Disclaimer: The usual one applies. I don't own them. Paramount and Grub Street do.
Also the Jewel song isn't mine.
Author's Notes: Thanks and kisses go to Mike for saying that this version is the best one and for always reading. For everyone else; you'll be pleased to know that this story is a happy one.
Feedback would be gratefully received. Either R&R at the bottom of the page or send to solitudeperfection@yahoo.com.
Stepping out of the Shadows
By Elaine
"Through bad dreams I'll be right there baby,
Holding your hand, telling you everything is all right."
"Angel Standing By" by Jewel.
Niles sat, waiting. For nothing, for something. For anything to happen. He looked around the Montana and wondered if Maris would follow through on her 'nickel' threat. It was certainly, -ok he admitted to himself - it was possible.
It was quite ironic he thought to himself. Maris has the affair with Dr Schenkman and I'm the one whose going to suffer. A smile curled at he corner of Niles's lips as he imagined Schenkman dealing with Maris's constant demands. No, he thought. Maybe I'm not the only one.
Niles got up and walked towards the door. Frasier knew, now it was time to tell his Dad and Daphne. Daphne. Niles realized. 'Oh god, Maris, please don't say you knew. Please say I hid my feelings- my love- for Daphne in a corner of my heart that even you couldn't corrupt. Please.'
Niles shuddered as he saw in his mind the court stenographer reading his words back to him, Daphne finding out in the worst possible way. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders internally. There was no way to know. He only hoped that he would tell Daphne how he felt before someone else did. He laughed at that. '7 years, Niles and you haven't told her. Do you truly think that you now have the courage?'
Niles didn't know if he had the courage to tell Daphne about his feelings, but he did have the courage to tell her about his separation to Maris. The drive over to the Elliot Towers seemed both an age and an instant.
He parked his car and rode up in the elevator, wondering what to say. Daphne opened the door and Niles stood for a second, basking in the air of cherry bark that surrounded her.
"Hello Dr Crane," Daphne said, stepping back to let him in.
"Hi Son, are you ok?" Martin asked.
"Not really, Dad. Maris and I are over. For good." he added for emphasis.
"I'm sorry, son." Martin said sympathetically.
Niles smiled over at his father half heartedly. "Thanks Dad."
"Do you mind if I stay here tonight Dad?" Niles asked, feeling like a little boy asking to get into his parent's bed after a nightmare.
Martin smiled. "No son. Use the couch. Frasier should have a few spare blankets that you can have. Are you sure you don't want to come out to Duke's with me and Fraise?"
Niles shook his head. "No, thanks. I think I need to be by myself at the moment."
"Ok," Martin said, turning his head to the left and shouting. "Frasier!".
Frasier's disembodied voice came from the corridor. "Coming Dad!" he shouted as he walked into the living room.
"Jeez, Fraiser. I'm old. Not deaf." Martin grumbled good humouredly.
Frasier turned to his brother, "Niles, are you sure...?"
Niles nodded, cutting Fraiser off in mid sentence. "I've just had this conversation with Dad. I'm fine. Go out."
Frasier nodded. "Ok, goodnight Niles."
"Goodnight Frasier, 'night Dad." Niles replied.
The door closed quietly behind them and Niles stared into space. 'How had it all came to this?' he wondered. 'Fifteen years and Maris is threatening to take it all away from me.'
Daphne stepped into the room and saw the lost expression on Dr Crane's face. 'He looks like a little boy.' she thought to herself, smiling.
Out loud, she said." Penny for them?"
Niles jolted and turned around. "What?" he asked.
Daphne smiled and the sight warmed Niles's heart.
"Your thoughts. Penny for them?" she replied, smiling. "Or is that not enough?" she asked teasingly.
"No," Niles smiled, it's probably enough for friends. But they're not really that interesting."
Daphne shrugged her shoulders and sat down on the couch next to him.
"I asked," she said easily.
Niles said nothing for a moment, his thoughts in turmoil. 'Where to start he wondered? My wife has left me and is threatening to ruin me, and I don't care because I've been in love with another woman for 7 years, but I'm frightened to tell her as I'm scared she doesn't feel the same way.'
It was Daphne who broke the silence. "I'm sorry." she said quietly.
Her voice brought Niles back. "For what?" he asked, quizzically.
"About you and Mrs Crane."
The words were out of Niles's mouth before he realised he had actually said them. "I'm not." He said easily, and felt a great metaphorical weight lift off his shoulders.
He looked across to look at Daphne expecting to see shock, horror or disgust on her face. Instead all there was was patience.
"I mean," he continued. "Maris was not the most pleasant or easiest woman to get along with. She made Lilith look reasonable." He smiled.
Daphne laughed.
"I'm sorry," Niles said, reflecting on his words. "I must sound really ungrateful. I think there are so many things that I've lost out on. Having children." 'Being in love' he said to himself.
Daphne reached for him, and placed his hand in hers. "I don't think you should apologise for telling the truth. And I don't think you've lost out at all. You could still have children."
Niles looked over at her and smiled. "Remember the flour child?" he asked.
She laughed. "Yes, but that's completely different. Look at Roz."
