any zombies, and those he did see were busy, munching on something... Poo hurried past them, and after a while, he came across a spot on the floor, where a solitary figure was lying. That figure was wearing a pink dress. "Paula!" Poo exclaimed. The figure rolled over. It was indeed Paula, but she was terribly scarred. "Poo? Is that you?" She asked. Poo nodded. "When I came up here, I was ambushed by this terrible creature, who called himself, 'D Minion...' It was horrible. He was carrying a bazooka, and one of his arms was shaped like an enormous claw. He was huge and terrifying... I couldn't fight him. He bit me, and I'm going to become one of those... things... in just a few hours..." Paula sobbed. "It'll be okay. I'll hunt down 'D Minion,' and I'll find a cure..." Poo reassured her. He looked at the book, and asked, "Where do I find a cure for a zombie?" He opened the book, and the page read: 'If you want to know where to find a cure for a zombie, flip to page 51.' Poo looked at the book, unsure whether he wanted to flip to that page or not... He flipped to page 49. 'You idiot! I told you to flip to page 51! If you're gonna keep up that kind of an attitude, I won't tell you what the cure is. *Coughdumbasscough*' Poo bowed his head, then flipped to page 51. 'Thank you. Now if we can please get on with this without some jerk flipping to random pages... Zombie Cure:
Dust of the Moon
A Piece of Dead Skin
D' Minion's afrodelic groove machine
The Bitten Person's Strand of Hair
Mix, then serve with olives on the side for a delightful and tasty dish for the undead. This is Chef Wiseass saying goodnight.' Poo raised his eyebrow. "Where am I supposed to get any of those things?" He asked. He flipped to another page in the book. 'How the hell would I know? I can't get up and walk around like one of those pansies from Walt Disney! Anyway, you have eyes too, ya know. Use em!' So Poo got up, and started walking. He figured that he was near the end of the hall, when a loud crash from behind made him jump! Poo looked behind him, and saw nothing... He proceeded down the hallway, and another crash made his heart leap. He looked behind himself again, but nothing was there. He finally reached the end of the hallway, which was a dead end, and turned around to get back into the elevator. He had walked no less than ten feet, when a deafening crash came from behind. Poo turned around, thinking he would see the dead end, but instead, he saw a large hole, with a monster standing in front of it. "Ack! What the hell is that thing?" Poo asked. He opened the book to page 18. 'That would be 'D Minion. Have fun, kids.'
Poo closed the book, and stared at the creature. Paula was right about its description. It was huge, gray, and it had a large claw for an arm, and it was carrying a large, thin device, which must have been the bazooka. Poo took a swipe at D' Minion with his Katana, only to have D' Minion shriek an unearthly cry. D' Minion backed up, then fired his bazooka! "Holy shit!" Poo yelled. He hid behind a chair as the massive bullet flew through the hallway. Poo took his Katana and swiped D' Minion's arm off! D' Minion started screaming, then grabbed its arm, and the bazooka, and ran away. "Phew." Poo breathed a sigh of relief. He opened the research book again, wondering what to do now. 'Good job. You actually lasted against D' Minion. Of course, I could've done it, without dodging that bazooka blast, either! I could've done it in less than a minute, as well! Anyways, I can't think up an insult right now, so just go get one of that hussy, Paula's hairs now.' Poo began to walk back down the hallway. He encountered a whole bunch of zombies, who were really slow, but tried to chase Poo anyway. He finally got to where he had found Paula, only to find the spot empty. He heard raspy breathing, and turned around to find a zombie wearing a pink dress- and platform shoes. "Paula! What the hell happened???" Poo asked. He looked into the book again. 'Well, let's see here... I dunno, maybe, possibly, she might have turned into, oh, I don't know, maybe an... Insane New-Age Retro Zombie! Good luck getting one of her hairs, wuss.' Poo closed the book, and turned back to Paula. He reached out to grab one of her hairs, when she grabbed his arm, and bit it! "Yeow! Good thing I'm immune to the ancient art of Zombie-Hokodan..." Poo said as he pulled out one of her hairs, then knocked her damned form out of consciousness with the flat of his Katana... He walked back towards the dead end that wasn't much of a dead end anymore, occasionally hacking the heads off of zombies that got in his way. Man, those guys were too slow to make a challenge! He reached the really creepy dead-end scene that now had a hole in it. Poo climbed through the hole, to find a long, hidden passageway. There were zombies lining the walls of the hallway. Apparently, D' Minion had gone on a rampage after having its arm cut off. Poo would certainly hate to be one of those zombies, smeared across the walls right now... He noticed a certain style with the zombies, now. There were some wearing platform shoes, there were some with really long hair and strange, tinted glasses, as well as bell-bottom pants! Man, this is weird, Poo thought. Those blood-spattered walls remind me of the Sephiroth scene at the Shinra Headquarters in FF7. Wait a second... what the hell is FF7? Wait a second, what the fuck am I thinking about???
Poo walked down the twisting corridors that seemed to go on forever. D' Minion certainly was fast, for it had been half an hour since he had entered the mysterious hole... Poo finally reached a dead end, but on the wall, was a riddle:
'Think of a person who lives in disguise, and deals in secret, and tells naught but lies. Next, say what's the last thing to mend, the middle of middle and end of the end? Finally, a sound often heard when searching through your mind for a hard-to-find word. Please string them together and tell me this: What is the creature you would never kiss?'
Poo thought about this hard, then looked inside the book. He turned to page 39 because 39 was his favorite number. 'What do I look like, a computer? Figure out your own damn answers, bastard!' Poo slammed the book shut, then began to think. 'A person in disguise... tells nothing but lies... deals in secrets...' Poo's mind instantly flipped back to the Giygas Conflict, 5 and ½ months ago... The Valley of Time... Giygas and Pokey knew that the four destined children were coming, but how? Something, or someone had told them. A... "Spy!" Poo exclaimed, figuring the first part of the clue. 'Now, last thing to mend... Middle of middle... End of end?' This was a trick question. It had to be, unless... 'Last thing to mend...
M-E-N-D... D! Middle of middle... M-I-D-D-L-E... End of end...
E-N-D...' "The letter D!" Poo exclaimed, figuring out the next part of the clue. Now for the last part of the clue... 'A sound often heard when trying to find a hard-to-find word... Uh, I'll have to think about this one... er, um, er, Wait! Er! "Er!" Poo exclaimed. "SPY-D-ER... I've got it, Spider! I would never kiss a spider!" Poo shouted. Suddenly, a door formed on the side of the dead end, and opened up! Poo stepped through quickly. He then felt his bare-foot step on something cold and squishy. He looked down, and screamed. There on the ground, was a half-zombified Jeff, glasses and all! He looked at the book, asking what to do again, and it said, 'Since you figured that clue out by your self, I won't insult ya this time. Just pick his hair and worry about em later. Now leave me alone! I want to get a bit of sleep here!'
"Okay, okay, geez..." Poo said, closing the book, picking one of Jeff's hairs, and advancing forward. There was really nothing he could do for his friend now. He walked forward, and came in contact with what he first thought was a zombie. Poo pulled out his Katana, when all of a sudden, the zombie spoke. "Hey! Watch it with that thing!" he said. Poo jumped. "Who are you?" asked Poo. "I'm some person only known to others as... Some Person!" Some Person explained. Poo stared at him. "Did you see how all of these zombies got here?" he asked. "No, but I see what happened to that kid back there. I got into the building via a secret passageway, and I was luckily carrying a rifle and an M-79. I entered somewhere near here, and zombies were all over that kid. I shot all of 'em down, and made sure that the zombification process was slowed. I have that kind of ability... By the way, who are you?" asked Some Person. "I am Prince Poo of Dalaam. Thank you for saving my friend, Jeff." Some Person shook hands with Poo. "Wow! The prince of Dalaam! What an honor... Anyways, check your friend over there. He was carrying something that you might want to use later on. By the- Hey! What was that?" Some Person said. A low rumbling entered the hallways. Poo heard it too, and became increasingly nervous. Suddenly, a wall exploded behind Poo! He turned around, and there was D' Minion, with his arm somehow reattached, but now, he was packing some kind of a long, thin device attached to the arm! "Shit! What the hell is that thing?" Some Person said with a tone of panic to his voice. "That's 'D Minion. I don't know who he is, or what he is, but he's out to kick some major ass." Poo replied. Some Person took another look at the advancing creature. "Looks like we'll have to work together, eh?" Some Person said. Poo nodded, and drew his Katana. Some Person took out the rifle, and with a deafening BOOM, blasted a chunk of the monster's leg off. D' Minion roared and used its enormous claw to belt Some Person in the stomach, knocking major wind out of him. Poo attempted to slice D' Minion's arm off again, but it caught on quickly, and blasted Poo with the laser weapon attached to its arm. "Crap! It has a laser now?" Poo asked. D' Minion nodded, and spoke in a gruff, scratchy voice. "Yes. I'm D' Minion. Prepare to die, Poo, Prince of Dalaam!" Poo shot it a confused look. "How in the hell do you know about me?" D' Minion said nothing, but took aim with its laser beam. Suddenly, a round of acid came out of nowhere, and began dissolving the metal of the laser beam! Poo looked to where the acid had come from, and saw Jeff, still half-transformed, holding a bazooka up with both hands. He then collapsed. Poo used the distraction to fire Starstorm Omega at D' Minion while Some Person pumped lead into its head with his M-79. The creature was blown back through a wall, and growled. "You haven't seen the last of me, Prince Poo!" D' Minion yelled angrily as he broke through a wall into another secret passageway.
