Adventures of Henry Mills and Co.
Author: TurquoiseRainLilies, you maybe call me Lilies
Genre: Humor
Chapter: 1/10
Characters: Henry Mills, Paige, Ava and Nicholas Zimmer, Ruby Lucas, plus THREE OCs (one of them is me, I'll let you guess who)
Summary: Henry Mills has a problem, his whole life was depicted in a Prime Time TV and he has no idea how it happened. All he knows are that some guys named Eddie and Adam are behind this. Is this just an innocent coincident? Or is something even bigger behind the likeness of the two realities?
Note: this is canon after AND STRAIGHT ON TILL MORNING but extremely OOC and mainly written to help me get over the feelings I have for OUAT Writers after the finale. What better way to do so than let our favorite male protagonist (you know it's true) leash his son of savior power on Eddie and Adam? I do not own OUAT
Chapter I: Ava Stole My Lay's Chips
I wasn't happy.
Understatement of the year but never the less true. I, Henry Mills, was in the middle of most complicated family tree ever.
If you know anything about my family, I pity you, I really, really do, it's bad enough because you'll be one of us, but just knowing my grandpa and adoptive mom would guarantee you a life time of trouble and crap, and to think, the stupid curse and all the fighting ended 5 years ago.
We defeated evil number one and evil number two (actual name being Greg and Tamara), Grandma Snow and Grandpa Charming finally had a break (seriously, their life was like a Prime Time TV Drama), and even Emma had some rest, working as the sheriff of the town and not getting into fight with every other villain in the town. Regina, Gold, Maleficent, Hook, and all the big bad pretty much went into retirement after the whole crazy thing. Gold had even managed to find a way to reserve the curse of the town line. So we could leave, not that a lot of us wanted to.
Ya, magic were still an issue, but when has it not been. Regina and Grandpa Gold have that stupid power struggle going on, but it's getting better after they've both signed a contract that pretty much stated they couldn't kill, only maim or seriously injure. Even with the contract Mother Superior/The Blue Fairy/Most useless fairy in the world had the hospital full on a bad day, on a good day? We bake cookies.
Today happened to be a bad day, however, as Emma pulled an all-nighter at the sheriff's station with Gran and Gramps, apparently Regina 'accidentally' vaporized somebody or something. I got to stay at home and play video game, so that was sweet.
Knock, knock.
Not for long.
I sighed and went to the door, and, what do you know, there were the only three people that were actually my age in town. Ava, Nicholas and Paige. It's awkward trying to call them Gretel, Hazel and Grace (though Grace was alright), so we just went by Storybrooke terms. It drives Regina crazy because she's sort of a stickler for making sure we called each other by our 'actual' names, but luckily me nor Emma had to worry about that.
"Hey." I tossed them the bag of Lays chip. The great thing about being able to cross the town line was the products. Before I guess the curse just shipped in supplies or whatever, but since Regina chose them, they were usually weird health food and apples (don't ask). Now we take a drive to the nearby Wal-Mart and grab all of the Cheetos we need for the week, back.
"Really Henry?" Paige rolled her eyes, "Lightly salted."
I shrugged.
"No one likes that stuff." Ava insisted, but shoved a mouthful down her throat.
"I like that stuff." I took the blue bag away from the blonde girl, she frowned and tried to snatch it back, but the daughter of a woodcutter was no match against the grandson of a prince, AND the Savior's son, AND the Dark One's grandson, AND the Evil Queen's son, AND…you get the point, we've been over this weird family issue before.
"You're weird." Nicholas rolled his eyes. Out of the four of us, Nicholas was the youngest, with Ava being the oldest (16) and already able to drive a car, then me who was getting my learner's permit, then Nicholas and Paige, who were still barely 15 and trying to not trip over their shoelace. Ahh, young kids.
"I know." I replied and flopped down onto the couch. Thanks to major persuasion from Grandma Snow's side, we finally got a bigger house. It's a town house near where Mulan, Belle, and Aurora live (don't ask about that, it's weird), and it has three floors. There was a room for each one of us and Pongo (who stays on alternative weekends), then another guest room. Being the royal family really does have its perks, because we paid the previous owner in donuts and eggshells and they moved away Gracefully. Looking back, maybe Grandpa Gold coming for a visit and tea had something to do with it.