Niles did and thought about Frasier's man hunting producer being tempered by Alice.
"I guess you're right."
"I know I am." Daphne replied. "I'll send you my bill in the morning." she added, smiling.
"Ok." Niles grinned back.
"Dr Crane," Daphne said seriously. "Anytime you need to talk. I'm here. I mean that."
Niles nodded his head. "I know. Thank you Daphne." and he squeezed her hand in gratitude.
"Would you like some dinner?" Daphne asked, getting up off the sofa.
"No, I'm not really very hungry." Niles paused for a moment. "But if there are any cookies...."
She smiled. "Yeah, fresh milk too."
"Would you care to join me?" Niles asked her as though he was asking her out on a proper date and not for cookies and milk.
Daphne read his tone perfectly and mock-curtseyed. "I would love to, Dr Crane."
Niles crooked his arm and Daphne interlaced her arm through, smiling. Her light, simple touch made Niles's heart beat wildly in his chest. 'Oh god, Daphne.' He thought. 'Are you ever going to know? Will I ever have the strength to tell you how I feel?' Then he shook his head imperceptibly, chasing away the demons. 'Be happy Niles. She's your friend and she's promised to be there for you. How many of your society friends will say the same?'
Niles walked Daphne into the kitchen and Daphne pulled the cookies out of the cupboard as Niles reached into the fridge for the milk. Two hours and two packets of cookies later, the door opened.
"Niles." A voice called out.
"In here, Frasier." Niles responded.
Frasier and Martin walked into the kitchen to see the destruction that lay on the breakfast bar.
"Good night?" Frasier asked dryly, looking pointedly at the table.
Niles and Daphne looked down and saw the empty cookie wrappers, the empty pitcher and two half empty glasses of milk.
"Yes, thank you Frasier." Niles said mock seriously. Did you?"
Frasier smiled. "Yes Niles, I did."
Niles looked towards Daphne and they shared a grin. "Does this mean Dad had a really bad time?" he asked, innocently.
Martin laughed. "No son. I had a good time too."
"Ok Dad." Niles smiled.
Daphne looked down at the table again.
"I'd better clean this up." she said, standing up and yawning.
Niles reached his hand out. "Don't be silly, Daphne. I'll do it."
Daphne blinked. "Are you sure, Dr Crane."
Niles smiled. "Positive. Go to bed. It won't take long."
"Ok," Daphne acquiesced. "Thank you, Dr Crane."
"Thank you, Daphne." Niles replied. "For everything." he added, quietly, seriously.
"Anytime." she whispered back.
Niles tidied up quickly and efficiently, remembering to wash the glasses up before he went to bed. As he lay down on the sofa and pulled the blankets around him, Niles inhaled the unmistakable scent of Obsession and fell asleep: smiling.
The weeks passed quickly. Niles had managed to keep the Montana, but his Mercedes had been taken away and all his invitations to the regular Seattle social events had mysteriously stopped. Maris was subtly and gently turning everyone against him.
Niles, however, had not turned to Frasier or even Daphne. He had locked himself in the Montana after work and refused to talk to anyone. It was this conversation that Daphne overheard as she stood in the hallway between her room and the living room.
"I'm really worried about him Dad." Frasier said with desperation in his tone.
"Me too, Frasier." Martin admitted with no less concern. "But I think this is something that Niles has to sort out for himself."
Frasier nodded. "I know, Dad" he said truthfully. "I just wish he knew that we're here for him." he said softly.
Martin looked over at his eldest son. "He does, Frasier. He does."
Daphne had stood in the shadows, listening. She knew what she had to do.
"I'm going out for a bit." she announced as she walked through the living room and opened the door.
"Ok, Daph." Martin replied, just as the door closed.
Daphne stood in the elevator, her heart pounding. 'He isn't going to want to see me.' she thought. 'What on earth am I doing?' she asked herself, unlocking her car door and driving in the direction of the Montana. 'You're going to see a friend,' the rational part of her responded. 'You're going to see your best friend because he needs you.' That was her last thought before she rapped on the door.
"Whose there?" Niles's voice came from the other side.
"It's me, Dr Crane." Daphne replied.
Niles looked down at himself, dressed in his robe and pyjamas and realised that he didn't care if Daphne saw him dressed like that. She was probably going to see and hear a lot worse he mused.
"Dr Crane..." Daphne started and then stopped as she heard a key turning in the lock.
Niles opened the door. "Hello Daphne." he said wearily. "I would rather be alone right now."
"Tough." she replied, walking through the door.
"I'm not dressed for visitors." he said half harshly.
"I'm not visitors." Daphne retorted back. "I'm Daphne."
Niles smiled at that. As if he could ever forget who and what she was to him.
"I know, Daphne." He said quietly.
Daphne sat down on the couch as Niles looked at everything but her. After a moment she got up and reached for him, cupping his face in her hands and turned his face towards hers.
"I'm not leaving." she said simply.
Niles stared at her, unable to stop himself from drowning in her. "What?" he said finally.
"I'm not leaving." she said again. You think that you're completely alone and that no-one cares for you. Well, you're wrong. I care about you. So I'm going to sit here and let you do whatever it is that you want to do. But anytime you feel alone all you have to do is turn your head and I'll be there."
