First Criminal Minds fic! And of course, it has to be Hotch/Prentiss. One of the many different and wonderful takes out there about their last dance. Hope you guys read, review and enjoy. :)
Disclaimer: I don't own CM, and the quotes belong to their respective owners/creators.
"My breaking heart and I agree, that you and I could never be, so with my best...my very best, I set you free" – Rachel Yamagata
It's been far too long since Emily Prentiss has felt at home. Once upon a time, the absurdly bright streaks and flowers in Garcia's hair, or Morgan's sultry smirk or JJ's serene disposition would've warmed her heart and let her know home was there; with the BAU. She wishes that she could say for sure that home is where the heart is; only she doesn't know where her heart is anymore.
It's so good to see everyone smiling again. It's been ages since she saw Spencer grin like the little boy she often thinks he is. For a moment, as Derek teaches Penelope some moves, as Henry runs shrieking with Jack, she's convinced that maybe home isn't so out of reach anymore.
He watches her from the corner of his eyes even as he dips Beth in what is supposed to be a romantic sweep. He hardly feels her twirling in his arms. Dave's dancing with Emily now, pressing a fatherly kiss against the brunette agent's pale skin. He wonders if the veteran profiler can see the resignation amidst the laughter and joy in the dark depths of her eyes. Hotch knows he can; the grief is screaming out at him, palpable and wild.
Emily wonders if she can say goodbye again, especially to Spencer. The boy genius's face lights up with pure, undulated joy as he steals her from Derek and she squeals a little as she's whirled around recklessly. She ruffles the younger man's hair lovingly; sometimes she thinks that it's Spence's innocence and child-like purity that she'll miss the most.
She's aware of her boss's dark stare burning into her back as she shares a dance with JJ and Garcia; her girls. They laugh at something mundane and she feels her heart tearing in two. Can she really give all this up? As Penelope smacks her ass playfully, she laughs and impulsively pulls the techie into a tight hug, sneaking another hand out to pull JJ into their little circle. Emily closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath; sisters forever bounded by love.
It is inevitable that she dances with him as Hotch takes her hand from Dave's and honest to God, she's never been happier than seeing him smile so. She wishes though, that it was her who had made him smile, made him happy. But Emily Prentiss is nothing if fair, and she gives credit where credit is due. Beth is good for the man she loves, and that's all that matters. The subtle touches and glances she and Hotch once shared; shares? They don't matter anymore.
He holds her close because he knows; he knows her. She's saying goodbye and he's holding on for the first and last time in the 6 short years they've known each other. Their dance starts off joyous, with her laughter ringing through the gardens as she runs her hand longingly across his back. Her hand balances delicately in his and he savours the way she holds onto him.
Somewhere through the intricate steps though, he gently cradles her closer to him and she sighs into his shoulder, silky dark hair lightly tickling his cheekbones as he tries to find the words to tell her everything before she leaves. And even though words fail him, they've never needed words to communicate and when she flexes her hand within his hold, he understands. She knows, she always has and even though right now, they just stood by and let their second chance slip by, well, at least they'd have tonight.
The music dies away and they falter to an end. She leans in to whisper a fond farewell for his ears alone and slips away to allow another brunette to enter his arms and life. Never has Aaron Hotchner feel as empty in his entire life as he felt then. Her fingers ghosted over his numbly clenching hand before Derek whirls her off to another dance. The stoic man can see the same desperation in Derek's face as the dark skinned agent fists Emily's hand above his heart. It's like he wants to keep her from fleeing, to stay the flight of the despaired, lone swallow escaping the cold of the winter.
Aaron Hotchner raises his head to the night sky and sees the stars sigh and wink faintly, shielded behind the soft glow of the moon. If Emily were a bird fleeing for freedom, he'd be the gilded cage to hold her there and shower her with all the love and care she could ever want. But all things beautiful and perfect always have an end and birds were never meant to be caged in safety, and it pained him to admit that she was the most beautifully wild creature that ever existed. Emily Prentiss's time to leave had come, and he could do nothing but step aside.
As the people start to wander off to private nooks and crannies or leave for home, he squeezes her hand gently once and embraces her. "I understand." It's all he can say and all that's needed. And that has to suffice before he sees her back in his arms once more, one day. Maybe, as Beth starts to chatter about getting to know his team better, as Emily bends down to envelop a giggling Jack in a soft hug, Hotch hopes that one day, being complete will no longer mean not feeling empty. One day; it's what they both hold on to.
"It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty." – Jonathan Safran Foer