Disclaimer: Don't own anything, but if you want me to… SEND MONEY!
Summary: Overdone, I know: Two girls (me and my friend) fall into Middle Earth… pity it…
How do I survive Middle Earth
a.k.a How does Middle Earth survive me
Chapter 1: The Beginning
'Explain to me again why we're here?' Marieke asked her friend, looking around paranoid.
'Because I said so...besides if we don't find my car keys soon we'll have to walk all the way back to where we came from. And on our way we'll pass the Pink & Fluffy Store you like so much and I'm NOT carrying any junk you buy there,' Babs replied, hitting Marieke over the head, before looking around for said lost car keys.
You see, they were at the World Congress of Lost Car Keys, which is held daily in the gigantic building under the third bridge to your right, not to be mistaken with the gigantic building under the third bridge to your left where they hold the World Congress of Sith Bunnies ever other month.
'One, since when do you have a car? Two, I'm broke,' Marieke protested, showing her empty wallet, which failed to even produce a dead moth.
'Ok, so I like being here. I've got a fascination for car keys, what's wrong with that? And you're not broke, you've got 20 bucks stuffed away in your underwear remember?'
Marieke ponder the comment, then proceeds to produce a 20 Euro note from somewhere inside her clothes. She's looking at it triumphantly when she is suddenly kicked in the shin and the note disappears.
'Babs! Timmy ate my money!'
Babs runs after Timmy/Marieke, and after 3 seconds chase she grabs Timmy/Marieke by his/her throat and start to strangle him/her until he/she coughs up the 20 Euro bill.
'Don't EVER do that again Timmy. You know you're not supposed to come out when she's awake, and you absolutely NEVER EAT the Amazing Money, now get back in and give me back Marieke, we'll talk about this later tonight,' she said angrily to an almost blue body that's lying on the ground. When the body was finally Marieke again she made a point of looking concerned. 'Are you ok? You know…you look good in blue.'
Marieke groans in reply. 'Not this conversation again. But since you asked, no I don't feel okay. I got do with some water, let's try to find the restroom in this god-forsaken place,' Marieke complained and stared muttering as she dragged Babs after her. 'First some invisible force kicks me, then I suddenly wake up on the floor and feel like I've been throttled. I hate this place.'
While dragged behind Marieke. "It's not MY fault this happened, he can be real fun when you get to know him. Besides…the restroom is the other way'
Before long they find the only restroom in the building, but there's a queue from one end of the building to the other, all of lost car keys in need to power there noses for they were showing rust. Marieke, not the type who likes long queues, continues to drag Babs along. 'I'm sure there must be another restroom around here somewhere, I'm positive I saw one on our way in.'
They soon come to a door with a sign spelling "Black Hole to Another Dimension DO NOT ENTER". Marieke, being dyslectic, smiles. 'See "REST-ROOM", I told you there was another one around.'
Suddenly Babs cried out. 'NOOOO!!!!! That's no restroom, that's the Rest of DOOOM you idiot. If you go in there you'll never find your spleen again!' With nothing else to think of Babs hit Marieke.
The hit doesn't seem to bother Marieke at all. 'Look, SHINEY!' Marieke exclaimed, pointing down the hall. As Babs got distracted, Marieke pulled open the door and pushed her friend in before jumping in after her. 'Bonsai! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!'
'AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!' Babs screamed while falling fast down to a familiar light at the end of the tunnel. 'This is all your fault!' she tries to yell at Marieke who's falling fortunately faster right behind her. Suddenly there was a thud and Babs heard something break. When she stood up she saw she landed right on top of Marieke. 'You can kiss that spleen goodbye now,' she said sarcastically while she helped Marieke to get up. When she looked around she saw that they'd fallen right into Elrond's bedroom in Rivendell. 'Nice pink bunnies,' she said to Marieke while they examined his underwear.
Marieke is confused as to how they know they landed in Elrond's bedroom, until she sees the nametag written in the underwear Babs is holding.
'Come on! I wanna know if it's true Erestor wears laced panties. Let's find his bedroom,' Marieke urged. 'Elrond is boring anyway. Prissy little Elf-Lord with his large house that dominates this beautiful valley.'
'Ok, fine by me. You find the bedroom I'll have a peek at his diary'
Marieke happily bounded off in search of the gloomy advisor's bedroom. She's distracted however by a tall blonde elf who's sitting in a corner crying softly.
'What's wrong?' She inquired, looking at the crying elf.
The elf looked up startled, obviously thinking he had hidden himself quite ingeniously. 'Arwen stole my horse,' he finally admitted. 'And went after Aragorn while Elrond send me out to find them.'
