I wrote this from two to three this morning and was dead tired. I cried writing it and ended up sobbing at the end and cried myself to sleep. This was the outcome of falling in love with a song's lyrics and getting the idea from the music video by watching it on youtube. (Which I do not own by the way.) The line break isn't working so I just have a little dash to represent it.
Warning: Character death and shonen-ai/yaoi/boy's love/slash or whatever else you people call it.
Pairing(s): NaruSasu or SasuNaru it's not really determined which it is so I'll let you the reader decide that for yourself.
Beta-ed by xFalconessx. She is a fantastic beta reader and gives very good advice and critiques. I think I spelled that wrong...
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor the song that inspired me to write this. Paperthin Hymn is the song and it is by Anberlin. Very good song, the sound is commercial but the lyrics are very deep and touching. Well at least I think they are.
Forever
Naruto paced the long white hallways biting his lip and fiddling nervously with his hands. His blue eyes glancing to the clock every so often to see if visitor hours had started yet, he had already been there for ten minutes. A tan hand would occasionally run through his short sunshine locks as he waited to see his lover. It seemed as if he'd never get to see Sasuke again every time he left the room each night. Stress was ever present for Naruto, having to maintain his job, visit Sasuke, and pay all the bills. Everything was becoming overwhelming. He couldn't even go home, it was too hard. Everything reminded him of Sasuke there, his only choice was to stay in hotels. His eyes snapped towards the clock and seeing it was now visitor hours he immediately went up to the nurse's desk were the young woman smiled sadly and waved him off already filling in his information. Naruto came to visit every single day and it touched her at how hard and difficult it must be to watch the one you love slowly fading away right in front of your eyes, but still managing to come and see it happen.
The blonde man walked in a hurried pace down the hall. His eyes filled with emotion, expressing immense sadness. His hands were shaky but when he reached his destination he placed a happy smile on his face and walked quietly into the room.
There lying silently with a calm and peaceful look on his face was a raven-haired boy. Eyes closed and body relaxed he looked like a fallen angel lying against the crisp bleached white sheets. His long lashes resting gently atop of his high cheekbones. His soft lips parted slightly as he breathed in and out gently with a small rise and fall of his chest. His pale flesh that usually glowed with health was now a sickly white. The black hair was dull and Naruto found himself frowning for a moment at remembering the lovely sheen it used to glow. His smile then went back into place as he walked over to the other male.
"Sasuke," Naruto whispered gently rubbing the other's slender shoulder. Coal colored eyes fluttered open and his face seemed to light up when a small smile appeared on his face. Happiness was evident in his eyes as well as hidden pain.
"Naruto," He whispered in his naturally sensual voice. He wrapped his long arms around the taller man. His movements graceful and filled with a natural fluidness as if he'd done this one action hundreds of times before. The weak arms held tightly as if they loosened they'd lose whatever they were holding onto. Naruto's face changed into a grim smile as he held his lover and let himself be clung to. He wished he could still deny it, but he couldn't. Sasuke was going to die. He silently wondered if Sasuke knew this information as well. For all he knew the doctor's might still be lying to him and having him still hope that maybe he would live through this.
Naruto had been told by Sasuke's main doctor some information that had made him slowly die a little more inside every time he had to put on a happy face for Sasuke. The disease was rare and hardly anything was known about it. It was a disease that once in a bloodline killed all in it, the rest of the Uchiha's were already dead save for Sasuke's older brother Itachi. It was only hereditary so Naruto didn't need to worry about getting it, but Sasuke would die. The disease had some long scientific name, but the doctor had told him that in the past before modern medicine it was referred to as Sharingan. That is how Naruto remembered it.
Sharingan was a mental disease that once awakened from being dormant and living in the body unnoticed would suddenly be set off by any type of immense stress or anything that caused intense pressure to be put upon the mind. Though when Sharingan was activated by something there was no way to stop it. It was an incurable hereditary illness and slowly the body would decay as the mind deteriorated. Though most died before any brain damage was done. Symptoms wouldn't show until it would be too late to try to get them on any medication that would slow the process down and give that person more time to live. When the symptoms appeared the most common were sudden and erratic bleeding from any orifices, headaches, fatigue, short and erratic lapses in which the person would become violent and seem insane, and finally their eyes would turn red for no apparent reason. That was the one symptom that set Sharingan apart from others along with its deadliness.
Naruto bit his lip as he felt Sasuke hesitantly release him from the tight embrace. He forced a smile onto his face as Sasuke's eyes came into view looking at him full of love and sadness hiding the pain the man was going through.
