Disclaimer: Do you really think I would be writing stories about these characters if I already owned them? -.-
The anime/manga series 'Naruto' along with all of its characters belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I own nothing.
Warning: Ok. I said I wouldn't do this and I have tried my best to not make them this way, but some characters may be a little Ooc. -.- But other than that, enjoy the craziness XD
Songs: Scandalous by Cobra Starship, Step Up by Darin, In His Mind and DB Sways His Shoulders And Dances from SoulEater
Naruto Uzumaki frowned as he sat down on the ground to read over the contents of his release form silently. He leaned his back against a tree behind him a bit as he began to read,
I _ voluntarily agree to participate in the evaluation of this year's Chuunin Exams. I understand that this evaluation is being conducted by Anko Mitarashi, the proctor for the second part of the exams, to determine whether or not I am allowed to be considered a Chuunin within my village.
I understand that the risks which may involve me are:
losing my life
becoming injured/incapacitated for a period of time if not for the rest of my life
possibly witnessing my friends and colleagues die
I understand that I will be the one held responsible for my own actions and that if I die, it will be my own fault. I am aware of the risks and possible benefits of these exams and am fully prepared for what lies ahead. I also understand that any identifiable information in regard to my name and/or other important information regarding my person may be listed only in the evaluation report that I have filled out at the start of these exams and that these records will only be given to the proctor and will not be seen by anyone other than my village hokage. All of the information disclosed within this document is completely confidential.
Signed,_
'Yea yea. Yadda yadda yadda.' Naruto thought and signed his name. ''Heh...'' he said as he read over the risks again. ''Do your worst. You're not gonna scare me away, believe it..'' The Uzumaki said and hit his chest with his fist confidently.
He got up to go turn in the release form when he spotted something written on the backside of the sheet. ''Huh?'' he asked confused and turned the paper over, reading the fine print on the paper,
In addition to taking these exams, you must also complete this test. The test must be taken individually. Some answers will be multiple choice while others will be short answer. In order to proceed, a total of 12 points must be acquired. Failure to receive the points required will exclude you from taking the next part of these exams.
''Whhhhaaaaattttt?'' Naruto exclaimed in desperation. ''Not another test. I barely passed the last one.'' he said, hanging his head in shame. He clutched the paper in his hand and looked up at it, determination showing in his eyes. ''What's a little test? I can take this. No problem!'' he reassured himself, although he couldn't help but feel doomed on the inside.
''Alright.'' he said, taking his pencil. ''Let's do this!''
Question 1: What is five times two?
A, banana. B, 7. C, 10. D, I hate tulips.
Rock Lee grinned as he read the question. ''The answer is most definitely C! Ha ha! This test is turning out to be quite easy. I shall have it done in no time!'' he said and filled circled the answer.
Question 2: Why did you decide to partake in these exams?
TenTen brought her finger up to her lip as she thought about what to put for her answer. ''Obviously because I want to pass and become a better ninja, but how do I phrase it right? Hm..'' she pondered to herself before filling in her answer. ''Okay. On to the next one.''
Question 3: If a pink kunai was hurled by ninja A at point B towards Big-Boned Bob, what is the circumference of a butterfly?
A, chicken patties. B, seventy billion. C, hug-aid-r-us. D, poliwwwwhhiiirrrrlll!
Neji raised a slender eyebrow as he re-read the question. 'What? This question doesn't make any sense..' he thought, just deciding to pick the only answer that would make any remote kind of sense to the question asked, B.
Question 4: Do clowns freak you out?
Hell yes! _
Nah man, they cool. _
''Hell yes!'' Kankurou said and checked off the first answer and moving on quickly before he started having the flashbacks of those horribly face-painted monstrosities. 'They are an insult to face paint everywhere..'
Question 5: Hey baby, what's your sign? :) Damn bitch! I'd like to pull up to that bumper and smack that monkey!