"I guess that'll take care of him for a while." Some Person claimed. Poo suddenly thrust the zombie research book into Some Person's arms. "Here. You take it for a while. I'm sure it'll come in handy for you." Poo said. Some Person looked from the book, to Poo, and nodded, then ran off. Poo turned toward Jeff, and walked up to him. Poo took the bazooka from Jeff, and just in case, took Jeff's Gaia Beam from his inventory and equipped it onto Jeff. Poo then pulled the keycard for the third floor out of Jeff's inventory, and walked back through the hallway, to the elevator. As he exited the long, narrow hallway, he noticed that most of the zombies that had been smeared against the walls were gone. Most perplexing, but Poo had other things in mind at the moment. As he reached the spot with Paula again, he noticed that she was still unconscious. He ran back to the elevator, and didn't know what to do, until he spotted a slot in the back somewhere, with a notice on it. 'Insert elevator keycard here.' Poo did as the note suggested, and immediately felt a pulling sensation. It stopped abruptly, and the doors opened. Poo was in a large dining room, obviously for meetings and such. In the room was a large, rectangular table, and chairs on all sides. There was lots of uneaten food on the table. Poo was hungry, so he sat down to eat, not noticing that a door in the far corner was slowly opening... Poo was eating a dish he had never seen, which appeared to be bread, smothered in whipped cream and strawberries. Such a strange food! Poo finished the odd dish, when he heard a strange sound. It was a slithering sound, only much louder. Poo looked all around the room, and saw nothing. He stood up, and a piercing, white-hot pain entered his leg! "AAAARRRGGGG!!!!!" He screamed. He looked down, and below him was the largest, most massive snake Poo had ever seen. He kicked the snake, which proved to have no effect. He brought out his Katana, and slashed at the snake's head. Blood spattered on Poo's clothing, and suddenly, the poison began to take effect. Poo's reflexes slowed down. Poo brought out his bazooka, and fired a round at the snake, eating away at its skin. Poo's body was wracked with pain now, as the poison took effect at hyper speed. Somehow, it had entered his blood stream at an incredibly fast rate. Poo used PSI Healing b for now, and the poison stopped. He now had to contend with the snake before it bit him again. Poo once again took out his Katana and slashed at the snake over, and over again. It began to slow down, and was weakened by all of the attacks. The snake slithered away, into a large hole in the wall, big enough for a snake of that size, but not big enough for Poo to follow. Poo, remembering the key ingredients in the cure for zombies, got a large packet of olives off of the table, next to someone's salad. He walked to the end of the table, and tripped over something. He got up, and saw that whatever he had tripped over, was metallic, and had a picture of the moon on it. He seized the crest, and got up. He opened a door in the far corner, only to encounter an Executive New-Age Retro Zombie! Poo sliced it in half, and seized a key card from its hand. Poo quickly retreated back to the elevator, while the zombie halves came after him.
Poo inserted the keycard, and rose to level 4. The door opened and there, right in front of Poo, was a zombie in a yellow and blue shirt, with a red baseball cap. "Ness!" Poo shouted. He ran over to the zombie, dodging its attacks, and picked a piece of hair off of the zombie's head. 'Ness' then took a swipe at Poo's head, stunning him for a moment. Poo regained his senses just in time to avoid being bitten by 'Ness.' Poo ran down the twisting corridors, which were extremely empty. He grinned. He had stolen a shotgun from 'Ness' when he wasn't looking. These foreign weapons that Poo had never used before would come in handy. They were simple to manipulate. All you had to do was aim and pull the trigger! Suddenly, Poo reached the end of the hallway, and groaned. There were six doors here. Poo didn't have long to decide, because all of the doors opened simultaneously and six zombies appeared!
Poo took out his Katana and swiped their heads off. He breathed a sigh of relief, but that sigh turned into a scream as he felt something tear into his arm. He turned around, and there was D' Minion, his large claw stained with Poo's blood. Poo took out the shotgun and shot it dead-zero in the eyes. D' Minion, temporarily blinded, shrieked, and began blasting random things with his laser beam. Poo was hit multiple times by the beam, but concealed his pain so that D' Minion wouldn't know where he was. Poo backed up, and bumped into something. He turned around, and saw a table... with a pack of grenade rounds in it! Poo loaded a round of them into his bazooka and fired. The explosion was terrific. D' Minion cried, "I don't know where you are, but I'll find you... eventually!" and ran off, howling in pain. "Phew. That was close!" Poo said, using a quick PSI Lifeup Beta to heal himself. He entered one of the doors. Inside, was a desk, and some shotgun shells. Poo picked up the shells, then read a note that was on the desk. It was a journal, dated up to two and a half weeks ago:
June 14: The new Parasol Corporation operatives have moved into the building, and have already set up a laboratory specifically for chemical use. I tried to get in, but they shoo'ed me away. Oh well.
June 17: There are rumors spreading around that a chemical has escaped the Parasol lab and seeped into all of the office buildings through the air vents. I just think that they're rumors, though... Mr. Monotoli has assured that there is nothing to worry about, so I suppose there isn't.
June 23: People are beginning to complain about an odd rash on their backs that looks decayed and festering, even though it has just appeared. Creepy...
June 24: Oh my god. I walked into a fellow employee's cubicle today, and saw something trying to kill Steve? What the hell is going on here? Both Steve and I are lucky that I was carrying that shotgun. Lots of suspicious things going on... Can't be too careful.
June 26: Almost everybody is starting to complain of weird rashes on their backs. To my horror, I saw a person, showing their rash off to the Parasol medical team. It was bloody, and a lot of the skin on it was just falling off. No scratching or anything. The skin died instantly.
June 27: I am starting to develop one of those rashes. They're very itchy, and gross. I don't know what's going on, but some of the employees around here are beginning to just wander around, showing no signs of life unless extremely close to another human being. I've seen multiple attacks today, and the Parasol medical team is doing nothing about it! I'm really scared...
July 1: Things happening. Me don't know what's going on. Me almost attacked friend today. What wrong with me?
July 2: Steve walked in. He ugly, so I kill him. Mmm... tasty.
July 3: Chewy... tasty...
And that was the end of the journal entries. The story chilled Poo to the bone. He walked out of the room, and walked into a room directly across from the room he was just in. This was the same as the last room- A desk, and a bed, and a closet. On this desk, was a keycard! Poo grabbed the keycard. The moment the keycard left the desk, the door closed, and the closet opened, revealing the enormous snake! It was revitalized. "So, come back for more, huh, worthy opponent?" Poo asked. He took out his bazooka, and fired a grenade round at the floor. The snake instantly burned to a crisp, and the door reopened. Poo stepped out side, only to be confronted by a laser. "D' Minion!" Poo yelled. "That's right!" said a scratchy voice. D' Minion appeared, and immediately swiped Poo's bazooka out of his hands. Poo took out the shotgun, and fired at point-blank range, only to have found that he didn't aim well enough, and only took a small chunk off of D' Minion's arm. D' Minion swiped the shotgun out of Poo's hand. Poo got out his Legendary Prince Katana! He swiped at D' Minion multiple times, but showed no sign of pain. Instead, he grabbed the Katana out of Poo's hand, and broke it into two! "You fuckin' bastard! That was the one-of-a-kind, custom patented Legendary Prince Katana! Why'd you just snap it in two like that?" Poo roared. D' Minion shrugged, and brought out his laser, setting the power to full, and firing it at Poo. Poo screamed with pain. D' Minion used the back of his claw to hit Poo in the back. Poo gasped for breath. Just as D' Minion was about to use the finishing blow, when suddenly... "PSI Dumbass AlphaSuperb!" said a strange, funny sounding voice. Suddenly, a white-hot laser beam hit D' Minion in the back, and rifle bullets began to rivet his back! Poo collapsed. He woke up back to full health. He was looking into the face of Some Person. Poo immediately stood up. "Wow! You do a fast recovery!" Some Person exclaimed. "Yeah... What happened?" Poo asked. He was in another of those bedrooms. "Well, D' Minion saw you unconscious, so he decided to leave, saying that he'd finish this some other time. I dragged you to the nearest room. It's a good thing I had that first-aid kit with me. Oh yeah. This book has a shitty attitude. You can have it back." Some Person said, thrusting the book into Poo's arms. He took it, and Some Person waved goodbye. "I took some of your ammo, so you can have this!" Some Person said, throwing an M-79 to Poo. "Thanks." Poo said just as Some Person proceeded to leave. "Don't mention it." He said. Poo placed the book in his pocket, and got out of bed. He had the keycard, and was ready to leave. He ran down the halls. The elevator was there, safe and sound. Poo didn't know why he was so paranoid all of a sudden...
