Hello Friends,
Before I start to write this tragic article, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nincompoop! Ululate! Hodgepodge! Wart! Thank You!
As I am sure you all know, the Unicorn is quite a magical creature. And if you didn't know, you should have, seeing as everyone knows that Unicorns eat rainbows, and that is very convenient, as everyone knows that the Unicorn bathes in gold (If you haven't heard of the Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow legend, well, you are aren't very well informed). A Unicorn also poops butterflies (Probably an after effect of the rainbows, too much of that stuff can give you very curious side effects. Not that I would know, of course, but, I do hear things, you-know). And if you didn't know that, I can understand, as the Unicorn's diet and the form their waste takes is very complicated stuff to learn. Anyway, as I was saying, the Unicorn is very magical. But the Unicorn is only a general name for the species, you-see. There are many different types of Unicorns, with different characteristics. A few examples are: The Smupid Unicorn, which, as you can see by the name, implies that this type of Unicorn is smart for being stupid. Obviously, the human who named this creature was incredibly stupid himself, because there is no way you can be smart for being stupid. Or the Infinitesimalian Unicorn, which is so small, that you can't even see it. Although, those lucky people who do, don't (If that makes any sense at all). There was also a type of Unicorn which had a gigantic light-bulb attached to its rear-end who liked to pretend that it was a firefly. Coherently, giants all around the world decided one day to be mean and squish all of them. The type of Unicorn we are discussing today is called the Singing Unicorn, which communicate to each other by singing Opera.
Just this month, Singing Unicorns from around the country gathered together to have their annual Singing competition and feast, which they call the "Neigh", at (Or should I say in) Lake Michigan. Usually, the "Neigh" is a delightful competition. All Unicorns sing, and the Ant Judges choose who is best. I have to admit, Opera is not exactly my favorite type of music, and this particular Opera sounds like Banshees screaming (Another Subject for Another Article), but I absolutely love the feast (Main Course: Winner of Competition). I have always liked the taste of cartilage...As I was saying, I was lucky enough to be at every single one of these groundbreaking competitions, and I was extremely surprised to hear that the "Neigh" was going to be held in Lake Michigan this year. Usually they are held in a grassy plain or a forest or, one year, a volcano, but never before had a lake been the platform for this grand occasion! I arrived at the "Neigh" to see (*SCREAMS*) a lot of poor Unicorns who had drowned. I did know that Singing Unicorns could not breathe underwater, but I really was under the impression that they had sprouted gills and learned to swim. It wasn't all that bad for me, I have to admit. The cartilage was delicious, and I still got a show (Even when they're dead, the blood and organs still sing...or screech, whichever term you prefer). I still felt bad about all the poor Unicorns, so I started a charity to make sure that Unicorns get the proper education they need.
Over and Out,
Ongaku7