"I might not want to talk." Niles said truthfully.
Daphne shrugged her shoulders. "That's fine. I came prepared." She replied, pulling a book out of her bag.
Niles looked and nodded and reached for his glass of brandy. Daphne said nothing. She had already smelt the alcohol on his breath. Niles sat down on his fainting couch and reached for his book. Daphne sat on the armchair and said nothing.
Hours passed, and neither Niles or Daphne had broke the silence. Niles had looked up once or twice to see Daphne looking back at him: smiling. Niles got up to fetch another bottle of wine, but when he reached his hand out to clasp around the cold bottle he stopped. 'My god, Niles. What are you doing?' he asked himself. 'Daphne's here and she's your best friend and the woman you love and how are you treating her. You haven't talked to her in hours and she's sat there and watched you get drunk.' Niles shook his head in disgust at himself.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly.
Daphne looked up, hearing the silence shattered. "It's ok." she replied easily.
"No, it's not." Niles responded forcefully. "It's not. It's not right at all." You were right." He said.
Daphne smiled, her lips curling upwards ever so slightly. "I know."
"I really thought I was alone. That's so stupid, isn't it?" And Niles shook his head once more in disgrace at himself.
"No, it's not. The woman who you married, who you love has left you. I know I would feel alone if that happened to me." Daphne said truthfully.
"I didn't love her." Niles uttered quietly.
"What?" Daphne asked.
"Maris. I didn't love her. Oh, at the time I did. But afterwards, I knew I didn't."
"What happened?" Daphne asked, curiously.
Niles paused, remembering the first time he met Daphne and let his world shatter and solidify with her in the middle.
"Someone said 'Hello.'" He answered simply.
Daphne blinked and laughed at the simplicity of it all. "Someone said 'hello?" she said incredulously.
Niles nodded. "Yes. Then I knew. I knew I had never been in love with Maris because it wasn't a fraction of what I felt for the woman standing opposite me."
Daphne stared, and then half frowned, jealousy running through her.
"I'm jealous Dr Crane." she said, truthfully, looking at him and drowning.
'Why are his eyes so blue?' she wondered. Why can't they be like mine: brown and dull.'
"Don't be, Daphne." Niles replied, half laughing at the irony of the situation.
"Why?" She asked.
Niles inhaled deeply, and let his world shatter with three simple words. "Because it's you."
Daphne gasped. "Me?" she mouthed, pointing to herself.
Niles looked into her coffee coloured eyes and nodded.
"How long?" Daphne whispered, still stunned by Niles' -he was Niles- she realised. Not Dr Crane.
"About 7 years." Niles replied quietly.
"Ever since I said 'Hello.'" Daphne repeated his words as clarity dawned.
Niles nodded. "Yes." and let his face drop to the floor, gazing at a non-existent thread on his carpet.
"I didn't know." Daphne said, barely audibly.
Niles looked up at that, raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Really?" he asked.
"Yes. No. Maybe... I don't know." she said finally.
Daphne walked over to the couch and sat down on the edge, her hands clasped in front of her. She said nothing for a moment, then spoke.
"During the Snowball, I think." she whispered. "When we kissed."
Niles smiled tentatively and nodded. "Yeah." he whispered back.
"And after Adele and Rodney." she said quietly. "In the bar." she added.
Niles remembered. "What are you doing for the rest of your life?" he uttered into the room.
"Yeah." Daphne said, understandingly. "Maybe I did know." she admitted truthfully.
Daphne stood up, eager to move. Eager to let the myriad of emotions transform themselves into a physical presence. Her thoughts whirled. 'He's in love with you. Niles Crane loves you. He's loved you ever since he met you.' 'But how do you feel about him? Did you come here because your simply his friend or because you want there to be something more? When you said 'I'm not leaving, did you mean it with your body or with your heart?'
Then an another thought occurred to her, one she gave voice to.
"Does Maris know?" she asked, turning to face him.
Niles shook his head. "I don't think so." he replied.
"Ok." Daphne whispered back.
"Would it bother you if she did?" Niles asked, surprising himself with the question.
Daphne stopped pacing and looked at him. "Would it bother me?" she repeated, askance. "Yeah," she said harshly. "Because I don't exactly like the idea of being partially responsible for the break up of your marriage."
"It had nothing to do with you. Maris and I should have separated a long time ago." Niles said. He paused. "Daphne, how do you feel about me?" he asked quietly.
Daphne faced him and stared into his fathomless blue eyes. And the question ran through her head, amplified a thousand times over by the voices in her head. 'He loves you.' the voice echoed in her head. 'How do you feel about him?' 'I love him' she responded automatically. She blinked at that thought and listened as it grew stronger. The images flashed into her head, all interlaced and overlapping. 'You love the fact that he listens to you, you loved the fact that he took you to the Snowball; that he's your best friend; that he's kind and generous, and loving.'
'So how long Daphne?' she asked herself. How long is it going to be before you tell him? Another 7 years?'
"Niles." she said out loud, smiling. And stepped from the shadows.