Poo got into the elevator, and placed the keycard inside. Suddenly, a blast of sparks shot from the card, and the elevator began to fall. "Ack! What's going on?" Poo asked. He opened the book. 'The keycard has malfunctioned, dumbass. We're now plummeting at least thirty feet down, to our doom. Have a good day, talk to ya later. Bye!' "Crap!" Poo shouted. He experienced weightlessness. Suddenly, the elevator stopped, and Poo smashed into the floor. His nose was bloody. The elevator door opened to reveal the entire floor was in multicolored patches, electronically switching colors every few seconds. "Groovy..." Poo spoke dreamily. He slapped himself. What am I doing? "What should I do?" Poo asked. He opened the book. 'Hey, there's a note over there. Be a dumbass, and read up on it.' Poo looked around, and saw that on the wall next to the elevator, was a large note, labeled: THE NOTE! Poo ran over to The Note! and read it. 'Dear Prince Poo of Dalaam. The keycard has been jammed into the elevator slot, making escape impossible. The stairs are covered in slippery goop, making escape impossible. There is a crowbar you can use to pick the lock out of the door, but it's all the way on the other side of the room. You have to disco dance across the room, and if you step on the wrong block, YOU DIE!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Your worst enemy,
D' Minion.
"Crap! I do not know how to 'Disco Dance!' How am I supposed to reach the other side, if I cannot Disco Dance?" Poo asked. He opened the book, and conveniently flipped to a page with the chapter labeled, Chapter 31: How to Disco Dance. The chapter read: If you ever need to Disco Dance, due to the likely event that a maniacal monster has you trapped in a room where escape is impossible, and the room has a bunch of Disco panels on the floor, and you need to Disco Dance to get across the room, because if you step on the wrong panel, you die, then this is the chapter for you. Disco Dancing is basically a kind of free-style, where you say stuff like 'Groovy,' or 'Peace, dude' or something like that, and you've gotta feel the vibes, man. You have to get in touch with your retro side, man. You know what I'm sayin'? Just try reaching down deep for the force within you, and you'll be able to sense which panels are the bad ones as you dance across the floor. That is all for now. I wish you the best of luck. Okay. Start dancing. Stop reading this. Stop. I mean it. Don't make me come back there, mister. Stop reading this! If you don't stop reading this in the next five seconds, I'm gonna set off the panel which makes you die. "Ack!" Poo yelled. He closed the book, and reached down deep for the force within him.
Within Poo's mind, were many forces at his disposal. PSI, the ancient art of Dalaamian Martial Arts, and many forces Poo had, but could not control, were all in his mind. He was looking for something. He didn't know what, but there was a power in his mind that he needed to grasp. I must find it. The thought echoed through his mind, and appeared as words in his head. He spotted a particular area of his mind. The scene was a large disco pad. He saw himself, dancing like a free spirit along the Disco pad. Moving along every panel with ease. That must be it. Poo thought, avoiding the words that appeared in his head. He landed on the Disco pad, and stared at himself. He reached out a hand, and the person dancing suddenly stopped, looked at Poo, and raised his hand in the exact same position as Poo. It was like a very weird mirror. "Hello." Poo said. The person who looked like Poo mouthed the word 'hello.' Poo's hand touched the person's hand. Poo's hand and the person's hand became one solitary hand. Poo stepped into the person, and the person stepped into Poo. Poo's mind began to grasp a new power that Poo had never experienced before. Poo became The New-Age Retro Prince! The New Age Retro Prince snapped back into consciousness, and saw the Disco pad as some kind of game. A game that he wanted to play extremely badly. He started by stepping on a square. The square flashed green, then blue. "Tubular." New-Age Retro Prince claimed. He began to dance, free-style across the entire room. He always knew which pads were bad, and he easily avoided them. He sensed that the entire final line of disco pads were all bad, so he had to jump for it. As he danced onto the second-to-the-last wave of pads, he stumbled, and his pinky toe extended out just enough to touch one of the final squares. "HOLY SHIT!!!!" New-Age Retro Prince yelled. Then he thought, wait, why'd I say that? Nothing's happened yet! Suddenly, the room began to rumble, and the New Age Retro Prince looked behind him. The elevator had disappeared, revealing a large slope, and a room-sized Disco Ball that was headed his way!
"HOLY SHIT!!!!" The New Age Retro Prince yelled. He began to run for his life. He opened the door at the end, which revealed a mine cart, and a long track that seemed to go on toward eternity. New Age Retro Prince hopped into the cart, and pulled a lever. The cart began to roll, and was approaching moderate speed when the disco ball crashed through the wall and head toward the cart! For no apparent reason whatsoever, the New Age Retro Prince suddenly became Dalaamiana Jones! Dalaamina Jones pulled a lever, and the cart began to go faster. The room began to convert from straight to an angle, giving both the Disco Ball, and the cart more speed. For some strange reason, the Disco Ball was picking up speed faster than the cart was, and would run Dalaamiana Jones over in less than two minutes. Dalaamiana thought fast, than pulled a lever labeled- Ludicrous Speed. Never use. Suddenly, the cart slowed down, and stopped. "Crap! What happened?" Dalaamiana asked. The cart suddenly pulled out a note and handed it to Dalaamiana Jones. Wear your seatbelt, dumbass. The note read. Dalaamiana noticed a seatbelt right next to him. He buckled up, and the cart began to go. I don't mean just go, I mean full out, turbo nitroglycerin powered G-O. Dalaamiana Jones felt his brains being pulled into his feet, as he hung onto the front of the cart for dear life. The Disco Ball kept coming though. It seemed to have a Ludicrous Speed mechanism as well. "What should I do now?" Dalaamiana asked. He opened the book, which was now labeled, Adventurer's Guide. Dalaamiana opened it and it read: Dumbass. Haven't you ever seen the movie, Indiana Jones? Oh, well, since we don't want to be sued, there's a crowbar up ahead with your name on it. "Okay, thanks." Dalaamiana Jones said. He spotted a bar on the ceiling. "I've got to jump for it!" Dalaamiana said. He stood up in his cart, which was a miracle at the speed the cart was literally flying at. Dalaamiana took a deep breath, then jumped. He held onto the bar with all of his might, and he hung there. Unfortunately, he forgot how close the giant Disco Ball was to the ceiling. "Crap!" Dalaamiana swore. He used what was left of his strength to hoist his lower body up toward the ceiling. It was very painful. But luckily, the Disco Ball didn't even touch him as it sailed past. Dalaamiana dropped down, and looked as the cart crashed into a wall, and the Disco Ball crashed through the wall, revealing Fourside, as the crazy Disco Ball began to wreak havoc upon the city.
"That was a close one." Dalaamiana declared. He reverted to Poo, Prince of Dalaam, and climbed his way back to the Disco room. He didn't change or anything. Since the trap had already been set, he didn't need to worry about it. Poo walked towards the slope where the Disco Ball had come from, and climbed it up to a room. This room was a laboratory! Poo looked around, and found that, in the center of the room, surrounded by spotlight, was a crowbar, and a sign hung above it, which read, Crowbar used to pick the defective keycard from the elevator. "Phew!" Poo let out a sigh of relief. He took the crowbar, and the keycard, which was conveniently attached to it. He turned around, and screamed. In front of him was a huge tube, and inside it was the vilest, most horrific thing Poo had ever seen. The tube was labeled Project #83. Poo exited the lab, and went to a switch on the wall, which shifted the elevator from slope, to elevator mode. He first picked the keycard out of the keyhole with the crowbar, then inserted the keycard, and the elevator slowly rose. It picked up speed, and stopped at the 6th level. Poo stepped out, and stepped on something. He looked down, and there was a completely repaired Legendary Prince Katana, smeared in blood. Poo picked it up, noticing that the blood was dry. "What is going on?" He asked himself. He stepped into the middle of the room. "Who could have repaired the katana?" He asked. A small rustling sound came from overhead, making Poo overly alert. Suddenly, there was another whistling, and Poo was ambushed by something! "ACK!" Poo screamed. He stuck his Katana through it immediately. He stood up, and looked at the katana, to find something large, brown and hairy. A giant spider had jumped Poo. "Shit! How'd that thing grow so big?" He asked. A large scurrying sound arose, and Poo looked up to a hole in the ceiling. Coming through it were dozens of spiders! "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Poo screamed. He opened the elevator, took out a grenade, pulled the tab off, left it in the room, and pushed the elevator button. There was an almighty explosion, as a shriek of pain came from somewhere distant... Then, an audible snapping, made Poo jump. He began falling, and felt weightless. The elevator wires had been cut. Poo didn't even have time to curse before the elevator crashed and he blacked out. Poo opened his eyes. He was in the elevator, and just barely alive. Next to him was a first-aid kit. He weakly opened it, and applied bandages and such. He got out some Rice Gruel, and recovered some health. "What happened? Why did the elevator wires get cut?" Poo asked himself. He got to his feet, which he found excruciatingly painful, and pushed the button to open the elevator doors, with his bloody finger. The doors opened, revealing that the elevator had been screwed up... There was the laboratory that Poo had been in a few hours ago! He limped into the lab, unaware that he was leaving a blood trail. He looked around, and painfully gasped. There was the huge tube with the creature in it before, only now, the glass was broken, and the creature was nowhere to be found. Poo turned his head from left to right. There was nothing in there, or so it seemed. Poo got out his M-79, and limped toward one of the desks in the lab. Suddenly, a window to Poo's right, exploded. In burst a dog. Only this was not any normal dog. This dog had dead, white eyes, it was bloody, and certain appendages were hanging on by skin-like threads. Poo got up just in time to load his M-79, as the dog ran at full speed towards Poo. The dog leaped, fangs bared, and- BOOM. The M-79 went off, blasting the dog's head off. Poo went back to the desk to inspect a diary entry. It was labeled around three weeks back. This is what it read:
June 13: We have moved into the Monotoli Building for a cover on our operations. We have all ready done much work by setting up a laboratory in the basement of the building, and we've all gotten much done with setting up the equipment. We shall begin our chemical testing soon.
