"'Have you ever thought about when you die? I don't mean about the actual act itself but what will happen afterwards? Like the first person to find you, the first person or people that person tells. How will those people react? And what happens when those people tell your family, whoever they are? How would your family feel? Would they envy you? Would they still hold that grudge over you for not calling or not doing the dishes or whatever the case may be? And when your family informs some of your best friends and those best friends inform some of your lesser friends and so on and so forth? What then? How do those people react? The people who probably know you best, who knew you inside and out, how will they react, how will they remember you?
Now then, everyone has been informed of your passing. The funeral is prepared. How many people attend? How many people in your long or short lifetime have you touched enough for them to dig out their black clothes, to sniffle out a few tears, and miss their favorite shows or time with their loved ones to come to remember who you were? Did you come up with a number? Can you count them on your fingers, maybe your toes? How many of the people you care about do you think will come up with an excuse not to go? They're sick or they're busy. You obviously just weren't that important enough were you?
There you are, lying in your coffin, mummified in chemicals and an outfit you would never normally have worn. Who is crying? Your parents? Some family members, a best friend, a lover? Someone who never got to tell you how they felt, another person who regretted something they said, a tear for all the times you had a fight. These people may remember you, but how long will those memories last? How long will their regret or their happiness continue? A few years, a year, a month, a day, or perhaps just that one hour with your cold stillness in front of their eyes.
There is a eulogy, oh yes, their is always a eulogy. Who will write yours? Your mother? Your father? A best friend? Who will be the other people who make comments at the church? Will there be tears? Maybe a few smiles, perhaps even a laugh. But it all comes down to one thing.
Who will hold that grudge about stealing someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend? Who will remember that time when you were kids and played at the beach together? Who will remember your first crush or your first dance? Who will carry on the memories you had or do those memories die with you? Who will remember you as a great person? Who will remember you as a bad person? Who will accidentally laugh when remembering that time milk came out of your nose while you were laughing? Who will remember that you didn't want to ride a bike because you were scared of falling off? Who will cherish the fact that you never wanted to fall in love because you were scared of falling even when you took off the training wheels? Where will these memories come from? Where will they go?
Perhaps you won't be remembered at all. Can you think of a reason that you should be remembered? Have you done anything to be remembered for? Will they have any material for your eulogy or will they just have to lie and say that you were a "pretty swell" person? Or will your parents stand in front of many or maybe just a few and say how proud they were of you and remember all the times they tucked you into bed or all the times you fell down and scraped your knees. Every performance or game you ever dragged them to just to see them smile. Will they talk about those things? You can only hope they don't remember the fights you had with them or the ugly words you threw around. All the times you disappointed them, every time you did something spiteful. You can only hope they don't remember that...only hope.
Perhaps a few of your friends will go up next. The people you maybe cared most about. The people who knew you best. What will they remember? Can they remember? Why would they remember? What were you good at? What were your dreams? Did you reach any goals? Why you were there and what did you achieve? Or perhaps you didn't achieve anything. Will they remember all the times they tried to hook you up with someone? All the dreams you shared with each other in the late nights, all the hopes that would never blossom into promise. Will they remember you the way you want them to? Or will they remember you some other way. The snowball fights, the leaf piles, elementary school, high school, college, notes, fights, games, plays, singing, dancing. Anything and everything, will they remember it all? Will they laugh still when thinking about it or will they regret any of it? What if they can't remember anything? What if their mind goes blank? Perhaps it was better that you had passed when you did then.
I'm not trying to say that you need to find a reason to be remembered. But it's interesting to think about it isn't it? How many people will care, how will people react? Who did you affect in your lifetime?
Hopefully you've touched enough people by now that you have to reason to contemplate your funeral. I pray your funeral isn't soon or mine for that matter. I just hope that we all have people who would come to think about us after we leave this earthly world. And not just for our eulogy, not just a sad memory so they can cry a little and not look silly, not just for that fraction of a moment when they view your body. But for a long time. I hope they think of you for your talents and your abilities, all the times you made fun for everyone else, all the favors you did and even a few unfavorable things. All of these are memories and it's not only you that has them. Make sure your memories are everything and live in the present before it becomes your past. Because sometimes you have to just sit down and think how willyou be remembered?'"