Edit: Revised the first chapter a little. :)
Lyrics: Der Deal, Silbermond+Udo Lindenberg (original lyrics in italic)
When I think about the human nature, I think about wars. I think about blood, cries of pain, tears, eyes full of fear. Stares full of rejection, wrath and hate. I can hear the shattering of weapons, the screams, the insults. They are all in my head. Carved into my memory. Carved into my own eye. When I think about humans, I think about wars. But thinking doesn't mean I feel regret for anyone of the hundreds of thousands of humans I've come across. Wether they're dead or not. They don't mean anything to me. Stupid as they are. Unimportant as they are. They are the same as anything else around me – things to be observed.
Man ist komplett cool
Man denkt digital
Das Herz ist aus Eisen
Und die Nerven sind aus Stahl
Man ist in Sachen Liebe
Nicht interessiert und ganz immun
Man wird besonders süße Sachen
Natürlich niemals tun
You're completely cool
You think digitally
The heart's out of iron
And the nerves are out of steel
In things like love
You're not interested and wholey immune
Of course you won't ever do
Specially sweet things
I keep the distance. As long as I keep the distance, everything's okay. I don't need to get involved with any of them too deeply. I'm not interested in them. If everything they do is waging war, fighting each other, hating each other, destroying anything around them, I don't need to get involved with them any further than I have to.
Vergiss nie
Wir haben einen Deal
Ich lieb dich nur ein bisschen, aber nicht zu viel
Don't ever forget
We have a deal
I only love you a little but not too much
At the same time, it's easier to get forward in this world full of humans when you interact at a certain level. Answer if you are questioned by a person you want to question yourself, even if it's not the truth. Speak to them if you need more information than you can get by looking at your surroundings. You have to see underneath the surface of it all. Smile. A smile can open your counterpart's heart, can help you to get the wanted information. Can get you trust. And trusting humans usually don't hide important facts.
I can even laugh if the others are laughing. It's an easy thing to do and suddenly you are no enemy anymore, no stranger.
I can laugh with them, can eat and drink with them, even sleep in the same building. I can fight with them. But that's it. I don't have to trust them because of that. Friendship's a single word that doesn't mean anything if arms are held high and the faces seem to be made of stone and the first real stone flies and the hate explodes on both sides.
Richtige Liebe ist, sei'n wir mal ehrlich
Richtige Liebe ist viel zu gefährlich
Nein, das Große, das wir haben
Das setzen wir nicht auf's Spiel
Darum lieb ich dich nur ein bisschen, aber nie zu viel
True love is, let's be honest
True love is much too dangerous
No, all we've got
We won't put that on stake
Therefore, I only love you a litte but never too much
At some point, I remember now, I couldn't distinguish anymore between my false smiles and me laughing with them because I just felt like it. Is there even a point in trying? As long as I don't get absorbed by them, don't get too touched, too involved… Yeah, sure. They can be pretty funny. It can be fun being around them. In all those uncountable fights against the Akuma, the Noah, the Earl, I could rely on their strength. I had to, there was no way round, though I'd rather rely only on myself. That's far healthier. Don't rely on others or you're left. But at some point – I just didn't try to repel them all the time. I took their help if they were to offer it. Why not take what's being given to you on the golden tray? Still - never let your guard down.
Du gehst mir
Am Arsch vorbei
Obwohl's auch gut ist
Wir zwei
Denn manchmal
Machst du's mir schwer
Dann gibt es auch bei mir
Keine Gegenwehr mehr
Fast so als ob ich dich schon immer kannte
Sind wir wie zwei Seelenverwandte
Doch keinen Grund den Verstand zu verliern
Und dabei Kopf und Kragen zu riskiern
I don't give a shit
About you
Although it's also good
The two of us
'Cause sometimes
You're making it difficult for me
Then there's no resistance
Of me neither
Nearly as if I knew you always
We are like two soulmates
Still, no reason to lose sanity
And thereby risk your neck
Vergiss nie
Wir haben einen Deal
Ich lieb dich nur ein bisschen aber nicht zu viel
Don't ever forget
We have a deal
I only love you a little but not too much
I have a clear mission in my life and almost from the very beginning it became my whole life. Even part of my self, part of my personality... I have to record everything around me in order to save it for the future. All those wars… In all that blood, a single human person is easily forgotten, is easily lost. In all that blood, all that riot and noise, a single human person doesn't mean a thing. Doesn't mean anything at all. It's totally meaningless. And I've accepted that. There was no other way being confronted with it every day, unable to look away, unable to forget.
I don't tell people how I feel. It's not their business and I don't want anybody to know about it, anyway. No need to tell anyone. I'll keep it to myself for these emotions and thoughts are something that can't be taken away from me as long as I don't give them away myself. I would feel vulnerable, facing the truth, terribly vulnerable if another person would know about my self.
And I'd've definitely died in one of those wars if some mad, senseless humans had discovered the fear clutching my chest at the beginning of Jiji's and my journey, or the disgust at their sight later. So I face them with indifference. For they are so unimportant to me. I can't feel any sympathy for humans whose human nature is not only tainted by envy, prejudice and irrational hate, but also personal preferences, friendships and love. And so I keep the distance. Have fun with them as long as I can but don't get too involved as to feel bound someday.
Richtige Liebe ist, sein wir mal ehrlich
Richtige Liebe ist viel zu gefährlich
Nein das Große das wir haben
Das setzen wir nicht auf's Spiel
Darum lieb ich dich nur ein bisschen aber nie zu viel
True love is, let's be honest
True love is much too dangerous
No, all we've got
We won't put that on stake
Therefore, I only love you a litte but never too much
Deep, true feelings would just destroy the fragile frame of friendship I've built up to them. I would lose my sense of life for I wouldn't be a bookman anymore whose first thought and memory has to be ojective in any possible case. As well as I would lose my personal shelter because irrational feelings tend to end in war. Which I've seen often enough throughout my eight-teen years of life. 49 wars and counting.
When I think about the human nature, I think about wars and blood. But by now, also about shallow feelings. My own shallow feelings. Kept as those in order to prevent me from being hurt.
Leute wie wir
Bleiben immer schön cool
Wir tragen immer
Das Pokergesicht
Tiefe Seele
Geht keinen was an
Große Gefühle
Zeigen wir nicht
People like us
Always stay fairly cool
We always wear
The pokerface
A deep soul
Doesn't regard anyone
Big emotions
Are not shown by us