June 15: We have made a puzzling discovery in one of our chemicals today, when we tested it on one of the Monotoli employees secretly. The subject appeared to go into a comatose state, then began walking around aimlessly. He attacked one of us, and tried to devour him, but we had taken measures to insure our safety. The 'zombie' was dealt with immediately.
June 16: This new chemical is quite astounding. We performed a heart diagnoses on one of the test subjects of this 'D-Virus,' and it showed no signs of life whatsoever, even though the body was moving around like it was alive! We have postponed further testing.
June 17: Damn! Some idiot dropped a large vat of the D-Virus, and the gases from the virus have seeped into the building. We shall have to leave soon, or we will be blamed for the mutations.
June 18: Our research team was attacked by some of these D-Virus Zombies today. While a couple Pistol shells deals with them easily, I don't know if we can hold them back for much longer, considering that the entire building was infected.
June 20: Our research team has gotten fresh ammunition from the corporation, but I fear it may not be enough. One of our team was killed by our new project, the Chimeras. One of them escaped, and savagely brutalized one of our team. On the plus side, Project #83 is going well through the test results, and it can do no harm for it is in cryogenic hibernation.
June 22: The Chimeras have broken loose. It was a nightmare as we tried to restrain them, but they were far too strong. Nearly half of our forces were killed today.
June 23: The Parasol Corporation has built a plan, In a couple of weeks, we will set off a nuclear bomb in the building, after evacuating the city. Hopefully, all personnel still alive will be out of the building by then...
June 24: I'm beginning to feel as though I am the final survivor. Everybody else tried to evacuate, and I haven't seen any of them since. *Growl* Hey, what's that? Oh, Damn! It's a Chimera! *BOOM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BOOM!* Take that, you damned creature from the deepest pits of hell! *ROAR!! ROAR!!* (BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BOOM!!!) *Silence* Phew. That got me scared...
Oh shit!!! There's another one! And another one! And three more! AAAAAAHHHHHH-.
(End of entries)
"Oh my god..." Poo spoke. "What were they doing here, anyways?" He opened the book, as to ask it a question. 'Well, if I were you, I'd be scared shitless right now. Why don't you keep on the lookout for those Chimeras? They sound pretty bad, so if I were you, I wouldn't be a dumbass and just wander around, waiting to get killed by some huge monster.' Poo looked around. All that he could see was an empty laboratory. Suddenly, a roar from above made Poo jump. He looked to the left, and saw a glass tube elevator slowly come down with... something in it. It looked like a lion, but it had a goat's head above the lion head, it's tail was a snake, and on its chest was a falcon's head. "Oh my god... What have they done?" Poo was frozen to the spot. He was terrified beyond belief. He reached for his bazooka, loaded a grenade round in, and fired at the elevator. He was shaking so badly, that he hit just to the right of the elevator, making the Chimera roar once again. The elevator reached the bottom, and the see-through door opened up. The Chimera roared. It took one look at Poo, and started dashing. Poo fired a grenade round at the beast. It made a direct hit, but the creature kept coming. Poo fired another grenade round, and it also hit dead-on, but the Chimera kept dashing. The Chimera leaped, and was about to make it to Poo, when he fired another grenade round, and the creature just exploded! Bits and pieces all over the place, and acidic blood covered Poo. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Poo screamed, taking much damage. He ran around for a while, then ran right into a wall. Poo opened his eyes, and found a lab coat. Poo changed into it, and used PSI Healing Beta to get the acid off of him. He also found something on the table next to him. It was labeled, 'Experimental Weapon Unit: Colt Python.' It looked like a pistol, but much larger. Poo picked it up, and discovered that it was very heavy. He put the book in his backpack, and picked up the Colt Python with both of his hands. Conveniently placed next to the Colt on the table, was a newer model of a keycard. "Must be for the glass elevator." Poo spoke. He walked toward the elevator, and went inside. He placed the keycard in the slot, and it began to rise. After a while, Poo wondered how much longer the elevator would take to rise. It came to a stop, and right when the door opened up, a Zombie Dog jumped Poo! "ACK!" Poo screamed. He lifted the Colt Python, and shot it. The impact was incredible. It was like stuffing a cannon into a pistol! The recoil was so bad, that Poo found himself against the wall of the elevator. He opened his eyes, to find the Zombie Dog without its head, or its upper body, or its front legs... "Shit! Where in the hell did this gun come from???" Poo yelled. He walked out the elevator door and came unto a long, stretching corridor, which began to seem common within the Monotoli Building... Poo looked down the hallway, and seeing no signs of any of the mutated creatures about, he slowly made his way into the first door on the left side of the hallway...
By EB Minion
(Yeah, yeah, the credits and such. My first fanfic here, this will be. Concept by EB Minion. Story by EB Minion. Earthbound and Mother One are distributive copywrite property of Nintendo, and Ape, Resident Evil is distributive copywrite property of Capcom. Characters by EB Minion. Yes, if the riddle sounds familiar, I took it from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, so don't sue me.)
"This is Daisuke Hiroshima of the Eagleland Times with a special, live report. Fourside has gone through major changes in the past five months. The Monotoli Building has been expanded, and so has the department store. Also, a new building has been put in the city. It is the grounds for the new Parasol Corporation, a major chemical testing company. As well, a weapons selling store known as The Armory has also moved into the big city. But, the city may well have to be evacuated, says officials. Recent events have brought the busy city to a deafening stop. Eerie disappearances have happened every night for over two weeks now! Employees from the Monotoli Building have yet to come out for over three weeks now, and a week later, the disappearances occurred. A local citizen passed by the Monotoli Building this very morning- and fainted. It was found in the alleyway, bits of human flesh, and chewed up bone, smeared in large patches of dried blood. A backpack was found in the alley, which matches that of Jamie Cosdav 's backpack. Jamie disappeared only a couple of days ago while walking home from school- she never returned home. A bizarre slew of sightings has also plagued the town. Witnesses claim to have seen odd, humanoid creatures staring out of the windows in all areas of the building, and there have been sightings of 'zombies' reportedly attacking people in the dead of night. Many different people all have the same description of these nightly thugs: torn, or tattered clothing, bloody, and misshapen bodies or heads. These figures are almost always seen at midnight, though there has been only one single day sighting, when a witness was attacked by one of these 'zombies,' and just narrowly escaped. Incidentally, items with the Parasol Corporation's name brand were also found in the Monotoli Building's alleyway, among several strange items. Of the most interesting items, a journal from a Parasol Operative was found, and the information has been withheld from the press. We do have knowledge that the journal may contain information regarding the disappearances. We interviewed Parasol for their comment on the discoveries. President Pokey Minch was unavailable for comment, but Vice-president Itoi Mishoyume was available, but he merely claimed that the whole thing was 'coincidence' and the result of 'mass-hysteria.' Finally, we have contacted the four children responsible for ending the 'Giygas Conflict,' a worldwide event in which a universal being attacked earth. These four children are: Ness Wallace of Onett, Paula Polestar of Twoson, Jeffrey Andonuts of Winters, and Prince Poo Tarou of Dalaam. We are hoping that they'll investigate the Monotoli Building and report what the disappearances, and sightings are about. This is Daisuke Hiroshima from the Eagleland Times out, have a good day."
As the report ended, Ness immediately teleported to Fourside, as did Poo (Don't ask me how they contacted Poo, or how he even knows about the report). "Where's Jeff, and Paula?" Ness asked. "I don't know, but this situation gives me the craips!" Poo said. "Poo, its 'creeps.'" Ness corrected. "Whatever... Hey! What's that in the sky?" Poo asked. "It's a bird!" Ness shouted. "No! It's a plane!" Screamed some by-stander. "Whatever it is, it's coming this way, fast!!" Poo yelled. The Sky-Runner flew in fast, and just as it was about to make all of the concrete within a mile pebbles, it came closer, and closer. Everybody sensed death approaching, when all of a sudden... the Sky-Runner unexpectedly stopped in mid-air, hovering just 5 feet above the ground! "Heh, heh. Air brakes. I finally invented something to make this tin can fly right!" shouted a certain blonde haired, green suited, glasses-wearing kid genius. "Jeff!" exclaimed Poo. The Sky Runner instantly opened a doorway and stairs appeared. Jeff stepped out, and right after him came a pink-dressed, red-ribbon-in-haired girl... "Paula!" Ness shouted. Poo and Ness ran up to their friends, and exchanged friendly looks. "It is great to see you all again." Poo spoke nobly. They all looked up at the Monotoli Building. Its helipad, as well as the top few levels, was not visible due to a mysterious fog covering the top area... "Creepy." Paula said as she shuddered. "It is time to investigate." Ness said. "I will go in first." He spoke, bringing out his bat. "But Ness," Paula started, "We're a team. We should go in together!" Ness looked at her, and shook his head. "I'm the strongest of the group. I will handle this. Don't worry about me, Paula." Ness claimed. He looked at them all, waved goodbye, and entered the Monotoli Building. Eight hours passed... and he never returned...
