Ghost of a Good Thing
A/N: I haven't heard this song since I was in High School. I was writing up a chapter on Dusk when this came on and I just had this story that filtered through my head. Unfortunately it means I'm still writing Dusk and who knows when I'll finish that :) This will be nothing more but a one shot.
Maybe it's love
But it's like you say
Love is like a role that we play
If I were to say that Edward Cullen were my entire world, I wouldn't be lying. Every waking thought was of him. His very existence consumed my being. My soul. So when, after Jasper unsuccessfully took a snap at me at my birthday party, Edward started acting distant... I knew something was wrong. He used to revolve around me, like my own personal lunarian protector. Always watching out for me, guiding me. Loving me. Now it was as if my moon had fallen from the sky. His topaz eyes were lacking the warmth and light behind them. It wasn't gradual. I had no time to prepare myself for the one eighty our relationship had taken. The second Carlisle had finished putting sutures on the gash on my arm, the event that would change my life forever was over. Edward had seen that I wasn't worth his time. He finally realized that the lure of my blood was nothing in the grand scheme of things and he was tired of trying to keep me safe when it seemed like such an impossible task. It was then I realized that the love he felt for me was the love for my thoughtless mind. The love for the scent of my blood. I still dispassionately thought that he would want to change me, that day when he led me into the forest. He beckoned and I followed. Stupid lamb...
I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
When we paused at a tiny clearing and he turned to me I was reminded of an earlier time when I had guessed what he was. The big secret I wasn't supposed to know. I wondered what the big secret would be today. I waited patiently for him to talk. He had barely said anything to me all weak. "Eat, Isabella." But my stomach had been churning with so much anxiety at the rapid turn in our relationship, I couldn't fathom I'd be able to keep whatever I ate down. I appeased him by trying to eat a slice of pizza. It only made my stomach queasy. "Watch where you're going." When I tripped over nothing in the hallway at school. He kept a firmer grip on my elbow than he ever would have done before. On the outside no one noticed, could tell how desperate I was for him to talk to me. "Pay attention in class, Isabella." How could I concentrate when it felt like my whole world had dissolved away into nothing. When Edward finally chose to speak, I had missed it.
"What?" He scowled at me. I felt another lecture coming, and my heart clenched in my chest. I wasn't sure how much of this Edward I could take anymore.
"I said, we are leaving Forks." He said exasperatedly. I swear if it weren't beneath him he would have rolled his eyes at me. I had a fleeting thought, that I was included in this.
"Just let me think of something to tell Charl..." I stopped entirely when I looked up and saw the expression on his face. "When you say..." He cut me off.
"My family, and myself." My heart started beating rapidly. My mind going a mile a minute. Why couldn't I come?
I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say
"I think it's time we ended this charade, Isabella." I sucked in a breath and held it. My head pounding with the blood rushing through my body. I could barely hear myself, and I felt so weak and ashamed after wards.
"Charade? Edward, I love you. You love me. What is there to..." A scathing look was all I got in return and it silenced me immediately. I sat down abruptly on the dirt floor, my legs giving away under me. I was breathing in short ragged gasps. I needed a paper bag before I hyperventilated.
"My kind are easily distracted when the things we were keeping ourselves occupied with lose our interest." I lost his interest? He was only keeping himself occupied with me? I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I hadn't realized I was crying until I buried my face in my hands to keep myself under control. Seemed pointless now that I knew I had lost all composure already.
"Is this because of Jasper?" I grasped on anything I could think of and choked it in my desperation. "Because I don't blame him! It wasn't his fault."
"Jasper has nothing to do with this, Isabella. I just don't want you anymore." A strangled sob escaped my lips and I struggled to remain quiet. Tears were streaming down my face and I wiped them clumsily away with my dirt stained hands.
"You love me. I know you do." Grasping at another thing I would have once bet money on.
"I never loved you, you were just something to keep me distracted until my real mate came along." I just turned off. I felt nothing. My tears were still falling, slowing down. My breath had started to even out. The panic attack I had been having was completely gone. I felt absolutely nothing. No pain, no betrayal, no rage.
