Burning: Chapter one
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell" - Joan Crawford
Author's Note: Okay, I was watching a documentary about people who cut themselves, (it was 4 o'clock in the morning and nothing else was on) and I just got the idea, if humans cut themselves when depressed, what would vampires do.
I don't encourage, nor criticise cutting, you are your own body, use it as you will.
Disclaimer:
Okay now that that's out of the way, this is a one-shot, set during the time in New Moon that Edward left. We saw what Bella went through, having Jacob there to help, what happened to Edward...when he didn't have his "own personal sun" or any type of light with him.
Told in Edward's POV.
Alone.
Always...alone.
A burden on my family, a poison to the one I loved...still love.
My mother always tried comforting me, my father trying to show support but I could see the heart break and sadness in their eyes, hear the disappointment in their minds.
Emmett and Rosalie had left due to my presence, claiming they wanted another honeymoon. They hid it well, but I could guess that I was the cause, every time I was near, Emmett began thinking of football while Rosalie thought of shopping, I guess Alice was trying to teach them how to hide their thoughts.
Alice was better at hiding her thoughts about me, but I knew she was un-happy about leaving Forks, she truly hoped I would change...the one I left. Jasper also tried to hide his thoughts but, I could tell my feelings were causing him to experience them too. Watching Jasper suffer made Alice suffer too.
It was also too hard to be around my favourite "sister" as she kept replaying her visions for me to see, her and...The one I abandoned, an arm around each other's waist, smiling like pals. Both eyes were gold. I snarled every time I saw it, meaning me and Alice had many arguments, she and Jasper also left a lot.
Was I so much of a monster that I hurt everyone, even fellow vampires?
Sighing, I walked around the little shack I now inhabited in South America, I had lost Victoria's trail near the human town, using a river to avoid me, James had taught her well.
Now there was nothing for me to do. I hated no distractions.
No distractions meant my actions could catch up on me.
Curling up, my chest ached as the trembles shook. I learned there was no point in trying to keep them quiet, there wasn't a human for miles, and if a vampire came, I would welcome any death or attack they would offer, I deserved the pain.
I thought about it once, when Alice had told me the damage I could do by leaving my Bel...her behind in Forks, humans were know to do stupid things when sad. I shut her thoughts our when she painfully brought up such things.
Suicide...Self harm..."Cutting"
A sick, cruel thought came to mind...it made me smile.
Pulling up my sleeve, I looked down at my own pale wrist, it seemed to shy away on its own, knowing what was about to happen. I grabbed it firmly with my other hand, holding it still.
Leaning down, I felt my teeth's venom sink away, self-preservation. This was even better, if I did see my family again, I didn't want them to worry, and at least the marks would fade.
Leaving even more room to do it again.
Smiling I thought of my arm as that of as that of an animal, not hunting since we left encouraged me to bite, so I did.
Hissing in pain, I let out a cackle of sick joy, I had once told...her that she was the only one who could hurt me...I was right, I am now only the tool, she is still the wielder, the cause.
I lifted my head to examine my damage; a crescent moon shape was now where human veins would be. Though I was glad at my own pain, this brought back painful flash backs...her wrist, her mark, where James bit her.
I bit down again, trying to escape but my mind worked against me, bring up anything that could remind me of her.
Bite.
The wooden walls as dark as her hair,
Bite
The surrounding wood, as chocolate as her eyes,
Bite
The moon outside, as cream as her soft skin,
Bite
Fire, as hot as her skin used to be next to mine,
Bite
My family, how she adored them, how they adored her.
Bite!
The pain was excruciating, white-hot light exploding behind my scrunched eyes. I found myself lying on the floor, my body, spasm without my command, acting out against my venous act.
Deep inside my mind, a voice, cracked with pain, called out.
Behind closed eyes, two faces appear. One of me, monstrous, blood-thirsty, eyes red though mainly black; the other was clearly Carlisle's concerned frown, golden eyes conveying the hurt and prayer for me to stop.
Forgive me father...but I have sinned.
Sins needed to be punished.
I needed to be punished.
I bit down again on the last available patch of skin, leaving my teeth inserted for a moment, just to add to the mind-searing pain I so defiantly deserved.
Forgive me Bella-
I forced myself to think the name, more pain than I could cause nor imagine crushed my stone heart like chalk, leaving me gasping for un-needed air.
For I have failed you
I was a failure; I could not protect, nor defend her, not even from my own demon desires. She still lingered in every thought, every tissue of my dead body. And yet I couldn't forget her, for that would be more painful and more selfish than any other act I have stupidly done.
My mind seemed to go numb as I contemplated this; I needed her to stay with me, yet try forgetting this pain. She would dance on the edges of my thoughts, in limbo, never in yet never out of my mind.
Sitting on the soft wood, my mind and body turned numb, allowing me to finally think clearly for the first time since I'd left that wonderfully rainy town. Pale chalk-like dust floated in the humid air, skin cells of my arm shredded like paper.
I smiled, my skin was already healing, I could do this again. It was a way to keep...Bella...in my thoughts yet vacant; this pain helped me forget the old pain.
Yet not her, never forget her.
She was everything, the surrounding woods, the creamy moon, the fire racing through my veins.
The newly born marks on my arm.
She was...still is...my everything.
Author's Note:
Well, that's it, just an angsty drabble I thought I'd throw out at you all, you may not have enjoyed it per say, but I still hope it was a good read.
Wanna know how to let me know if it was? ;)
The little blue writing at the bottom of the screen saying "Review Story" ;) And if you REALLY wanna be nice, there's always the favourites button ;)
-Mel out ;D