I Had My Reasons
This is a multi chapter fic. Finchel is AU. I will try not to make it drag forever, but it will be sufficiently long. At times you may not like Rachel, and at times you'll want to pop Finn on the head, but they are our lovelies so bear with me.
In this Rachel finds the guy she's been waiting for, but life throws the couple some serious curveballs.
I don't own Glee or it's characters...I just like to write about them because they are so perfect.
Finally! She is 21years old and ready to go out to a bar with her friends. The last of her group to turn 21, she has been waiting for the sweet taste of legality for the last two years. No more sneaking drinks from older friends, carrying fake IDs, or any other juvenile act. She is legal today. A woman for real. Now she has just one more right of passage into womanhood, but she is unsure when that milestone will occur. You see, Rachel is that last surviving 21 year old virgin. Seriously! She is not ugly or anything. In fact, she has lots of guys asking her out. The truth is she wants to lose her virginity with a guy she can't resist; like in romance novels. Every guy she's gone out with she could easily resist. Is it that much to ask, to find a guy that literally sweeps her off her feet, turns her to putty, and she loses all sense of thought when he touches her? Shouldn't your first time rock your world? Most girls that she speaks to about it are so blasé about the whole act that she is starting to believe those things she reads in all those romance novels aren't really real. Still, she wants to, at least, meet someone who she wants to tear clothes off of; someone that can bring the animal out in her. The only men she wants to tear the clothes off of are on t.v. Needless to say, her female friends, like Santana, have not been very kind about her lack of sexual experience. At least tonight she will get to drink legally. Her new goal for losing her virginity is going to be 25. It used to be 18, then 21, now it's 25. She hears a loud banging on her bedroom door.
"Come on Rachel! Clear those cobwebs out of your vagina. We need to get a move on." Santana is not a very patient friend.
Running to the door, Rachel yanks it open and looks at a surprised Santana. "Wow! You look like a hot chick tonight! Good for you...now light a fire under that tight little ass of yours. We're late!"
Glancing at her reflection one last time, Rachel takes in her sleeveless royal blue shirt, black tight skirt to mid thigh, and black pumps. Her legs are tanned and shimmery with lotion. Yep, she is ready. She flips her long, wavy, dark hair over her shoulder and grabs her purse to leave. They live in Brooklyn, so it's just a short cab ride to their destination.
F+R/F+R/
Finn is waiting for Puck to come to his apartment to meet him to go out with Arty and Sam. Sam and Arty, of course arrived on time, but Puck? Nope. Always holding them up and no doubt he'll come in boasting about some girl he did in the subway bathroom or something. Every time he is late, Puck has some stupid story that Finn is convinced is a lie. He really is not looking forward to tonight. He hates dance clubs because of his lack of dance skills and it's even worse when Arty goes because he is in a wheelchair and still dances better than Finn. At 25, he has gotten a little tired of the cub scene. Not that he doesn't enjoy going out and having a beer; he just prefers a quite pub type of place or sports bar. His phone buzzes and when he looks, the message from Puck announces he is downstairs with a cab. He sighs and stands up.
"Ok, guys, he is downstairs and he had the decency to get a cab waiting for us. Let's go." He walks behind Arty and they all slowly go out of his apartment.
F+R/F+R/
"Whooooo!" Rachel is letting loose and dancing with Tina on the dance floor. With a smile on her face, Santana is looking at them like they are the most awful dancers, but, hey, they are still entertaining. She can see the wolves looking at them waiting until the girls have drunk too much so they can sweep in for an easy lay. And that's when Santana will sweep in and cut their balls off. She will not allow her friends to be taken advantage of if they drink too much. She smiles at their antics on the dance floor, neither one being able to pull off the girl-on-girl dance moves. They look like toddlers dancing with each other. If this weren't Rachel's big day, she would join them and show them up.
She sees a group of guys off to the side by a table looking at Rachel and Tina and also at her. Wolves...well, a lone wolf. The rest of the guys just look normal, like nice guys. But the wolf is coming her way.
"Hey, 'Sup?" He sidles up to her. She takes in his mohawk, and wolfish grin.
"Nothing 'Sup." She throws the term back in his face with a narrowed glance. "Just here with my friends over there who you've been eye balling and who are NOT getting drunk and going home with anyone."
"Well...ok then." Puck walks away shaking his head.
Rachel returns from the dance floor with Tina. "Who was that guy...he was kinda cute."
