"What has you so engrossed this evening?" Elias asked, curious. The sight of Chise staring intently at her new phone was becoming a usual one to the poor mage, who was feeling rather ignored (although he was quite happy to have her engrossed in an actual book while he sat in his usual chair, reading himself; he supposed that the gentle sound of turning pages was less disruptive to him than the rather more erratic movements constantly catching the corner of his eye as she herbivored her phone. —No, wait, that was the wrong term, wasn't it? She had laughed rather heartily (for Chise) at his prior usage of the term, and gently corrected him. Browser, that was it. As she browsered her phone).

But this evening she was browsering her phone rather more vigorously than usual, with an intent scowl on her face as she energetically and rapidly ran her fingers all over the infernal, distracting device. "Chise? —Chise!"

"Mm?" She finally looked up. "Sorry, Elias; I was distracted. What did you say?"

"What has you so engrossed in your phone?"

"Oh, heh." She scowled, blushed, and blew a lock of hair out of her eyes with a depreciating laugh. "It's Aliceween. Hallowe'en. With Alice." She blushed a little harder. "She wants me to go to a thing with her and I'm trying to find a costume online but—" She scowled down at her phone again. "All these—I just—I can't find one that suits me," she finished lamely.

"Oh?" Elias's jaws parted in curiosity. "May I see?"

Chise twitched as though fighting a momentary urge to clutch the phone to her chest. "Well, ha ha, most of these really are terrible," she said. "I can't really find what I'm looking for."

Elias rose, placing his book on his chair, and sat beside her on the sofa, attempting to see the tiny screen from the awkward angle. "And what are you looking for?"

Chise's eyes widened and she tilted the screen away. "Well, Alice thought with my red hair that a Little Red Riding Hood costume might be appropriate. She seemed to think it funny somehow but she wouldn't tell me why."

"Ah. I suspect she is envisioning me as your Big Bad Wolf."

"My—what?"

"Are you familiar with the story?"

"No..?"

"Mm. Well, the short version is that a young girl, dressed in her favourite red hooded cape, which has earned her the nickname 'Little Red Riding Hood,' doesn't listen to her mother about not talking to strangers as she is walking through the woods to visit her sick grandmother, and tells a wolf she meets all about where she is going and why. He races ahead of her, gobbles up her grandmother, and impersonates her. Little Red Riding Hood falls for the deception, and is also gobbled up by the wolf. Depending upon the version, sometimes a friendly woodcutter comes by and sees the wolf with his belly dragging on the ground, and cuts them both free. It is a traditional cautionary tale."

"Oh. Um… what happens in the other versions?"

"There is no woodcutter. What is a cautionary tale without unpleasant consequences?"

"Ah. Yes."

"So. Let me see these terrible, unsuitable costumes."

This time she did clutch her phone to her chest. "These ones really are… unsuitable."

"Chise…"

She sighed. "Fine. You don't need to use your teacher voice." She tilted the screen back towards him. "See?"

"Hm. They seem to be a decent quality, if somewhat more abbreviated than the fairy tale book illustrations I've seen."

"Yes, that's the problem!" She blew out a frustrated gust of air. "They're all sexy! Sexy Little Red Riding Hood. Sexy Alice in Wonderland. Sexy Pirate! Sexy Witch! I can't just find a normal costume! They're all sexy!"

"And that is bad?"

"It is if that is all I can find! I would like to have the skirt not stick straight out from my hips, thanks. Besides, I just don't have the—the, uh—" She gestured vaguely at her torso. "—The right shape for most of these. But I'm too tall for the children's outfits!"

"Silky would be happy to make you something, if you showed her what you wanted."

"I know, I know." Her shoulders slumped. "But she's already cooking for us, and doing most of the cleaning, and laundry, and everything else, and I don't want to impose on her." Her shoulders slumped.

"You do a lot of the cleaning and laundry and everything else too," he pointed out, quite reasonably.

"I know. But still…"

Elias was silent for a moment. "What about the men's costumes?"

"Oh, they're fine. They cover everything but their faces! Sometimes even those!"

"Oh? Let me see. Perhaps there is a Little Red Riding Hood costume that is more appropriate there?"

Chise snorted. "Not likely. She's a girl costume. Look." She poked at the screen for a minute. "See? All the Red Riding Hood costumes are girls. Even some of the wolves are!" She fell silent for a moment. "Oh! The Big Bad Wolf!" She grinned. "The wolves make a lot more sense now, heh."

Elias looked at the screen. Sure enough, there were several rather baggy, full-length wolf costumes, mostly posed in what he supposed must be amusingly poor attempts at threatening stances. They mostly looked rather silly, and none of them looked in the least bit threatening. A few of them did match the Little Red Riding Hood costumes quite well, though. "What about that one?" he asked, indicating a grey Sexy Wolf costume complete with furry, eared hood, furry leggings, "medieval" velvet mini-dress, and a rather plush, long furry tail.

"That one's the wolf, Elias. And it won't fit me."

"No, I meant for me."

Chise gave him a rather glassy, extremely wide-eyed stare.

"Well, if I am to be your Big Bad Wolf…"

"I. Iiiii. Um. I, uh, I think Alice was more sort of envisioning your, uh, more wolf-like form. And I don't think she actually meant for you to come like that…"

"Well, no, of course not. And I'm certainly not wearing one of those." Most of the men's costumes were downright insulting, even if one or two did seem to be at least trying to be well-dressed.

"But—I mean—but...What about something like that one?" Chise asked, somewhat desperately, so far as he could tell, pointing to one of the well-dressed, grey-suited men in a domino wolf's mask. "Wouldn't that suit you more?"

"Chise, if I am going to wear a suit with a wolf's head mask, then what on earth would be the point of dressing up at all?" He asked calmly. "No, I think I would look rather fetching in this one." Chise gaped at him. "And you should wear that one."

"What? No, I—"

"No, look; it has a higher collar than the rest, and a more flattering bodice for your shape, and a full-length skirt."

"But—"

"You should order it immediately."

"What?"

"Unless… This one does have a rather attractive bodice as well, and skirt, even if it is short..."

"No! No, um, yes, that first one will do me fine, thanks!" She all but snatched the phone out of his grasp, once more poking furiously at it again.

"Then I have been of help?"

"Sure. Absolutely. Yes. Definitely. Thank you."

"Excellent. Please order me the wolf costume as well. I am quite looking forward to it."

Alice thoroughly deserves this, he thought rather smugly to himself, not realizing he was echoing Chise's own thoughts almost precisely.

A/N: This (obviously) started out as a rather tongue-in-cheek Hallowe'en fic-and then it took me so long to come up with a title that I considered simply waiting until next Hallowe'en and posting it then! Hallowe'en doesn't actually play much of a part in it, you see, beyond giving me an excuse to dress them up. However, I was afraid that by then something would happen in the manga that would make all of this even more improbable than it already is.

So I finally figured out a title, several months too late, and posted it. Aaand then realized a few weeks later that I was probably thinking of "Three Little Maids From School Are We" instead, lol. Oh well! XD The damned things finally up, at least!

I'm working on the second chapter, and there might be a third, so it's not done yet! ~Kryss