Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight series, and the plot, story, it all belongs to Stephenie Meyer, and I don't own Fluorescent either.
A/N: This is just a one-shot that I felt compelled to write after a plot bunny attacked me while I was listening to Fluorescent. It's just a little dabble about what Edward is thinking after the end of page 195 in Eclipse. Enjoy and REVIEW FOR GOD'S SAKE!
I'm not sayin nothing you don't already know
You know you're too delicious, more than I can handle
Look at her, lying there. She smiles in her sleep. So small, warm, soft…she has to be the most innocent thing I've ever seen. Her scent matches her so well…I remember back when we were just making acquaintance, thinking I would loose control. I cringed at the memory.
I must admit, even at the time she was attacked, and I tasted her blood, even when I was only 3/4 in control – luckily I knew then that killing her would kill me.
I sighed quietly.
Lyin around late at night, so luscious that I ache Baby why'd you fall asleep, I'm still awake
Thinking about that is painful. No matter how her smell appeals to me, I would not. I could not. The mere thought of a creature like me killing her was more dismal than I could picture on a night like this.
So many are after her. She is so breakable, and the beings hunting her…
All of this never would have happened if she hadn't met me. I wanted to shake her awake and apologize for all I had brought upon her; all these demons after an angel.
I'm in love In love with a dream My valentine's gone and broke my wings I'll see in time, feel a bit weak You better be right, 'cause you promised meAn angel…it describes her perfectly. And me – a demon. A demon loving an angel.
She's certainly given me more than she can imagine. Just knowing the love humans are capable of…the love she's capable of…I'll never kill another mortal again.
Thinking about her, her innocence, makes me wonder…How can I transform her? I am a monster to steal her happy life and replace it with eternal damnation, and with ME, of all things. Good Holy Lord, my Bella, my sweet loving Bella, is facing perpetual doom, just to be with me.
I suppose I should feel lucky. I do, it's simply the idea of her being someone like me…
It was her decision, but that doesn't stop my feeling this way.
"Edward," she whispers in her sleep. I sigh again.
My love for her cannot be measured.
I must have lost my mind
I can't believe you're still inside my bed
I nearly walked away
I didn't think we'd still be rollin
Personally, I cannot picture why she would love something like me. All these times she came so close to being killed, and yet here she sleeps.
Dumbly, unwisely, SELFISHLY I say: I have no objection. (Well, that's not completely true.)
How could I have deserted such a beautiful, delicate thing? Perhaps she would have moved on if I hadn't heard what she did, perhaps she would be now in the arms of Mike Newton or the dog…
Though it sounds hideously complacent, I know she would not have moved on. That foul werewolf showed me what she was like back then – clutching herself as though she would break in pieces…gasping for air.
I look down into her peaceful face in shame. If I live until the world ends, I'll never forgive myself for all the mistakes I've made. I was just contemplating her innocent fragility, but I am the only one who has ever broken her.
I hid my face in her hair.
Dressin up in your love is a dangerous thing My sexy, super lover's got a real bad sting
Breathing in her smell, I remembered why I'd left her in the first place (not that it justifies my actions). I was so badly suited for her. No matter how desensitized I am, slipping up at the wrong moment would still be disastrous.
Looking at her relaxed hand reminds me of how much I can hurt her. That small scar, a memento of how much her life cost.
And how quickly it could be lost.
Baby I don't want no trouble This is more than I can afford I can't help myself Keep coming back for more For more, can't help coming back for more
Look at us. We were never meant to interact, our species. And yet…I don't think she cares at all. It's not healthy for her. If I were a real man, I'd separate myself from her. Leave her safe…
Oh, who am I kidding. God knows I can't stay away from her, and she needs me for protection (I chortle as I remember her klutziness), of other things.
Not to mention I need her desperately. As I gaze at her closed eyes, I fully realize how happy I am to be the one she snuggles to in her sleep.
I must have lost my mind I can't believe you're still inside my bed I nearly walked away I didn't think we'd still be rollin
I don't deserve her. After all the misfortune I've brought her, after everything I've done to her, she still comes back to me. She deserves better than the likes of me. Looking her over brings back memories of the times we've spent together, the smiles shining more often as we developed our relationship. I smile when I recall how happy we make each other. My entire family is still in shock.
I laughed softly. Sentimental is what I am. But at least I have an excuse to be, now that I'm with her.
I quickly sobered. While going through her expressions in my extensive memory, I found the one that breaks my heart every time.
The broken face of when I left her.
From simply doing what I did to her, she should have left me be. She never should have taken me back.
But I still treasure every moment. Every second with her is won, battled for, earned.
This is precisely why she means so much to me.
And as I watch you sleep in the dim light
I close my eyes and pray
Another fluorescent night
Yeah, you and I
Watching her sleep will be one of the things I miss most about her, after she's changed. Safety and happiness shows on her face; it's lovely to see all worries and fears gone from her face. Seeing this expression makes me wish it could be permanent, I wish I had the power to erase all preoccupations from her mind.
She laughs the gentlest of laughs. "Oh, Edward, you're silly," She unconsciously pats my face. Huh. I wonder what I did.
Indeed, what did I do to merit her? She earned a perfect love in every way possible, and I'm a poor excuse.
If God isn't too horrified by me in general, I sincerely hope I can repay Bella for all the hurt and affliction I've caused her.
I also hope for many more nights like this: Bella in my arms, breathing gently, without a care.
Yes. Bella. Bella and I.
Late night lovers
Kickin in the covers
Don't need no one but you and I
'Cause every day's a weekend
Forget what we were thinking
Another sub-fluorescent night
I love the way our names sound together. I must be the most uncaring being on Earth, but I fully declare that nothing means more to me than her. When Rosalie told me she was dead (with relish, she did)…I crumbled. It was then I entirely realized my mistake in leaving her.
I kissed her hair. Why she forgave me, I will never know. I only know I haven't forgiven myself.
These things help me remember how every day I spend with her is a miracle, a mysterious miracle.
All the more reason to love her more.
And nights like tonight bring me something I need, something that naturally coincides with the beautiful Bella Swan:
Peace.
I must have lost my mind I can't believe you're still inside my bed I nearly walked away I didn't think we'd still be rollinAnd as I watch you sleep in the dim light I close my eyes and pray Another fluorescent night Yeah, you and I
Her face is graced with the most serene of looks. Her tender hand finds my face and strokes it down the side.
"I love you, Edward," she murmurs.
I kiss her benign hand.
"You're all I need, Bella Swan. You're all I need."
A/N: So, did you like it? Doesn't the song creepily match Edward's point of view? Well, if you hated, loved it, want more, do what you know you want to do:
REVIEW!