Santana rolls her eyes, "No, he was kind of sleazy."
Rachel leans toward her in a conspiratorial way and asks, "What about his friend, the one looking bored and leaning back in his chair? Did you meet him?"
Santana turns to look, "I didn't really pay attention to him; you mean baby face?"
Rachel nods and bites her straw and tries to suck down from her collapsed straw having a difficult time. She finally gets the straw open again and glances back toward the cute guy. "He looks really good. I think he's been looking my way every once in a while. Keep looking behind me at him as I bend over as if I am picking something up." Rachel demonstrated dropping her napkin and bending over to pick it up. When she straightens she looks at Santana, "Well, did he look at my ass?"
"Yeah, he and a dozen other guys. Wait, do you want to meet him?" Rachel nods.
Tina, who's been listening quietly to their banter and is a little more drunk than Rachel says loudly, "Oh my God, he is coming this way." Rachel turns to see that he was indeed coming toward them. Rachel pats her hair down and gets a sexy smile on her face as he approaches, and totally bypasses her to go to the bar behind her. Her face falls and she pulls her lips into a pout showing disappointment.
"Oh, that's ok, munchkin! Think of this this way, now you won't have to carry a step stool around to kiss him."
At the bar, Finn felt like an idiot. When was the last time he chickened out when trying to meet a girl? He walked over there specifically to speak to her and then went straight past her to the bar. She made him really nervous but her ass sticking up in the air straining against that tight skirt did something to the rhythm of his heartbeat. Maybe he can talk to her on the way back to the table.
Rachel is still focusing on feeling the disappointment of being unnoticed by the cutie, when Santana leans over and whispers, "I'm doing this cause you're my best friend!" and gives Rachel a shove which makes her stumble in her four inch heels, her back hitting something hard behind her. She turned quickly and her drink spilled all over a baby blue shirt. A baby blue shirt attached to the cutie. Did she mention she had a pink drink? The guy's arms reaches out to steady her with a "Whoa" and when she looks up she sees that he has a smile on his face even though she just ruined his clothes. Santana's outburst now made sense.
With a "I'm really, really sorry!" from her lips, Rachel quickly grabs a few napkins from her small table and starts wiping this spill off his shirt. "Here, let me get this...goodness, pink on your blue shirt, you look like Strawberry Shortcake puked on you!" She nervously keeps dabbing and notices some pink drink dripping down his zipper on his pants. "Oh, here is some more," she tells him and continues to dab on his zipper area and his eyes widen.
"That's good...not a problem!" he says embarrassed.
"I am really sorry, let me give you my phone number and I can pay for the cleaners." Please take my number, take my number, Rachel is waiting in anticipation.
"No need...I didn't like this shirt that much anyway, my brother gave it to me and now I have a good reason to get rid of it," he finishes with a smile. He puts his hand out and introduces himself, "I'm Finn Hudson."
"I'm Rachel Berry, future Broadway star," and takes his hand.
Rachel looks up at him and he is even more good looking up close. Her heart is starting to hammer in her chest at the feel of his touch. His hand is warm and completely engulfs hers. She gets a little tremble in her hand, nervous all of a sudden and completely sober. A slow song comes on and she forces herself to look at him and for the first time in her entire life, she asks a guy to dance.
"I love this song. Will you dance with me?"
"Sure." While he takes her hand and leads her to the dance floor, Rachel looks back and Santana gives her the thumbs up.
On the dance floor, the song is very, very slow so they barely have to sway. Finn puts his hands on the sides of her waist, and she links her hands around his neck. After exchanging some pleasantries, she looks up at him and falls silent. The song continues and they sway with Finn thinking he lucked out with the ultra slow song.
"You are too tall!" she teases with a smile.
"Maybe you are too short," he teases her back.
"I like it, though," she says absentmindedly and moves her arms down and around his waist while laying her head on his chest. In her ear she can hear the steady beating of his heart slowly increasing its rate. He moves his hands up to her shoulders where the skin is exposed and runs his palms over her bare shoulder and down her back to rest on the small of her back near her butt. With her face pressed to his chest, she can smell his cologne which creates funny little sensations in her belly. She sort of melts into him and looks up at him her head tilted up. Her lips are full and shiny and beckoning him, so he bends over and kisses her, her arms crawling back around his neck to reach him better while flattening her body against him. The short sweet kiss turns to a passionate open mouth, full tongue action kiss and they both forget that they are out in public. Her hands slide down to his chest and she bunches his shirt in her fist to bring him even closer. His hands are buried in her hair holding her head in place for the kiss. Rachel's head is swimming with emotion. This is what she has been waiting for, someone that makes her lose all sense of time and place. Someone near by clears their throat loudly, and they become aware of their surroundings, the music now fast paced.
