What if Chapter 1: Down on my knees, a grey's anatomy fanfic

This is the first real story I am writing, before I only did shortcuts. I am so excited :)

I was inspired to this story by the story "Bright and shiny" from karensmith, who played a whole new scenario where Merdith was married to Derek before starting her intern year and everything turned out totally different.

So I began to wonder what would have happened if not the whole circumstances but just a little thing would have been different, namely that Derek hadn't caught Addison and Mark in bed even though they had an affair.

I hope you like it! (And if you don't please let me know why)

Quiet and calm. That's how an uninvolved audience would have described the scene. Addison Shepherd was curled up on the side of Mark Sloan who was comforting her. But on the inside of this scene it wasn't all so quiet. If you looked closer you could see Addison nervously biting her lips. She knew what she did was wrong, sleeping with Mark. But it felt so right. But still she was in love with Derek and she had made a decision she had to tell him.

'Just one more minute' she wanted to keep and enjoy the peace before she finally had to destroy the situation. Finally it took her ten more minutes before she eventually couldn't hold it anymore and just spit it out "Derek and me, we might leave for Seattle. For a new life."

Suddenly Mark stopped to comfort her and sat up in bed.

"What?" He looked totally puzzled.

With a sigh Addi turned around and also sat up.

"Derek and me, we might be leaving for Seattle." She repeated it, fully aware that Mark had got it at the first time, but she didn't want to deal with the uncomfortable answers unless she had to.

"I got that. Why?" Mark fired back, moving a little away from her.

"We both got an offer from Richard Webber yesterday. He needs a new head of neurosurgery and I could overtake the neonatal unit."

"So actually he wants only Derek. Why are you going with him?" he stressed the why as to tell a child what he meant.

"He is my husband." She was still avoiding answers that would reveal anything about her reasons.

"I know that. I was there when you married, remember? But why are you going with him? You don't love him."

"I love him! I really…"

"Bullshit! You have been sleeping with me for months now. He can't give you what you need anymore!"

"I may not be in love with him, but I still love him. There is a difference. He is a good guy. You are sleeping around. You are not a guy for commitment. I would be a coward, leaving Derek – the good guy – for you, the sex machine."

"The sex machine? That's what you call me? I thought you were in love with me. And besides that, you are also 'sleeping around', as you call it" Mark was clearly getting upset now.

"I am not sleeping around! I am just with you, what is also wrong, I know, but you are with a new woman every week, what is even more wrong. And I thought I was in love with you, but I am not." Addison raised her voice now. "I have a stabile relationship with Derek and if he wants to leave I will go with him."

"So I will loose my best friend and the love of my life?"

"Your best friend!" Addison rolled her eyes. "The best friend whose wife you are screwing."

"I am not 'screwing' you and I am indeed Dereks best friend! He is my brother, I love him. I just don't think that you should be with him."

"Oh Mark, you have an excuse for everything! Do you even get that what we are doing is wrong? Because that's exactly what it is! What we are doing is wrong!" The last sentence she said more for herself, hoping to finally understand that it was wrong. Because every time she was with him her mind said 'wrong' but her heart said 'right'.

For a minute they just looked at each other. Then Mark broke the silence. Touching Addisons cheek he said, suddenly totally calm, "I don't want you to leave."

"Mark, you need to understand that we can't do this. Having an affair is not good and it's no real love. Having a relationship wouldn't work with us, you know that. So we better end this. And a country between us will surely help to do it." Addison looked insecure as if she wasn't convinced by what she said either.

Do you really think he can love you more than me, do you really, really think so
Do you really think he can love you more than me, baby I know he won't
Cause I loved you, unconditionally, I gave you even more than I had to give
I was willing for you to die, cause you were more precious to me than my own life

"Addison. I assure you we could make it work. We can have a working relationship." Finally there was desperation in Marks voice. "We are in love, isn't that enough?"

"Oh Mark, don't lie to yourself, it is enough that you do it to everyone around you. It wouldn't work. We need to stop all this. Love isn't enough if there isn't any safety, some commitment. And you are not good in commitment, you know that. I believe you love me and I believe you want it to work, but it wouldn't work. You know that. We need to end this."

Down on my knees, I'm begging you

Please, please don't leave me

"No, Addi. We need to do nothing. Derek can leave for Seattle, but I am begging you, stay with me. You could be my chance to finally settle down, to have a working relationship, maybe a family. I can change, I can make it work." He tried to touch her, but she turned his hand down.

Suddenly there was a sad look on Addisons face. "I'd like to believe that, but I can't."

While saying that she stood up, grabbed her purse and her shoes and left the apartment. Back she left a totally confused and sad Mark Sloan. A world had collapsed for him. His best friend and the woman he loved would leave him.

So, that's it. Positive and negative reviews are both welcome.

And if there is a native English speaker who would like to beta read the story please tell me! I am not a native speaker and even though i did my best I am sure the language could be improved. And also the story itself could. So what I am looking for is full beta reading service ;)

Chapter two is already finished in my head, I just need to write it down. If you post reviews I will write it down asap, if you don't it will take some time ;)

The lyrics are from "Down on my knees" by Ayo.