"Ness!" Paula shrieked. It was beginning to grow dark out, so Jeff suggested that they go into the hotel and turn in for the night. Surely, Ness would come out sooner or later. They all slept a rather stressful night, worrying about Ness. They got up, and headed for the Monotoli Building. They got there and it was around 8 a.m., but no sign of Ness. "I'm going in after him, to find out what happened." Jeff claimed. "Jeff! You can't go! NO!" Paula screamed. "I have to, Paula. I have a laser, so if anything tries to get me, they will be fried before they so much as breathe on me." Jeff spoke. He ventured into the building, carrying a book titled, 'Research of Zombies' which he surely brought along because of the eyewitness reports of zombies. Paula screamed, trying to get into the building to help Jeff, but couldn't move because Poo was holding her back. "Let go of me!" Paula shrieked. She finally calmed down after a while, but now Jeff... He never returned...
It had taken another hour for hopeful Paula to realize that Jeff was not coming back. Poo had restrained her for some time, but his strength was diminishing. "Let go of me, Poo! I've gotta help Ness and Jeff! They might be trapped in there!!!" Paula shouted at the top of her lungs. Poo, seeing that his struggle to keep her at bay would be futile, finally released her, then checked into the hotel to regain his strength. The next morning however, Paula, nor Ness, or even Jeff had returned even once...
Poo screamed. His friends needed his help. But first, he decided to stop at The Armory to do something. When he got there, he had his Sword of Kings upgraded to the Legendary Prince Katana! Poo took the Katana and went back to the Monotoli Building. He valorously stepped inside. The first room was now a deep shade of red, and the lights were off, creating a rather grisly effect. Poo stepped on something hard. He looked down, and screamed. It was the zombie research book that Jeff had been carrying! He picked it up, and dropped it suddenly. Some blood was splattered on the corner of the page. Judging from the color, it had dried for some time, but now, Poo realized why the room was so red... "EEEEEKKKK!!!!!!" Poo screamed. For some odd reason, he instantly calmed down, and bent over to pick up the research book. He opened it to the first page. It read, 'This is the Zombie Research Book. I am your guide to the world of the undead. I only have one request: Do not flip to the last page, as there is no information there on the zombie's weaknesses, or how to beat the final boss in this place.' "Zombie's weaknesses? Hot damn!" Poo exclaimed. He quickly flipped to the last page in the book. It read, 'You dumbass! I told you not to flip to the last page of the book! How do you expect to survive even three minutes in here with an attitude like that? Oh, yeah, there's a zombie right behind you.' "ACK!" Poo screamed. He turned around, and saw a piece of collapsed ceiling on the floor. He then heard raspy breathing behind him. The breathing got closer and closer still. The sound was almost on top of him, when Poo took out his Katana, and sliced through something- something very hard and thick! Poo heard a thud, and looked behind him. There, lying on a pool of blood, was a humanoid figure. It didn't look right, somehow. Poo turned it over with his katana, and gasped. The figure had its eyes wide open, and those eyes had no pupils, or even color, for that matter. Simple, dead white. Then, its skin was in bloody tatters. It entire body looked as though somebody had carved a life size model of a human, with a pretty good idea of human anatomy, except for visual appearance. This thing looked in every way human, except, well, just not! Poo opened the elevator, and stepped inside. He placed his katana in a sheath, where he forgot all about it.
Poo opened the book again, and it said, 'Hello again. In this building, there are around 20 keycards, which will allow you to carry this elevator to different levels on the building. If you want to know where to find the keycards, flip to page 12. ' Poo flipped the page to 12, and this is what the book read: 'You cheater! How the hell would I know where to find even one of those frickin' keycards? You're on your own for that one, ya jackass! ' Poo looked at the book disdainfully. He pushed the number 2 button on the elevator, and it began to go up. As the doors opened, Poo's heart gave a jump- two zombies were rounding the corner and spotted Poo at that very minute! He opened the book again. "I'm sorry about that! I'm cornered by zombies and am unarmed! What do I do, what do I do?" he asked. He opened the book and here was its response: 'If you are cornered by a pair of zombies, and you are unarmed, flip to page 8.' Poo did as the book said. When he got to page 8, he was greeted by a black picture, with a skull and cross-bones on it. It read:
'Prepare to Die!' "Crap!" Poo yelled. Then, he noticed the fine print on the bottom of the page, it read, 'If you have a katana which you have conveniently forgotten about up to this point, please flip to page 16. ' Poo flipped to the page. It read: 'You dumbass! You had a katana and you forgot about it, while these frickin' brain-eaters are about to serve you up as the main course? Get out your katana and use it. Now. I'm serious. Stop reading this and deal with the zombies. I'm warning you, STOP READING THIS! If you're still reading this, flip to page 99. ' Poo flipped to page 99 quickly. It read: 'YOU DUMBASS!!!!!!!' all the way down the page at least 50 times. Poo got the message and put the book away, drew his katana, and made short work of the zombies by slicing off their heads. He was shaken up a bit. He had been trained in Dalaam to deal with any situation calmly, but that didn't mean he wasn't scared...
As he walked through the lonely hallway, he barely spotted any zombies, and those he did see were busy, munching on something... Poo hurried past them, and after a while, he came across a spot on the floor, where a solitary figure was lying. That figure was wearing a pink dress. "Paula!" Poo exclaimed. The figure rolled over. It was indeed Paula, but she was terribly scarred. "Poo? Is that you?" She asked. Poo nodded. "When I came up here, I was ambushed by this terrible creature, who called himself, 'D Minion...' It was horrible. He was carrying a bazooka, and one of his arms was shaped like an enormous claw. He was huge and terrifying... I couldn't fight him. He bit me, and I'm going to become one of those... things... in just a few hours..." Paula sobbed. "It'll be okay. I'll hunt down 'D Minion,' and I'll find a cure..." Poo reassured her. He looked at the book, and asked, "Where do I find a cure for a zombie?" He opened the book, and the page read: 'If you want to know where to find a cure for a zombie, flip to page 51.' Poo looked at the book, unsure whether he wanted to flip to that page or not... He flipped to page 49. 'You idiot! I told you to flip to page 51! If you're gonna keep up that kind of an attitude, I won't tell you what the cure is. *Coughdumbasscough*' Poo bowed his head, then flipped to page 51. 'Thank you. Now if we can please get on with this without some jerk flipping to random pages... Zombie Cure:
Dust of the Moon
A Piece of Dead Skin
D' Minion's afrodelic groove machine
The Bitten Person's Strand of Hair
Mix, then serve with olives on the side for a delightful and tasty dish for the undead. This is Chef Wiseass saying goodnight.' Poo raised his eyebrow. "Where am I supposed to get any of those things?" He asked. He flipped to another page in the book. 'How the hell would I know? I can't get up and walk around like one of those pansies from Walt Disney! Anyway, you have eyes too, ya know. Use em!' So Poo got up, and started walking. He figured that he was near the end of the hall, when a loud crash from behind made him jump! Poo looked behind him, and saw nothing... He proceeded down the hallway, and another crash made his heart leap. He looked behind himself again, but nothing was there. He finally reached the end of the hallway, which was a dead end, and turned around to get back into the elevator. He had walked no less than ten feet, when a deafening crash came from behind. Poo turned around, thinking he would see the dead end, but instead, he saw a large hole, with a monster standing in front of it. "Ack! What the hell is that thing?" Poo asked. He opened the book to page 18. 'That would be 'D Minion. Have fun, kids.'
Poo closed the book, and stared at the creature. Paula was right about its description. It was huge, gray, and it had a large claw for an arm, and it was carrying a large, thin device, which must have been the bazooka. Poo took a swipe at D' Minion with his Katana, only to have D' Minion shriek an unearthly cry. D' Minion backed up, then fired his bazooka! "Holy shit!" Poo yelled. He hid behind a chair as the massive bullet flew through the hallway. Poo took his Katana and swiped D' Minion's arm off! D' Minion started screaming, then grabbed its arm, and the bazooka, and ran away. "Phew." Poo breathed a sigh of relief. He opened the research book again, wondering what to do now. 'Good job. You actually lasted against D' Minion. Of course, I could've done it, without dodging that bazooka blast, either! I could've done it in less than a minute, as well! Anyways, I can't think up an insult right now, so just go get one of that hussy, Paula's hairs now.' Poo began to walk back down the hallway. He encountered a whole bunch of zombies, who were really slow, but tried to chase Poo anyway. He finally got to where he had found Paula, only to find the spot empty. He heard raspy breathing, and turned around to find a zombie wearing a pink dress- and platform shoes. "Paula! What the hell happened???" Poo asked. He looked into the book again. 'Well, let's see here... I dunno, maybe, possibly, she might have turned into, oh, I don't know, maybe an... Insane New-Age Retro Zombie! Good luck getting one of her hairs, wuss.' Poo closed the book, and turned back to Paula. He reached out to grab one of her hairs, when she grabbed his arm, and bit it! "Yeow! Good thing I'm immune to the ancient art of Zombie-Hokodan..." Poo said as he pulled out one of her hairs, then knocked her damned form out of consciousness with the flat of his Katana... He walked back towards the dead end that wasn't much of a dead end anymore, occasionally hacking the heads off of zombies that got in his way. Man, those guys were too slow to make a challenge! He reached the really creepy dead-end scene that now had a hole in it. Poo climbed through the hole, to find a long, hidden passageway. There were zombies lining the walls of the hallway. Apparently, D' Minion had gone on a rampage after having its arm cut off. Poo would certainly hate to be one of those zombies, smeared across the walls right now... He noticed a certain style with the zombies, now. There were some wearing platform shoes, there were some with really long hair and strange, tinted glasses, as well as bell-bottom pants! Man, this is weird, Poo thought. Those blood-spattered walls remind me of the Sephiroth scene at the Shinra Headquarters in FF7. Wait a second... what the hell is FF7? Wait a second, what the fuck am I thinking about???