The loud place is filled with bodies and noise and Finn wants to be able to talk to her, so he offers, "Hey you want to go out for coffee or something?" Rachel at this point will go wherever he wants to go. Her eyes are full of lust and she just nods her head. She goes over to Santana and whispers in her ear, "I think he is the one!" Santana looks at her surprised and says, "The, The One?" Rachel nods her head and Santana smiles and asks, "You are not drunk are you? This is not a decision you make when you are drunk." Rachel shakes her head 'no.' Santana is nervous for her, "Well, call me if you are going to be staying out all night and text me his name and address if you go there...I want to have it in case something happens to you."
"We are just going for coffee, silly. But you never know!" Rachel grabs her purse and Finn meets her half way after he has said goodbye to his friends. As they walk out and hail a cab, Rachel notices his stained shirt.
They get in the back of the cab and she tells him, "I'm sorry about your shirt."
"Don't worry about it. Totally worth meeting you." He gives her this smirky smile that turns her to putty and she grabs him and starts kissing him again. The driver ahems, and when they break the kiss asks them, "Where to?"
Finn looks at her and asks, "Do you mind if we swing by my apartment first to change my shirt?"
"Well, do you have coffee at your apartment?" she looks at him innocently.
"Of course," he replies his eyebrows scrunching a bit.
"Great! We can have coffee at your place. Kill two birds with one stone so-to-speak." Rachel smiles at him.
Finn nods and gives the driver his address. Rachel pulls out her phone and texts Santana his name and address and puts a winky face next to it.
Finn takes her hand and holds in his lap while she absentmindedly moves her thumb back and forth across his thigh. He really doesn't know what to think. There is such an innocence to her, but yet she is making all these bold moves. He wants to spend time with her though. He hasn't liked anyone instantly like this since high school and he doesn't want to fuck it up.
They arrive at his apartment, pay the cab driver and Finn leads her up the stairs to his door. When they walk in, Rachel notices all the sports paraphernalia around the decor and looks at him, "Sports enthusiast?"
He rubs the back of his hand over the back of his neck silently and looks at her shyly, "Yes, a big one!" He pauses for a beat and then tells her, "Sit down here on the couch and I'll go change my shirt."
"I'll go make us some coffee...I'll find my way around your kitchen."
He nods at her, "Ok."
A few moments later, Rachel is on the couch with two steaming mugs of coffee with the milk and sugar on the coffee table as well as a spoon.
When Finn comes out, Rachel's breath hitches. He looks even sexier now that he has changed. He is wearing a white v-neck t-shirt with grey sweatpants that she can see sit low on his hips. He walks barefoot toward her.
"So tell me about wanting to be on Broadway," he sits down next to her on the couch and adds milk and sugar to his coffee.
Rachel picks up her cup and holds it in both of her hands hoping the warmth of the coffee will keep her hands from shaking. "Well, I was interested in singing from the time I could speak, and by the time I was in high school, my dream has always been to be on Broadway. I was tortured in high school for it in the form of slushy facials basically on a daily basis from the jocks and cheerleaders, but some day soon, I am a senior now, I will be vindicated. I have already starred in a couple of off-Broadway shows, and I will be auditioning in a few months for a Broadway show that's set to start next fall."
"So you must be a good singer."
"I think I am outstanding, but we'll see when I finish school how successful I'll be. What about you?"
"Well, I finished college a couple of years ago...I am a little undecided as to what I want to do, so I am working with my dad right now."
She asks him about his high school experience and he tells her that it was much different that hers. He was the quarterback dating the head cheerleader living the popular life.
Rachel looks at him, "I can see that about you. If you were at the my high school, you would probably be the one giving me slushy facials."
"No I would have never slushied you."
The time flies as they discuss their favorite movies and recording artist. Finally, Rachel takes the last sip of her coffee and some lingers on the corner of her upper lip.
