The Stripper in Oklahoma City
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine. I do not profit from this story.
Pairing: mentioned Sam/OFC
Rating: M
Warning: Talk about STDs
Spoilers: 1.17 Hell House, the Season 1 DVD Gag Reel
Beta: webbswoman
Note: The actual quote is "Man, I think that midget stripper gave me herpes." I removed the 'midget' because I couldn't leave it and NOT turn this story into a crack fic.
"Man, I think that stripper gave me herpes," Sam moaned as he put his laptop in his bag.
It took Dean an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize what his brother had just said. Caught between shock and laughter, and struggling not to drop his coffee, the only thing he was capable of saying was:
"What?"
Sam winced, a blush rising to his cheeks. "In Oklahoma City. You went to the pool hall 'cause we needed cash."
"I thought you stayed at the motel?" Dean protested.
Sam only shook his head.
"Sam! You slept with a stripper?"
It was just loud enough to attract other customers' attention; they stopped talking. An elderly woman sitting at a table with what was probably her granddaughter swung around with a scandalized expression. Sam hushed him with an annoyed look. He grasped his older brother by the arm and hustled him out of the diner.
Once outside, he said: "I didn't know that she was a stripper." Mumbling, he added: "And I was drunk."
Dean shook his head. "Ok, whole story now: what exactly did you do in Oklahoma?" He chuckled. "And here I thought you hadn't gotten laid since… I don't know when."
"Don't laugh! If I'm really sick, this could be serious!"
"Come on, a stripper? What were you thinking? Of the two of us, it should be me sleeping with strippers, not a geek-boy like you. Not that I haven't, of course."
"Let's go back to the motel first."
Dean shook his head, biting his lip to avoid laughing. He should probably take pity on his brother and reveal that it was only itching powder. But he really wanted to hear that story.
Their motel was arguably one of the ugliest places they had ever stayed in – and they were used to a lot of things. The motel owners had chosen a western theme, with faded pictures of cowboys and Indians covering the walls, and large cow horns stuck over the bed. The first stipulation that Sam had made was no fighting or wrestling in these rooms: getting accidentally impaled on one of the horns was bound to be unpleasant.
Sam threw his laptop carelessly onto the table, then went for Dean's bag.
"Whoa, Sammy! What are you looking into my things for?" Dean intercepted him.
"Well, before we have our little story telling session, I'd like to do something about this damn itching. And, as usually you're the one jumping into beds, I'm sure you've dealt with this more often and have some kind of ointment in here."
Taking his younger brother by the back of his jacket, Dean pulled him away with a laugh and sat him on the bed.
"Me? Hell no, I've never had those kind of problems."
"Oh yeah? You sure about that?" Sam threw him a challenging look.
"Of course I am!"
"Wisconsin, Ashland. You were 18, I was 14. You didn't go any farther than the bathroom for at least two weeks. Dad was so mad he bought a bag of condoms for you and threw it on the kitchen table. You can't tell me that wasn't a case of STD!"
Dean visibly winced. "I was young."
Sam briefly looked smug, then the itching returned.
"Now, do you have anything?"
Dean sighed. He'd have loved to torture Sam for a while longer, but remembering the incident in Ashland had ruined the mood for him. He hadn't even known that Sam had realized what that had been about.
"I think a shower and a change of underwear should do. I put itching powder into your shorts."
"You did this? You're a frigging jerk."
"Oh, yeah." Dean laughed. "And you thought you had herpes! But seriously, you're not getting out of telling that story about Oklahoma. And then we're leaving. I have an idea of how to get rid of Mordechai but we need a copy store."
I hope I don't have to tell anyone that I do not believe that herpes is amusing. In my defense, it was Jared Padalecki who started it by delivering that line and this story simply begged to be written.
Thanks for reading. Reviews would be much appreciated.