Poo walked down the twisting corridors that seemed to go on forever. D' Minion certainly was fast, for it had been half an hour since he had entered the mysterious hole... Poo finally reached a dead end, but on the wall, was a riddle:
'Think of a person who lives in disguise, and deals in secret, and tells naught but lies. Next, say what's the last thing to mend, the middle of middle and end of the end? Finally, a sound often heard when searching through your mind for a hard-to-find word. Please string them together and tell me this: What is the creature you would never kiss?'
Poo thought about this hard, then looked inside the book. He turned to page 39 because 39 was his favorite number. 'What do I look like, a computer? Figure out your own damn answers, bastard!' Poo slammed the book shut, then began to think. 'A person in disguise... tells nothing but lies... deals in secrets...' Poo's mind instantly flipped back to the Giygas Conflict, 5 and ½ months ago... The Valley of Time... Giygas and Pokey knew that the four destined children were coming, but how? Something, or someone had told them. A... "Spy!" Poo exclaimed, figuring the first part of the clue. 'Now, last thing to mend... Middle of middle... End of end?' This was a trick question. It had to be, unless... 'Last thing to mend...
M-E-N-D... D! Middle of middle... M-I-D-D-L-E... End of end...
E-N-D...' "The letter D!" Poo exclaimed, figuring out the next part of the clue. Now for the last part of the clue... 'A sound often heard when trying to find a hard-to-find word... Uh, I'll have to think about this one... er, um, er, Wait! Er! "Er!" Poo exclaimed. "SPY-D-ER... I've got it, Spider! I would never kiss a spider!" Poo shouted. Suddenly, a door formed on the side of the dead end, and opened up! Poo stepped through quickly. He then felt his bare-foot step on something cold and squishy. He looked down, and screamed. There on the ground, was a half-zombified Jeff, glasses and all! He looked at the book, asking what to do again, and it said, 'Since you figured that clue out by your self, I won't insult ya this time. Just pick his hair and worry about em later. Now leave me alone! I want to get a bit of sleep here!'
"Okay, okay, geez..." Poo said, closing the book, picking one of Jeff's hairs, and advancing forward. There was really nothing he could do for his friend now. He walked forward, and came in contact with what he first thought was a zombie. Poo pulled out his Katana, when all of a sudden, the zombie spoke. "Hey! Watch it with that thing!" he said. Poo jumped. "Who are you?" asked Poo. "I'm some person only known to others as... Some Person!" Some Person explained. Poo stared at him. "Did you see how all of these zombies got here?" he asked. "No, but I see what happened to that kid back there. I got into the building via a secret passageway, and I was luckily carrying a rifle and an M-79. I entered somewhere near here, and zombies were all over that kid. I shot all of 'em down, and made sure that the zombification process was slowed. I have that kind of ability... By the way, who are you?" asked Some Person. "I am Prince Poo of Dalaam. Thank you for saving my friend, Jeff." Some Person shook hands with Poo. "Wow! The prince of Dalaam! What an honor... Anyways, check your friend over there. He was carrying something that you might want to use later on. By the- Hey! What was that?" Some Person said. A low rumbling entered the hallways. Poo heard it too, and became increasingly nervous. Suddenly, a wall exploded behind Poo! He turned around, and there was D' Minion, with his arm somehow reattached, but now, he was packing some kind of a long, thin device attached to the arm! "Shit! What the hell is that thing?" Some Person said with a tone of panic to his voice. "That's 'D Minion. I don't know who he is, or what he is, but he's out to kick some major ass." Poo replied. Some Person took another look at the advancing creature. "Looks like we'll have to work together, eh?" Some Person said. Poo nodded, and drew his Katana. Some Person took out the rifle, and with a deafening BOOM, blasted a chunk of the monster's leg off. D' Minion roared and used its enormous claw to belt Some Person in the stomach, knocking major wind out of him. Poo attempted to slice D' Minion's arm off again, but it caught on quickly, and blasted Poo with the laser weapon attached to its arm. "Crap! It has a laser now?" Poo asked. D' Minion nodded, and spoke in a gruff, scratchy voice. "Yes. I'm D' Minion. Prepare to die, Poo, Prince of Dalaam!" Poo shot it a confused look. "How in the hell do you know about me?" D' Minion said nothing, but took aim with its laser beam. Suddenly, a round of acid came out of nowhere, and began dissolving the metal of the laser beam! Poo looked to where the acid had come from, and saw Jeff, still half-transformed, holding a bazooka up with both hands. He then collapsed. Poo used the distraction to fire Starstorm Omega at D' Minion while Some Person pumped lead into its head with his M-79. The creature was blown back through a wall, and growled. "You haven't seen the last of me, Prince Poo!" D' Minion yelled angrily as he broke through a wall into another secret passageway.
"I guess that'll take care of him for a while." Some Person claimed. Poo suddenly thrust the zombie research book into Some Person's arms. "Here. You take it for a while. I'm sure it'll come in handy for you." Poo said. Some Person looked from the book, to Poo, and nodded, then ran off. Poo turned toward Jeff, and walked up to him. Poo took the bazooka from Jeff, and just in case, took Jeff's Gaia Beam from his inventory and equipped it onto Jeff. Poo then pulled the keycard for the third floor out of Jeff's inventory, and walked back through the hallway, to the elevator. As he exited the long, narrow hallway, he noticed that most of the zombies that had been smeared against the walls were gone. Most perplexing, but Poo had other things in mind at the moment. As he reached the spot with Paula again, he noticed that she was still unconscious. He ran back to the elevator, and didn't know what to do, until he spotted a slot in the back somewhere, with a notice on it. 'Insert elevator keycard here.' Poo did as the note suggested, and immediately felt a pulling sensation. It stopped abruptly, and the doors opened. Poo was in a large dining room, obviously for meetings and such. In the room was a large, rectangular table, and chairs on all sides. There was lots of uneaten food on the table. Poo was hungry, so he sat down to eat, not noticing that a door in the far corner was slowly opening... Poo was eating a dish he had never seen, which appeared to be bread, smothered in whipped cream and strawberries. Such a strange food! Poo finished the odd dish, when he heard a strange sound. It was a slithering sound, only much louder. Poo looked all around the room, and saw nothing. He stood up, and a piercing, white-hot pain entered his leg! "AAAARRRGGGG!!!!!" He screamed. He looked down, and below him was the largest, most massive snake Poo had ever seen. He kicked the snake, which proved to have no effect. He brought out his Katana, and slashed at the snake's head. Blood spattered on Poo's clothing, and suddenly, the poison began to take effect. Poo's reflexes slowed down. Poo brought out his bazooka, and fired a round at the snake, eating away at its skin. Poo's body was wracked with pain now, as the poison took effect at hyper speed. Somehow, it had entered his blood stream at an incredibly fast rate. Poo used PSI Healing b for now, and the poison stopped. He now had to contend with the snake before it bit him again. Poo once again took out his Katana and slashed at the snake over, and over again. It began to slow down, and was weakened by all of the attacks. The snake slithered away, into a large hole in the wall, big enough for a snake of that size, but not big enough for Poo to follow. Poo, remembering the key ingredients in the cure for zombies, got a large packet of olives off of the table, next to someone's salad. He walked to the end of the table, and tripped over something. He got up, and saw that whatever he had tripped over, was metallic, and had a picture of the moon on it. He seized the crest, and got up. He opened a door in the far corner, only to encounter an Executive New-Age Retro Zombie! Poo sliced it in half, and seized a key card from its hand. Poo quickly retreated back to the elevator, while the zombie halves came after him.
Poo inserted the keycard, and rose to level 4. The door opened and there, right in front of Poo, was a zombie in a yellow and blue shirt, with a red baseball cap. "Ness!" Poo shouted. He ran over to the zombie, dodging its attacks, and picked a piece of hair off of the zombie's head. 'Ness' then took a swipe at Poo's head, stunning him for a moment. Poo regained his senses just in time to avoid being bitten by 'Ness.' Poo ran down the twisting corridors, which were extremely empty. He grinned. He had stolen a shotgun from 'Ness' when he wasn't looking. These foreign weapons that Poo had never used before would come in handy. They were simple to manipulate. All you had to do was aim and pull the trigger! Suddenly, Poo reached the end of the hallway, and groaned. There were six doors here. Poo didn't have long to decide, because all of the doors opened simultaneously and six zombies appeared!
Poo took out his Katana and swiped their heads off. He breathed a sigh of relief, but that sigh turned into a scream as he felt something tear into his arm. He turned around, and there was D' Minion, his large claw stained with Poo's blood. Poo took out the shotgun and shot it dead-zero in the eyes. D' Minion, temporarily blinded, shrieked, and began blasting random things with his laser beam. Poo was hit multiple times by the beam, but concealed his pain so that D' Minion wouldn't know where he was. Poo backed up, and bumped into something. He turned around, and saw a table... with a pack of grenade rounds in it! Poo loaded a round of them into his bazooka and fired. The explosion was terrific. D' Minion cried, "I don't know where you are, but I'll find you... eventually!" and ran off, howling in pain. "Phew. That was close!" Poo said, using a quick PSI Lifeup Beta to heal himself. He entered one of the doors. Inside, was a desk, and some shotgun shells. Poo picked up the shells, then read a note that was on the desk. It was a journal, dated up to two and a half weeks ago:
June 14: The new Parasol Corporation operatives have moved into the building, and have already set up a laboratory specifically for chemical use. I tried to get in, but they shoo'ed me away. Oh well.
