This is my first ever fanfic, so be nice, please! I figured every captain has strong opinions about his or her lieutenant, so I thought I'd write them down. Reviews are lovely things! Criticism is nice, but being mean is not. I'll work on the rest of the captains if I get 5 reviews.
Yamamoto stared at the back of his lieutenant's head with surprising intensity for a man who never opened his eyes. He could tell the fool wasn't doing his paperwork as he'd specified at least three times, but damn it all, he couldn't remember the man's name!
The founder of the shinigami racked his brain, running through a mental list of captains and their lieutenants. Nothing.
Maybe if he didn't think about it, it would come to him. Yes, that was a good plan. It would pop up any minute now.
Surely he'd think of it soon.
It was something with an S, he was almost positive.
Maybe it was a C.
Yamamoto sighed. It was going to be a very long day.
Soi Fong glared at the fat slob across the room, watching him stuff his face. He was on his fourth bag of microwave popcorn, and holding strong. She never should have let him take that trip to Reality where he discovered, as he put it, the food of the gods.
She was going to have to think of a particularly horrible way to kill him some day. She was never going to get any work done with that gluttonous fool wolfing down any and all food that came near him.
If he popped one more bag of popcorn she was going to take his stupid chair and beat him over his stupid head then shove it down his stupid throat then blow him up into a bunch of stupid little pieces and proceed to jump on them until she felt better. Then she might burn them. Or freeze them. When was the last time she talked to Hitsugaya? He might do it.
No, definitely burn them. Much more satisfying.
It's so depressing to be around people who never smiled. Gin had always rather liked smiling. So much, in fact, he did it nearly all the time. Kira never did though. So sad.
Maybe he should try to make him smile. That would make everyone happy. Everyone always said that smiling is contagious. Perhaps, if Kira saw him smiling, he would begin to smile too. He forced the corners of his mouth out of their usual position and spread them into an even wider grin. Then he cleared his throat loudly.
Kira looked up. He wasn't smiling. The lieutenant studied his captain for a moment. When it became clear Gin wasn't going to say anything, he turned back to whatever it was he was doing. He still wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked mildly repulsed.
A new tactic would be needed. "Kira, would you like to hear a joke?" Yes, a joke would work. Everyone liked jokes. Kira turned slowly around. The expression on his face was so oppressively saddening Gin felt the urge to break down and cry. For the first time in as long as anyone could remember, Gin's smile slowly disappeared.
He'd make him smile tomorrow, for sure.
For the record, Yamamoto-soutaicho's lieutenant's name is Chojiro Sasakibe. It was never actually mentioned in the manga or anime, it was in a book Tite Kubo published w/ trivia'n'stuff. I had to Google it -.-' Poor guy.