'I am so screwed.'

This was the worst thing you were ever going to experience, in your whole life. You were walking slowly down the dirt path that leaded to the circus.

Yes, a circus.

Your therapist thought that it was an excellent idea, for you to overcome one of your biggest fears, by going to what you thought was hell on earth. Your therapist was a good one. Well she was the nicest one you've ever been to. Her name was dr. Rose Lalonde. She was fairly good at talking with you about your problem.

Oh yeah, your problem.

You suffered from the psychological disease known as Coulrophobia. The fear of clowns. You've had this disease since you were a little kid. When you were 5 years old or so, you had been playing on a street road, when suddenly you got ran over by a car. But it wasn't just a normal car. It was a circus car. The local circus had just packed up and wanted to continue their journey, but you were in the way. As you laid there the driver came out from the deadly vehicle. He was one of the clowns, still wearing full makeup and the costume. He tried to comfort you while he was getting an ambulance. You had your legs amputated at the hospital and had to sit in a wheelchair for 6 years. 5 years ago you got a set of prostheses and have been enjoying the feel of freedom ever since.

But the accident have been sitting in the back of your mind ever since, and it greatly effected your daily life. You were never going to a hospital ever since, because you were afraid that there would be hospital clowns there. Also some hospitals have clown décor. Getting a part-time job at a toy store or a costume store were also not a good idea either. A circus was a no-go in BIG capitals.

And now you were heading for one. How ironic.

But you were not going alone. Your long-time semi friend Vriska were coming with you to back you up. You were waiting for her until your cellphone got a text. You produces the vibrating thing from your pocket and flipped it open. It was from Vriska. You read the text loud inside of you head:

Hey Tavros

Sorry pupa but I can't come with you to go to the circus today. I forgot that I have a date with Kanaya, you know, the girl I mentioned last week?

Also. If you go alone to overcome your fear, wouldn't it give extra points? ::::)

You can do it pupa!

from

Vriska

Oh no, she was not doing this. She was ditching you right when you needed her. Wait a minute...Kanaya was one of dr. Lalonde's good friends.

'THEY HAD PLANNED THIS IN THE BEGINNING!'

Your brain was working on high speed. Part from anger for your lesbian friend, part from panic. What were you going to do?

'If you go alone to overcome your fear, wouldn't it give extra points?'

Vriska's message repeated itself over and over in your mind. You come to the conclusion that you must go, afraid or not.

You continue to walk down the dirt path. Now you see a lot of people, mostly families with children, heading the same way as you. They were staring at you, probably because of your mohawk, or your piercings. You had a quite lot of them, mostly made by yourself with a heated needle. You see the circus tent coming closer and closer, the lights blinking in a random way. The tent was made of purple, red, yellow and green colored fabrics. The ringmaster was collecting tickets. He took yours, checked it and almost yelled at you:

"What a lucky one we have here. You are going to sit at the front row. Enjoy the show" he told you.

You walked past him into the room where the stands that sold candy were. You weren't very hungry but bought a pack of gummy bears. The green ones were your favorite. You made it into the tent itself. You looked around for your seat. You finally found it. In the front row right in the middle. You sat down and waited. Finally after some time people came in and found their seats, wondering what kind of shows there would be.

The curtains parted and the show began. There was a girl that could breathe under water without a snorkel or anything. There was a lion tamer. She could 'talk' with them and even hug or stick her arm inside their mouths, without getting bit or clawed to death. There was also a magician with telepathic powers, who would send his thoughts to his assistant. Sometimes he sent embarrassing thoughts to his assistant, who would get into a fit and summon a lot of colorful rants about anything between heaven and hell. The whole show was pretty good...

...Until he came in.

The ringmaster shouted in his microphone that people were assured to have a good laugh when they saw the next show: "The amazingly funny clown Gamzee Makara."

A somehow slumped figure entered the scene. You could feel the panic start kicking in a little. He was wearing black polka dotted overalls and a black shirt with an indigo symbol on it. He had black hair with indigo stripes in it and..oh god, was that horns?!

Curled candy corn colored horns topped the clowns head in a goat-like manner. You hope that they weren't real. His heavily pierced face covered in (really) scary face paint. It formed a creepy smile on the guy's face.

His mission on the stage was simply to make people laugh. He was doing a lot of goofy things like his life depended on it. Like falling over his long legs or backfiring a joke on himself, or even making a bad ventriloquist number. He tried to drink a glass of water while talking with the puppet at the same time. He ended up choking on the water and the audience began to laugh hysterically. Everyone except You.

