Well what do we have here? Another story! I know that I should probably be finishing up The Avenger Friendship Hypothesis, but I really wanted to put this up! I was actually in the middle of drafting my other 2 series when this came up and I just had to write it!
This story is dedicated to wolfofsheep who inspired and encouraged me to write! Plus we both enjoy a creepy annoying Penny!
As you could probably see, I love AU's. But really, Shenny is AU, well any fanfic is practically AU since we're not following the original story right? Anyways characters are OOC but I will try to get them into character as much as possible.
Disclaimer: All grammatical and spelling errors, nonsense are mine. The characters aren't though. Shame.
It had been exactly one week since Leonard had moved out of the apartment. Apparently, living with his new girlfriend is much more pleasurable than living with me. Honestly that man does not know what he is missing!
After I collected my mail, I went straight to my apartment. Today had been surprisingly, unsatisfactory. There was a bizarre commotion at Big Boy which forced me to get my barbeque bacon cheeseburger somewhere else. Which did not end well, I had to eat at a diner where they forgot to put the barbeque, bacon and cheese on the side, after the long explanation I gave to the waitress.
"Note to self; do not ever return to Garbo's. Good service is nearly extinct these days"
As I reached the 4th floor landing I was greeted by the strong stench of alcohol, has Leonard returned? That was quick; if he is planning on living here yet again I must re-write the roommate agreement again.
Reaching the 4th floor, I was met by a seemingly lifeless body that was currently slumped outside my apartment.
"Hello" I say with caution. Who knows, maybe this mysterious figure is a wanted fugitive, because it is most definitely not Leonard. This body has feminine features which Leonard does not have, is blonde and currently in an intoxicated state.
The blonde then looked up at me and smiled, "he-*hic*-llo". She then takes the bottle of wine in her hand and drinks from it.
"If I may ask, what is your business here?"
She tilts the bottle upside down and sighs, "I'm here for Leonard Hofs.. Hovstabber… Hof… "
"It's Hofstadter" I point out to her as she shakes the bottle in hopes of more wine.
"Yeah Hofsadder," She drops the bottle then leans against the wall, "shit I'm all outta wine."
"If you're inquiring about Leonard Hofstadter, he no longer resides here. He moved out exactly one week ago"
She runs her hand through her golden locks then growls in frustration, "damn that rat bastard!"
For some reason, I feel bad for her. Is that what they commonly call, sympathy?
"I am not sure of the social protocol for this but," I crouch beside her and reach out my hand to pat the air around her shoulder, "there, there."
She then grabs the collar of my shirt and buries her face in my chest, "That asshole! He to-told me that he loved me! I left my boyfriend for him!" My shirt suddenly feels wet, which is a sign of –gasp- she's crying! I try to remove her from me but she only holds on tighter, "and now here I am! Left everything just to find nothing! Do you know that I'm currently homeless?"
"If it makes you feel better," she looks up and sniffs, "Leonard moved out to live with his girlfriend"
"You're just making me feel worse!" She yells then cries harder- oh good lord! She just wiped her mucus on my sleeve! I must get into my apartment and disinfect myself from this- woman's germs!
I successfully removed her off of me and then started digging for my keys.
"Oh so you're just gonna leave me here huh? Fine! Do what you want! That's what everyone does best anyways! They leave me like some worthless piece of trash!" She says as I open the door, I look at her, then back at my clean, germ-free apartment. If I let her inside, her outside world bacteria will surely violate the place. But, if I leave her there…
Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress!
"Come inside, social protocol states that when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage"
She looks away from me then wipes her nose on her sleeve, "yeah, but I'm not your friend"
"I can make an exception. Now get inside" I say as I hold the door open for her. She slowly stands up and weakly smiles at me, "thanks."
"So what would you like, tea or hot chocolate?" I ask as I bring out the ingredients. She takes a seat on one of the counter stools* and looks around. "Nice place you got here, really clean"
I turn around to face her holding up a tea bag and a packet of Swiss Miss, "I'd prefer it if you answer my question. Now, would you like tea or hot chocolate?" She leans on the counter and rests her chin on against the palm of her hand, "I'd like some coffee if you have some"
I frown at her, "That still doesn't answer my question. You're having tea then," I prepare the contents of the beverage, "plus I don't drink coffee."