'Please tell me you're not going to be all emotional over one crying elf do you?' Babs said annoyed, knowing that once Marieke would start talking to the elf she never ever would shut up. 'Come on Marieke we have to find the bedroom, I can't wait to read his diary too. I already got Elrond's one,' And she showed Marieke the diary she took from Elrond's room. The diary was Pink and had cute little bunny's.
'Byebye, Glorfy,' Marieke waved happily.
'How do you know my name?' The elf inquired, his tears suddenly forgotten.
'I read the books, duh. You're Glorfindel the Baldrog Slayer. Say, you wouldn't happen to know where we can find Erestor's bedroom so we can make slingshots out of his laced panties, would you?' Marieke asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes at the elf with a very innocent looking expression on her face.
Babs rolled her eyes, still being annoyed and muttered "Show-off". But on the same time she was glad Marieke asked the way, or else they could be stuck here for hours and she'd almost finished Elrond's diary. Now she only hoped that the elf was kind and told them the right way, or he was about to get hurt.
'I'll take you there, if you promise to do something for me in return,' Glorfindel smiled.
'Sure,' Marieke answered brightly.
Babs was glad he would help them. Unfortunately the bedroom was on the other side or the building, luckily she got a piggy-back ride from Marieke, who HAD to give her one since she put them here after all. And now Babs could just relax and read further in Elrond's diary which was getting more interesting after each page. While carried down the corridors she began to wonder; Who's this PMS fairy and what were they doing with those socks?
They finally arrived at Erestor's bedroom and Marieke shoved Babs of her back and dumped her on the floor.
'So what do you want us to do in exchange?' She asked, turning brightly to her new-found Elven friend. 'Snog Elladan and Elrohir? That can be arranged you know.'
Suddenly she stared out blankly into oblivion with a void expression on her face. Then a bright smile appeared on her face and she started jumping around.
'FREE! I'm FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'
Babs put the diary away and chased Marieke across the room. ´No Cosmo, don't do that! Stop jumping on the bed! Don't go hide in the closet! And DON'T put that thing in your pants! It's not supposed to be there!' She shouted to Cosmo/Marieke with disgrace. 'Cosmo, get that thing out of your pants and get back in Marieke, or I'll hit you in there with your own spleen!' She started yelling to the moron who was still jumping around the room. She turned to Glorfindel. 'I usually don't yell at her. Normally when this happens during the day I just get a hammer.' Then she turned back to Cosmo while he was pulling his pants down in an attempt to moon both of them. 'COSMO! STOP IT!' Babs yelled.
'By the way, do you have a hammer I could borrow?' She asked Glorfindel.
'I only have this bone I found yesterday, but I'm not sure it'll help,' he replied.
'No worries, it'll do just fine,' Babs answered and started to chase Cosmo again.
After a short fight with the all so familiar word of 'Ow that hurts' she finally had Cosmo back in Marieke.
'What happened? And why are you holding that bone?' Marieke inquired, then got distracted by the dresser Cosmo had toppled over during his attempt at freedom. 'PANTIES! See, I told you he wore them!' Then she turned to Glorfindel with a triumphant smile. 'Wait till you tell the twins this one, Erestor will never live it down. So what do we need to do and when are Aragorn, Arwen and the hobbits arriving?'
'First I'm gonna read the final pages of Elrond's diary before putting it back. Then I'm gonna see if there's anything to eat around here. By the way, you should put your pants back on before you're gonna walk,' she gave Marieke the advise. She didn't know when Aragorn and the hobbit would arrive, but she hoped it would be soon.
Marieke watched Babs walk off to find a quiet corner to finish her reading, then she turned to Glorfindel.
'Well, I could use a laugh and the twins haven't been able to pull this one off yet; could in exchange for showing you his room, I want you to hang his panties in a tree I'll point out to you so that everyone can see them' Glorfindel told her.
Marieke nodded and pulled her pants back up, then stuffed every pocket she could find with Erestor's panties and grabbed his diary out from under his pillow before leaving with Glorfindel. Elves are so predictable.
'Hehehe…PMS fairy,' Babs sniggered while reading the diary. This was sure the best one she'd ever read. When she was finished she walked to the tree where Marieke was hanging in upside-down and found Erestor's diary on the ground where it fell out of Marieke's pocket. 'How's it going up there?' She shouted up to Marieke.
'Great,' Marieke laughed, tossing the last of the panties into the air, then watched it get caught on a branch on its way sailing down. Just then all of a sudden a bight purple monkey appeared and unhooked Marieke's legs so she fell to the ground, hitting it head first.
Arianna i Dúnedan: -chases the purple plot monkey away with her favourite trusty imaginary baseball bat- How dare you… -strike 1- creep into the story… -strike 2- and HURT me! –hit, homerun- There, stupid plot monkey, now back to the story. –returns to her computer and starts writing again-
Just as Marieke fell out of the tree and hit her head, Aragorn walked through the gates of Rivendell, looking highly annoyed and ignoring the three hobbits trudging after him. He spotted Marieke lying unconscious on the floor and his face immediately brightened, running off in her direction, leaving the three poor hobbits behind.
