A/N: Teen Dean Winchester finds an unexpected way to provide a proper Thanksgiving dinner for Sammy while John is away on a hunt.
Inspired by and fic title taken from the infamous WKRP in Cincinnati episode "Turkeys Away."
Minor warning: Dean drops an f-bomb.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or WKRP in Cincinnati. This is for entertainment only. No live turkeys were harmed during the writing of this fic, but I can't say the same for the one roasting in my oven right now. Going vegan is not an option for me.
POV: Tween Sam Winchester
Holidays in my family always suck. As usual I was looking forward to still more major league suckage this Thanksgiving. Dad was away on a hunt. We were stuck in Cincinnati, Ohio. Big deal.
Maybe I shouldn't have bitched too much. Dean was home with me. He broke his arm on the last hunt, so Dad left him here with me. Otherwise Dad would have ditched me at Pastor Jim's house in Blue Earth, or Bobby's place in South Dakota. This morning we walked down to the Safeway down the street from the house we're staying in. Got enough food to last for the next two weeks, but we couldn't afford a turkey. It's traditional, you know? Just once I'd like to have a normal holiday.
Dean turned to me and smirked. "Come on, Sammy. Let's head on over to the mall."
I had shopping bags in both hands. "We just maxed out the credit cards, Dean." That mischievous glint in his eye let me know something was up. "You're good, even with one arm in a sling, but if you're planning on using a five finger discount to score a turkey you might as well know I don't have cash money to bail you out of jail."
"Oh ye of little faith. Come on, dude."
Ten minutes later we stood on the far side of the mall parking lot. There were a lot of people doing normal stuff. Parking their cars. Shopping. Families together. That pissed me off.
Dean looked at his watch. Then he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a pair of binoculars. I wasn't expecting that. Wasn't expecting him to glass the sky above the parking lot, either.
I sat down on the ground in a huff with the bags. "All right. What's going on?"
"Turkey giveaway."
"What?"
I heard a noise. It was a helicopter flying in from the east. Civilian copter. At first I couldn't read what was on the banner trailing behind it. Then I recognized the call letters: WKRP.
"Right on time. Here we go," Dean muttered.
I didn't like this. Not at all. "Wait a minute. Isn't this the same station that gave away all those blonde wigs to earthquake survivors?"
"Yep." Dean didn't lower the binoculars. He was totally zeroed in on the helicopter. " So you know whatever happens is going to be epic. Totally epic and completely fucked up."
The helicopter hovered over the middle of the parking lot. There were people milling around below. I didn't understand that. I thought the helicopter was going to land instead.
I was wrong.
Something dark dropped out of the back. I knew it couldn't have been a skydiver. Too small. And the helicopter was only two thousand feet up. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I kept waiting for a chute to open, though. Another dark object fell out. And then another.
Then I realized what was going on.
"My God, Dean, they're turkeys!"
"Yep." Dean lowered the binoculars. He was grinning from ear to ear.
The people below scattered. One of the birds hit the windshield of a car. Glass shattered. I remembered something from school just then: domestic turkeys can't fly. They're too heavy.
Eight more turkeys were tossed out of the back of the helicopter. People screamed. They ducked and dodged as they ran. Oh, the humanity!
Dean tossed me the binoculars. "Be right back."
"Dean? Wait a minute!"
He sprinted across the parking lot like a deer. People ran away from the scene. Only my big brother would run into that mess.
The idiots in the helicopter must have decided that enough was enough. They didn't throw any more birds out. Instead the helicopter moved back in the opposite direction, looking for a big enough place to land.
I used the binoculars to track Dean. I knew what he was doing. He was looking for the birds with the least amount of damage. He circled the area like a coyote or a wolf on the prowl. One of the turkeys landed on top of this man whose arms were filled with packages. Dude screamed, clutched his packages to his chest and ran when the bird hit him. The turkey bounced off with its wings flapping, but it hit the pavement wrong and broke its neck.
Dean darted in and grabbed it up. He scooped up another bird nearby. I still don't know how he was able to do that with only one good arm, but he did. Then he turned and ran back.
I lowered the binoculars and quirked an eyebrow at him when he came back. He was pretty damn pleased with himself. He lifted both birds up by the necks with one hand. The turkeys looked pretty banged up. I almost felt sorry for them.
Almost.
Dean rolled his eyes. "What? You're always bitching about us never having a proper Thanksgiving. Now we got one, so drop the bitchface. We scored enough food to last until Dad gets back."
"Oh all right!" I slung the binoculars around my neck by the strap. I kept right on grumbling as I stood up and gathered up the groceries. I tried not to grin. I didn't mind plucking feathers. Knowing Dean he'd probably just skin the damn things. That was fine by me. He knew his way around a kitchen. And with the stuff we'd gotten from the market, I knew we'd have a decent dinner for once. I'd probably be sick of turkey after two weeks, but that was okay too.
Dean turned towards home, but the sound of the copter landing caught his attention. I turned to look too. The helicopter landed on the opposite side of the lot. The doors of the helicopter opened and ten live turkeys were pushed out onto the parking lot. Two men wearing business suits came out next. I guess they were trying to shoo the turkeys away. Maybe they thought someone in the crowd was still going to catch one. Didn't turn out that way.
The turkeys turned and attacked the two men. They jumped on their backs. Pecked at their hands and clothes. Those birds looked royally pissed.
I couldn't hold my bitchface anymore. Dean and I laughed all the way home. Just because, y'know. Spending the day in the kitchen with my big brother? As a Winchester, I've had worse holidays, all things considered.
This one wasn't going to suck after all.
Finis
"As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"
- Arthur Carlson, WKRP in Cincinnati
A/N: Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! I'll be back next week after National Novel Writing Month concludes.