DISCLAIMER: No intention of anything. Don't own Artemis Fowl or Eoin Colfer. . . . . . I am too young to know any better. . . . . and too poor. That is all…..

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Artemis Fowl: What could have gone wrong.

Artemis tried his very best sincere look. It was vital.

"Mulch, I know you risked your life betraying the Antonelli family, so I'd like to give you something."

Visions of sugarplums and Ferreris' flew through Mulch's mind. But, he had to keep that same good guy thing going for him.

"There is no need. Really. . . . I mean," He could not hold it in, " There were many times where I showed incredible bravery and faced many accounts of mortal danger. . . put my life on the line for civilization. . ."

"Yeah, sure." Artemis agreed as he untied his medalian necklace. "I know, this isn't much but, it sure means a lot to me. . . and I'd like for you to have it. I mean, in five minutes it won't mean much to me anyway. A little momento of our adventures."

"Wow. . ." Mulch put on a fake smile, then half mumbled to himself. "Half an ounce of gold, Fowl. . . you really are fowl. You sure broke the bank with this chunk….."

Artemis kept his same grin. "Sometimes," He began, "The best things in life, aren't about money or fame. . . .they are about lo-"

"LIKE HELL THEY ARE FOWL! Remember. . . Aurum est potestas. . . GOLD IS POWER! I MEAN LOOK AT THIS WORTHLESS PIECE OF MOLDING SCUM! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY CALL THIS GOLD? I MEAN WHAT THE F-"

"Mulch. . ." Artemis tried to calm him.

"AM I SOPOSED TO DO WITH THIS? . . . . WHY NOT SOME BAIL MONEY AT LEAST TO KNOCK OFF SEVERAL YEARS OFF MY SENTENCE AT LEAST?"

"Mulch. . ." Artemis tried again in a calm tone.

"I MEAN WHAT GOOD IS THIS GOING TO DO ME IF YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I AM, AND IF I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN BECAUSE I AM IMPRISONED FOR THE REST OF MY NATURAL LIFE NOT TO MENTION THE TIMESPAN OF YOURS?"

"MULCH! JUST TAKE THE DAMN THING!" He yelled in frustration.

Mulch thought for a minute. "You know," He finally said. "I don't like your tone . . . . . . And for that remark I may not even want it anymore." He stepped away from Artemis.

"Mulch," Artemis tried to regain his same calm tone. "My dear friend, trust me, this will be of great value to you."

"SHORT!" Root bellowed. "Bring me the medallion."

"Commander, this is just the medallion that I gave Artemis myself last year." Holly voiced handing Root the necklace.

"Well, I guess that would be good to get rid of, it's like two birds with one stone. . . because the medallion could have triggered Artemis' memory." He paused briefly looking deeply into Artemis' calm expression. "Very well, he may keep it." He said shortly and handed the necklace to Artemis.

Artemis held the medallion in a tight fist and thrusted it toward Mulch. Mulch finally gave in a took the P.O.S. present.

"Uh, Artemis. . ." Mulch began opening his hand. Artemis' heart skipped a beat. "I think you gave me this piece of paper by accident." He handed the folded note to Artemis. All, if any, color drained Artemis' pasty, white face.

"Short, bring it to me!'' Root bellowed sounding nervous. Holly took the paper and brought it to her Commander.

"MULCH…. YOU IDIOT!" Artemis spoke through gritted teeth.

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More chapters added on the way. If you have a favorite part in the book you would like me to make a mockery of. Leave it in a review and I'd be happy to attend to it!

---------------------SEPTEMBER 15 BOOK FIVE IS OUT!--------------------