"Okay." I breathed, daring to look up at him with my empty eyes. He nodded and left without a backwards glance.
But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing is getting away
From you again
I stayed sitting on the ground, trying to find it in me to be angry at him for leaving me like this. Trying to be sad at how I had wasted so many firsts on him. My first kiss, my first love, my first boyfriend. Slowly my feelings began trickling back into my subconscious. Muted compared to how strong they had been. An idea hit me, and I was suddenly mortified that anyone had witnessed such a private horrifying moment.
"Jasper?" I said quietly, questioning if he really were out there manipulating my emotions. I glanced up when I saw the brush moving from my right. There emerged Jasper. Wearing boots, faded blue jeans and a white t-shirt that was quickly becoming see through with the rain that had started falling sometime. I was surprised I hadn't noticed how soaked I was until I saw how soaked Jasper was becoming.
"I'm sorry, Bella." He struggled with saying those words, and I wondered why he was even bothering.
"Why?" I asked abstractly. I doubted anything he could even say could fix this empty hole Edward had imprinted on my soul.
"Because you're worth it." It was like his words jump started my emotions. Devastation, remorse, depression, and over whelming sadness rolled through me. How could I be worth it, if he left.
"Bella, don't." I glanced up at his face, he was a few feet closer to me. I could see the color of his eyes, they were a glistening crimson. I wasn't afraid. For some reason I never believed that Jasper was capable of hurting me.
"Don't what, Jasper?" I asked him accusingly. "Don't care that my entire life just walked out on me?!" I was screaming hysterically at him. Deep down I knew he didn't deserve this. I couldn't stop myself from taking all my frustrations out on him. He closed the distance between us and pulled me off the ground and into his arms. I looked up at his face with my own dirt and tear stained one and saw something in his expression, something in his vibrant red eyes that I had never seen in Edward's.
Just bend the pieces until they fit
Like they were made for it
But they weren't meant for this
The rain was falling all around us, thunder crashing in the distance. I was somewhere I never would have thought I'd end up.
"Don't doubt me when I tell you that you're worth it." He said finally, cupping my face in his hands. I couldn't break eye contact, I hadn't the will. There was something in his eyes that I was missing and I was determined to find it. He brushed his thumbs across my cheeks and everything that seemed so important moments ago faded away. As if nothing mattered until this man touched me. He leaned down and as his lips gently found mine it was as if the whole universe shifted into alignment. My eyes closed and my arms wrapped around his neck as if by their own volition. I kissed back, daring to kiss Jasper in a way HE had never let me before. Jasper pulled me closer to him, my body molding to his.
He pulled away slowly. I was breathless. When I opened my eyes and looked into Jasper's I had no idea why I had never seen him before. How could someone so important have escaped my notice? The question was on the tip of my tongue. He kissed me again, just a gentle brushing of lips. I felt like my heart was going to explode with joy.
"From the moment I saw you, I knew you were mine." He whispered against my lips, our eyes still locked. But Edward? I couldn't bring myself to speak. I didn't want to wake up from this happy dream I had found myself in.
"Edward was never your mate. You were his singer, yes. It was your shield that drew him to you. Nothing more. By the time I realized what was going on he had made his claim within the coven. I couldn't protest without all out war. Alice knew it wouldn't end well. So I waited trusting her judgment. Dying inside every time I saw you with him. Didn't you know? Couldn't you tell how my heart reached out to you every time we were in the same room?" He spoke so passionately so desperately that I had no choice but to believe him. My heart hammered against my chest with all the pain that cascaded over me. My Jasper. I brought a hand to his face cupping it gently. I didn't know how I could apologize for what I didn't know, but I felt so much remorse. He kissed my lips quickly again.
"No more of that, darlin'." Burying his head in my hair we embraced tightly.
I had walked into the forest thinking my life was over. But, as I walked out that evening hand in hand with Jasper I knew that it had just begun.