"Don't ever leave me?" Sasuke questioned his voice cracking a little as his lip quivered in fear that the answer may be one he didn't want to hear.
"Never," Naruto said resting his forehead against Sasuke's. He felt himself relax a little at the open happiness that one word released when said. The small smile on the pale man's face made enduring the pain worth it, his love was undying and death could not kill what he felt for Sasuke.
"Lay with me?" Sasuke voiced quietly moving over a little on the small white bed. Naruto nodded and lay next to his lover. Sasuke smiled and yawned a little moving closer to the blonde and pressing his body against the other's looking for warmth, comfort, security, and most importantly love. Naruto wrapped his arms protectively around the smaller man enjoying every single moment he was with the man knowing that this hug might be the last. He buried his nose in the soft raven locks breathing in deeply he felt himself relax at the comfort the familiar smell brought him. Within minutes the stress-ridden man fell asleep with his scared and pain-filled lover holding onto him tightly being able to finally rest peacefully being in his love's arms. The moment too precious and rare to waist each chose to forget what was happening in reality and let their dreams take them fare away to a place where they could be together without the sadness and the pain.
-
Naruto awoke hours later from the gentle prodding of a nurse. A sad knowing smile on her face as Naruto managed a weak grin relinquishing his tight grip upon the other man. A pained look crossed Sasuke's features and his face contorted in fear and anguish, limbs moving slowly and in a searching manner. Naruto felt his heart clench in guilt and pain at what Sasuke was doing. He could only lean down and place a small kiss upon the pale forehead before having to follow the nurse out of the door. The thought that this could be the last time he sees Sasuke still alive running though his head as he ignored his feelings of wanting to run back to Sasuke's room and refuse to leave. He had promised to stay with him and that he'd never leave him, yet each and everyday he broke his promise as he walked down the sterile hallways laced with doctors, nurses, family, friends, and patients. Sasuke's main doctor walked past him giving him a small sad smile. Guilt filled his eyes as well as failure. He knew he was going to lose another life and he could do nothing but watch as he slowly died and tried to make him as comfortable as possible.
Naruto nodded back at him still dwelling on thought of Sasuke. When Sasuke was gone what would he do? Who was going to give him a hug everyday after work knowing he needed one? Who was going to wake up beside him every morning brightening his day with a simple smile? Who was going to call him to make sure he was okay? Who was he going to love that loved him the same way? These thoughts tormented him and he could feel himself slowly falling into a depression and stress induced anxiety.
Now that he was thinking again instead of trying to forget, his thoughts drifted to that of his friends, who he hadn't seen in months. He avoided them at all costs; he couldn't stand the pity and sadness he saw in their eyes. He had no friends. He was alone. Though it was all his fault that it was this way. He had closed himself off, not wanting to have to face those closest to him. It would only hurt that much more. He wanted to become numb to the pain. He hated it, the pain was consuming and the sadness over whelming. Naruto couldn't even remember the last time he had actually relaxed and had been able to breath freely. It seemed as if he was constricted. Sasuke's inevitable death made it impossible for him to enjoy anything. Even his love for ramen had died. Though ramen was all he lived off of now. It was cheap and quick to make. Everyone around him had noticed his lost of weight. Though he didn't care, because half the time he wasn't even hungry at all. He felt to sick to his stomach thinking of all the pain Sasuke was probably having to endure and he couldn't eat just the thought causing him to throw up what little was already in his body. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes from his lack of sleep. He would either be working all day as well as at night. Or lying in bed stressing over Sasuke and not being able to sleep not knowing whether Sasuke was sleepy peacefully or in a dead sleep that he would never wake from.
He paused when he walked out of the exit of the building. Sub-consciously he had walked all the way through the building to here. Blinking a couple of times he then began walking once more, his destination his cheap hotel room. The warm August night was calm and relaxing to most but made the blonde uncomfortable and hot. He already worried enough for Sasuke's health; he didn't need the seasons and nature working against him trying to force him to relax. He managed to remain upset and worried, but he couldn't help but let out a deep breath he hadn't even known he was holding when a warm gust of arm swept by him as he watched the sun fade into the horizon. The beautiful hues of gold, pink and purple casting an almost magical and surreal image to the sky drawing you in until you realize that it had you captivated as it sets and the dark blue and black night shades set in. Slowly stars appeared in the night sky twinkling gently as Naruto unlocked his temporary home walking inside. The hotel room was small and consisted of a kitchenette, bedroom and bathroom. Old and faded blue carpeting covered the floor and an old mattress lay on an even older wooden bed frame in the far corner of the small room. Blue and white blankets and sheets covered the worn mattress and a couch on the newer side stood five feet from the bed facing a fairly large television. To his left lay the kitchenette, which had an old conventional stove and small fridge. A counter divided this area from the rest of the room. The bathroom was to his write through a door and it only had a toilet, sink, and shower stall. The tiled floor was stained and shower grime was still present from the last person who had lived here.
