Title: Adair's Response: Breaking Vows
Author: 100thAngel
Pairing: Minor AdairxSun but can be read as more of a friendship fic if that suites your tastes better.
Rating: Somewhere between K+ and T
Warnings: Tragedy
Contains: Sadness…?
Summary: This is a pairing fic with my poem titled For all of you (I advise you to read that before this. It's really short so it shouldn't take much of your time). This is about Adair's thoughts on Sun giving up himself for his brothers.
Disclaimer: I don't own Adair sadly. Characters belong to Yu Wo.
Date of publication: 2/27/14
†Adair's Response: Breaking Vows†
†
Vow- An earnest pledge binding the person making it to perform a specified act or behave in a certain way.
I vowed to always stay by your side.
When you lost your sight, I grieved, for I was not by your side. Where was I? A million miles away and then some. I was the last to learn of your misfortune. Everyone secretly knew. They knew before my return.
When your hair lost its color and turned to white, my mind went blank. It was to match you. To be as empty as your hair had become. However, I was not with you when you transcended purity. You were alone once again; forever alone, because no one could reach the summit where you stood, watching everyone so far below.
And when your nerves were destroyed, how was I to do the same? I wanted to share your pain- the pain you could no longer feel. Just as well, you could no longer feel the warmth of my arms as I enveloped your sleeping form at night. No, you would not realize for I was never truly there. Thoughts, visions, hallucinations, yes, that's all it really was. Hush my fleeting dreams for soon that wish will come true.
I regret cooking meals for you, they could have been better. Better prepared, better plated. Better. Just better. Now you could never again taste the sweets you held so dearly, so how could I cook again when you could not enjoy it with your brightest of smiles. Never was I by your side. Never did I stand close enough. Your eyes, you see, they haunted; crept along the wooden floors and eerie walls, your dead eyes witnessed the unthinkable. Me. I was scared. I left. I ran. I escaped.
†
Vow- a solemn promise made to a deity, saint, or god committing oneself to an act, service, or condition.
I vowed to always stay loyal.
When you lost your elegant demeanor, you also lost your balance. I could only observe as you would lose control of your own body and tumble down cement steps. And then you would get up and smile for you did not even feel it. How devoted was I, who only watched from above? I would follow, yes, but not to check for injuries. I followed to make sure your clothes were straightened out for the awaiting public.
When you fought, you fought with nothing. No longer could you fool the citizens with your act of a noble knight. Yet even when they knew you could not fight with a sword they still cheered from safe distances. Oh, how they cheered. They yelled, they screamed, they yearned for more. Without your sword and without the magic that came so naturally to you, holy light was the only way to eradicate death. Could I interfere? No. I was not dependable.
You are broken beyond comparison and yet you still have so much more to lose. Is that why you gave your voice away, as if it was unworthy of being a part of you any longer? Was I not reliable enough to be used as a way to communicate your thoughts? Was it because I was not trustworthy? Perhaps it was for the better, for I could no longer understand you. I could not read your heart. I was a lifeless parasite.
How many more senses must you forsake before you realize you have none left to give? I blame it on myself for not being more committed. I had dedicated my loyalties to you, but I could do nothing in the way of letting you smell again. It was a mistake to put that vase of red roses in your room while you were bedridden. It only severed to make everything more real. I know I was not faithful. To you or to myself.
†
Vow- to threaten
I vowed to hurt all those who stole from you.
He took your light. I know he did. I wanted to get it back, just for you, however I couldn't. I just couldn't! I didn't want to see you silently cry again. No, no. It would have been a waste to fight for it too, I realize, because you gave it up to bring back your beloved brother in the first place.
He stole it! He stole your hope! No matter what I tell you now it will never mean a thing! For you have given up all hope of continuing your existence. You have given up hope in keeping your body in one piece. But I swear I will protect it!
Why? Why? Why? Why are you still doing this to yourself!? He was no longer your brother! He was not one of them! …But I know. I know you still loved him like all the others. And now you can't love anymore. Finally, finally it was over. You were still here, still with me. Peace. There was no one left to resurrect. There was no one left to take you away. There was no one left that I wanted to hurt. It was over.
…Until you gave away your heart to the dead-turned-living.
Yes, I know now. I could do nothing to them. For they were Gods above Gods in the sense that you prayed for them more than anyone else and you sacrificed more than just a body.
I could only wallow in self grievance for how useless I was.
Therefore… Therefore there was only one thing I could do.
I took your precious sword into my hands, it was still unscathed as the day you inherited it, and I pierced my heart. I fell next to you in the wooden coffin filled to the brim with scarlet roses. To be with you, I thought. Because I vowed that I would never leave your side, to always stay loyal, to protect you from the spirits that wished to do harm. My vows were unfulfilled in life but now, in death, I will justify those vows... I promise you.
~End~
A/N: I forgot I wrote this the day after I published For all of you. Seriously. When I read it over today I cried. I didn't cry when I wrote it so… Damn. Therefore, I hope some of you guys cried to at least a little. Or even felt an emotion towards this.
I'm not in the best of moods today because my baby got stitches under her chin. Her name's Narla and she's been with me for 17 years, in March she'll be 18. Today I finished my Finals for school and came home for a week but I found out about this and now I'm really depressed. Narla's the best mother, child, and cat I've ever had. We grew up together. But now, every few months something would happen to her that would threaten her life. We've even had to go as far as to stick an IV needle in her neck to pump fluids into her body when she was lethargic and severely dehydrated. I was told she had a cyst in her tooth this time and that the stitches would be coming of soon but I really don't know how much more she can take. That's why I want to dedicate this fic to her.
No matter what happens, I will always be with you Narla. I promise you.