'Make way, I'm a healer,' the ranger cried happily.
"I'm not really convinced, but be my guest, you can't do much wrong anyway. There's hardly any brain damage' Babs said while reading Erestor's diary.
"Thank you' Aragorn replied while he was getting his hammer to help Marieke.
Arianna i Dúnedan: HEY! I'm not in need of a hammer.
PinoTheGreat: -hits Arianna i Dúnedan with a hammer- Now you are
When he returned with his hammer, he pulled out a few leaves of athelas and started smashing them with the hammer until they were all bruised and withered. He put them on the bump on Marieke's head and wrapped a bandage over them to keep them in place. Then he pulled out his water flask and splashed a little into her face to wake her up. Marieke spluttered and opened her eyes, seeing Aragorn holding her, she nearly fainted again.
'Hiya prince charming. What should I call you? Aragorn? Strider? Elessar? Thorongil? Estel? The Dúnadan? Elfstone? Envinyatar? Renewer? Telcontar? Wingfoot? Oh no wait, you haven met Éomer yet… um… Longshanks maybe?' Marieke inquired, then noticed Aragorn's dazed expression. 'I'm babbling again, aren't I?'
'Just call him Fluffy Fluffkins' Babs joked to Marieke.
A bright yellow monkey comes running up and puts a stone into Marieke's hand before running off again. Marieke takes aim and knocks Babs out with the stone, then stops Aragorn from tending to her.
'Don't worry, we do this all the time, she'll be awake in like five seconds. I'm Marieke, by the way and that over there with Erestor's diary is my friend Babs. We got stuck in Middle Earth because I shoved her through a dimensional portal and then jumped after her, but that probably doesn't mean much to you. Anyway, why don't you go take a nice bath and change, you're home now and I'm sure Elrond would like to see his foster-son all squeaky clean. We'll see you at the party after Frodo wakes up again, lazy bugger.'
Arianna i Dúnedan: Somehow I like plot monkeys.
PinoTheGreat: Somehow it's gonna end up dead…
Arianna i Dúnedan: You can't kill plot monkeys.
PinoTheGreat: -ignores her and continues the story-
Babs woke up 5 seconds later. 'Why the hell did you do that for?' She said to Marieke while hitting her with the same stone. Sometimes her friend was acting so weird around dirty smelly way older guys. 'I don't know what you see in him. He's dirty, smelly, and is named Fluffy…I mean, the blond guy is a lot cuter, and a whole lot cleaner by the way. When are we gonna see this Elrond guy? Can't wait to meet him. Did you know he wears dresses sometimes and rides with two other guys around in a bus giving shows as drag queens?' She said. Oh yeah, Elrond's diary was far out the best one she'd ever read.
'Glorfindel is WAY older than Aragorn and he already died once after defeating a Balrog! Aragorn's only 87! That's young for a Dúnedain!' Marieke defended. 'Anyway, he's also Arianna's father. I guess I just got a little carried away when I met the father of one of the little voices in my head, sorry.'
With that she got up and trudged of in the direction of the Peredhil family wing of the Last Homely Home.
'Come on, I'm tired and I'm sure Arianna's bedroom is around here somewhere. I want to be awake and alert to steal Elrond's ring of power,' Marieke informed her friend, then laughed evilly. 'Vilya will be mine… all mine.'
Arianna i Dúnedan: -looks at PinoTheGreat- Shall we leave Elrond and his council for the next chapter?
PinoTheGreat: Sure...when are we finishing that?
Arianna i Dúnedan: -ponders- Whenever school allows us to?
PinoTheGreat: Got the day off tomorrow
Arianna i Dúnedan: Me not, but I only have one class, so deal.
PinoTheGreat: Just let me finish my part.
Arianna i Dúnedan: -slaughters msn in the meantime-
'Yeah I could use a little rest. I'll read the rest of the diary later when I wake up. You should really read Elrond's diary, it's hilarious,' Babs laughed. And together they walked to the bedroom, falling almost right asleep when their head touched the pillows.
Arianna i Dúnedan: -finishes slaughtering msn and waves at reader people- Hello nice reader people, hope you like our antics. We're continuing even if you didn't, because we're having way too much fun with this, but this, it's nice if writers are appreciated so hit that nice purplish little button down on the screen that says 'go'. You know the next to the text 'submit review'? Hope to catch you again next chapter!
PinoTheGreat: -waves too- Hope you have as much fun reading it as we did writing it. We'll try to the next chapter when we've got the time, meaning when school allows it. ;)
Just keep on reading, you never know when something happens. :P