Sighing loudly Naruto ran a tired hand through his hair as he tried to relax and release some of his stress. He dropped his keys on the small coffee table he had purchased before falling onto his bed and kicking off his shoes not caring where they fell. He closed his eyes rubbing his face trying to relieve some of the restlessness and sleep deprivation from his mind and awaken him from his tired and stressed state of being so he could think clearly. Lying there mind blank at first he soon remembered everything. He needed to work tomorrow in between the visiting hours at the hospital and then go shopping for groceries or else he'd run out of food and go another week without food. For if he had any money he'd spend it buying something for Sasuke or pay the bills with it. He wrapped his arms around himself and drew his knees up to his chest. Blue eyes filled with crystal tears as he thought of Sasuke lying in the hospital bed so hopeful and ignorant to what was happening. The thought of never seeing the man he loved smile at him with love ever present in his eyes is what caused the paused tears to gently slide down his face as he cried himself into a restless sleep filled with nightmares of waking to find Sasuke already dead.
-
Sasuke lay in the hard and uncomfortable bed the hospital provided tears streaming silently down his face. He knew he was going to die. It had happened to his parents along with the rest of his family save for his brother. He just hadn't expected it to be so soon. The white sheet was clenched tightly in his hand resting near his mouth as he breathed evenly, every so often letting a choked sob escape the confines of his mouth. He couldn't stand the thought of dying and leaving the one he loved. Naruto was his everything. He knew the same went for his lover as well, so if he died he'd be leaving Naruto alone, just as he had hated the thought of having happening to himself. Sasuke had always been the one to say forever.
He'd never wanted it to end. Their love was so precious and pure. Each loved the other not needing anyone but the other to be happy and content. Sasuke knew he was the one dying but he couldn't help but feel as if part of him was being ripped away. The life was slowly fading from him. Each day he could feel himself weaker and more fragile than the day before. He bit his pale lip close to the point of the soft flesh breaking. He could feel the hot blood rushing to the abused skin and basked in the sweet pain it brought. He knew as long as he could feel pain he was still alive. The warm tears fell faster down his pale face as he remembered all the happy memories he shared with Naruto. Every gentle caress of skin, the simple warmth and comfort of an embrace, the reassurance and love with every kiss they shared. Sasuke didn't want to think of the future, for he knew that he had none. So he lay crying while thinking of all the past memories he'd always remember but never have to add on to.
He watched into the late hours of the night and early hours of the morning as the sky changed from black to purple and pink to a pale blue as the sun rose. Every night he'd watch waiting for daybreak to come before allowing himself to fall asleep.
Sasuke smiled and laughed dryly as he thought of how Naruto would stay up with him and wait for daybreak when he was still well and healthy. He had always loved seeing the sun rise knowing it was another day he and Naruto would be together, but now it was just one more day closer to the end of everything. He remembered talking to Naruto and always saying how they'd be together forever.
Forever.
Exactly long forever was he did not know. Sasuke could only assume that for them forever would be until he drew his last breath. Though Naruto would still be living. So forever could be anything. Sasuke found himself becoming confused and upset at his own thoughts. Forever is forever. It has no end. How could he stay with Naruto forever if he left him? More tears streamed down his face with a renewed passion as he thought of this. What happened to his and Naruto's forevers? Did they mean nothing? Was life so cruel as to end their life of love together so soon? Sasuke frowned sadly as he thought to himself he knew the answers. Life was unfair. He could do everything possible to try and keep alive but it was inevitable, he was going to die and soon at that. It didn't matter what his emotions were and the promises he made, death held no sympathy taking and taking but never giving back. It just left you with unfulfilled hopes and broken promises. Selfishly the person passing on could leave and those left behind had to suffer. Sasuke felt guilty though, he'd be fine once he died. He'd be in the oblivion of death, but Naruto would still be alive and alone. He couldn't think of life without Naruto, so how could Naruto think of life without him? He was betraying his love. He was going to leave him all alone. Sasuke could barely stomach the cruelness that he was forcing upon the blonde male.
Sasuke wished he could just turn back time and make it so he had never met Naruto. So he'd never hurt Naruto. He'd rather live never knowing the love Naruto gave him, then take the love and selfishly die. He couldn't leave Naruto alone. Lip quivering he closed his eyes tightly the force of his sobs racking his body. Tears still steadily streamed down his face as the boy cried himself to sleep, looking even more like the fallen angel he was.