He looks at her and reaches his hand toward her face, "Here you've got some coffee right here." He rubs his thumb over her the corner of her lip and she turns her head slightly and uses her lips to wipe the coffee off his thumb. He reaches over and takes her mug out of her hands and places it on the coffee table. Looking back at her, he leans forward and kisses her lightly on the lips her mouth parting immediately. She can feel the energy between them is charged and his mouth moves more assertively over hers. Her head is swimming and the whoosh of her blood is ringing in her ears, blocking out everything except the sound of his intake of breath through his nose. His lips move to her neck right below her ear and she explodes with goosebumps all over her body. Her shoulder rises to relieve the intense tingles there, but it's obstructed by his jaw that is slowly sucking on the skin on her neck and then soothing it with his tongue. Feeling overwhelmed by these feelings, but not able to stop them, she pushes him back against the couch and pulls her skirt up to allow her legs to straddle his lap. As she sits on his lap his sweatpants don't provide much of a barrier between her and him and she can feel his hardness increasing. He takes her mouth again with his, and puts his hands on her breasts over her shirt to knead them through the material. Rachel wants to feel his hands on her, and while still kissing him fervently, she uses her hands to unbutton her shirt and toss it to the floor. She brings her hands back to his head and weaves her fingers in his hair. The only noise in the room is their breathing, ragged and erratic with gasps and moans. His hands still kneading her breasts through her bra, move behind her to undo the clasp. The straps stop at her elbows and his hands slide under the bra to fully cup her breasts. Rachel has never before felt sensations like this. There is an urgent ache at the pit of her abdomen that comes in waves and the heat radiating between her legs is unbearable. She grinds into his lap and can feel his harness as she presses and moves against him. His gasp and the squint of his eyes get her even more wet. She breaks the kiss and moves to throw her bra to the ground and bunches the hem of his shirt in her hands and pulls it up and over his head. He smiles at her impatience and bends over to take one of her breasts in his mouth. He sucks almost the whole thing into this mouth and releases it to run the tip of his tongue over her rock hard nipple. Rachel gasps and pulls his head closer to her chest wanting the sensation to last forever. He moves to the other breast and she responds by arching her back and almost falling backward with her back onto his thighs. He holds her up by his hands on her back and moves her toward him again to kiss her. She wraps her arms around his head and kisses him under his ear while feeling his hands slide to cup her ass. He stands up with her wrapped around him and she feels suspended and moves her body flush with his to make it easier to carry her. She starts biting/sucking at the spot between his neck and shoulder and he moans out loud.
He lowers her onto his bed and she sits up the breathing fast as he stands in front of her. She places her hands on his chest and slowly slides them down to his hips where the waistband of his sweats are clinging to his body. She pulls them down and is surprised to see he is only wearing the sweats his erection, big and heavy and waving hello to her. She pushes his sweats down the rest of the way, her hair brushing against him and he sucks in his breath. She straightens up and he reaches over and slowly pushes her up against the pillows of his bed. Her senses are assaulted with his scent on his sheets and she moves her head and breathes in deeply while he sits back on his knees next to her and moves his hands down her legs slowly, tickling their way down to her feet and removes her shoe. He tosses it over his shoulder to the floor and repeats the action with the other leg. He then rolls her on her side, and unzips her skirt, and she lifts her hips to make it easy for him to slide it down her body. Once the skirt has joined the shoes on the floor, he stretches down next to her to begin kissing every inch of her body slowly, while she is writhing under him in sweet torture. He hooks his fingers into her underwear and moves it down her thighs using his foot to push it all the way off. Rachel is thinking that this is really happening, finally, and feels so much more intense than she ever expected. She is also happy she got a landing strip Brazilian wax two days ago. She has her legs bent knees pressed together and writhing while he watches her propped on his elbow. He moves his hand from her belly down lower between her legs and she holds her breath. She reaches her hand to his erection, the silky feel surprising her. She has never touched a man like this, and slowly moves her hand up and down his shaft. He groans as his finger glides between her folds and he feels that she is drenched and slowly slides one finger into her. She tilts her hips and arches her back against him and she grabs his face to kiss him again. He reaches over her to the night stand and takes a condom, tearing it with his teeth and holds it out to her playfully.
"Want to put it on?" he asks her with a lusty look.
"I don't really know how." Her reply makes him smile and he takes her hand and guides her silently how to proceed.