You were clenching the chair's sides, your neatly cut nails digging into the old fabric. You were panicking more and more, sitting on the front row didn't make it better either. The clown then called the ringmaster over, whispering something in his ear. The ringmaster then brought his microphone to his lips and shouted:

"THE CLOWN GAMZEE WANTS ONE FROM THE AUDIENCE TO ASSIST HIM IN HIS NEXT NUMBER" the ringmaster announced.

You were already embarrassed, even if you didn't know who were going to be chosen yet. The clown moved forward. Closer and closer to the edge of the stage. Closer and closer to you. You clenched the chair harder and harder. Sweat was covering your hands. You swear you nearly fainted when he talked to you:

"What about you motherfucker?"

You didn't know what happened next, but you were suddenly on stage holding a green tinted pie. The clown was standing opposite you and began to juggle with a lot of juggling clubs.

There was at least ten there, you thought. People were staring and he juggled faster and faster. Actually people were staring at you and the pie. They probably wanted you to throw it at him. You liked the thought. This thing, that looked at you so innocently with that smug grin on his face. This thing, that had nearly killed you with a car. This thing, that had taken your legs and forced you to live a shitty life being constantly afraid. This thing, you hated so FUCKING MUCH.

You threw the pie. It smacked him bullseye in the face. The pie's filling must have been very heavy, because he fell backwards, all the clubs landing on the floor with loud 'thuds'. Your arm was also aching now. The audience practically screamed at the top of their lungs with laughter. You began to shake, the last minutes coming back to your head.

You couldn't take this.

You practically screamed when you ran out of the tent, the pack of gummy bears in your left hand. You ran until you ended up on a bench not long from the tent. There were no people there so you curled up into a tiny ball and sobbed loudly, whispering soft gibberish as you laid there pathetically. What seemed like hours passed but you still felt scared. You were still shaking violently. You wanted to go home, stay inside your apartment and never go out for the rest of your life, but you couldn't move at all.

You heard footsteps and you froze. They were coming towards you.

"Hey motherfucker. Are you kind of okay?" a voice asked.

You could easy recognize it. It was the clown from the circus. His voice was sluggish, like he was doing drugs. Hell he was probably semi sober now. You didn't think about that for too long. You scooted away from him, giving him a loud whimper while doing so, still shaking.

"I know what can cheer up a little cutie like you up." He said.

The clown scuffed over to his bag, pulling a pair of cards out.

"You want to see a magic trick?" He asked.

No answer.

He didn't look surprised at all. He sat down beside you, ruffling a hand through his long hair. He probably didn't brush it at all, because his hand got stuck in it, and he painfully pulled it out, cursing silently.

You didn't want this monster near you anymore. You wanted him to go away, making him stop being nice and all.

"go away."

"What? Sorry little dude. I didn't hear what'cha said."

He poked you softly with his finger. That was the last drop:

"LEAVE ME ALONE YOU FREAK, MONSTER, WHATEVER YOU ARE."

You panicked more. You began screaming, getting a seizure. You could see it again. The car coming towards you. Being hurled through the air. Blood trickling down you face, slurring your vision. That DEMON of a clown with that face, laughing monstrously at you. At your pain. The visions was getting stronger...until.

A soft pair of lips met your own. The clown was holding you tightly, face pressed down onto yours. You felt a strange feeling stirring in your stomach. He smelt like something sweet, maybe it was marijuana. Yes you were sure. Your brother once forced you to try it at a party. The only thing you want to say about it is 'never more'. You relaxed and kind of leaned in, forgetting everything until he pulled back.

"If you didn't hear before, the name's Gamzee" he said.

Now you notice that he has lilac eyes. The pupil was almost shaped like a cats, which was making him kind of otherworldly looking. They almost glowed in the light when he spoke to you.

You come back to your senses. You straighten up. You flee the scene, leaving Gamzee for himself.

Damn, you were straight. Your ex-girlfriends was enough proof. You had never kissed a guy before. You were slightly disgusted by the thought.

'I am not gay!' you keep telling yourself over and over inside of your head.

But you can't forget how attractive he actually was. His face almost clean of makeup from the pie trick you made earlier. He had more piercings than you, but it looked good on him. His shadow like hair bouncing around his eyes, oh those eyes.

You couldn't believe yourself.

You had met a clown that really wasn't scary at all.

A deep red blush cover your cheeks, as you run faster.

…

Gamzee was sitting on the bench looking after the boy. He had forgot something. You pick it up. It was a pack of gummy bears. You open it up and pick up a green one. You look at it before showing it into your mouth, chewing softly. The green ones were your favorite...