-
Sasuke awoke the next morning vision hazy and mind in a fog. Though in the back of the mind he realized that today was it. He was going to die. He fought back the tears however as he looked at the clock seeing it was almost visiting hours and Naruto would be there soon. He'd have to say goodbye.
But could he say goodbye?
Could he say it without tears streaming down his face and guilt lacing his voice as he hugged Naruto tightly saying sorry over and over again? Could he be strong and say goodbye without chickening out and remaining silent not saying a thing leaving so many words and feelings unsaid? Would he even be able to see Naruto's real smile one last time? He needed one real smile before he could depart from this world. The fake smiles and forced happiness made it all the more painful and difficult to hide his own pain and sadness. He let out a shaky breath as he saw the clock change and it become time for Naruto to visit him.
As always Naruto was soon in the room a forced smile on his face as he walked over to Sasuke. He leaned down planting a soft kiss on Sasuke's temple before caressing his cheek eyes lovingly looking into the dark ones of Sasuke's own.
"How are you?" Naruto asked lying next to him on the small bed.
"Better now that you are here," Sasuke said weakly but honestly. He needed to tell him. He had to. He couldn't leave so much unsaid. His eyes sharpened in pain before going back to just sadness. But Naruto caught the hurt look and his face immediately contorted in worry.
"What's wrong?" Naruto asked tilting Sasuke's face up towards him. His large tan fingers gently wrapped around his chin and Sasuke looked into Naruto's eyes and blurted it out.
"I know I'm going to die!" He gasped at his own words as he saw the pain over flow in the blue eyes staring intently into his own. "I'm so sorry!" His pale arms wrapped around the larger man as he hid his face from view. He couldn't stand seeing the pain on his lover's face.
Naruto's heart clenched in pain as he looked down at his love's head hidden in the loose fabric of his shirt, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them with a determined look in his eyes.
"It's not your fault," Naruto said sighing as he rubbed his lover's back in comfort. "I'll never blame you for this. I love you so much and will miss you more than anything, but if you die blaming yourself," Naruto said pausing as Sasuke looked up into his eyes. "I'd never be able to forgive myself."
"But I always said forever!" Sasuke said his façade breaking and his mask shattered as hot tears slid down his face.
"It will be forever…" Naruto whispered resting his head against Sasuke's. His vision became blurry as his own eyes glazed over with unshed tears. "My love for you is forever…"
"Don't leave me!" Sasuke cried out latching onto Naruto weakly. "I'm dying. I'm so afraid! I don't want to be alone!" Naruto's arms wrapped tightly around Sasuke holding him close.
"I won't leave you," Naruto promised as the withheld tears flooded down his face. The two men lay in each other's arms crying for each other and the love that will live forever, though not with them together.
A nurse smiled sadly at the scene before shutting the door and walking away ignoring the fact that visiting hours had ended. She couldn't tear the two apart. They were too in love and unwilling to hurt each other. She'd let them spend the rest of the time they had together in peace.
Naruto placed a gentle kiss on Sasuke's lips. Sasuke responded kissing back before sobbing and breaking the kiss as he pulled away. Naruto understood and pulled the other closer whispering softly to him. After a few minutes Sasuke pulled away looking up into Naruto's eyes.
"Smile for me," Sasuke said weakly a sad look in his eyes as he begged silently his eyes holding a pleading look as well. Naruto kissed the corner of Sasuke's eyes tasting the salty warm tears as they slid onto his lips and into his mouth. He then pulled back and smiled for Sasuke. No sadness or regret in the smile or his eyes, just love and happiness. Naruto just thought of all that they had shared and how much he loved Sasuke. He'd miss Sasuke so much, but at least he had the memories to keep him company. Seeing that true smile caused Sasuke to break down crying again and Naruto just wrapped his arms in comfort around Sasuke. They lay in silence hugging each other and enjoying the last moments they would have together before it ended.
Then during the few moments before daybreak Sasuke smiled up weakly at Naruto. Love filling his eyes at he looked at the one person who had brought so much joy and love into his life he whispered his final words.
"Love me forever?" Sasuke questioned a small sad smile staying on his lips.
"Forever," Naruto whispered back placing one final kiss upon his lover's lips before the coal eyes closed for their final time, as daybreak happened outside the window, casting a beautiful hue of colors onto the pale boy's skin as the breathing stopped.
The End
Please review and tell me what you thought of it.