She licks her lips as she is done and lays on her back her knees back together. He moves to sit on the backs of his legs in front of her closed legs and puts his hands on her knees and pulls them apart. He looks between her legs for a few seconds then raises his eyes to her face and stays, "You're beautiful...everywhere." His look to her turns her to goo and she feels she is melting into his white sheets. He moves settling himself between her legs leaning over her on his elbows his mouth back at her lips kissing softly. He uses one hand to guide himself at her entrance slowly rubbing up her folds to her bundle of nerves and she jerks under him. With a slow push he begins to enter her while kissing her neck. He feels resistance and he moves more forcefully and she gasps loudly and squeezes her eyes shut. He raises his body to look at her, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Her hands are at the sides of his waist holding on tightly, her eyes squeezed shut and as he gets deeper, her breath hitches. She moan and throws her head back and the realization that this is her first time, slaps him in the face like ice water. Unsure of what to do (he's never been with a virgin before) he tries to soothe her by slowly kissing her and he stays still for a few seconds until her pain passes. He knows the pain has passed when she begins to relax, kisses his neck and instinctively swivels her hips. He begins moving again slowly in and out and her raspy moans let him know that she is no longer feeling any pain. She moves her hands to his back and is slowly sliding them down as he begins to pick up the pace of his thrusts. After several minutes he can tell she is getting close so he moves just enough to put his hand between them and rubs her for a few seconds, and she scrapes her nails down his back as she jerks her hips against him with loud groans and moans. Her reaction has him going over and he comes soon after her filling the condom. He lowers himself onto her but mostly on his elbows so he won't crush her and waits for his breath to come under control.
And this is where it becomes really awkward. He leans over and removes the condom off him, takes care of it and tosses it into the trashcan by his bed. Rachel has this irrational urge to look and see if there are any others in there.
"Wow! I've never done that before!" she said smiling.
"Yeah, about that. That's a pretty important thing to leave out." He is stretched on his side his right elbow supporting his head.
"Would it have made a difference?" She looks at him cause he sounds a little peeved.
"Yes, of course it would have." He looks at her incredulously.
"Why?" She is getting a little peeved at him too...Shouldn't he feel pride for being..well for a lack of the better word, chosen?
"Because that belongs to your first love...not to a one night stand." He looks at her deeply in the eyes and then at the sheets of the bed.
"Oh," she says finally. "I get it now. Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything." She looks around for her clothes and gets up out of bed slowly. "I'm going to go now. Thanks for...just, thanks."
He jumps up from the bed and stands in front of her. "We need to talk about this...don't go."
"We just talked about it. There is nothing else to say, and there is nothing for you to feel guilty about so wipe that look off your face, ok?" While she is speaking she puts on her skirt and shoes.
"It's 3 o'clock in the morning! Where are you going?" Finn takes her arm by the elbow to force her to look at him and she pauses and just stares at his hand on her elbow until he lets go.
"Don't be ridiculous! Cabs run 24 hours a day."
"Let me get dressed...I'll drive you with my car. It's the least I can do." He puts on his sweatpants.
"Fine! You know you didn't commit a crime or anything," she looks around for her shirt near the bed, and that's when she notices his white sheets have a blood stain on them. She picks up the comforter and throws it over the stained sheets. She remembers her shirt is in the living room and dashes out there. She quickly puts on her bra and shirt, and picks up her purse. He comes out of the bedroom with flip flops and his sweats and a grey t-shirt. He sees her waiting by the door with her purse and runs his fingers through his hair to straighten it out as much as he could. He walks to the door and opens it for her and as she walks through it he puts his hand at her lower back to lead her out. She swats his hand away and he takes a deep breath and lets it out.
On the ride to her apartment, she is completely silent. He keeps looking at her, but she looks out of the window of the passenger door.
"Are you mad at me?" he asks her finally tired of her cold shoulder treatment.
"No."
He sighs and continues to her apartment.
He parks the car and tries to walk around to open her door, but she bursts out of it faster than he can get there. He walks with her to the door and says, "Can I have your phone number? I want to make sure you are ok."
"Sorry, I don't give out my number to one night stands...There is no reason for you to feel bad about this ok. I chose you. Period. Get over yourself. Goodnight!" Rachel finishes and turns around to go into her building without another word.
Finn turns around stunned! What the hell did just happen? How is expressing concern that someone just tosses their virginity away a bad thing? He gets back in his car and drives away.
AN: Oh no! Should Finn feel guilty about popping Berry's cherry? The next chapter will reveal that Rachel and Finn have an connection which none of them realized when they did the deed.