''None of your business.'' Temari said, agitated and angrily wrote her reply on her paper, giving whomever was going over this a piece of her mind. 'Perverts..'
Question 6: Do you like to cause people to be engulfed in flames? Yo motha? Yo sista?
'No. Those two most likely would not feel the satisfaction of being alive that comes with setting people aflame, but I feel deeply assured of my existence whenever I do it, which is quite often.' Gaara wrote down on his piece of paper, silently smirking to himself.
Question 7: Is Ryan a sexy name to you?
I'd hit it. _
Bitch, no! _
Choji read over the question as he ate a few chips at once, mindlessly checking off the first selection.
Question 8: Do you think that blonde people are truly dumb? I do..
Hell to the yea! _
They need to shut up once in a while, sheesh! _
I wanna shut them all in the micro yesterday! _
''Hey!'' Ino exclaimed, insulted, as she read the question. ''I am so not dumb! If anyone's dumb it's Forehead-girl!'' she hissed and wrote down her own answer and checked it off.
Question 9: I think brunettes are sexy...Especially if they're 12..and male..
Can I meet you in a dark alleyway? _
I'm a girl! _
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed slightly as he read the ninth question. He looked at a piece of brown hair that fell from his hair tie and checked the last answer.
Question 10: What sound does a dog make? :O
A, Woof! Smack me again baby! B, Mreow! I'm a naughty kitty. C, Squeek! Where your cheese at honey? D, *turtle noises* -.- E, ruff. Cause that's how ya motha likes it :D
Shino raised both of his eyebrows as he read over the answers to the question. He looked around inconspicuously, his glasses hiding the direction his eyes were looking as he circled answer A.
Question 11: Does the thought of molesting little boys make your jumbo happy? It sure makes mine happy :D
My pee-wee gets most excited. _
Naw, man! That's nasty. _
''Wha-what?'' Hinata asked, blushing as she read the eleventh question, embarrassed that the proctors would even ask her such a question. She checked the last option quickly and moved on to the next question.
Question 12: Damn you mother licker! Imma pop a cap in yo ass?
A, Crash through my walls! B, Skateboard on the devil, you twat. C, I eat babies. D, I LIKE PIE!
Kiba scratched the back of his head as he read over question twelve. ''Huh?'' he said confused as Akamaru barked from his place atop his head. ''Eh, I guess I'll just guess..'' he said and circled answer B.
Question 13: What color underwear arth thou weareth today, strange-ah?
A, red for lust ^.~ B, black for sexiness ;] C, white for purity. Well that's no fun :[ D, yellow to get lots of attention :*...they were white at one point...
Sasuke glared at the piece of paper. ''These questions are ridiculous.'' he said and circled answer C.
Question 14: Are you as straight as rainbows?
I'm straighter than spaghetti -,- bitch _
Homophobes may get the frip out :) _
Sakura ran her fingers through her long pink hair as she rolled her pencil with her fingers. She sighed and checked the last option. 'A guess won't hurt once in a while. There's only two answers so I have a 50-50 shot.' she thought and nodded.
Question 15: What is your biggest fear?
A, robots :O B, the moon :O C, zombies :( D, ghosts =( E, other. Feel free to write your response on the line provided...pussy.
Naruto shuddered as he thought about his fear. 'There's no such thing as ghosts!'' he said desperately as he circled answer D.
Congratulations. The quiz is now over. You may now take your sheet up to your proctor to await your results. I wish to you the best of luck.
P.S.
Apple Cake,
My name is Pizza. Last night I fucked peperoni and now we have a million kids named Pickles :D
I also butt-fucked the centipedes and the dinosaurs in the shower and made eggplant in my dishwasher.
It was yummy :3
And my big red balloons are so big and squishy that I poured chocolate rainbows on them and ate them. =D
See you in Peruya!
Your Bud-day, Pizza
All of them genin raised an eyebrow when reading the last part of the paper. They didn't spend too much time pondering the randomness though and simply brought their papers up to the chuunin near the gates, Anko being mysteriously absent at the time.