June 17: There are rumors spreading around that a chemical has escaped the Parasol lab and seeped into all of the office buildings through the air vents. I just think that they're rumors, though... Mr. Monotoli has assured that there is nothing to worry about, so I suppose there isn't.
June 23: People are beginning to complain about an odd rash on their backs that looks decayed and festering, even though it has just appeared. Creepy...
June 24: Oh my god. I walked into a fellow employee's cubicle today, and saw something trying to kill Steve? What the hell is going on here? Both Steve and I are lucky that I was carrying that shotgun. Lots of suspicious things going on... Can't be too careful.
June 26: Almost everybody is starting to complain of weird rashes on their backs. To my horror, I saw a person, showing their rash off to the Parasol medical team. It was bloody, and a lot of the skin on it was just falling off. No scratching or anything. The skin died instantly.
June 27: I am starting to develop one of those rashes. They're very itchy, and gross. I don't know what's going on, but some of the employees around here are beginning to just wander around, showing no signs of life unless extremely close to another human being. I've seen multiple attacks today, and the Parasol medical team is doing nothing about it! I'm really scared...
July 1: Things happening. Me don't know what's going on. Me almost attacked friend today. What wrong with me?
July 2: Steve walked in. He ugly, so I kill him. Mmm... tasty.
July 3: Chewy... tasty...
And that was the end of the journal entries. The story chilled Poo to the bone. He walked out of the room, and walked into a room directly across from the room he was just in. This was the same as the last room- A desk, and a bed, and a closet. On this desk, was a keycard! Poo grabbed the keycard. The moment the keycard left the desk, the door closed, and the closet opened, revealing the enormous snake! It was revitalized. "So, come back for more, huh, worthy opponent?" Poo asked. He took out his bazooka, and fired a grenade round at the floor. The snake instantly burned to a crisp, and the door reopened. Poo stepped out side, only to be confronted by a laser. "D' Minion!" Poo yelled. "That's right!" said a scratchy voice. D' Minion appeared, and immediately swiped Poo's bazooka out of his hands. Poo took out the shotgun, and fired at point-blank range, only to have found that he didn't aim well enough, and only took a small chunk off of D' Minion's arm. D' Minion swiped the shotgun out of Poo's hand. Poo got out his Legendary Prince Katana! He swiped at D' Minion multiple times, but showed no sign of pain. Instead, he grabbed the Katana out of Poo's hand, and broke it into two! "You fuckin' bastard! That was the one-of-a-kind, custom patented Legendary Prince Katana! Why'd you just snap it in two like that?" Poo roared. D' Minion shrugged, and brought out his laser, setting the power to full, and firing it at Poo. Poo screamed with pain. D' Minion used the back of his claw to hit Poo in the back. Poo gasped for breath. Just as D' Minion was about to use the finishing blow, when suddenly... "PSI Dumbass AlphaSuperb!" said a strange, funny sounding voice. Suddenly, a white-hot laser beam hit D' Minion in the back, and rifle bullets began to rivet his back! Poo collapsed. He woke up back to full health. He was looking into the face of Some Person. Poo immediately stood up. "Wow! You do a fast recovery!" Some Person exclaimed. "Yeah... What happened?" Poo asked. He was in another of those bedrooms. "Well, D' Minion saw you unconscious, so he decided to leave, saying that he'd finish this some other time. I dragged you to the nearest room. It's a good thing I had that first-aid kit with me. Oh yeah. This book has a shitty attitude. You can have it back." Some Person said, thrusting the book into Poo's arms. He took it, and Some Person waved goodbye. "I took some of your ammo, so you can have this!" Some Person said, throwing an M-79 to Poo. "Thanks." Poo said just as Some Person proceeded to leave. "Don't mention it." He said. Poo placed the book in his pocket, and got out of bed. He had the keycard, and was ready to leave. He ran down the halls. The elevator was there, safe and sound. Poo didn't know why he was so paranoid all of a sudden...
Poo got into the elevator, and placed the keycard inside. Suddenly, a blast of sparks shot from the card, and the elevator began to fall. "Ack! What's going on?" Poo asked. He opened the book. 'The keycard has malfunctioned, dumbass. We're now plummeting at least thirty feet down, to our doom. Have a good day, talk to ya later. Bye!' "Crap!" Poo shouted. He experienced weightlessness. Suddenly, the elevator stopped, and Poo smashed into the floor. His nose was bloody. The elevator door opened to reveal the entire floor was in multicolored patches, electronically switching colors every few seconds. "Groovy..." Poo spoke dreamily. He slapped himself. What am I doing? "What should I do?" Poo asked. He opened the book. 'Hey, there's a note over there. Be a dumbass, and read up on it.' Poo looked around, and saw that on the wall next to the elevator, was a large note, labeled: THE NOTE! Poo ran over to The Note! and read it. 'Dear Prince Poo of Dalaam. The keycard has been jammed into the elevator slot, making escape impossible. The stairs are covered in slippery goop, making escape impossible. There is a crowbar you can use to pick the lock out of the door, but it's all the way on the other side of the room. You have to disco dance across the room, and if you step on the wrong block, YOU DIE!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Your worst enemy,
D' Minion.
"Crap! I do not know how to 'Disco Dance!' How am I supposed to reach the other side, if I cannot Disco Dance?" Poo asked. He opened the book, and conveniently flipped to a page with the chapter labeled, Chapter 31: How to Disco Dance. The chapter read: If you ever need to Disco Dance, due to the likely event that a maniacal monster has you trapped in a room where escape is impossible, and the room has a bunch of Disco panels on the floor, and you need to Disco Dance to get across the room, because if you step on the wrong panel, you die, then this is the chapter for you. Disco Dancing is basically a kind of free-style, where you say stuff like 'Groovy,' or 'Peace, dude' or something like that, and you've gotta feel the vibes, man. You have to get in touch with your retro side, man. You know what I'm sayin'? Just try reaching down deep for the force within you, and you'll be able to sense which panels are the bad ones as you dance across the floor. That is all for now. I wish you the best of luck. Okay. Start dancing. Stop reading this. Stop. I mean it. Don't make me come back there, mister. Stop reading this! If you don't stop reading this in the next five seconds, I'm gonna set off the panel which makes you die. "Ack!" Poo yelled. He closed the book, and reached down deep for the force within him.
Within Poo's mind, were many forces at his disposal. PSI, the ancient art of Dalaamian Martial Arts, and many forces Poo had, but could not control, were all in his mind. He was looking for something. He didn't know what, but there was a power in his mind that he needed to grasp. I must find it. The thought echoed through his mind, and appeared as words in his head. He spotted a particular area of his mind. The scene was a large disco pad. He saw himself, dancing like a free spirit along the Disco pad. Moving along every panel with ease. That must be it. Poo thought, avoiding the words that appeared in his head. He landed on the Disco pad, and stared at himself. He reached out a hand, and the person dancing suddenly stopped, looked at Poo, and raised his hand in the exact same position as Poo. It was like a very weird mirror. "Hello." Poo said. The person who looked like Poo mouthed the word 'hello.' Poo's hand touched the person's hand. Poo's hand and the person's hand became one solitary hand. Poo stepped into the person, and the person stepped into Poo. Poo's mind began to grasp a new power that Poo had never experienced before. Poo became The New-Age Retro Prince! The New Age Retro Prince snapped back into consciousness, and saw the Disco pad as some kind of game. A game that he wanted to play extremely badly. He started by stepping on a square. The square flashed green, then blue. "Tubular." New-Age Retro Prince claimed. He began to dance, free-style across the entire room. He always knew which pads were bad, and he easily avoided them. He sensed that the entire final line of disco pads were all bad, so he had to jump for it. As he danced onto the second-to-the-last wave of pads, he stumbled, and his pinky toe extended out just enough to touch one of the final squares. "HOLY SHIT!!!!" New-Age Retro Prince yelled. Then he thought, wait, why'd I say that? Nothing's happened yet! Suddenly, the room began to rumble, and the New Age Retro Prince looked behind him. The elevator had disappeared, revealing a large slope, and a room-sized Disco Ball that was headed his way!