"Awesome. So do you live her alone?" I take out a bottle of diet coke as I wait for the water to heat, "If you weren't paying attention a while ago, I said that Leonard moved out. Which means that, yes, I do live alone" I take the hot water and pour it into a teacup, "It baffles me how you manage to converse with me while in an inebriated state."
She then takes a sip of the tea and sighs, "look sweetie, alcohol is my water. It's nothing to me"
"And it most probably is the bridge that connected you to Leonard and a handful of other men"
She points a finger at me, "watch it, I will go junior rodeo on you"
"I only did the math," I say in defense, "the probability of you meeting Leonard in a sober state is zero to a thousand, but when alcohol is introduced the probability doubles"
The blonde raises her eyebrow then shakes her head, "the probability of me not punching you is also doubled when alcohol is included. Oh look I'm drunk"
"Is that sarcasm?"
"Look, I came here for Leonard and he obviously isn't here"
"I told you he moved ou-"
"I know he moved out! And since he isn't here I best be going" She stands up then pushes the cup towards me, "thanks for the tea"
She grabs her coat then starts heading for the door. For some reason, I have a feeling that I am supposed to do something. Should I? What would my mother and Meemaw say if they find out that I let a damsel in distress wander around the horrifying streets of Pasadena?
"Wait!" the blonde then turns around and puts a hand on her hip, "what?"
"With the current time, it is unsafe for a gal like you to go wandering down the streets!"
"I have a car" My eye is starting to twitch. This is not good. I feel as if I'm supposed to do something, and yet I don't know what it is.
"Even worse! You can't possibly drive in that state"
"Watch me." She opens the door and I immediately run towards her, "You told me that you're homeless! Where are you gonna go? You can't sleep on the streets!"
"Look sweetie, it's great that you're concerned about me but I'll stay at a motel. So I should be leav-"
"I'm looking for a new roommate in place of Leonard!" I blurt out, "are you saying that you want me to stay here, with you?" She gestures to herself then to me. I nod my head, "yes! Well of course you have to answer a few questions to prove me that you're not a robot, and you have to get your IQ measured to check if you're worthy of my presence, and I have to wri-"
"Goodbye" she says as she walks out, "WAIT!" I yell as I grab her arm, "of course that could wait til' tomorrow!" I say as I force a smile, "think about it, if you stay here it's cleaner than a motel, safer, and you only have to pay once a month than paying every night!"
She takes a few seconds and seems to be thinking about it.
"Well?" I ask her as I rub my arm. I definitely need to re-sanitize myself, I just touched her. Desperate times calls for desperate measures they say. Hokum!
"Alright then I'll be your roommate" She says with a smile on her face, "when can I move in?"
"You can move in right away!" She then takes my hand and shakes it.
SHE JUST TOUCHED ME GOOD LORD I HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER NO I HAVE T-
"I'll go downstairs and get my things from my car!" She happily chirps, "oh, by the way, what's your name?"
"S-sheldon, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, B.S. M.S. M.A. Ph.D. Sc.D."
"I'm Penny!"
Though I am not quite sure if what I did was right, though Sheldon Lee Cooper never makes mistakes, I have a feeling that I will regret this later.
I will strongly regret this later.
*I absolutely have NO idea what you call the chairs for those counter islands, so I'll just call them counter stools.
I actually wrote this after watching American Horror Story so, once again, I finished it in the early morning. REM Sleep = Forever ruined.
So a couple of things I wanted to cover is that yes, I doubt that Sheldon would just act that way but seeing as he was raised as a gentleman, I'm sure that he would make an exception. And I did say that they are OOC-ish, so don't bash me if you're blind.
Plus it's Penny, he's already done so many out of character things for her!
Oh and fun fact, all my series titles have 4 words in it starting with 'The'. I should really break that habit.
So yeah sorry for any errors yada yada yada. Reviews are extremely welcome!