''Alright everyone! Listen up!'' One of the chuunin said as he and his partner finished correcting all of the quizes. ''All of these were pitiful! None of you get to partake in this exam!''
''What! That's bull man! Your quiz didn't even make any sense!'' Kiba complained, along with many more genin.
''But there was one of you that did manage to pass. With flying colors I might add.'' The chuunin went on, completely ignoring them. ''Naruto Uzumaki! You are the only one who managed to pass this test so by the power vested in me, I hereby make you a chuunin! Kay-sera-sera!''
''What? I did?'' Naruto asked, unbelieving. He grinned like an idiot when he received a nod in response ''Yea! Yea yea!'' he exclaimed and ran over to where the chuunin were, everyone else completely in shock.
''Hey wait a minute! How come he passes and we fail! Your test never even made any sense!'' Temari asked, angry.
''His answers were flawless young lady! How dare you doubt his brilliance!'' one of the chuunin shot back and grinned at Naruto, who was sticking his tongue out at Temari. ''Now let's go get you your vest, sonny!''
''Chuunin..I'm a chuunin! This is so awesome!'' Naruto said happily and did a little happy dance.
Just as the Uzumaki was about to receive his chuunin vest, a loud, angry voice cut through the crowd of genin. ''What the hell is going on here?'' Anko asked as she weaved through the group of kids.
''Oh! A-Anko! You weren't supposed to be back until later..'' one of the chuunin said, blushing as he scratched one of his cheeks with his finger, giving a sheepish smile.
''Damn right I wasn't!'' Anko shot back as she made her way over to the two of them. ''Until some genin had to hunt me down and show me this stupid test of yours, Yashiro.'' she roared angrily as Neji smirked to himself in the crowd.
''W-we can explain.''
''Shut it, Miyake! You both are in big trouble! I'm sick of your stupid tests! You do it every year!'' Anko said, glaring at the two of them, inwardly smirking when they flinched.
''Okay, listen up you maggots!'' Anko said, returning her attention to the crop of genin before her. ''This 'test' was a complete fake. You can all still partake in the exams!'' she said, receiving many 'Oh thank god!'s in return.
''But wait..does this mean I'm..not a chuunin?'' Naruto asked, giving his proctor a puppy dog pout.
''No. You have to take the exam like everyone else.'' Anko said as she cupped his cheek before giving it a rough slap, right on the cut she gave him from her kunai earlier.
''Ow!'' Naruto exclaimed, holding his cheek as she walked away from him. He glared at her and made his way back over to his team sadly.
''Every team form a single-file line and receive your scrolls. After that, each team choose a gate and wait to be led inside!'' Anko ordered, smirking as the genin hastily moved to form a line. She passed a look over to Miyake and Yashiro, who quickly averted their gazes when she looked over at them.
The Mitarashi placed her hands on her hips, a mischievous look in her eyes. ''This is going to be fun..''
Ha Ha! I couldn't stop laughing when I wrote Hinata's question! Lol! XDDDD
Anyways, this is somethin that I just decided to do while I'm waiting for more reviews to soothe my editors wrath about my other story -.- She's so scary 0.0
Well whatevs, I hope you enjoyed this. It's meant for shizz and giggles XD Please tell me what ya thought and I'll see you guys lata! Ja! :D
Naruto's answers:
1, A, banana.
2, Because nothing can stand in my way! I'm going to be the hokage! Believe It!
3, D, polllliiiwwwwwhiiiirrrlll!
4, Hell yes!
5, I'm a Libra...I think.
6, Um...no.
7, Bitch, no!
8, They need to shut up once in a while, sheesh!
9, I'm a girl!
10, D, *turtle noises* -.-
11, Naw man! That's nasty!
12, D, I LIKE PIE!
13, D, yellow to get lots of attention :*
14, I'm straighter than spaghetti -,- bitch
15, D, ghosts =(