"HOLY SHIT!!!!" The New Age Retro Prince yelled. He began to run for his life. He opened the door at the end, which revealed a mine cart, and a long track that seemed to go on toward eternity. New Age Retro Prince hopped into the cart, and pulled a lever. The cart began to roll, and was approaching moderate speed when the disco ball crashed through the wall and head toward the cart! For no apparent reason whatsoever, the New Age Retro Prince suddenly became Dalaamiana Jones! Dalaamina Jones pulled a lever, and the cart began to go faster. The room began to convert from straight to an angle, giving both the Disco Ball, and the cart more speed. For some strange reason, the Disco Ball was picking up speed faster than the cart was, and would run Dalaamiana Jones over in less than two minutes. Dalaamiana thought fast, than pulled a lever labeled- Ludicrous Speed. Never use. Suddenly, the cart slowed down, and stopped. "Crap! What happened?" Dalaamiana asked. The cart suddenly pulled out a note and handed it to Dalaamiana Jones. Wear your seatbelt, dumbass. The note read. Dalaamiana noticed a seatbelt right next to him. He buckled up, and the cart began to go. I don't mean just go, I mean full out, turbo nitroglycerin powered G-O. Dalaamiana Jones felt his brains being pulled into his feet, as he hung onto the front of the cart for dear life. The Disco Ball kept coming though. It seemed to have a Ludicrous Speed mechanism as well. "What should I do now?" Dalaamiana asked. He opened the book, which was now labeled, Adventurer's Guide. Dalaamiana opened it and it read: Dumbass. Haven't you ever seen the movie, Indiana Jones? Oh, well, since we don't want to be sued, there's a crowbar up ahead with your name on it. "Okay, thanks." Dalaamiana Jones said. He spotted a bar on the ceiling. "I've got to jump for it!" Dalaamiana said. He stood up in his cart, which was a miracle at the speed the cart was literally flying at. Dalaamiana took a deep breath, then jumped. He held onto the bar with all of his might, and he hung there. Unfortunately, he forgot how close the giant Disco Ball was to the ceiling. "Crap!" Dalaamiana swore. He used what was left of his strength to hoist his lower body up toward the ceiling. It was very painful. But luckily, the Disco Ball didn't even touch him as it sailed past. Dalaamiana dropped down, and looked as the cart crashed into a wall, and the Disco Ball crashed through the wall, revealing Fourside, as the crazy Disco Ball began to wreak havoc upon the city.
"That was a close one." Dalaamiana declared. He reverted to Poo, Prince of Dalaam, and climbed his way back to the Disco room. He didn't change or anything. Since the trap had already been set, he didn't need to worry about it. Poo walked towards the slope where the Disco Ball had come from, and climbed it up to a room. This room was a laboratory! Poo looked around, and found that, in the center of the room, surrounded by spotlight, was a crowbar, and a sign hung above it, which read, Crowbar used to pick the defective keycard from the elevator. "Phew!" Poo let out a sigh of relief. He took the crowbar, and the keycard, which was conveniently attached to it. He turned around, and screamed. In front of him was a huge tube, and inside it was the vilest, most horrific thing Poo had ever seen. The tube was labeled Project #83. Poo exited the lab, and went to a switch on the wall, which shifted the elevator from slope, to elevator mode. He first picked the keycard out of the keyhole with the crowbar, then inserted the keycard, and the elevator slowly rose. It picked up speed, and stopped at the 6th level. Poo stepped out, and stepped on something. He looked down, and there was a completely repaired Legendary Prince Katana, smeared in blood. Poo picked it up, noticing that the blood was dry. "What is going on?" He asked himself. He stepped into the middle of the room. "Who could have repaired the katana?" He asked. A small rustling sound came from overhead, making Poo overly alert. Suddenly, there was another whistling, and Poo was ambushed by something! "ACK!" Poo screamed. He stuck his Katana through it immediately. He stood up, and looked at the katana, to find something large, brown and hairy. A giant spider had jumped Poo. "Shit! How'd that thing grow so big?" He asked. A large scurrying sound arose, and Poo looked up to a hole in the ceiling. Coming through it were dozens of spiders! "AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!" Poo screamed. He opened the elevator, took out a grenade, pulled the tab off, left it in the room, and pushed the elevator button. There was an almighty explosion, as a shriek of pain came from somewhere distant... Then, an audible snapping, made Poo jump. He began falling, and felt weightless. The elevator wires had been cut. Poo didn't even have time to curse before the elevator crashed and he blacked out. Poo opened his eyes. He was in the elevator, and just barely alive. Next to him was a first-aid kit. He weakly opened it, and applied bandages and such. He got out some Rice Gruel, and recovered some health. "What happened? Why did the elevator wires get cut?" Poo asked himself. He got to his feet, which he found excruciatingly painful, and pushed the button to open the elevator doors, with his bloody finger. The doors opened, revealing that the elevator had been screwed up... There was the laboratory that Poo had been in a few hours ago! He limped into the lab, unaware that he was leaving a blood trail. He looked around, and painfully gasped. There was the huge tube with the creature in it before, only now, the glass was broken, and the creature was nowhere to be found. Poo turned his head from left to right. There was nothing in there, or so it seemed. Poo got out his M-79, and limped toward one of the desks in the lab. Suddenly, a window to Poo's right, exploded. In burst a dog. Only this was not any normal dog. This dog had dead, white eyes, it was bloody, and certain appendages were hanging on by skin-like threads. Poo got up just in time to load his M-79, as the dog ran at full speed towards Poo. The dog leaped, fangs bared, and- BOOM. The M-79 went off, blasting the dog's head off. Poo went back to the desk to inspect a diary entry. It was labeled around three weeks back. This is what it read:
June 13: We have moved into the Monotoli Building for a cover on our operations. We have all ready done much work by setting up a laboratory in the basement of the building, and we've all gotten much done with setting up the equipment. We shall begin our chemical testing soon.
June 15: We have made a puzzling discovery in one of our chemicals today, when we tested it on one of the Monotoli employees secretly. The subject appeared to go into a comatose state, then began walking around aimlessly. He attacked one of us, and tried to devour him, but we had taken measures to insure our safety. The 'zombie' was dealt with immediately.
June 16: This new chemical is quite astounding. We performed a heart diagnoses on one of the test subjects of this 'D-Virus,' and it showed no signs of life whatsoever, even though the body was moving around like it was alive! We have postponed further testing.
June 17: Damn! Some idiot dropped a large vat of the D-Virus, and the gases from the virus have seeped into the building. We shall have to leave soon, or we will be blamed for the mutations.
June 18: Our research team was attacked by some of these D-Virus Zombies today. While a couple Pistol shells deals with them easily, I don't know if we can hold them back for much longer, considering that the entire building was infected.
June 20: Our research team has gotten fresh ammunition from the corporation, but I fear it may not be enough. One of our team was killed by our new project, the Chimeras. One of them escaped, and savagely brutalized one of our team. On the plus side, Project #83 is going well through the test results, and it can do no harm for it is in cryogenic hibernation.
June 22: The Chimeras have broken loose. It was a nightmare as we tried to restrain them, but they were far too strong. Nearly half of our forces were killed today.
June 23: The Parasol Corporation has built a plan, In a couple of weeks, we will set off a nuclear bomb in the building, after evacuating the city. Hopefully, all personnel still alive will be out of the building by then...
June 24: I'm beginning to feel as though I am the final survivor. Everybody else tried to evacuate, and I haven't seen any of them since. *Growl* Hey, what's that? Oh, Damn! It's a Chimera! *BOOM, BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BOOM!* Take that, you damned creature from the deepest pits of hell! *ROAR!! ROAR!!* (BLAM, BLAM, BLAM, BOOM!!!) *Silence* Phew. That got me scared...
Oh shit!!! There's another one! And another one! And three more! AAAAAAHHHHHH-.
(End of entries)
"Oh my god..." Poo spoke. "What were they doing here, anyways?" He opened the book, as to ask it a question. 'Well, if I were you, I'd be scared shitless right now. Why don't you keep on the lookout for those Chimeras? They sound pretty bad, so if I were you, I wouldn't be a dumbass and just wander around, waiting to get killed by some huge monster.' Poo looked around. All that he could see was an empty laboratory. Suddenly, a roar from above made Poo jump. He looked to the left, and saw a glass tube elevator slowly come down with... something in it. It looked like a lion, but it had a goat's head above the lion head, it's tail was a snake, and on its chest was a falcon's head. "Oh my god... What have they done?" Poo was frozen to the spot. He was terrified beyond belief. He reached for his bazooka, loaded a grenade round in, and fired at the elevator. He was shaking so badly, that he hit just to the right of the elevator, making the Chimera roar once again. The elevator reached the bottom, and the see-through door opened up. The Chimera roared. It took one look at Poo, and started dashing. Poo fired a grenade round at the beast. It made a direct hit, but the creature kept coming. Poo fired another grenade round, and it also hit dead-on, but the Chimera kept dashing. The Chimera leaped, and was about to make it to Poo, when he fired another grenade round, and the creature just exploded! Bits and pieces all over the place, and acidic blood covered Poo. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Poo screamed, taking much damage. He ran around for a while, then ran right into a wall. Poo opened his eyes, and found a lab coat. Poo changed into it, and used PSI Healing Beta to get the acid off of him. He also found something on the table next to him. It was labeled, 'Experimental Weapon Unit: Colt Python.' It looked like a pistol, but much larger. Poo picked it up, and discovered that it was very heavy. He put the book in his backpack, and picked up the Colt Python with both of his hands. Conveniently placed next to the Colt on the table, was a newer model of a keycard. "Must be for the glass elevator." Poo spoke. He walked toward the elevator, and went inside. He placed the keycard in the slot, and it began to rise. After a while, Poo wondered how much longer the elevator would take to rise. It came to a stop, and right when the door opened up, a Zombie Dog jumped Poo! "ACK!" Poo screamed. He lifted the Colt Python, and shot it. The impact was incredible. It was like stuffing a cannon into a pistol! The recoil was so bad, that Poo found himself against the wall of the elevator. He opened his eyes, to find the Zombie Dog without its head, or its upper body, or its front legs... "Shit! Where in the hell did this gun come from???" Poo yelled. He walked out the elevator door and came unto a long, stretching corridor, which began to seem common within the Monotoli Building... Poo looked down the hallway, and seeing no signs of any of the mutated creatures about, he slowly made his way into the first door on the left side of the hallway...