"What's up this weekend?" Paige asked, flipping through the TV channels, "Ohhh! ABC, I love that channel!"
Ava wrinkled her nose, "I really prefer Fox, it has Glee and New Girls."
"No one watches Glee other than you Ava!" Nicholas threw a chip at his sister. Luckily it was the regular ones, so no one missed them. I held on to my Lightly Salted like it was my life line.
"666 Park Avenue." Paige muttered, "America's Funniest Home Videos, The Bachelor; the Bachelorette. What's with all these wedding shows?"
I shrugged, "Maybe people just like seeing people with failed marriages. Grandma and Grandpa sometimes watch it to make themselves feel better."
"Whatever." Paige rolled her eyes, "At least you don't have your dad, he's just asking for trouble with the dating website idea. "Body of Proof, Castle, Dancing with the Stars. You think DWTS will be good?"
I shrugged, "On it's like 20 billion seasons, maybe?"
Paige pretended not to hear me. I knew she had a poster upon her wall. Every little girl's dream to be a ballerina I guess, "Grey's Anatomy, Happy Endings, Last Man Standing, Modern Family, Nashville, The Neighbors…"
"Forget it Paige!" Ava groaned as she was covered in barbecue flavour (why the barbecue Nicholas? Why?), "You're not going to find any interesting show on it!"
"Once Upon a Time." She stopped, "That sounds interesting."
My mind flipped to the back of my closet, where a certain fairy tale book lay, forgotten since I pretty much have the real deal. I gulped, hoping it wasn't what I thought it was. We never did get to figure out who wrote that book.
"Play it." I said, "We've got on demand."
Paige shrugged and struggled with the TV remote (even with the Magical TV Plan, we still can't figure out the TV remote), and played the latest episode, Manhattan.
"Previously on Once Upon a Time…"
The screen started to roll as Ava and Nicholas are having a full on wrestling, ketchup chips crumbling underneath them (I give up hope in humanity). The four of us weren't really paying attention until I heard something that sparked an interest.
"You remember that favor you owe me Miss Swan…"
Swan?
As in Emma Swan?
Total James Bond moment aside, I pushed past Paige and stared at the TV screen, sure enough, a Blondie was shown on the airplane, which looked like a poor imitation of my actual mom, and the guy next to her could only be described as freaking out.
"Is that my mom…and Gold?"
Ava and Nicholas stopped rolling in crumbled chips to hoist themselves up to better see the TV screen, "Who's that girl sewing?"
According to the TV Gold, it was Milah, whoever the hell she was.
"They're at the Enchanted Forest!" Paige declared, "And that's Rumplestiltskin!"
We watched in awe for a few moment as TV!Rumple got all excited over going to the Ogres War. It looked so familiar, like I've seen it before, that's when it clicked.
"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK NO NICHOLAS IF YOU TOUCH THE LIGHTLY SALTED CHIPS I WILL KILL YOU!" And dashed off to the closet. I sped upstairs and tore away half of my closet, resting my eyes on one faithful book…
"Once Upon a Time." I breathed, and flipped furiously. Surely enough, it was one of the first few pages, a girl named Milah sewing, Rumple looking as if he returned with good news. I read the brief (very long) description on the back and brought the book, along with my trusty Laptop (it's a Mac, get over it) downstairs.
"Read this!" I thrust the book into Paige's hand, as she loved those for some reason.
"Milah and Rumple?" She gasped, "How-what?"
"So not only did some stalker write a book about you, there's a TV show about it?" Nicholas cringed, "What is this, an organization for stalking fairy tale characters or something?"
Paige flipped through the pages quickly, "This book is amazing Henry, I can't believe you haven't-"
"HOLD THE PHONE HENRY YOU JUST APPEARED ON THE SCREEN!" Ava shouted and dropped her bag of chips (she touched the Lightly Salted, that bitch will pay…later).
The trio stepped out of the New York Taxi cab. The blondie!Emma, the TV!Rumple, and...me.
