Chapter One: Just A Dream

No one knows it's my birthday. What am I supposed to tell them? 'Hey, it's my birthday. Why don't you all drop everything and sing to me'? Yeah, right. That'll happen. Besides, what do I care. Every since Christy went missing when I was a kid, my parents had forgotten my birthday. And when I met them, I hadn't exactly gone up to the Charmed Ones and said, 'Yeah, um, my birthday's the fourth of April. By the way, nice to meet ya.' Again with the yeah, right.

So, I'm alone on my twenty-first birthday, just like I'd been for the last seventeen in a row. No presents, no phone calls -- since my parents and my sister are now dead -- no nothing.

I go through my day as I normally would. It's a Friday, after all, a school day, and I have to go to all my classes. I am so glad I'm in my junior year. Only one more year and I'll be a certified English Lit. major and on my own. I'm already supporting myself. I've got a part-time job at a neighborhood supermarket and full-time school. I live in my own apartment -- it's kind of small but nice enough -- and I have a used car that I'm paying for all by myself. Yes, I'm proud of it. Thank God my parents had already paid off all four of my college years before they...died.

Work's finally over and I'm glad to be getting away. Most of the other workers on my shift have already split but I stayed behind to use my employee discount for some necessities. I check my watch and pay what I need. The cashier, Kelly -- a girl I know from school -- says goodnight and I return it before leaving for home.

When I get back to my apartment, I put away everything I've bought before collapsing on the couch. Ah, it feels so good to be home. I smile to myself. I prop my feet up on the coffee table, grab the remote, and flip on the TV. There's not much on so I'm just flipping through the channels when the doorbell rings.

I toss the remote on the coffee table and go to answer the door. I'm not expecting to find someone I know there, maybe one of the Jehovah's witness people or some cable salesperson. So, she was definitely the last person I expected to show up at my door.

I pull the door open and freeze the moment I see her. She cannot be standing there right now. I haven't seen her in weeks and suddenly she just shows up! What the hell! I want to shout at her, chew her out and demand to know where she's been.

So, I say, "Hey."

She smiles shyly at me as I mentally berate myself for not, at the very least, asking her where she's been. I smile back at her, despite my efforts to remain straight-faced and try to act angry with her.

"Hey," she says back.

"Long time, no see," I reply. She blushes a deeper red than I thought a human could ever blush. She's either turned really sensitive or feels bad that we haven't talked in a while. I'm hoping it's the latter.

"Yeah, uh, listen, Billie, you mind if I come in?" Paige asks, looking past me into my apartment.

"Fine," I say. "Come in."

She steps inside and I turn around and rest my back against the door. I look at her and see that she's crossed her arms and she's staring pretty intently at her shoes.

"Paige?"

"Okay, listen," she says quickly, looking up. "I know I haven't been there for you a lot lately but I've been going through some...stuff."

"Typical vague Paige," I tease her. "What's going on? Something supernatural?"

"No. Personal," Paige says shortly. I meet her eyes for a moment and see that's she's serious, which only makes me angry.

"If you're just gonna come here and say nothing to me, not tell me where you've been, and when I ask gimme the lamest excuse I've ever heard, then you might as well leave now."

"I don't wanna leave!" she snaps. "Billie, I know it's your birthday."

"Good for you," I say, hoping I've successfully hidden my surprise. I guess she studied hard to have figured that out. I've never been the most open person in the world, especially with my Whitelighter. She can find me anytime she wants, doing anything from sitting in class to screwing someone. Of course, that's not very likely; I haven't had sex in nearly three years.

"Billie, I don't get why you won't talk to me. I'm here to help you."

"Well, if I was able to contact you every once in a while, it'd be easier for me to confide in you!" I snap. "I've called for you every day for three weeks and you never came to see what was up and apparently, you didn't even think to call. I think us having a Whitelighter-to-charge talk would be difficult under those circumstances."

"I realize I've been sleeping on the job lately but--"

"'But' nothing! You can't just come back here and expect me to be all happy you're here and that you remembered my birthday. It doesn't work like that! We can't just kiss and make up!"

She looks up at that and comes closer to me. I start to feel slightly uncomfortable but I don't say anything. Despite the fact that I'm angry with her, I trust her. She places her hands on my hips and gently pulls me closer.

"You sure about that?" she asks softly.

"Paige..." She presses her forehead against mine and our eyes lock. Our lips are only an inch away and I can feel her breath on my face. Our lips meet and we kiss for the first time.

It's amazing. So amazing, in fact, that my head starts spinning. My eyes flutter closed and I slide my arms around my Whitelighter's waist. I pull her against me and kiss her harder. Then, I realize what I'm doing and push her away.

"You're married," I tell her.

"Nope," she says, smiling at me. "We're broken up, separated. It wasn't working." She tucks a lock of my hair back behind my ear and kisses me again.

"Why wasn't it working?" I ask.

"Cuz I didn't love him. Didn't love him when I married him either, really," she says, shrugging. "I'm in love with someone else." She grins at me and I'm the one that blushes this time. She leans in and whispers, "Happy birthday, kid." As she's about to kiss me again...

I wake up. Damn it! I fell asleep on the couch, with the TV on. Again. It seems that whenever I fall asleep like that, I have that same dream. This is the most detailed it's ever been. And it just makes me miss her more.

"Will I ever have you?" I ask myself out loud. I know she can't hear me but...at least it's getting out for the first time. "I love you, Paige," I say, looking at a picture of her setting on the coffee table.

I sigh to myself and turn off the TV. I flip off the light on the table next to the couch and leave the room. When I get to the bedroom, I dress for bed and slide under the covers. I look at another picture of her on my bedside table, this one's with her sisters and me. Her arms around me and she's laughing.

"Goodnight," I whisper. I know I'll never have her. But still...a girl can dream, can't she?