"You're so cute Henry!" Paige squealed as I turned red. I did not look like that when I was, how old was I? Ten? Eleven maybe? I tried to remember when I'd ever been in New York, oh, when I met my dad.
"So this would be when Emma, Gold and I travelled to NYC to find Neal?" I said incredulously, "But…it's one thing that they knew fairy tale, but another that they're stalking…US!"
"BUT WE'RE NOT IN IT!" Ava and Nicholas protested at the same time, and dove for the remote held by a panicking Paige.
"HEY HEY, NO FIGHTING OVER THE REMOTE!" I yelled, "We have to figure out who's behind this!"
Ava and Nicholas weren't listening, but Paige took my Mac (hey!) and began typing furiously into the search engine (Google, because we're not stupid).
"Got it!" She called in triumph, "Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz, two writers currently in…" She frowned, "Steveston, Canada."
"Why the hell are they in Steveston, Canada?" I said in frustration, "Google Map it!"
"What do you think I'm doing dumbass?" Paige rolled her eyes, and with a few quick taps, a map pulled over the screen, "It's on the west coast of Canada. Why would they be in Canada?"
"Hey!" Ava shouted from her spot wrestling with Nicholas, "Canada happens to be a great country."
"Sure." Paige and I rolled our eyes at the same time, "What else could you find on it?"
She worked furiously for a few minutes, pulling up websites such as Tumblr, or Vancity Filming, and random stuff like that, for a few scary minutes; I would've thought that she didn't know.
"They're shooting." She said finally.
"OUR STALKERS ARE MASS MURDERERS?" Suddenly I fear for everyone's life.
"No." Paige rolled her big blue eyes, "They're shooting their hit TV Show, Once Upon a Time." She bit her lips and scrolled down the page, "They're just finishing their next episode, called Lacey, to come in late April."
"That sounds bad." I grimaced. Lacey was the Belle counterpart that I never really liked, too much alcohol if you ask me.
"We should go." Paige said as she closed the laptop, "If mean, these people know everything about our lives; we should go and check it out."
Ava and Nicolas finally broke out of their fighting to hear Paige's latest declaration. Obviously the curse was broken (fully this time), and we could leave, but still, what could four fifteen/sixteen years olds do?
"I think we should check it out." I said slowly. Disagreeing with Paige was always a bad idea unless you want a headache, "But how are we going to get there?"
We sat for a minute, as the second hand on the clock behind us ticked in what seemed like a dramatic TV show or a fanfiction or something. How are we going to Steveston? We're in Maine so we'll be travelling across the country AND across the Canadian border.
"EMMA!" I yelped, "We'll tell her, she has a car and passport and stuff, plus she's the Savoir, so she has an obligation to help with weird stuff like this."
Ava and Nic looked like they agreed with the idea, but Paige is still skeptical, "But if we tell Emma, she wouldn't let us come along…"
"So you want to personally go and stop these mass murderer slash stalkers?" I asked incredulously. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Paige the goody two shoes who read books about tea bags or something really boring every day. She glow bright red and opened up my Mac again.
"Your family had all the adventures Henry." She bit her lips, "This show proved that, but I never did anything, I just…" she paused, "I just want to be the hero for once."
I had never thought about that.
When I was little, being the hero or the prince or whatever was really cool, until I actually had to experience it by going under the sleeping curse, or being blackmailed by Regina, or getting kidnapped several times over. It started to get old and I just assumed that everyone else knew the terror that came with being the savior (it was awesome, don't get me wrong, just also terrifying at the same time). I always knew Paige as a book worm, it never occur to me that she wanted to have those adventures too.
"Fine." I sighed, "We'll find a car from the mechanic shop or something, I'll rob my moms' bank, and we'll head off."
It was a serious plan, but Nic just laughed his ass off.
"I'm serious!" I protested, "We could do this!"
Could we do this?
I wasn't sure, but I was not going to sit around and find out.
"Fine." Ava said, munching on my chips, "Let's go to the car shop and see if they could lend us a car, but I'm telling you Henry, this is not going to be fun." As if she was already in the back seat of the car and groaning about terrible road trip music.
"Of course." I smiled sarcastically.